Gothic & Lolita Bible Vol. 41
Shout out at the witch outfit being masculine and the wizard one being feminine like for real holla at that
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
$LAYYYTER

pixel skylines
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸

Kaledo Art

Product Placement
YOU ARE THE REASON
Today's Document
trying on a metaphor
cherry valley forever

#extradirty
todays bird
Xuebing Du
Sade Olutola
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Cosmic Funnies

Andulka
Sweet Seals For You, Always
occasionally subtle
dirt enthusiast
seen from United States

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seen from Brazil

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seen from Malaysia
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@gravitonrage
Gothic & Lolita Bible Vol. 41
Shout out at the witch outfit being masculine and the wizard one being feminine like for real holla at that
just add this string to my div whenever you see me, im not paying for that shit
<svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" height="14" width="14" class="hlLCc" role="presentation"><use href="#managed-icon__blue-checkmark"></use></svg>
clout piracy walktrhough
2 dice bowl designs
important life update
meme genre i like: real life images with video game UIs edited over them
have you got any examples?
I dug through my random images folder to find this.Â
holy fuck this has a lot more notes than i remember
Bro why is being perceived such an ordeal
Abolish all passport and visa systems and replace them with border vibe checks
@1dietcokeinacan
Yes, there are lavender-infused wine tastings involved.
Lavender infused wine tastings!!!!
I still to this day wonder if Iâm being abusive without realizing it or falling into abusive patterns or w/e & I sure as fuck keep my eyes peeled for warning signs from other people & honestly? itâs exhausting as shit. I'm stressed. Iâm stressed!Â
for a while (even after escaping the clutches of a closed-off fandom âcultâ) if I had a disagreement with someone suddenly it was a whole âfuck are they a piece of shit? am I a piece of shit????â & there was never an answer, it just inevitably led to self-torture bc the only intentions I can really examine are my own (& even that is like walking around in the dark with a single firefly as a lantern)
itâs unrealistic to assume the worst every time, and it doesnât make it easier that abuse is often hard to identify in the first place, which really is how I feel we got in this mess. why wouldnât you wanna help keep people from getting taken advantage of? I canât find a line to draw, though. thereâs too many variables at play. anything at all becomes a slippery slope towards the extreme examples of abuse we can all recognize without a problem.
I feel like Iâm in a constant state of limbo bc Iâm resistant to making up my mind about someoneâs morality based on paranoia. Iâm constantly doubting my own morality, though thatâs eased up this year after deciding to ~be kinder to myself~ or whatever. I say it sardonically bc itâs hard to say w a straight face in this particular context, but I got tired of losing my mind over people not meeting me where I was (thereâs other perspectives, but like I said Iâve blamed myself enough)
To be honest, one thing that really bothers me about the discourse is the implication all adults are bad while teenagers are innocent. I'm a teenager, and my adult friends helped me so much and I'm endlessly grateful to them. I had great teen friends as well, but at the same time, the only unhealthy friend I've made was actually also a teen. She was the one who made me feel terrible, the one who manipulated me and sexually harassed me. She wasn't abusive, and we were bad for each other (1/2)
Rather than it being a one-sided thing, but it feels weird to hear the discourse and how all fandom adults are terrible and will manipulate you and hurt you, when the only one who did was a teen friend (and my parents, but they arenât related to this situation). Of course, some adults are awful, but I strongly dislike this terrible manipulative adult vs innocent blameless teen dichotomy.
mmhm. itâs a Problem. Like, not just a âoh this is irritatingâ problem or even just a âthis is a shitty message to spread to young people about what aging means for their funâ problem (though thatâs also pretty awful), but an honest-to-god âyouâre the ones endangering peopleâ problem:
First: stop confusing victims of abuse by saying itâs impossible for them to be abused by [disadvantaged group their abuser is a member of].
people with less systemic privilege/social power can still abuse and hurt individuals of more systemic privilege/social power. to wit:
a young person can physically harm, make unwanted sexual advances on, or emotionally manipulate someone older than them
women can sexually assault men and people with vaginas can sexually assault people with penises
a trans person can cyberbully a cis person
nb people can intimidate and harm people on the binary
