you welcome me in, and your veil is so thin
and the mystery continues to grow
you must realize that these gray sky eyes
they neither rain, nor they glow
now you know
-
RP blog for Wang Yi of the Dynasty Warriors series of video games. Affiliated with the Dynasty Warriors Masterlist.
Current Magic Anon:
N/A
"Ma Chao's base lies ahead. I know this territory like the back of my hand."
She tried to suppress the memories that had taken shape here in Hanzhong. Now was not the time for it. The scouting mission was much more important. Her eyes narrowed as she spoke, perhaps to herself, perhaps to someone else. "A shame I had to part from it. This land is truly beautiful." She blinked once, gripping her trishula with her hands and steadying herself on her mare. Today, however... today was not the time for remembrance. Today was a day of war.
Wang Yi tenderly grasped the princess's hand--it trembled, weak from the sting of death taking over Ang's body like a poison. It alone was physically painful for Wang Yi to watch.
"My lady..." she muttered in response. Slowly she reached to run her fingers across the smooth skin of Ang's face, resting her palm on her Lady's cheek. A small quirk of her lips, and she blinked the stray tears from her eyes.
Letting out a breath, the corners of her lips turned upward ever so slightly. "Your wish, milady... is my command."
Ma Chao realized what had happened before it clicked, his pursuer finally fell, but not by his hands it seems. But, would it have been consolation if he did? Maybe. But, there was little time now, as he stared at her bleeding form, staying near to hear her curses but not too close to be hurt as the cavalier set his spear down. "... I have no right to say it, but at least you are going to them. Not by my hands too. Go to them, Wang Yi." -avengerofjustice
Wang Yi shut her eyes softly, slowly cinching them tighter and tighter.
This is her last chance. Her last chance. She shakily attempted to raise her trishula to stab him, but her hands couldnât lift them and her head couldnât leave the ground.
And yet he still stared at her and refused to put her out of her misery.
Staring at her failure with nothing in his eyes but pity. Disgusting.
Tears fell from her eyes in a sudden burst, and she allowed herself to cry harder than she had ever cried since that horrible day that had etched itself permanently in her mind.
"I⌠I will go to themâŚ" Wang Yi murmured, taking one final breath.
"But because of you, they⌠they⌠will not come to meâŚ"
âMama...?â Zhao Ying's sleepy voice broke the silence, and Wang Yi opened her eyes, loosening her hold on her daughter. How long had they lay there...? She had almost dozed off.
âHm?â Yi shut her eyes again, taking a deep breath.
âIf you could be any animal in the world ever, what would you be?â Ying nuzzled her head closer to her mother's as her eyes fluttered shut.
Wang Yi smiled slightly, a chuckle escaping her lips. âThat seems a silly question to ask. Would you rather I was an animal?â
âNo, Mama, I'd rather you were you.â Ying smiled, without missing a beat. âStill, I do want to know.â
A pause as Yi raised an eyebrow. âI think I'd be a falcon. One that can fly very high, away from all the things that make me sad.â Her daughter frowned in response, furrowing her eyebrow.
âAway from me too?â
âOf course not,â she couldn't help but laugh at her daughter's display. âDon't worry, love. You'll be with me wherever I fly. I'll carry you on my back if I have to. Your father too, and your brothers.â
Ying screwed up her face after a moment. âThey seem real heavy.â
âNot for a mama. We can do anything.â
Ying only laughed in response, cuddling up closer to Wang Yi. The crickets chirping broke through the still of the night air, and the sound of their even breaths as they snuggled up to each other under the quilt were drowned out by the songs of the cicadas. Even then it seemed as though there was silence. It was at that time of night when nothing felt better than the feeling of closing your eyes and slowly... slowly... drifting... to...
âMama...?â Ying mumbled again, pulling back to look at Wang Yi. She opened her droopy eyes and blinked.
âYes...?â
âWhat about me?â
âWhat do you mean what about you?â Yi raised an eyebrow.
