People have been acting like I have stopped trying, when the case is, I've never stopped.
That is just the most annoying thing for me when these people are the actual witnesses of the struggle and the challenges I am willing to face to improve myself, and yet when I hit a wall, they act like I've never tried at all. It's so suffocating.
If I were stubborn, would I even try?
Or they just don't wanna admit it to themselves, but my appearance does offend them, and they tell themselves they only care.
I love improving for myself, but at the same time can't help feeling this way when these are the kind of people I'm constantly around with.
I have just seen the Barbie movie, and I was bawling for 80% of the film. I was wondering why it was making me so emotional.
I had to unlearn all kinds of shaming tendered towards women because of how badly it was ingrained in my head. A woman who shows her cleavage or wear short skirts are supposed to want attention from men, and that they lack dignity for that. A woman who's curvy or fat is not supposed to be pretty or attractive. A woman who speaks up is supposed to be just whiny and irrational. A woman cannot be a leader because apparently, during her period, she cannot be trusted with decisions.
Then in my tweens and teenage years, I got expose with the contents of feminism and women empowerment. It came to the point where I started to have growing distrust in men. All those pathetic ideology were catered for men's pleasure. Suddenly, in my mind, they are only there to hurt us. When I get to start liking someone, I immediately find what's icky about him and how petty he actually is. And it was like that all those years.
But I had to understand that recognizing their privileges does not mean I had to hate them. It does take a lot of strength, because for most who I am starting to appreciate, would then make objectifying statements. It does determine who's willing to be called out and learn from it, from those who don't.
Next for me was the frustration of how we are pitted against each other, how we're programmed to just agree with our husbands or boyfriends. When I was a younger, I had an altercation with a married couple, I looked at the wife, thinking, "You should be on my side. You should know how it is to be a young girl being intimidated by a man." Or when a woman agrees or stay quiet when her man body-shames me... no, we should both be calling him out for it. Don't agree with him.
So coming into adulthood, I unconsciously started to despise the concept of being a wife, but not of motherhood. I know that's probably ironic but focusing on being a "wife" alone, for me it was all about us being taken away by a man. It is probably more honorable than that. But that's what it is in my head.
I have a very competent, qualified, and intelligent friend, who has so much potential if she only decides to pursue her career. She's very reliable and strong, and she was a student leader when we were still in school. I felt a bit sad when she got married when she was still in her 20s. I know her husband loves her, but it did feel like her potential has been constrained now. And slowly, it has been starting to feel like that. Is the next step for my friends really being tied up to a man? Will those men help pull them up, or set them up to societal expectations of a wife?
I opened this up to my sister, who was very sympathetic to me and helping me find the reason for it. She said, maybe they weren't just getting the support they need for their professional endeavors. Or that's where they just really see themselves and nothing's wrong with that.
But why can a man be a husband and still pursue his professional endeavors?
I struggle with this now being in a relationship.
Watching Barbie made me realize all that, and applying it to myself, first, I should not condemn my friends for doing what they love and believe in. They need to be receiving support and encouragement from me, not these frustrations I'm harboring. Second, I shall not set myself down for my partner and that I have to be certain that the compromises we're making is not only for his benefit nor solely for mine.
Look I finally finished the 5th wave series and I just needed this one thing (spoiler for the entire ending)
After Cassie explodes the mothership, Ben finds and helps Marika and Marika insists on helping Evan. While downloading Evan’s memories back into him, he relives the short time he was a soulless killer and watched, mainly in horror, but that turns to pride as he sees how Cassie escaped being trapped in the chair, he thinks back to the car on the highway and when he watches her completely outsmart him and easily, he has nothing but pride and love for her. But the next thing that wonderland shows him isn’t something he was conscious for. Cassie carefully bring the wire out of the water and when it seems safe she kneels in front of Evan and holds his face in her hands. “I see it all, I see everyone. I see you. I hear the music. Its beautiful Evan. It’s my turn to save you. The shark who dreamt he was a man. A man who used to be a shark.” And she gives him one last parting kiss.
"As for reading, I wish I had a magic door to a library where I could go in, read for days and days, and come back in the same minute I left. I'm still looking for the door."
I was expecting a romantic novel until I finished chapter 2 and realized, this seems to be a soul-searching kind of story. I checked out the blurb online and it does seem to be what I think it is. Although I was ready for romance, found myself relieved that it wasn't.
As this was first published in 2004, I found a lot scenes cliché. Maybe it was best to read this around that time too, as it was also the time when chick flick movies were popular, which a lot of scenes in this book were giving that vibe. But as much as most of it felt cliché, there were plenty of scenes that hit home for me with its theme of loneliness, and the warmth of family and friends. There was a particular scene that got me surprisingly emotional. Reading that part made me realize that everyone has probably felt the same: When you desperately need help for something trivial, but as you go through your contacts, you realized there's really no one to reach out to, and you spiral from there. I cried harder when it was her mom who came to her rescue. That was just a very familiar feeling.
