everynight -- I live & die

there's a pale figure in the great lake, ravens by a door room window, disturbed bodies drawn on the walls, and sleepless eyes staring at you in the dark. seventh year serpent eldest black daughter toujours purr

[gracelessblack]

luc-txlkxlxt‌:

She smiled, glad that the other girl had taken something for her hand, even if it had been pilfered from her sisters medicine supply. She had never seen a spell backfire before and had not thought about the consequences, but Bellatrix’s hand had her thinking twice about goofing around with her wand in class. “She’s good for those things” Lucinda said, pushing her hair away from her face. Narcissa always had a ready supply, mainly because of her own health issues, though she had never been one not to share and Lucinda was sure that if Bellatrix had asked, she wouldn’t have needed to steal them. “Don’t give up though, you’re one of the most talented students in our house. I’m sure it was just a blip”.

“You were going to the ball with Lucius?” she asked, knowing of the arrangement between the two but also admitting to only herself that she had never seen a more odd couple. Lucinda liked them both, but they were so different. “Why Ms Bellatrix Black, I would be delighted” she smiled in return, offering her arm to her. 

Bellatrix hadn’t anticipated her excuse being used against her, “I know, I-.” Her words ended just as sharp as they came out. Bella knew she was a strong wizard; she’d proved as much to herself just a week before. She shook the pained look off her face and tried to offer the smaller girl a smile, “I’ll just have to wait out for the harder spells, I suppose.” Even if she knew she was a better wizard than someone who actually back fired, it was better to look silly than to look like the crazy girl who failed to set herself on fire.

The topic of Lucius hit her with what was once a rare mixture of grief and excitement. The betrothal was a good match; someone she knew at least and not a distant cousin like others in her family had gotten. But the blonde had never stuck out before and he smelt too much like a french heiress for her liking. She took her arm into Lucinda’s and started towards the stairs, “We’ll be there. At the same time.. I know I’ll have to be seen with him at some point.”

[gracelessblack]

lightandbadfaith‌:

“Sometimes it feels as though it never ends, does it not?” he said. Lucius was too relieved to have the pressure off himself for keeping Bellatrix entertained to notice too much that Bellatrix had responded a little too quickly. He usually liked the to and fro of social events, but then the events he preferred usually had a more refined guest list. 

“Merlin, you are not a pet, Bella. No trailing, please. I rather hope that will never be necessary.” While Lucius never intended to do anything that would jeopardise his relationship with Bellatrix or his reputation, he valued his privacy and his independence. While he knew there would be times that he and Bellatrix would have to display a united front he hoped the various school functions would not be among them.

“Mask on, mask off.” She mumbled to herself, it certainly felt like she was in for a life or parading around like a pet; it’s what her mother did, and surely what Lucius’ did as well. What was expected. Bella was never good with the formalities of their social structure, she lacked the grace of her younger sisters and found the events tedious within themselves. “At least we agree we can... still enjoy ourselves.”

She’d meant it when she’d said it; an introvert by nature and circumstance, she truly valued her own space as much as Lucius did but maybe she’d hoped for more from him? “No.” She answered herself allowed, “It’s better that we don’t do too much, right? But it’s still expected that we show out, isn’t it? I don’t want to trail... But-” But what, Bella? You don’t even want to go. “Merlin, nevermind. The excitements gone to my head, I don’t know. Sorry.” Bella didn’t know what she’d wanted from the situation --what she wanted Lucius to say. What she wanted this to be. It was a betrothal, not a fairytale. And she certainly wasn’t a princess even if she’d dressed up like one for the night. She pulled at her straps, “Are we walking down then?”

[gracelessblack]

Bellatrix couldn’t begin to understand what compelled her to follow everyone out into the woods. The ball had started off a bore for her and then spiralled into a nightmare as her hopes that the punch was spiked with liquor only lead to her down a sizable dose of veritaserum --and whatever it was that made everyone look like they were bleeding mud down their neck. The black blood swung off their dresses and off their lips as they laughed, she swore she could feel the heat of it on her own skin when she stood too close. But she couldn’t will herself to go back to her rooms alone; it was easier when she was surrounded by a sea of masks and fake personas everyone had put on for the evening. And something in her said to keep moving. 