Ying yawned heavily, wriggling her shoulders to sink down further under the quilt. âI mean... what animal do you think I would be?â
There was another pause as Wang Yi pursed her lips in thought. Finally the response came. âA butterfly.â Ying cocked her head to the side inquisitively, and Wang Yi took the hint, continuing. âA butterfly is pretty up close, and far away. And every time I see one, its gentleness and beauty make me happy. And you make me nothing but happy. That's why you'd be a butterfly.â
âThen I'll be a butterfly, Mama. And when you're a falcon and I'm a butterfly, we can fly together.â Ying shut her eyes once again, nuzzling her body into Wang Yi's again. Soon her breathing became even, and Wang Yi knew that her daughter had finally drifted off.
âI hope we can fly together someday too, my dear.â She placed a gentle kiss on Ying's forehead, and soon she as well was enveloped in sleep.
***
The delicate wisps of glasslike wings wafted towards Yi's ear as she drunkenly stumbled to her knees in the grass outside the village. The moonlight assaulted her eyes when she opened them, but as they adjusted to the pervading light, she could barely make out the form of a small, delicate butterfly making its way towards her.
Something possessed her to hold out her finger.
As the butterfly slowly made its way to land on her outstretched finger, Wang Yi felt herself begin to cry. Whether it was out of happiness or sadness was unknown, but the tears fell nonetheless when the butterfly leaned up, as if it were looking her in the eye.
Wang Yi's greatest desire is to once again know what it feels like to be human. She's lost entirely her ability to feel any human emotion whatsoever, and she desires the ability to do so even more than to take her vengeance. Part of her realizes that nothing, not even taking her revenge, could bring back her ability to feel human again, but the other part, the duty-bound part, forces her to continue on in the hopes that maybe she'll be able to feel human again through regaining the love of her lost family. As it stands now though, Wang Yi believes herself to be a monster.
Order
Yi is very meticulous. Everything has its proper spot in her room, and also in her unit. As a general, she requires strict adherence to not necessarily the standard, traditional military codes, but her own personal code. Her wrath is immense when a soldier steps out of line, and this is rooted in her fear of disorder because disorder leads to lost lives; essentially all she's doing is looking out for their safety.
Judgment
Yi is terrified. In general. This is rooted in her belief that by allowing harm to come to her children and her husband, they hate her for it. Because her family was the only thing that she felt gave her worth due to her massive inferiority complex, Wang Yi is a nihilist. She cares nothing for the judgments or opinions of anybody but her family, which is why she is so comfortable living by her own principles. This is also the sole reason for her seeking vengeance on Ma Chao--perhaps avenging their deaths will make her family love her again.
Hold Me... (BECAUSE THE FEELSY ONES ARE JUST HEARTBREAKING)
Another sleepless night for Wang Yiâshe hadnât visited the teahouse, because of course she did promise a certain somebody that night that she wouldnât drink. Difficult though it was, a promise is a promise, and one that must be kept no matter what.
She lay on her cot, on her back, her thoughts reeling a mile a minute. Tossing, turning, nothing seemed to clear her head long enough for her to drift off to sleep. She swung her legs over the side of the cot, sitting up straight. Maybe a walk will clear my head.Â
Wang Yi quietly exited her quarters; in the hallway she could much more easily hear the torrential downpour of the rainâone of those summer thunderstorms. Her thoughts went to the princess. This weather⌠I should check on her.
She had always held in the back of her mind the knowledge of how the princess was with thunderstorms. She wasnât sure how it came about, but it wasnât Wang Yiâs place to ask questions. She nodded to the castle guards as they let her pass, shaking the excess rainwater out of her hair as she enteredâas she made her way through the endless halls, towards the princessâs quarters, each time the lightning struck and thunder boomed, she heard small yelps and cries. Each time it ebbed and there was no sound other than the rain splashing against the roof, only sniffles and whimpers as the woman they came from waited anxiously for another strike.