One of the loneliest feeling is that everyone seems to be moving on, while you're still holding on to the past, which I believe the book tackled on quite gracefully.
This is also such a good read for someone like me to understand those going through the loss of a loved one; that celebrating life is not just confettis and festivities, but also reliving memories, and going through the process of acceptance that there are things and people which can never be part of our lives again.
Most of the reviews and reactions I've seen said that they did not foresee the story to go in a direction they were expecting for. It was the same case for me. I went into the book by pure recommendation, and did not check what it was about.
I thought it was really just about the problem, that alien life form would be portrayed strictly as a microorganism, and that the character's emotional journey would be about his deceased crews. And I'm so happy to be clueless about it.
(Spoilers!)
I found it so refreshing that the human-alien encounter was amicable, at the same time, it doesn't feel like it's far from reality. Maybe because it's also not an "alien invasion" story, but it could have gone to aliens-shooting-lasers-in-outerspace. Or that was just me getting scared it would go that way.
Now, Rocky is my favorite alien, and I couldn't emphasize enough how much I adore the Ryland-Rocky friendship. There was the scene where I unexpectedly bursted into tears. I even surprised myself. It was the built up and hoping nothing happens to Rocky, and all of a sudden the scene was all laid out, and I was an emotional wreck.
On their first encounter and learning about each other's species, I realized Ryland was the perfect person to talk to an alien. He is a schoolteacher with a scientific background, so he knows how to communicate and educate in a basic way, or in layman's terms. I was warned though, that as I go on reading, I'll learn something about him that would make him seem unfit. Coming to that part of the book, I did judge him for reacting that way. I had to stop there and get some sleep. Funny thing was, when I woke up, the first thing I thought of was "It's not fair to think of him as a coward when he was only given 5 hours to decide." In fact, his reaction was very appropriate considering factors like knowing all the intricacies of the mission, being there from the beginning, and had the assurance that he won't have to leave Earth and die. And all of sudden, it was just splurted out on him. I would have done the same, even though that would be the last thing I do on this planet.
Then the ending, which was also a mystery to me. I couldn't predict where it was going. When I was talking about it with my partner and he asked me what ending do I want, I said I want them to go home, save their respective planets, and find a way to have instant communication, because I didn't think I could take it if one of them dies. I think the only thing I was sure of is that their planets would be saved. Then again, the actual ending was waaaaay better than the ending I wanted. It was the best for Ryland too to go with Rocky in Erid as he seems to have no one else back on Earth. And I just found it super cool that they saved both planets. Rocky did save Earth by saving Ryland, right? You can just tell how pure and selfless he is as the first thing he said was save Earth.
Also was laughing and slapping my knees reading this book. The humor is so good, along with the banters.
"Sample device radio signal strong," Rocky says. "Getting closer. Be ready."
"I'm ready."
"Be very ready."
"I am very ready. Be calm."
"Am calm. You be calm."
"No you be cal---wait. I see the sampler!"
That was just so funny and adorable. Amaze amaze amaze!
Another interesting part for me, that I just want to put here quickly, is the discussion they have about both being there at the same time and place. Because they're right, if they're more intelligent beings than they are, they would have already found a solution, and if less intelligent, then they're probably dealing it with it in a much slower pace. I just love how that was discussed in the book.
I have just finished this a couple days ago but I can't get over this friendship T T
"No understand."
"Uh..." I pull myself over to his pile of bags. "You're alive. And you're here. And you haven't given up."
But his voice remains low. "I try so many times. Fail so many times. Not good at science."
"I am," I say. "I'm a science human. You're good at making and fixing things. Together we'll figure this out."
He raises his carapace a bit. "Yes. Together."
I will never get over the fact that project hail mary is a story about a guy who goes from having no one - no family, no close friends, no one he has to tell when he gets forced onto an aircraft carrier in the middle of the ocean for several years, no one to mourn him when he is forced into a suicide mission, and perhaps most significantly, no one he is prepared to die for, to having one person who he is prepared to die for again and again and again.
You had to go lightyears across space to a different solar system and learn a new language you can't even speak unaided to find the platonic love of your life but when you did you burnt and starved and hurt for them without hesitation. Ryland Grace saves the world, but more importantly, he finds something bigger than himself to believe in and it's loving a lil alien crab dude.
"Humans are amaze. You leave ship."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Amaze is wrong word," he says. "Amaze is compliment. Better word is ♫♪♫♪."
"What's that mean?"
"It is when person not act normal. Danger to self."
"Ah," I say, adding the new chord to my language database. "Crazy. My word for that is 'crazy'."
"Crazy. Humans are crazy."
I shrug.
I loved that part lol. Have a Ryland on a spacewalk by Adrian. Going directly into space is pretty crazy now that I think about it xD
theartofmadeline
discoholicmusic
germansingergirl
kaledo-art
dailybridgerton
annaxmalina
titsay
stormborns