She kept her eyes to the ground, their faces, something she’d surely drawn in her younger years, only made her sink further into herself and she kept away by the edges of the clearing. Her spine spasmed as fingers curled around her shoulder, her mind recognized the grip before her eyes could manage to settle on him properly, “Rodolphus, Ho...” A weight lifted off her and she felt herself relax into his hand --he wasn’t dying like the rest. “You’re rea-- umh, I think I’m looking for you --Did we plan to meet here? I don’t remember... Everything's so... strange? Isn’t it?”

@oflestrange

[wnq-writers]

I’m empty yet full of chaos.

Rida Aamina (via wnq-writers)

[gracelessblack]

lightandbadfaith‌:

If he thought Bellatrix was acting peculiarly it was easy enough to attribute it to the awkwardness that apparently went along with interacting with your newly betrothed. Lucius felt out of sorts himself. The right words seemed harder to find and did not seem to slip so easily from his tongue. He so very desperately did not want to ruin things and felt unusually, helplessly, out of his depth.

“Thank you. I thought that added a touch of drama,” he said. Then he paused, wondering if he should say what he thought. “You know, about tonight. I don’t expect us to spend the entire evening together. Unless you wanted to, of course.”

The words started before he’d finished speaking, “Of course not.”, it took a moment to realize how harsh she sounded, “Obviously we don’t have to spend the whole night together.” It was probably expected of them, but the thought seemed grotesquely excessive to her. She didn’t even know what she could spend a whole night saying to Lucius, Bella hardly knew him outside of a few conversations in class or at supper. Even if the whole concept was for them to get to know one another, to prepare for spending a life time of nights together, Bella had too much on her mind to preform properly. 

“I don’t know how long I’ll be staying --and I know I’ll have to dance with my sisters at least once. Do the rounds with everyone, that sort of rubbish.” The fact that it was socially required for her to go was the only thing dragging her out tonight, any other night she would’ve been barefoot and half drunk in the Great Hall already, screaming about how beautiful everyone looked, “Unless you... want me to trail behind you?”

[gracelessblack]

lightandbadfaith‌:

“The matron could likely fix it for you,” he pointed out. There was no reason that Bellatrix should go about with a damaged hand even if the way it had been injured was careless.  He might have shared classes with Bellatrix for seven years and yet he had not studied her nearly enough to know when she might be lying. He accepted the mask and gently set about securing it, paying careful attention to the bow. 

“You look lovely, by the way,” he added, realising too late that he probably should have led with it. “Your dress - it suits you.”

“Between Narcissa and...” She huffed for a moment, she still wasn’t ready to say his name quite yet, her mood only darkening with her cousins name coming across her mind, “The Blacks have a bad enough reputation with the hospital wing as it is, I don’t want to add to that.” Though undoubtedly Christopher had gone to the wing that night, so she’d added to it even if they didn’t know. She turned her back to Lucius, her free hand holding tightly to her bandaged arm as she braced herself for another masked night. 

Bella felt awkward at the compliment. Usually one for praise, it felt somewhat forced given their new situation. The betrothal was new for her even if she’d been anticipating it happening eventually. She took a deep breath and smiled, “Thanks... I thought it would be fun to be more girly.” She gestured towards his own mask, “Your horns are.. quite the touch.”

[gracelessblack]

ttrcvers‌:

“Your parents didn’t put you into those god awful classes, then? I’m jealous. Mine had me learning to waltz at nine.” She shrugged, tying the mask just tight enough that she was sure it’d stay on. “Thanks,” Thalia smiled, looking down at her own dress. She hadn’t put her mask on yet, but apart from that, she was ready to go. “I’m a bit of a perfectionist about it all, I guess.”