âMiladyâŚ?â Wang Yi ventured, knocking lightly on the door with the knuckle of her first finger. No response. She pushed the door open to find Cao Ang, a woman of so much pristine aloofness, a woman so strong and unshakable, cowering in the corner and resembling nothing more than a frightened mouse. All the princess could do was dart her wide eyes toward the intruder like a nervous bird, whimpering louder at another strike of thunder, her arms shaking as she weakly reached in Wang Yiâs direction.
Nothing more was needed, and Wang Yi immediately rushed toward the princess, taking her in a tight embrace as the younger girl sobbed into her shoulder. This was more than just a fear of thunder. Something happened that shook this girl to the very core.
âI⌠G-General⌠I-I canâtâŚâ Through her sobs, Ang couldnât force a coherent response through her heaving chest, her shaking body. The only word that Wang Yi could make out was one she knew better than any.
âN-nightmareâŚâ
Wang Yi was never good at comforting anybody but her childrenâit never occurred to her how difficult it was to comfort somebody older, but she had no choice but to try anyway. She stroked the princessâs long, sapphire-colored strands of hair, gently whispering in her ear that the storm will pass, that it was just a bad dream, that everything will be okay, until finally, after so many long moments consoling the princessâs restless fears, Wang Yi found Cao Ang had finally drifted back to sleep in her arms.
Wang Yi had made the decision long ago to stay, and she lay the princessâs head on her lap, tenderly trailing a gentle and comforting hand through her hair.
On any normal night, this would be the time that General Wang Yi of Wei stumbled out of the teahouse, too drunk to stand on her own two feet (the only reason she had to try was because the owners kicked her out considering she was the only one still there).
This night was no exception.
Although, she found herself more coherent than usual this night, for no other reason than her body wasn't willing to cooperate with her. It seems she had built up a tolerance. Each night it took more and more to get her drunk, let alone get her to pass out like she so desperately wanted.
She staggered in her steps a little bit--surely she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.
Instead, she settled for sitting, watching the moon, and waiting in silent solitude for something to take her away.
They were all just odd, the happenings in her daily life anymore.
Awkward, really, without the lips of a man brushing across her cheek. The sensation of making love to a man she loved unconditionally seemed alien to her anymore. She'd hung around the local teahouses, of course, wherever she had found herself; each day was a different place. One day it was Luoyang, the next, Changan, even a small village situated in the Xiegu pass--this one was a pleasant surprise--in fact, every teahouse seemed home to her anymore. No reason in particular other than the prospect of drinking until she passed out or otherwise forgot what it felt like to be a living, breathing human being, but the locales being what they were, she knew the occasional man would try to make a pass at her. They'd call her all those names, flash all those terms of endearment at her along with their smiles, both their words and their teeth varying along the spectrum from pearly white to decayed and disgusting.
âI didn't catch your name, sweetheart.â
âI didn't throw it.â
Which wasn't to say she hadn't felt the desire for the touch of a man--no, of course she had. But there was nothing behind it. It was simple desire for what once was. There were days, many of them, that the thought of anybody but her former husband laying a finger on her repulsed her, but there were also days that she couldn't care less who it was that did the touching--those days were the ones that she felt particularly low. The only thing present was the desire to feel anything at all, no matter the lengths she had to go to do it, but it was those particular one-night stands that backfired completely--a rush of hormones and pleasure that when worn off in the afterglow, when her partner for the night had long fallen asleep, bred only disgust for the decision and the drink that caused her to be thrust back into the darkness once more after her brief respite, and moreover, for herself.
Pleasure itself in the end seemed to be something she could never truly find, even during her brief moments of ecstasy that reminded her the joy of feeling something only extended to the physical and nothing else. At that point she had simply used the disconnect to rationalize slipping away from their arms in the dead of night, draping herself in just enough fabric to cover herself as she made her way outside, taking in the crisp, cool breeze of winter or the hot, muggy air of summer. All she could do was seclude herself and stare at the moon. She never thought of much in particular, which is why she half-dreaded the fleeting nights when she was joined by the lilting, melodic tone of that woman's harp.
