big TW

gracie/17/vent blog/csa+parents+ed

[graciouslygray]

um i have an edtwt now i guess! it's 13graceful

idk how much i'll use it cuz i am a longtime tumblr user it's all i know but with the mass terms i'm a little worried to make this account more than just a general vent page anymore

[bulimic-mutt]

i used to be someone and now i'm a physical manifestation of a mental illness

[graciouslygray]

she's so stunning. she practically glows. i don't think she could do anything that would make me think any less of her. i hate it

[cervicks-deactivated20141013]

not killing myself is a personal achievement but you cant really brag about that at dinner parties

[graciouslygray]

i saw someone in the parking lot the other day and started thinking "if i looked like them i'd be happy", but i stopped myself and thought "no you wouldn't, you know if you were their size you'd still think you look fat" and i can't tell if that's self awareness and i should be happy or if it's my internalized fatphobia becoming external and i should be concerned

[graciouslygray]

i wanna cut so bad but i'm probably going shopping tomorrow and i don't want blood on my jeans. and i can't cut on my hips because i want to wear my mesh shirt when i see my friends this weekend. hell

[graciouslygray]

i can feel my sports bras getting tighter which means i'm either getting fatter around my torso or my chest is getting bigger NEITHER are good options and i'm genuinely starting to panic. if my chest got any bigger than it already is idk what id do with myself.

[graciouslygray]

sometimes i feel like i'm overreacting for having flashbacks and panic attacks because of what my friend did to me. i hear people around me talk about how they got out of toxic relationships and friendships all the time and they just talk about it like it was an unfortunate part of their life but they're better now. they're over it. i can't even say what he did to me. i feel pathetic

[traumasurvivors]

PTSD is a normal reaction to trauma. You are not weak if you have ptsd. It is not a “wrong” reaction. It is a completely normal and valid response to trauma.

[misfitoffate]

[traumasurvivors]

Your abuser may not have realized they were abusing you, or it’s possible they did not mean to abuse you.

This does not mean your experiences aren’t valid. Your feelings are still valid. You can still be traumatized.

And you do not have to forgive someone even if they genuinely did not mean to hurt you. You can choose to forgive if you want, but it is up to you.

You don’t owe them anything. No matter what.

[graciouslygray]

i'm thinking about making an edtwt. i know people are really mean there but maybe that will keep me on track

[graciouslygray]

binged again today but i feel so shit i don't even care

[graciouslygray]

anorexia is fun because you feel weak and fatigued all the time from not eating a lot and then on days when you break and do eat a lot you still feel weak and fatigued but now you have extra weight in your stomach to carry around as if walking wasn't hard enough

[caffeinatedopossum]

Wishing all anas over 200 pounds a very pleasant evening

[bulimic-mutt]

ANYWAYS YALL SHARE ONE GOOD THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY. IT CAN B RLLY SMALL (LIKE "I BRUSHED MY TEETH") OR RLLY BIG ("I GOT MY DREAM JOB!")

[pinkpeachjams]

I DIDNT PASS OUT AT BAND CAMP

for context I'm a dumbass and didn't eat breakfast and barely had lunch and I'm there for 12 fucking hours in the hot ass sun so yes this is an accomplishment :))))

[graciouslygray]

i took a shower for the first time in close to a week!

[graciouslygray]

i was planning to fast all day today but j/ey j/rdison dying has me so shaken i might skip on that and comfort eat some mac and cheese even if it is almost 700calories. i'll still stick to my 23:1 intermittent fasting though