“I remember them trying at least, dancing didn’t really suit me so I had them take me out before I could pick up on anything.” Bella tensed as the mask was tied on, the feel of someone in her hair had always bothered her but the masking ritual was still to fresh on her mind for her to find comfort in it again. She whipped around as soon as Thalia had finished off the small bow, “Well your effort pays off, you look like a proper doll now.” 

[gracelessblack]

luc-txlkxlxt‌:

“No problem, Bella” she shrugged, tying the mask around the back of Bellatrix’s head and securing it tightly over her eyes, making sure it would not come off. Pulling out her wand, she muttered a charm that would keep the bow in place until Bellatrix pulled at it purposely to take it off. That way, it wouldn’t loosen and if someone else caught it, it would stay in place. “There you go. All set”.

“Looks like a nasty backfire, have you taken something for it?” she asked, concern evident in her voice. She did not have a lot to do with Bellatrix, but as Narcissa was her best friend, her sisters landed in a very small box in her mind, that she liked to label ‘the people I care about somewhat’. “It’ll mend” she assured her, stepping back and admiring her handiwork. “Are you waiting for someone, or did you want to walk out with me? I suspect Cissa is going to be a while”.

Bellatrix had to brace herself for the mask, her body cringing at the feel of it being tightened against her skin. The charm didn’t help her increasing anxiety over the ritual, she could feel the sweat starting to form underneath the weight of fake flowers and antlers but she forced herself to stand up against it. It’s halloween, she reminded herself, everyone’s in a mask. She pulled at the front to settle it better on her nose, turning to face the younger girl again, “Feels good.”

“Stole some things from Narcissa’s medicine.. cabinet,” It was far more comparable to a trunk, a whole shops worth of supplies had been hidden in her younger sister room, “It’ll be fine. Teach me to try new spells.” What was meant to be a joke brought Bella down again. She didn’t want the night on her mentality, not when she was suppose to have a good time. Bella looked around the room for a moment, “I suppose I’m to wait for Lucius but we haven’t actually... spoke about it.” Not seeing the waft of blonde hair in the sea of black dresses that had taken over the Slytherin common room, Bella offered a quick smile and shrug to the other girl as her eyes settled back to her. It was hard to not feel giddy when faced with a good handful of pink cotton candy. Especially when she thought about who was in such a gown, “Ms. Lucinda Talkalot, would you mind escorting me to the ball this evening?”

[gracelessblack]

lilyev‌:

while the hopeless romantic in lily loved the idea of a masquerade ball, the muscles in her feet did not. the ball had barely started, but she had already had to sit down, heels kicked to the side. in her defense, gryffindor tower was many, many staircases away from the great hall. she dipped her hand into a nearby pitcher of ice water, stealing an ice cube to rub on her aching feet. she couldn’t help it – she sighed out loud with relief. and that was when she realized another masked student was looking at her. “ — what ? ” she defended herself, feeling somewhat self-conscious even though they likely had no idea who she was. “ — my feet hurt. it feels good. ” 

Bellatrix slipped her way into the sidelines the moment she’d stepped into the Great Hall. It was overwhelming; the colours, the music, the spilt drink on the floor happy heels skipped over; she wanted to crawl back into her bed and spend another sleepless night staring at her curtains. There seemed to be no one standing next to what had to be already spiked punch, Bellatrix stole herself a cup, taking small sips as another girl came wobbling over in a swift wave of lace. She let her mind narrow in on her, not even realizing she was staring until her imagination was interrupted. She gave a quick show of her bandaged arm as a response, “If I could fit one in, I’d be doing the same.” Her hand went back into the folds of her dress as quick as it came out, “You look nice.”

[gracelessblack]

ttrcvers‌:

“Honestly, didn’t your parents teach you anything?” Thalia sighed, rolling her eyes at the older girl. But she walked over to her just the same, hand outstretched. “Next thing you’ll be telling me you don’t know how to dance. Now, gimme. I’ll tie it for you.”

Bella handed over the mask, happy to not have to look at it any longer, “Most would argue I don’t, if we’re being honest.” She couldn’t even think about dancing tonight, about enjoying herself. She’d gotten enough of that to last quite sometime. “Thank you, Lia.” Bella closed her eyes as the mask was firmly tied to her head, only opening them to give Thalia a proper look over, “Looks like you’ve been ready for hours now.”