âDon't look at me like that.â
âI look at you with only sadness. You trying to find yourself in the arms of men... I weep for what you must be feeling.â
âOnly the same thing every day I live, and every day my family does not.â
It forced her to contemplate her life alongside her past, something that she rarely enjoyed because it only brought her disappointment. And yet she had coped with her past. Reconciled. And the peace she had found was somewhat comforting. It gave her hope for a brief moment, but once the harp had ceased, left to finally sleep, it only made her realize further that she could never hope to find that peace. They were inherently different; the music of the harp sang of love and forgiveness, but all she knew was hate and bloodlust. It was heart-wrenching, how far she had fallen.
It was only on those nights, her scarred and bruised body, the skin of a porcelain doll, draped in the fabric of her past, shivering in the icy chill of murder and despair in the summer heat, she contemplated what once was. It was only on those nights that her thoughts chirped softly and somberly along with the crickets--she examined the actions and reactions that forced her to hide from herself in her own personal cocoon. What frightened her the most was not the new being that would emerge from that shell, but the knowledge, not the thought, that there was not a being in there at all, no matter how many strangers she solicited to help her find the dead and blank soul that was resting in the chaos inside her.
It was only those nights that she acknowledged her jealousy towards the wistful melody emanating from that harp, and it was only those nights that she allowed herself to cry for her own fate--the fate that she would never be able to crawl forward from that chrysalis of hers like the player of that harp had, and that she would never be able to gracefully fly away from everything she knew, everything she feared, in a delicate wisp of blue and yellow.
I am not Lord Guo Jia. I am but a simple conscientious person who delves deeply into the thoughts of warriors whether they are from Shu like a conflicted Liu Bei, Wu like the solitary Zhou Tai or Wei just like yourself. Secondly, that's not a question that I asked you. Rather, it is a question that you should be asking yourself. After all, all you have in your eyes is to murder Ma Chao for questionable reasons.
"I suppose, in that case... you're halfway correct. My vengeance is something I hold close to me. However, in my quest to achieve it, I've lost the ability to care about anyone, to feel any emotion that I used to be able to. I've lost my humanity along with my family, and I am empty. I want so badly..." She swallows and takes a moment to compose herself before continuing. "I want so badly to be able to feel something, to care about something... I try so desperately hard to make myself feel any sort of emotion at all, but it all just makes me even more detached. And the more I try not to think about it, the more I become concentrated on my other demons, the other darkness that lies within my heart. I know the path I have chosen is not the right one. And some days I wish I had chosen another one. But I have chosen this path nonetheless."
"That is what makes me as pathetic as I am. You see, stranger... I am nobody to be loved. I am a monster."
Hello Lady Wang Yi. You don't know who I am, but that matters not. The point of this message is for me to tell you that although on the outside you are a woman whose heart was frozen by the deaths of the family caused by the one called Ma Chao, I feel that on the inside, you are a woman, hurt by this tragedy, yearning to heal and not be alone. Am I right?
â⌠before I respond, Iâd like to know who this is. Iâm not one to reveal myself before just anyone.â
Searching her head for words yielded dismal results. Language failed her beyond small âmmâs and gasps in the face of this man, one that she should despise. She had to wonder where all this sudden outpouring of affection had come from. Was it affection at allâŚ? The god-forbidden thought that he might be mocking her crossed her mind, but she didnât act on it. She didnât want it to be true, enough that she refused to believe it and pushed it out of her mind. The palm of her hand rested on his, her slender fingers twitching and shaking. She hadnât been this nervous in a while.
His skin was rough, weather-beaten. Much like the soul Wang Yi could see through his eyes. And yet he still put on a smile and a brave face in the face of his demons and his tragedy. Such a brave man, that Ma Dai. She longed for even a fraction of his strength.
It wasnât until he had cut off mid-sentence that she realized he was speaking. Her attention was fixated on his eyesâshe hadnât even noticed his lips moving. She barely caught what he was going to say.
