Lexie Olivia

I like my cats more than I like most people.

[got2lovepetals]

When the sadness starts to creep in after being away for a while, why does it feel like coming home?

[got2lovepetals]

Everytime I look in the mirror I have to look at the person that I hate most.

[got2lovepetals]

My heart pumps the sadness through my veins.

[got2lovepetals]

I hate my music.

Where I used to just listen and sing along, my now broken heart hangs on every lyric with the sting of their meaning. I want to ache in silence. Don’t remind me that this pain I feel is just a universal experience for every artist to sing in remembrance.

[got2lovepetals]

I looked at all of our pictures.

Kept in a small box under my bed. Covered in dust from months of patiently waiting. Waiting for me to build up the courage to see you again. Surely when I look I will fall apart all over . The sight of us happy will tear out my heart.

But something strange happened. I looked through our pictures. The little notes you’d written me. “ I love you sooooo much. -E” All I saw was a person. Someone I used to know but don’t anymore. I looked at us and I felt nothing.

[got2lovepetals]

Each day goes by and I don’t feel. I put on my makeup, black eyeliner thick brows and a full set of lashes. I didn’t used to care for makeup. But now everyone calls me beautiful. I haven’t bought a drink for myself in 6 month there’s always someone willing to pay. I have this power over men I’ve never met before. So why do I still feel nothing. A part of me wants to feel but the other lives in this numbness.

[my-road-to-existence-deactivate]

Not to be all depressed and shit, but I am really not doing well.

[got2lovepetals]

Sometimes I can convince myself that you never even existed. That I made it all up in my head. That you’re not somewhere living your life without me. You aren’t real.

It helps a little.

[got2lovepetals]

I hate my music.

Where I used to just listen and sing along, my now broken heart hangs on every lyric with the sting of their meaning. I want to ache in silence. Don’t remind me that this pain I feel is just a universal experience for every artist to sing in remembrance.

[got2lovepetals]

Maybe one day I will be clean of you. Maybe my heart won’t ache when I think about us. Maybe my eyes won’t water at the mention of you. Maybe my heart will heal, you’ll be a distant memory that can no longer hurt me.

You will be like a dream I once had. That should give me hope but why does the thought of getting over you make me want to crumble to pieces.

[got2lovepetals]

In my dreams you want me. In my dreams you tell me you love me. You tell me to stay.

In my dreams I am enough. But I always wake up and you are always gone.

[got2lovepetals]

How can I let you go when a small part of me still hopes for our future. Even when I know I shouldn’t. Why does my mind betray me. How crazy to think we have no power over our own feelings. Just because I will to feel a certain way doesn’t make it such. I want to let go of the “what if’s.”

[pawspaintsnthings]

[got2lovepetals]

I wish I could scoop out the parts of my brain that hold on to you. I want to forget. Forget the way it felt to be loved by you, the way you smell and the sounds of your laugh. I want to forget your birthday and the snacks you’d pick on a road trip. If I can’t remember you then I can get rid of the void in my heart that longs for you. Because how can I long for something I don’t remember.

[got2lovepetals]

I’m so alone now that I hug myself when I cry because I know no one else will.

[elliesfavstuff-deactivated20241]

Watching Narcos for the plot.

The plot :

[orangechickenpillow]

"Tell them Ellie is the little girl... that BROKE YOUR FUCKING FINGER"

"WHAT TOWNNNN"

I just know that those two lines felt so good to deliver. I just know that Bella and Pedro got those yells from deep in their chests.