[grasyalyn]

Just another picture to burn 🎶

Things had been going well for the past few months. I've been living a happy life. Back to work. Happy and a heart that's full. But then, just a month ago a person from my past came back. Not an ex but an old friend. A big part of my childhood, I can say. It all started with a friend request. Antagal na non actually di ko lang kasi gawain mag-accept ng di ko kakilala. Pero laging may something talaga sakin everytime na makikita ko friend request nya. Feeling ko kakilala ko sya talaga. I just didn't entertain that thought. So I go on with my daily life. Draining yung work ko actually. Parang nauubos talino ko don. So one night, I just arrived at home and doing the usual thing, checking my messenger kahit wala naman talaga akong inexpect na message. The this message from a guy popped up. Message request actually kasi nga kami friends sa fb. And that night pala can change my life na naman. So he introduced himself as my classmate whom I really don't remember na. It turned out, ayy oo nga classmate ko 'to nung nagtransfer ako sa bailen. It took me a while para maalala sya. And yun nga, he was the kid pala I used to ask to draw for me dati kasi di talaga ako marunong. Hahaha sya yung makulit na laging nang-aasar na madalas ko talagang kinukurot non. Sa sobrang tagal na, I almost didn't remember him. Sa dami ba namang ganap sa life. Pero all this time pala he remembers me. Awww that sounds so sweet sana kaso may sabit na sya. He has been courting this girl na siguro for months. If only I have accepted his friend request agad, baka ako yon. Kaso hindi. Nakakainis lang. Lagi na lang di pumapanig ang tadhana sakin. I think my mom will like him. Mabait sya at maayos family. May stable na trabaho because sundalo sya. But more than anything else, I have found this comfort in him. Na kahit di pa ulet kamo nagkikita after a long time andon yung connection eh, di nawala. And yun nga, almost everyday na kami magkausap. Unti unti na din syang nagiging sweet at dun ko na inopen up yung sa nililigawan nya. Sabi nya wala na daw yon, na ako yung pinipili na over that girl. Ilang beses ko sya tinanong, hindi lang isa, hindi lang dalawa. Paulit ulit kong hiningi yunh assurance na yon at paulit ulit nya din syang nagsinungaling. So ako etong si tanga naniwala kasi he's been consistent sa pagtawag nya. Pag nag-uusap kami kita mo sa kanya yung saya. Pero bat ganon no? It ended so soon. Last week lang, inamin nya na sakin na nagiging okay na sila ni girl. Like wtf, eh ano ako diba? Shet, it was so painfully. I felt so cheated. Kung kelan ready na ako to give myself another chance for love tsaka naman ganito. I was so ready to give it a try kahit mahirap kasi sundalo sya. Most of the time di ko sya makakasama. Ready ako for that. Pero it didn't turned out good. Ang tanga ko na kasi indenial pa ako kahit nastalk ko na yung girl and seeing your comments from her photos years ago, you might really like her back then. Anong laban ko don diba? I might be prettier and smarter (mamsh, just stating a fact 💪✌), pero kung di talaga ako ang gusto wala akong laban. Ready akong ipakilala sya sa family ko, jusko ready na nga ako ibigay first kiss ko eh. Yun nga, dahil sa masyado akong advance mag-isip I forgot yung now. Yung reality. Btw, crush ko na sya dati pa. Nung bata pa kami. Hahaha ewan ko, dati pa lang attracted na ako sa kakulitan nya. Eto talaga yung pinagtagpo pero di itinadhana. Tbh, umaasa ako. Umaasa ako na dadating yung time namin. Na baka di lang kami for now. Baka sa future may chance na. Your "i love you's" felt so real. Your sweet words made me felt so alive. Umaasa ako na sana, ako na lang. Kasi ako ready ako to compromise para magwork 'to. Andami mong plano satin eh. Kaso hanggang salita lang pala lahat. You were never true with your words kasi kung minahal mo ako, bat ambilis nawala? Andami ko pang tanong pero wag na lang. For sure, I cannot move on from this eventually. I love you my man. I love you Cedrick. I miss you so bad. I wanna hug you. I wanna kiss you. I wanna be with you. If only fate will allow, I will forever love you.

PS. Nagkakausap pa din kami pero di na tulad ng dati at mukang ako na lang may gusto kaya unti unti ko ng sasanayin sarili ko na wala sya. Kasi ganon naman bago pa sya dumating eh.