âI swear that this⌠This is rare, but Iââ
Searching desperately for even a shred of vocabulary in her head, she managed to whisper out, âW-what is itâŚ?â
âIâŚâ He started again, silver eyes wide as he searched her face for something. What it was, however, was unknown. He looked away momentarily as if to find the right words to say, but when his attention was turned back to the relatively calm expression of the usually-ravenous battle maiden, his own adoring feature seemed to change. he was confused, perhaps, though the words that he wanted to say from that point on refused to leave his mouth.
âIâm glad you took my advice.â Ma Dai responded, winking as he leaned away with a grin of sorts spreading across the plane of his faceâthe usual one. It might have seen cocky or mocking considering the situation, especially when his thumb slid up towards the corner of her mouth and tugged at her lips to pull them into a forced, make-shift smirk. âYou know itâs hard to get people to listen to what I have to say. Iâm glad you took it to heart!â
...She figured as much. Swatting his hand away, her face deepened red and her eyes narrowed into an expression that less resembled a ticked-off scowl and more an unamused stare.
"So you bringing me flowers and giving me your bedroom eyes was all a pathetic attempt to get me to take your advice." She analyzed the situation briefly, her voice deadpan. "I'm glad it worked out so well for you. What advice did I take, exactly...?"
Her eyebrow twitched. That was embarrassing. She silently thanked whatever powers that be that she didn't say anything she'd regret, but she mentally kicked herself for panicking and shutting off her brain and not running away like she knew she should have.
The soft touch of Ma Daiâs skin on hers sent a shiver down her spine. She furrowed her brow, her lips parting in the hopes that a word would fall from them. Nothing did. She expected herself to panic, to toss his hand away, but something inside her forced her to stand still. Even the usual fear and anxiety she felt when she was near one of themâŚÂ even that melted away with the soft caress of his hand.
He had forced her body and mind into autopilot. Wang Yi simply went through the motions her body forced her to, only paying attention to how hard her heart was pounding in her chest.
Her eyes never left his as delicate fingers slowly, instinctively made their way to the hand on her face. Once again her expectations she had for herself failed herâshe had brought them there to swat it awayâand she simply rested the soft pads of her fingers onto his warm skin.
She blinked once and swallowed, unsure how to react beyond listening to what her body was telling her to do. The only thing she managed to consciously do was to softly and shakily breathe his name.
As his name was uttered by her tongue and laced within a soft gasp, he blinked suddenly and lifted his hand away from her face. Ma Dai was afraid that he went too far, and considering how close to her he stood now, that seemed like the likely case. Still, she didnât tell him to step away, nor did she reject the touch. In fact, she lifted her own hand and folded it around his as if accepting the touchâmaybe even wanting more.
âYouâll have to forgive me for being so forward,â he breathed, head ducking as his hand turned beneath hers. His calloused fingertips now ran along the plane of her cheek and down towards her jaw, taking the advantage of an opportunity he never had beforeâone he never wanted before. He swallowed thickly, fingers parting to allow her more slender ones to fall in place between his own as a rough, scarred thumb slid into place against her chin. There it paused, light touches contrasting the near-grating texture of his digit.
Searching her head for words yielded dismal results. Language failed her beyond small "mm"s and gasps in the face of this man, one that she should despise. She had to wonder where all this sudden outpouring of affection had come from. Was it affection at all...? The god-forbidden thought that he might be mocking her crossed her mind, but she didn't act on it. She didn't want it to be true, enough that she refused to believe it and pushed it out of her mind. The palm of her hand rested on his, her slender fingers twitching and shaking. She hadn't been this nervous in a while.
His skin was rough, weather-beaten. Much like the soul Wang Yi could see through his eyes. And yet he still put on a smile and a brave face in the face of his demons and his tragedy. Such a brave man, that Ma Dai. She longed for even a fraction of his strength.
It wasn't until he had cut off mid-sentence that she realized he was speaking. Her attention was fixated on his eyes--she hadn't even noticed his lips moving. She barely caught what he was going to say.
