⎯⎯ he was the only one who saw himself in such a derogative manner. despite everything , every hurtful word , argument , she stayed. conflicting feelings regardless of the bitter words they spat at one another even prior to the divorce she couldn’t let go of the love she felt for him. the divorce wasn’t her idea but she knew it what they needed, their playful banter had changed his views had changed he wanted something from her that she wasn’t willing to give up he wanted her to be like his mother and that wasn’t who she was.
he wasn’t the only one missing out on moments with the family, their infant son had barely spent time with his father, a connection she knew that she wanted for him. she would remember the endless nights where kole would lay with jaymee resting on his chest sharing that important skin to skin contact with his daughter and close of a bond they shared prior to the accident. it was moments like that he was missing with his son the longer he denied them time with him because he simply didn’t want them to see him like that. hell jax wasn’t even old enough to hold his own head up never mind hold a memory but it was about growing an important bond. jaymee just wanted to spend time with her father, colour pictures legs or no legs morgan knew that kole remained to be jaymees hero even more so now after the accident.
words cut deep, she knew that she shouldn’t let them affect her, he didn’t mean them it was his anger but she couldn’t help it sometimes the tough exterior she fronted was no more than a facade to get her through everything that was mounting on her shoulders. unease took over her she moved out of the way from the chair as he pushed it back into her direction disregarding it before even giving it a chance. why was she even trying? arms wrap around her body hands tucked up into her sleeves in that single moment she seemed like the shell of the woman that she used to be. ❝ you’re right it fucking sucks ❞ her earlier angered tones once again soft and collected adding fuel to the fire wasn’t going to help the situation. ❝ none of us wanted it… but at least you are still here. ❞ a sadness lingered behind her words shaking her head. for a city like gotham many would see it as lucky not many face a gun and live to tell the tale. ❝ Jaymee doesn’t care, she just wants to see her father smile. she just wants to colour with you, for her father to sit at the dinner table and listen to what she did at school. ❞ she wasn’t going to argue with him instead she would do exactly what he told her without her usual hesitance. ❝ you want me to leave? ❞ a genuine question but she didn’t give him time to answer before she continued ❝ then i’ll leave and i’m taking the kids.. ❞ turning away from him her voice broke as a tear rolled down her cheek she dared not let him see her cry.
If asked, Kole would admit the divorce was his fault. He pushed her away in a way he hadn’t meant at all. His views for family life had always been different from hers, they had just never discussed it prior to children. With one, it was made clear. Raising one in a way they could both agree on wasn’t at all possible. Despite the disagreements the love had never died, his feelings always apparent even during the arguments. Even now, as he saw himself as broken and half of. She just saw him. Sure, he could no longer walk but he was still Kole.
It hurt missing out on moments, having no time with his son like he had with his daughter at this age. Seeing his smiles and feeling his warmth. Really bonding during the most important time in the infant's life. Even his mother had gotten more time than he bothered to simply because he was too stubborn to get past the fact he would have to look at life a little differently now. That he CAN have the same experiences with Jaxón like he did with Jaymée just that it would look slightly different but the feelings would be the same. Missing seeing his daughter laugh and babble on about whatever it is she had done. Denying himself and children the time and memories. He knew these things, yet what he knew were pushed to the back while just anger, denial, and hate filled the forefront of emotions.
He knew what he said and in the back of his mind and he regretted it but his stubbornness wouldn’t allow an apology. He truly wanted her to leave at the moment. Kole no longer wanted her to watch him throw a fit like a toddler. She had seen it for too long now, watched him deny his mobility device, throw out his physical therapist, throw his medication as if it hadn’t helped. His grieving stage seemed forever stuck in denial. He watched the way she tumbled, how his could easily use his anger to turn her to half the woman she was. It broke him and yet he couldn’t filter the anger away from her. ❝ I wish I wasn’t. ❞ He finally said it more in a whisper, the feeling of not wanting to be alive was now in the air and he hoped it was would brushed past. He wanted to smile too, wanted to hear those stories but Jaymée was little, he knew she’d ask about his accident and right now he didn’t know how to answer. So he said nothing. Yes. He did. He was to say but had no time to answer it at all before she spoke again. ❝ I want to see my kids. ❞ He voiced, knowing she would take them when she left but he wanted to see them before she did. He wouldn’t do them any good right now anyway.