[grasyalyn]

My heart is so full ❤

Been thinking about of making another for this blog lately just because andami kong thoughts na di ko din mismo maintindihan. More than 2 months ago, I was so devastated that I'm still unemployed (kasi nag-AWOL ako sa supposedly work ko). I felt so helpless pero never hopeless kasi I know somewhere out there I know may opportunity for me. Ang galing lang ni Lord na right after ko mag-AWOL, just I think a week after tumawag si Ate Ehs sakin asking if available pa daw ako kasi may opening kay Ms. Josie kasi may magreresign daw. Sobrang unexpected lang kasi I'm feeling lost at that time. Di ko na talaga alam kung san ako mag-aapply. So ayun nga, after more than 2 months of waiting back to work na ako. Hahaha pero sa loob ng 2 months na yon, babad tinder muna ako libangan lang kasi naman gusto ko na idivert sarili ko sa ibang bagay rather than thinking about that +@/$-$ guy. Hahaha i met this guy sa tinder and sa simula pa lang, may something talaga sa kanya. Turned out sundalo pala si koya. Ewan ko ba, there's this instant connection agad sa kanya. Although boring nga sya kachat madalas. 😂 Family oriented, loving son sa mama nya, responsible at may gawa sa life. Someone na I've been praying for na mameet ko. Pero another guy came out. Seaman naman si koya. I can say, achiever sya sa life, stable sa life, loving son and brother pero nung nameet ko sya sa personal, okay naman talaga sya eh. Sobrang bait lang na nakakaturn off na. Atsaka ang kulet nya. Kung bet ko siguro 'to, kikiligin ako pero that's not the case. Naiirita ako di ko lang pinahalata. Nakakaguilty din na parang gumagawa na naman ako ng way to get rid of him. And dito pumapasok yung thoughts ko. I don't really think na ready na talaga ako to invest my time sa isang tao. It's okay to date siguro pero alam ko sa sarili ko na di ko kayang sumugal pa. At mag-invest ng time and emotion. Ang hirap na no. I might be with Mr. Wrong na naman. For now kasi parang feeling ko my heart is soo full na wala pang pwedeng pumasok. Happy ako na I got my dream job or should I say nakapasok ako sa dream company ko. I really feel so at home sa Ceb Pac. ❤ Siguro if dadating si Mr. Right sana ready na ako. I dedevote ko na muna ang sarili ko sa work, family and friends ko. Sana nga mapanindigan ko lahat 'to. ❤ ayoko na lang iexplain sa lahat ng tao kasi alam ko naman sa utak nila najudge na nila ako na "nako, magaling lang yan sa salita. Iba naman sinasabi nyan sa ginagawa nya." Watch me this time. Andami ko ng realizations sa mga nangyare sa life ko lately na only few people knew. And I will keep on praying na sana keep this heart full. Na parang sasabog lagi sa sobrang saya.

[grasyalyn]

Love you fam 💓

It's been weeks that I've been constantly complaining about adulting. Why does it have to be so hard for me to adjust?! My 2 days stay in that company is one of the saddest days of my career life. All the people there are actually okay. They are approaching and kind there's really this feeling that I know something's wrong. The place maybe and the environment. Coming from a lively place and full of energy, I really don't think I am fit for that place. That place, job, environment and me are not just a good combination. I was so devastated for letting them down after hiring me. I was so guilty for not telling them the real reason why I didn't report today. I didn't feel any enthusiasm for working for them unlike before. Maybe I am just hooked up with the fact that ceb pac will still rehire me. But I know now that I have to erase that thought in my mind. And more so, I also think that the stressful travel going to work is a big factor and also the facilities for my workplace. I know I may sound pathetic for saying that but that's me. I cannot work in a place that I know I'm not comfortable. Many people will not understand my decision but at least I have my family's full support in this. A friend also told me "self love above all else". Their reaction last night the moment I got was "bat ganyan ka? Parang stress na stress ka sa buhay." See. Even them felt I am not okay. It's so different from me working about 6 or 7 months ago. Yung kahit hirap ka na bumangon sa umaga pero pipilitin mo kasi you know how badly you want that job and company. So right now, I am hoping to make better decisions in the future and find a real job. I need career stability and hopefully to pass the boards. I'll keep praying for that. Lord, guide me always and my family. Give me that strength and the will to continue. No room for backing down. Keep fighting, self! ❤

[grasyalyn]