"I swear that this... This is rare, but I--"
Searching desperately for even a shred of vocabulary in her head, she managed to whisper out, "W-what is it...?"
As their hands parted, Wang Yi raised a quizzical eyebrow and held back a disappointed noise. She couldnât manage to find the words to say anything in response to his apologyâthe closest she could think of was âno, itâs fineâ, but she refrained. It wasnât fine. It wasnât fine that it happened, and it wasnât fine that it stopped. It meant something, something huge to Wang Yi, and yet she wasnât sure if it was good or bad. A silence passed through the both of them, nothing but the breeze ruffling their hair making any noise until Dai broke the silence.
âAnd here I was comparing you to the lilies for beauty,â He murmured. Wang Yi never wavered her gaze from his eyes. âBut really, it was them to you.â
She was certain he knew how much she hated being mocked, but there was a genuine kindness in his eyes that told her he was completely serious. He was speaking to the woman before him as if she were a friend, or perhaps something more. Not a monster or an object of his pity like so many other people treated her. It brought another wider smile to her lips and a slight laugh from her throat, and even though her words were as curt as usual, she hoped the hint of appreciation she tried to show him came through.
âIt isnât flattery if itâs the truth,â he breathed, eyes lifting to watch the change in her features. There was a smileâa pretty one at that!âand it alone set his heart ablaze. His lips parted briefly in appreciation, a breath of air sucked in through his mouth as if he were about to speak though not a single word escaped him. He sat there mildly stupefied, mouth agape in awe, though he shook the feeling free in the moments following as he laughed nervously yet again.
âI meant it, my lady.â He muttered softly as he fidgeted idly, fingers grasping at the tips of his glove to pull his hand from within.  The calloused pads of his fingers grazed the underside of the lengthy reddish petals idly, mind foggy from her mere presence. They were silkyâsmooth even. Soft might have been a better word, but not quite as much as her skin might have felt. Speaking ofâ
His hand rose higher, flipping so that he could run his knuckles along her jaw and against the side of her cheek. He studied the slow movements of his appendage, examining the contrast between his fingers and her ivory skin. It was a bold act on his behalf, but it was a motion he could not resist. Even if he was struck down on the spot, it would have been worth it.
The soft touch of Ma Dai's skin on hers sent a shiver down her spine. She furrowed her brow, her lips parting in the hopes that a word would fall from them. Nothing did. She expected herself to panic, to toss his hand away, but something inside her forced her to stand still. Even the usual fear and anxiety she felt when she was near one of them... even that melted away with the soft caress of his hand.
He had forced her body and mind into autopilot. Wang Yi simply went through the motions her body forced her to, only paying attention to how hard her heart was pounding in her chest.
Her eyes never left his as delicate fingers slowly, instinctively made their way to the hand on her face. Once again her expectations she had for herself failed her--she had brought them there to swat it away--and she simply rested the soft pads of her fingers onto his warm skin.
She blinked once and swallowed, unsure how to react beyond listening to what her body was telling her to do. The only thing she managed to consciously do was to softly and shakily breathe his name.
An unknown part of Wang Yi felt strangely comforted in his lingering touch. Enough that even after the flowers exchanged hands, she found herself for even a brief moment grasping at least part of his hand.
It took a few seconds for her to notice, and a flush of red spread across her cheeks, and she gingerly slid her fingers from his.
Their eyes met without a word spoken, and Wang Yi tilted her head to the side ever so slightly, her lips parting slightly. For once it didnât scare her to open up to someone even in such a small, minute manner. In a way⌠it was incredibly refreshing.
He turned his eyes away, a light laugh escaping him as he retracted his hand away from her almost in fear of a response. He knew how she was, quick to jump to conclusions, often taking things the wrong way or misunderstanding. She was predictable to say the least, though it was better than being cryptic, he supposed.
âI⌠Apologize, my lady!â He exclaimed, suggesting the brushing of their hands was unintentional and asking for her forgiveness if it was unwelcomed. Ma Dai looked back towards her, eyes meeting in a gaze he held.