[gracelessblack]

lightandbadfaith‌:

There were very few people in the castle that Lucius might have cared about. Bellatrix Black was one of them, and, Lucius suspected, he might care for her even were their futures not so intimately intertwined. When he saw her standing so still as the others in the room bustled about, their dress robes whirling about them, he made his way over. It was only when he drew closer that he noticed her hand.

“Allow me,” frowning, Lucius held out his hand intending to help her. “Are you alright?”

Bella shifted her eyes away from Lucius, ignoring his hand and shoving hers into the safety of her overflowing skirt. There was nothing she could tell him, the burn or the torture, that wouldn’t turn her into a complete pariah; she was lucky to have gotten the match she had. “More than fine.” She quipped, but aside from a quick twitch in her lip, her face remained frozen. 

She cleared her throat and passed the mask over, relaxing as it left her fingers, “I broke a pencil while sketching some days ago... Cut me up some.” 

[gracelessblack]

oflestrange‌:

“why wouldn’t–” as the girl turned around, rodolphus’ eyes landed on the mask and then on her hand. the sudden concern was clear on his expression as he approached bellatrix, carefully taking her hand, avoiding touching it where it was injured. “what happened?”

Bella jerked her hand forward without thinking, “Poison Ivy.” She looked over her shoulder, forcing on a tight smile, taking the damaged hand to move her curls out of the way, “I got a sudden nostalgia for Herbology yesterday. Didn’t end well...” She dropped her hair and turned to face him, it was easier for her to look at him than it had been to look at herself the past week, despite them not being any different now, “Thank you.”

[gracelessblack]

frxnk-longbottom‌:

“Er… thank you” he said, a little confused. He had never been called brute looking, and wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. He supposed that he was built well and he looked after himself, but brutish? He wasn’t sure he liked how that sounded. “I would, if I were fighting anyone, but I have no need” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “When I have a need, I’ll let you know”.

Bella watched in slight amusement as he thought over what she’d said, only fully smirking again at the thought of sweet Frank fighting,“Oh, would you? I’d love to be there.” Either to watch or join, if someone was able to stir up his temper they probably had it coming. Or he did. “Maybe I’ll sketch that, too.”

[gracelessblack]

luc-txlkxlxt‌:

Lucinda had been one of the first girls to leave her dormitory, not wanting to get involved in painting her face with make up or accessorising. She was wearing exactly what her mother had chosen for her, much to her chagrin as she had not been allowed to choose for herself, and that had been enough. When she had entered the common room, she had heard a voice snap and turned to see someone walk away from Bellatrix, who was standing in the centre of the room with a mask held in her hands.

Lucinda walked quickly over as she heard the older girl confess that she couldn’t tie her mask herself. “Ignore them, there is no rush” she said, glaring angrily at the female who had flounced away. She wondered if they were a roommate or friend of Bellatrix’s, but since they had walked away, Lucinda wanted to huff ‘some friend’ under her breath. She took the mask from the other girls hands and turned it over in her own.

“It’s so pretty. Here, turn around and I’ll tie it on” she said, gesturing for Bellatrix to twirl. “Is your hand okay?”

Bellatrix did as she was asked, taking only a small step away from the younger girl so she could kneel against one of the chairs for her, “Thank you, Luc.” She mummbled, feeling all around defeated in a common room full of girls chittering with excitement as they made their way to the ball. Bella wanted to join in the cheer but she wasn’t functioning quick enough to let the energy affect her. Even lifting her free arm up to hand over the mask exhausted her, how she was ever going to dance once they got upstairs was beyond her.

“Oh yeah,” She looked down at the poorly done bandaging, it had been much harder for her to use her right hand than she’d thought. “My wand back fired on me, nasty little thing.” She swooped her head back, the rush of blood making her dizzy for a moment but giving her slowing brain the boost it needed to realize that another excuse for the wrappings wasn’t being asked of her, “It’s a wasted limb for now, can’t do anything.” Which was exactly what she wanted, a mix of pride and pain in her voice as she waited for Lucinda to tie the mask on her.