Lost stars or should I say lost me?! 🌌⭐

This thought just came from nowhere. Parang bigla kong gusto umakyat ng bundok tapos camping tapos star gazing. Kahit ako lang mag-isa. Gusto ko iappreciate how beautiful ang sky kahit madilim. Yung parang sa life na kahit nasa madilim kang part ng buhay, alam mong may liwanag pa din. May maganda pa din sa dilim. Mas naappreciate mo ang little things. There's this feeling na parang ansaya saya ko kapag andaming stars. Parang masaya din ang langit. Kaya gustong gusto ko talaga yung kantang Lost Stars eh. These past few weeks had been very tough. Dealing with false alarm sa pagbalik ng ceb na super dream company ko. Tapos yung mga naaapplyan ko parang against sa plan ko magtake ng boards. Alam mo yon, parang everything is not going according to plan. Pero yun nga, I have to understand na may better plans Sya for me. And I guess eto yon. Siguro sa storm na 'to ng buhay ko, yung Lamoiyan magiging silungan ko muna until matapos ang storm na 'to. Yung opportunity na magtake ng boards andyan na. Malapit na malapit na sakin. Excited na ako pero at the same time kabado kasi 50-50 pa din naman ang chance kung makakapasa ako diba. Feeling lost talaga ako lately. Parang di ko na alam kung masaya ako or malungkot. Kaya laban lang, kapit pa. Cheer up self. Kahit medyo iba na environment mo ngayon sa work keri lang. Ipon lang para sa pangarap.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Super out of the topic pero namiss ko lang talaga crushie ko. Sir Lester, miss you na. Hahahaharot ko. 😂 tapos ikaw naman renzo, my guy version, cheer up. Mas maganda ako sa ex jowa mo. Hahaha keri lang yan. If you feel na it makes you less of a man, well sakin hindi. Maling tao lang napatapat sayo. Pero wala namang importance opinion ko anyway. Hahaha basta miss ko na si sir kahit may jowa sya.

[grasyalyn]

Lost stars or should I say lost me?! 🌌⭐

This thought just came from nowhere. Parang bigla kong gusto umakyat ng bundok tapos camping tapos star gazing. Kahit ako lang mag-isa. Gusto ko iappreciate how beautiful ang sky kahit madilim. Yung parang sa life na kahit nasa madilim kang part ng buhay, alam mong may liwanag pa din. May maganda pa din sa dilim. Mas naappreciate mo ang little things. There's this feeling na parang ansaya saya ko kapag andaming stars. Parang masaya din ang langit. Kaya gustong gusto ko talaga yung kantang Lost Stars eh. These past few weeks had been very tough. Dealing with false alarm sa pagbalik ng ceb na super dream company ko. Tapos yung mga naaapplyan ko parang against sa plan ko magtake ng boards. Alam mo yon, parang everything is not going according to plan. Pero yun nga, I have to understand na may better plans Sya for me. And I guess eto yon. Siguro sa storm na 'to ng buhay ko, yung Lamoiyan magiging silungan ko muna until matapos ang storm na 'to. Yung opportunity na magtake ng boards andyan na. Malapit na malapit na sakin. Excited na ako pero at the same time kabado kasi 50-50 pa din naman ang chance kung makakapasa ako diba. Feeling lost talaga ako lately. Parang di ko na alam kung masaya ako or malungkot. Kaya laban lang, kapit pa. Cheer up self. Kahit medyo iba na environment mo ngayon sa work keri lang. Ipon lang para sa pangarap.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Super out of the topic pero namiss ko lang talaga crushie ko. Sir Lester, miss you na. Hahahaharot ko. 😂 tapos ikaw naman renzo, my guy version, cheer up. Mas maganda ako sa ex jowa mo. Hahaha keri lang yan. If you feel na it makes you less of a man, well sakin hindi. Maling tao lang napatapat sayo. Pero wala namang importance opinion ko anyway. Hahaha basta miss ko na si sir kahit may jowa sya.

[grasyalyn]

Better days are coming...

"How have you been lately?" Siguro that's the best question someone can ask me right now. Lately, I've been doing so good although ang boring ng life because unemployed na naman ako. Other people siguro would be saying na ang malas ko naman when it comes to finding a stable job. But who cares diba. At least masaya ako sa naging trabaho ko. Okay sana ako but not today. The saddest news came today. Last week lang parang I'm still in awe knowing na pinapabalik ako ng ceb pac. Sobrang saya and excited ako. Syempre, getting a job from your dream company siguro is one big achievement. Pero just today, I received a message na biglang di daw naapprove yung request nila. I can sense yung disappointment ni mama tens thru chat. We are both excited na makabalik ako. Pero that's life nga siguro. #adulting 😭 Naniniwala ako na He has better plans for me. Di ko man alam sa ngayon kung ano at kung saang direksyon Nya ako dadalhin pero patuloy akong magtitiwala. At thanks to my supportive na workmate na sana nga matulungan ako. This situation is so parallel with my lovelife talaga. Kasi naman parang si Mark lang sila. Sasabihing namimiss ko tapos babawiin din agad. Tapos may mga taong ginive up ko thinking na yon ang plan ng Lord for me. Once again, mali na naman ako. Really can't help but cry tonight. Siguro sobra lang yung disappointment ko today. Itinaas nila ng sobra yung hopes ko tapos bigla din nilang ibabagsak. Lord, help! Maniniwala na lang ako sa better days are coming. And sana soon na yan. Gusto ko na ng stability sa career ko. At syempre kelangan ko na makapag-ipon for review. 😭 Fighting lang self! Kayang kaya mo yan! Mas malala pa pinagdaanan mo dyan before. Aja!