pat (p: pathetic, a: afraid, t: tired)

dumb statements, dumb thoughts, and even dumber jokes (any pronouns)

[birdsofanarchy]

Trinity Santos walks into the Pitt everyday with a bucket of unresolved trauma, a toxic yuri situationship, and Dennis Whitaker hanging off her belt like a labubu and still manages to serve cunt

[forrpercyy]

they saved each other I just can’t prove it

[greetingspat]

they are so siblings i cant

[cadeswinston]

i've created a monster

[greetingspat]

when i say i cackled, i mean i cackled

[ab0g1arka]

the stranger things finale kind of sucked.

not in a “it was all terrible” way.

but in a “how did we fumble THIS many narrative balls in the FINAL season of a billion-dollar show” way.

and it all starts with:

⸻

THE HOLLY WHEELER PROBLEM

i said it.

i meant it.

i’ll say it again louder for the people in the upside down.

the holly plotline was useless.

not “bad.”

not “poorly acted.”

just… narratively unnecessary.

she had more screen time than half of the original cast.

HALF.

characters we’ve known since season 1 were standing in the corner like forgotten coats while holly and her little stranger squad were running around having their own side quest.

and for what?

what did it actually change?

remove the holly plotline and you still get:

• vecna

• the final fight

• the upside down

• the world ending

but suddenly you also get:

• more time for mike

• more time for will

• more time for joyce

• more time for literally anyone who mattered

they said they were “circling back to the core themes.”

FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE PREVAILS MY ASS.

this season was:

doom

gloom

crying

death

suffering for no actually reason

apocalypse

action packed bullshit

⸻

HOPPER SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD

i love hopper.

he is a king.

he is a dad.

he is a real life hero.

but.

HE. SHOULD. HAVE. STAYED. DEAD.

bob’s death in season 2 hit because it told us something:

no one is safe.

that’s what makes horror work.

that’s what makes you hold your breath.

now?

steve falls off a TOWER in season 5 and i don’t even blink.

i was like:

“he’s fine.”

because he is.

everyone is.

they have so much plot armor they could walk into the sun and come back with a mild tan.

when everyone is guaranteed to survive, nothing feels dangerous.

and when nothing feels dangerous, nothing feels important. Or real!

hopper staying dead would have:

• raised the stakes

• fixed the fear

• and forced eleven to grow on her own

which brings me to—

⸻

LET ELEVEN BE A PERSON, NOT A PET

this is not about ships.

do not come in here with that energy.

jane needed independence.

she needed to exist outside of:

hopper

mike

the government

netflix’s marketing department

kali should have lived.

period.

eleven could have escaped.

built a life.

been a person.

instead we got:

more suffering

more trauma

more reset-to-factory-settings arcs

girl has been through ENOUGH.

⸻

THE WILL BYERS SITUATION

they should not have dragged will being in love with mike this long.

there were two options:

1. follow through

2. shut it down early and give will a new love interest

they did neither.

they just let him suffer in the narrative corner for five seasons.

and that robin pep talk?

wasted time.

led nowhere.

gave him false hope.

then did nothing with it.

you know what that time could have been?

what were all those clues? those glances? the touches? the tension?

all these for a big Nothing Burger!

THE FINAL FIGHT.

people are not wrong when they say the final battle was barely longer than will’s coming out scene.

priorities were in hell.

⸻

CONFORMITYGATE AND THE MARKETING MACHINE

netflix knew this was controversial.

they fed it.

they promoted it.

they tweeted about it.

because controversy = clicks

clicks = engagement

engagement = money

we are not viewers.

we are metrics.

we are little corporate pawns in netflix’s chess game.

and they’re playing 4D chess with our feelings.

⸻

BACK TO HOLLY (BECAUSE I’M NOT DONE)

they aged her up.

ignored her canonical age.

made her important.

why?

new kids = new audience.

but what was their actual purpose?

“to merge the worlds.”

okay.

why.

how.

to what end.

no answers.

Pure aesthetic, zero explanation.

we didn’t need 12 new characters in the FINAL season.

we needed:

the kids we started with.

that’s it.

⸻

IN CONCLUSION

the choices this season were… interesting.

that’s the nicest thing i can say.

this could have been a beautiful, focused, emotional ending.

instead we got:

corporate storytelling

safe decisions

marketable drama

and a finale that felt like it was trying to please everyone and satisfied no one.

anyway.

i’m going to go lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling now.

reblog if you agree.

reblog if you’re mad.

reblog if will byers deserved better.