âAnd here I was comparing you to the lilies for beauty,â he admitted in a hushed tone, smiling softly, âbut really, it was them to you.âÂ
As their hands parted, Wang Yi raised a quizzical eyebrow and held back a disappointed noise. She couldn't manage to find the words to say anything in response to his apology--the closest she could think of was "no, it's fine", but she refrained. It wasn't fine. It wasn't fine that it happened, and it wasn't fine that it stopped. It meant something, something huge to Wang Yi, and yet she wasn't sure if it was good or bad. A silence passed through the both of them, nothing but the breeze ruffling their hair making any noise until Dai broke the silence.
âAnd here I was comparing you to the lilies for beauty,â He murmured. Wang Yi never wavered her gaze from his eyes. "But really, it was them to you."
She was certain he knew how much she hated being mocked, but there was a genuine kindness in his eyes that told her he was completely serious. He was speaking to the woman before him as if she were a friend, or perhaps something more. Not a monster or an object of his pity like so many other people treated her. It brought another wider smile to her lips and a slight laugh from her throat, and even though her words were as curt as usual, she hoped the hint of appreciation she tried to show him came through.
ââŚYouâre both fools.â But so was he. Ma Chaoâs hands shook, curled into tight fists as his cousin once again tried to stop the inevitable. He understood why. He knew why, but it seemed Dai did not understand he felt the same towards him. It was admittedly a selfishness on his part, but he refused to watch his last family die before him.
âMa Dai. Stand down.â He snapped, though fully expected his cousin not to comply. His eyes narrowed, expression twisting in pain for but a moment before he moved forward, reaching around and snatching the wrist of the hand that held the blade. âIt would be best if you left the game of madness to us.â And with that, he tugged the blade out of his cousinâs weakened grip, tossing it to the side.
Chao moved forward, past the man who was very much a brother in all but blood, and ruffled his hair as he passed him, then with a carefully measured strength, shoved him back. He gave a deep sigh, a fatigue settling in his body that was more than just from the battle. For years on end, it weighed on him, felt useless and incomplete, felt without purpose. Killing Cao Cao had been in pursuit of justice, yes, but it had also been⌠A reason to live. But even that faded, and now he listlessly followed the orders of Shu, living because his cousin was still there to protect.
And now that very person was trying to sacrifice himself so that he could live, as if that would do anything. He looked back at Dai with a glare, feeling a sudden spike of familiar anger because really, for as perceptive as his cousin was, he was so oblivious. How dare he not understand, not see that his life was just as, if not more important than, Chaoâs own. But the harsh gaze softened as the anger faded, replaced again with a sense of exhaustion, inevitability and⌠Longing⌠Towards his fate. ââŚDonât die, please.â His last selfish request said, he looked to Wang Yi.
âThis has gone on long enough. JustâŚâ He stopped. Just let me die. He wanted to scream at her to hurry up, to swiftly end it so that the tension would finally break and he wouldnât have to watch Dai futilely die protecting him, or have another night remembering the corpses of his children hung on that damn wall and the pieces of his wife at his feet. ââŚFinish it.â
It was a command from a superior officer, and therefore one he had to obey. There was a conflict in interest howeverâa conflict in his duties and it left him torn. Stand firm as a protectorate to his cousin, or obey the death sentence the elder ordered himself to? The weapon was torn from him and thrown into the mud, demanding that Ma Dai submit and obey. But how could he? How could Ma Chao seriously expect him to just stand down and watch as the blood thirsty battle maiden ran him through? That would be giving into her desires, her agenda, her retribution. Ma Dai would not stand by and obey orders just to watch his family die again⌠Onceâno, twice was more than enough.