people can with the same amount of systemic privilege/social power can abuse and hurt each other
a teen can abuse a teen
a trans person can abuse another trans person
people in same-sex relationships can be abused by/abuse their partner
a mentally ill person can abuse another mentally ill person
an abuse victim can themselves be an abuser of others
it is a harmful lie to say that abusers in abusive relationships or toxic people can only be older and/or more privileged than their victim. it makes people doubt their abuse even more when it comes from a quarter they were told was impossible. and as any survivor will tell you: itâs hard enough to identify and deal with abuse even when it follows expected patterns!
of course people with more systemic privilege/social power have a rank privilege that makes it hard to stop them. but predators with less privilege/social power are invisible and their victims arenât taken seriously as a result.
Second: it sets up minors to end up only interacting with adults who are inappropriate with them because theyâre the only adults going to great lengths to overcome being considered âbadâ by default.
âfandom momsâ iâm looking at you. both antis and non-antis. i donât trust you
adults purposely surrounding themselves with minors/teens always end up with this weird circle of protective minions who will do anything for them
and these adults are pretty consistent about encouraging them
(no matter what the age of the abuser, one of the biggest dangers in fandom spaces is getting sucked into an abuserâs cult of personality and getting trapped in a cycle of adoration of the abuser and self-hate as you do stuff for them that you know is awful but you canât stop yourself you have to make them happy)
adult abusers who gain the trust of young people can use their influence to convince their victims that adults who disagree with them are dangerous, increasing the isolation of victims from anyone who might call out the abuser on their shit
it all seems so gosh-darn reasonable because it fits what minors already believe.
the adult abuser? they donât count. theyâre a friend! (<âliterally how ever abuser ever is enabled by everyone around them)
tl;dr adult = dangerous abuser, minor = innocent victim creates false flags for abuse and shuts down real flags for abuse and itâs actively hurting real people, can we stop
I think this is an important post - with the caveat that, like, lots of times people wind up being âthe mom friendâ for perfectly good and innocent reasons and this is not in itself creepy or bad, and is kind of necessary? Like, lots of folks (younger or otherwise!) need support and encouragement and self-care advice and itâs not a bad thing to feed people or knit for them or whatever.
Itâs just when people attach an agenda to it or make it into an egotistical thing/status label that it gets to be a problem.
(I know Iâve seen other conversations about this, to the point that I think many people already assume this piece of context when reading this post, but I feel like itâs worth explicating.)
great addition.
There are various kinds of mentor figures in fandom spaces, and telling the difference between those who are truly kind, helpful people and those who are outwardly kind and helpful but perpetuate a toxic or inappropriate environment can be hard from a distance. But there are a couple of signs of toxicity that can be seen before getting so close itâs hard to get away again:
gossip/rumor-spreading with low regard for honest/fact-checking. theyâre not necessarily lying, but their version of the truth omits anything thatâs unflattering to themselves. if, before getting close, you feel the need to fact-check everything they say/see if thereâs another side to the story every time they share something, thatâs not a good sign.
quadruple the danger signals if they âventâ to you about people close to them on a regular basis in a way that makes you wonder why theyâre even still friends with these people. you can pretty much guarantee that theyâre âventingâ about you to someone else the same way.
inappropriate interactions with fans/followers.Â
sexual weirdness: this is harder to define, so Iâll give an example: I observed a selfie exchange between a self-declared âfandom momâ in their early 20â˛s and a 16 year old fan: the 16yo said they had a huge crush on the fandom mom, who responded that they were flattered and responded with a wink selfie, and it went on like this for 5 or 6 reblogs. there isnât much wrong with this exchange unto itself, but as a fellow adult I looked at that and thought âif this is how they behave in a public space like tumblr, how do they behave around these younger fans in private?â
âwho wants to be my minion?â âthatâs right, youâre my army.â appreciative reblogs of people saying who say theyâd defend them to the death, etc. - openly encouraging and inviting people to group identify as their unquestioning followers and treating it as a privilege.
praising people who act as their attack dogs: thanking them for their spirited defense of their goodness, reblogging appreciatively, always ready to be thought of and treated as faultless.
