GravitatingWalrus

Just somewhere for me to express my feelings.

[gravitatingwalrus]

Tell me I’m doing well

Tell me you’re proud of me

[gravitatingwalrus]

They say university is where you find yourself, but what if you lose yourself instead? What if you give away all the little bits that make you you; the things you like, the things you enjoy doing. What if you cave in due to exhaustion and lack of time and simply exist because that’s all you can manage to do so that you can get through. What if as you get closer to finishing you find that you are not happy anymore, in fact you are decidedly unhappy. But you tell yourself it’s just a little farther, hold on a little more and you can be happy again. So you claw and claw your way through the stress and the unhappiness and the monotony and you make it and you’re there and it’s over. And you find that you’re still unhappy. That promise of happiness that you were holding onto to get by is no longer there. What then?

[gravitatingwalrus]

I was so lost in what I wanted to do with my life for so long, and for a brief moment I had clarity, but now I’m doubting again and I feel like I have no goal to work toward

[gravitatingwalrus]

How does one talk to guys?? There was a totally hot one sitting across from me and I couldn’t even ask him his name....

[gravitatingwalrus]

I was such a fool to get so excited and think I had a shot at working out wtf I wanted to do with my life. I was finally happy again. I was already daydreaming about a 3rd year project, honours, phd. Now I feel so lost again

[gravitatingwalrus]

No one loves you

And you know it

[gravitatingwalrus]

I still cry over you

[gravitatingwalrus]

She gave me every reason to believe I'd found the one But my doubts somehow they sold me out I'm bruised and scarred Save me from this broken heart All my love will slowly fade and fall apart Someone please sing this lovesick melody Call my name if you're afraid I'm just a kiss away

[gravitatingwalrus]

I thought it was getting better.

Why isn’t it getting better??

[gravitatingwalrus]

But I’ll be okay.

Is that what you want me to say?

It’s called breakup, cause it’s broken

[gravitatingwalrus]

I can feel her breath,  as she's sleepin' next to me. Sharing pillows and cold feet.

She can feel my heart, fell asleep to it's beat. Under blankets and warm sheets. If only I could be in that bed again. If only it were me instead of him.

[gravitatingwalrus]

Oh, can you tell I haven’t slept very well since the last time that we spoke?

You said,

Please understand if I see you again, don’t even say hello.

Please

[gravitatingwalrus]

You have your demons and you are fighting your battles. Parts of you have changed in the crossfire. But the guy that I love is still there. I can still see him. I’m not leaving. Not yet. This pain is more tolerable than any alternative. I see two options. You don’t want me anymore, or you’re too preoccupied by your battles to talk to me. Until I know for sure, and whilst I can still see the you that I love, I’m gonna keep my hope that you can make it through this. You are a good person and you are strong, you can make it. You are perfect for me. Am I still enough for you?

[gravitatingwalrus]

Who even am I anymore?

[gravitatingwalrus]

Even roses have thorns.

[gravitatingwalrus]

So, I’m an okay person, but I’m not really special, or desirable. I never thought I’d end up alone but, because everyone is attracted to different things, and I always figured I’d find someone like me. A good person, who isn’t particularly attractive to the world, but was everything to me. I kinda found that in you, except everyone wants you, and it’s throwing me so hard

[gravitatingwalrus]

Are you trying to hurt me or are you just trying to brag? Cause you’re doing a pretty good job of the former.