With the rough shove to his chest, he felt himself stumble backward, and it was only then he realized the fleeting touch of his cousinâs fingers within his thick, dripping mane would be the last. Falling to a supportive knee, Dai sucked in a gasp of air, lungs singing with pain from the cold, bitter air. His hands aimlessly searched the mud for any sign of the weapon Ma Chao threw, the first of two dual blades he kept hidden beneath his robes to get him out of less than savoury situations. It was times like these however, that he wondered why he carried them. They only worked to save his own skin during his familyâs massacre at Ye, yet they hadnât helped as a last resort against Pang De, and now he couldnât even rely on them to defend his cousin from a rabid animal out for blood.
âYoung masterâŚâ He pleaded just above a whisper, brows arching in distress as he tried to get to his feet. It was a struggle and a failed attempt. The heart fiercely hammering within his ribcage not only distracted his train of thought, but made it difficult to breathe. He panicked, hands now coated in a thick layer of earthen mire.
âYoung master!â Dai tried again, voice croaking with much more volume than before. What would this accomplish? What would his heroism do? This chivalry and courage⌠For what? To satiate her vengeful appetite? She said it herselfâit was a never-ending cycle, unbroken punishment for crimes committed in a different time. His frantic search continued , although his attempts were futile.  Ma Daiâs cries fell upon deaf ears however, and his body locked as he attempted to move, muscles screaming in agony, slowly healing flesh tearing. It was his will, it was a command, and it was certainly one Ma Dai had to obey.
Ma Dai's cry was drowned out by one of her own, a shriek that tore from her throat as if it were a battle cry--and finally, finally, a sickening thunk. She opened her eyes, not widely, just enough to see the hilt of her trishula sticking from Ma Chao's stomach.
I... I've done it.
Finally. I've done it.
"This is the message my family has delivered to you." Â She panted, tears streaming from her face as her knees buckled beneath her. She held the hilt firmly in her shaking hands, whimpering in horror with every breath. She couldn't bear to look over at Ma Dai. She was sure the sight would drive her mad. Her hands were bloody, her face was bloody, and only a fraction of it was hers. A sob heaved her body forward as she tried to keep her composure. She wanted nothing less than this.
The sight and smell of blood had always repulsed her until that day, when she longed to drain every last bit of it from Ma Chao's body. It was only now that she realized his blood assaulted her senses as much as that of her children, that of her husband, that of all the villagers these men had slaughtered.
Blood was blood, a life was a life, and her revenge was as meaningless as the vicious cycle of bloodshed she had forced herself into.
She had turned herself into a monster trying to regain the love she was convinced she had lost, and certainly her children feared her now more than anything else. She choked back violent sobs in vain, her body heaving as she leaned into her weapon, driving it further into Ma Chao. Her children could never love her again. Not like she loved them.
Their otherwise docile, kind, gentle mother was willing to walk a path of nightmares, willing to kill for them. There was no way around this fact, and she knew it: Truly she was the most terrifying creature there could be. The simple knowledge of this broke her more than she ever thought possible.
A small smile ever so slightly upturned the corners of her lips. âTheyâre⌠lovely.â
A delicate hand ghosted softly over Ma Daiâs as she touched the petals of the flowers lightly. âThank you.â Looking the other direction for a moment, she added quietly, âWas there⌠an occasion for this? Is it my birthday or something Iâm unaware ofâŚ?â
âNo, I uhâŚâ he paused a moment, swallowing thickly in attempt to clear the lump that had miraculously appeared within his throat. It didnât work however, so instead he tried clearing his throat before speaking up again.
âI just⌠Though of you is all!â He lifted his spare hand, gloved fingers stretching out to cautiously touch hers to guide and take the flora from his grasp. His own touch lingered though, unknowingly so.Â
A strange unknown part of Wang Yi felt strangely comforted in his lingering touch. Enough that even after the flowers exchanged hands, she found herself for even a brief moment grasping at least part of his hand.
It took a few seconds for her to notice, and a flush of red spread across her cheeks, and she gingerly slid her fingers from his.
Their eyes met without a word spoken, and Wang Yi tilted her head to the side ever so slightly, her lips parting slightly. For once it didn't scare her to open up to someone even in such a small, minute manner. In a way... it was incredibly refreshing.