[gracelessblack]

Masquerade 1976 | Bellatrix’s Look

[gracelessblack]

Hallowe’en had always been Bella’s favourite. There was always an over abundance of sweets and no one cared if you hogged out, everyone was always done up spectacularly, and it was the only true witches holiday that Hogwarts cared to acknowledge. But as she looked down at the ornament white mask she’d bought months prior, a stillness took over her body and the pain in her hand wouldn’t let on. There was so much shame, so much fear now, in something as simple as a mask. All she could think about was Christopher struggling to stay conscious as she and Rodolphus cursed him. It was her every waking thought, and one that kept her from sleeping for the entire week since it’d happened. 

     -“Are you ready or not, Bella?”

The voice just barely cut through her thoughts, she turned the mask over in her workable hand and took a shallow breath, “I can’t tie this on myself.”

[gracelessblack]

A CREATURE IN MY BLOODSTREAM... - SELF PARA

    It wasn’t cold enough outside for Bella to be considering the pros and cons of throwing herself into the fireplace, but it was the intrusive thought running mad through her mind as she paced the perimeter of the common room. She had just --”No.” Her fingers weaved into her hair, pulling at the root as she walked, “No, no, no...” It seemed as if the moment Rodolphus had left her, her entire resolve fell around her, the only confidence she’d had in that hallways was in him.

When he’d suggested it all --it seemed like nothing. It was no different then picking up her pencil and drawing it out for herself. The number of times she’d closed her eyes this past week, pictured herself being at the other end of the wand as ‘innocent’ people died... She couldn’t begin to count them.

Bellatrix pulled at her hair until she felt strands start to snap in the pressure. The noise only brought her back to the scene: Christopher Wood, “I don’t even know -”, twitching and screaming under her cast, “Have I ever seen him any other --” Her hands had a delayed reaction from the cast, only now shaking uncontrollably. Stopping suddenly in front of the fire, she looked over her thread twisted fingers. She looked like a corpse, grey skin laid tightly over her thin bones, barely able to function on their own. Even with a heartbeat banging at her ear drum, she still couldn’t keep the echo of her own laugh out of her head, layered over Christopher’s screams. “No... no... Shut up!”

    She’d enjoyed it --                                          --she loved it.

The itch in her fingers, the shake in them, she felt like she needed to sketch it all out. Drawing was a vice for her; creating the visions, it was her way of satisfying the craving in her for something darker. How she’d dealt with the desire, quietly, for years now. Bella knew she’d need to draw it out to recover from the high of the night. “Stop... It....” She whispered to her frail hands. She could never put pen to paper on this one. That would only leave evidence.

Her eyes darted over to the black mask she’d thrown to the floor when she walked in. “That, too.” Bella whispered, “You have to --” She ripped it off the carpet and threw it to the fire, with the thought. She didn’t want mementos of this.

The crackling and licking flames spreading heat into her face. “Bad... bad... bad...” It wasn’t enough. The nervous energy, the aching in her wrist told her it wasn’t enough. Bellatrix leaned into the stone, watching the fire slowly eat away at the dark cloth until it was nothing but smoke in her lungs. There was a comfort in seeing part of the night gone. To know nothing could trace her back to this moment. With the other bit of evidence creeping in the back of her mind, her hand was wrapped itself around one of the burning logs.

Tears feel to her lap but her mouth didn’t  attempt to let out a cry. She knew that her compulsion to draw her nightmares wouldn’t take over. Bella could feel her senses returning to her with the burn, her greying fingers glowing as red as the cruccio spell. The pain felt right. Well earned. As she let go of the log and pulled back, her hand blistered and pulsed uncontrollably. It was nothing one of the salves in Narcissa’s trunk couldn’t heal up and a bandage couldn’t cover. She just need a few days to cool off without having to look down at the hands that done so much horror, so easily.