[greetingspat]

so they really gave mike wheeler the lance treatment, huh…

[greetingspat]

If Byler isn’t endgame here is a list of character/plot choices (and comments from the cast and crew) that won’t/don’t make sense:

1. the fact that Mike and El’s relationship is built up off of a lie

2. the airport “hug”

3. Mike’s reaction after the rain fight being an obvious callback to what Max said about how Mike and Lucas will react to their respective break ups

4. Mike being unresponsive during his kiss with El at the end of season three

5. Finn’s statement about the Duffer‘s saying “Mike’s obliviousness to the van scene will pay off”

6. the painting being an unresolved chekhov’s gun

7. “Mike will carry a lot of emotional weight this season”

8. “you guys will be hap- satisfied”

9. Mike’s longing stares towards Will at the snow ball

10. Mike and El not kissing since the beginning of season four

11. “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”

12. Ted Wheeler’s queer coded comments towards Mike in season one (“our son with a girl? & “see Mike… you see what happens?”)

13. Robin’s line of her and Vickie being “friends… good friends” being a parallel to the “we’re friends… we’re friends” line from the rink o mania fight.

14. MIKE’S BEHAVIOR IN SEASON THREE AND THE BEGINNING OF SEASON FOUR

15. Noah saying most of his scenes in this season are with Mike

16. Mike’s reaction to seeing Will with the painting at the airport

17. Mike’s reaction towards receiving the painting when he thinks it’s from Will vs when he thinks it’s from El

18. Mike’s reaction to Will’s powers being basically a one to one recreation of the lego bat man meme

and that isn’t even getting into the nitty gritty of things like the imagery, song choices, symbolism, etc.

[greetingspat]

y’all finn describing the bridge as „enlightening“??

enLIGHTening?? flickergate CONFIRMED!!!!!

[willelworld]

do you guys remember when a lot of us theorized this was will giving up and sacrificing himself? whole time it’s actually will finding his inner strength by thinking about how loved he is. by accepting who he is and gaining power from it.

he thinks of meeting mike, of hanging with him in mike’s basement. he thinks of drawing for jonathan and joyce. of building castle byers. he thinks of the things that make him special - his creativity, playfulness and wonder and whimsy.

he is an artist. he is a sorcerer in a hat and robe. he is a good friend. he’s sweet and sensitive and thoughtful. he is a son and a brother. he is queer. he is STRONGER because of all of these things.

vecna called him weak, and he immediately said “no the fuck i’m not?” and drew on self-love and love for the people in his life, all to tap into his power and SAVE THEM.

[greetingspat]

SINCE WHEN DOES BEING GAY MAKE YOU LEVITATE???

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

"william, hear me, thou cannot venture out for the skys pour upon us. i uttered my apologies did i not? twas a riveting adventure, i declare, we just were not in the correct spirits for such a journey."

"nay, hear me michael, thou is never in jolly sprits anymore. thou are evicerating our party!"

"that is simply a falsehood!"

"pray tell? where might dustin reside of present? thou dont know of it and thou do not bother thine self with the knowledge. and clearly he returns the gesture! thou are extinguishing our party and for what purpose?? im exchange to mingle with a wench?"

"El is not a wench! Tis not mine fault thou dont affiliate thineself with the maidens! ... i do not desire to be treacherous, however we arent lads any longer. what did thine interpret?? that the lot of us would never acquire suitors? that we shouldnt ever trespass out of mine dungeon and twiddle about for the rest of eternity ?"

"verily i say i might have done such a thing. i truly did."

[greetingspat]

the rain fight *cleradin edition*

[greetingspat]

while watching the new season five teaser one specific scene stuck out to me.

the behind the scenes shot of a camera focusing on mike while he’s biking. call me crazy but the first thing that popped into my head was the cut scene in season one of mike crying over will’s „death” while biking home. now hear me out, what if this scene is going to be a parallel to that one. imagine it, will is in some grave danger and mike runs, or in this case, bikes head first trying to save him. this is then interwoven with the never before seen footage of season one mike processing losing his best friend. this only adds fuel to the fire of mike’s desperation to be there for will. also as was so beautifully pointed out to me by @bylertruth3r, mike is wearing will’s backpack. the backpack that has been speculated to carry vecna thwarting essentials (headphones, music, all that jazz). so in conclusion your honor, i believe will is going to be in danger of getting vecna’d or possessed and because of some oversight he doesn’t have his music on him. mike is going to realize this and is going to bike to save will all while we finally will get to see the mike biking from the quarry scene. (maybe with „heroes” playing in the background?? a girl can dream.)

[greetingspat]

not going to lie the new addition to mumbo’s hermitcraft base is really reminding me of r2d2 and c3po.

like i can’t unsee it now.

[greetingspat]

pov: your friend invites you over for a movie night but you got something better in mind.

[greetingspat]

Why the fuck is Mumbo Jumbo at Copenhagen airport?