cycles of shame/fear/drama. every few months/every year or so you hear this self-declared fandom leader is in the middle of some huge pile-up of discourse or wank, which always seems to either end in them becoming more popular or their public declaration that they are Leaving the Internet in Shame. if itâs the latter, they always come back, bolstered by the begging of others to know that theyâre alive and okay. rinse, wash, repeat.
absent the desire to be a popular voice in a fandom space this can be a sign of mental health issues - and sometimes people who are this kind of drama magnet are acting out of their mental health struggles. They need help, not hate, but thereâs no reason to get sucked into their drama cycle if it has the potential to harm you.
I might make this reblog into a separate post later but I hope this helps describe âdangerous fandom momâ warning signs.
This topic is much more serious than my blog usually gets, but Iâve been thinking about this post and thread all day. I have a fair number of followers who are minors, and I really want you guys especially to be aware of this stuff. Not to scare you, just to give you more tools to protect yourselves. More information is always better. (This thread is good for anyone to read, but what Iâm adding is mainly addressed to young people.) As a teenager in fandom, I had adult friends I considered fandom moms. They were kind, supportive, safe people. They validated my feelings, encouraged my interests, and built up my confidence. My parents werenât very good at those things, so having adults who COULD do it helped me immensely. Without them, Iâm sure Iâd be a much different person today. Something all those people had in common is that they didnât loudly advertise themselves to be âfandom momsâ or âsafe adults.â They didnât attempt to surround themselves with adoring young fans; they had friends of all ages. They had different boundaries with me than they had with other adults, which is how it should be. Aside from that, they treated me as an equal. My thoughts and experiences and opinions mattered when we talked, and they never once put me down or used me to increase their own social power and self-esteem. If they called me anything, it was âfriend,â not âminion.â The vast majority of adults in fandom that Iâve met in the last 15 years have been perfectly decent people. But you have to keep an eye out anyway. Donât trust someone just because they are older than you, and not even just because they are nice to you. Anyone who is offended that you donât trust them quickly is NOT safe. Same goes for anyone who does not stick to appropriate boundaries. Take timeâa long timeâto watch how they act toward you and others. Compare their behavior to this list. Itâs a good list. (And Iâm not exempting myself. I wonât tell you all the reasons you should trust me, because you shouldnât, not right off the bat. Hold me to the standards in this list, too.) If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in ANY way, please donât ignore that feeling. Talk about it to someone you trust. Get some outside opinions and advice. You donât have to confront the person who made you feel weirdâyou can just block them, and report them if you need to. You are nobodyâs pawn. Youâre a person, and you deserve to be treated like one.
This is tangential, but somewhat related:
If you get pulled into the fandom orbit of someone who has a cult of personality thing going on? Get away. This includes anyone who decides they know better than you, or treats your opinions as lesser than theirs. Someone starts trying to tell you how to live your life, or gives you constant unsolicited advice, instead of hearing your out to understand you first? Get away. Allowing you to vent is one thing. Thatâs what friends do. But if that person start strong-arming you, or tries to control you in any way? Thatâs a bad sign. When anyone tries to create a distance between you and your RL, and make you feel like they are the only people to be relied upon? hoboy. Especially if you have seen them do it to other people. Fostering dependence and making you question your own judgement is always, and will always be, dangerous. If you ask for advice, thatâs one thing. Hearing a different perspective is helpful. But when people give advice unasked for, try to change something about you. Thatâs manipulative. Thatâs dangerous. Thatâs an attempt to form dependence that leads to control and grooming.
THAT CAN HAPPEN NO MATTER HOW OLD SOMEONE IS.
More great additions. Iâm so glad people are adding so much good info and points.
(The flip side of âtrying to be the only person you rely onâ is âtrying to make you (feel like) the only person they rely on.â This can lead to classic âIâll die if you leave meâ-type manipulation tactics. Itâs just another way of forcing emotional attachment and controlling others.)
officer: pop the trunk me: I can explain
i finally found the best youtube comment