The Sorcerers Lounge

Posting from my mystical studies

[greg-the-sorcerer]

Greetings my friends why not take a break in the sorcerers lounge.

[sickly-victorian-boy]

Last year, when looking through the offerings on the shelf of free books in my college’s library, I happened upon this gem:

I then promptly forgot about it until now, when I rediscovered it while unpacking the boxes I neglected to attend to before. yknow. the literal week before the semester starts.

Regardless, it is simultaneously so much better and so much worse than I ever could have hoped for. It contains instructions for the creation of lovely decor for any wizard tower, and while clearly intended for children, I will absolutely be making some of these myself, in part because I’m pretty sure obtaining this tome put some kind of curse on me and unleashing them upon the world is the only way to avoid getting sent to a hell dimension. Some of the treasures detailed herein include:

SOCK DRAGON FROM HELL

CHALICE OF HIGH CAMP

THE STRANGLING ORBS

and finally, my favorite, a self-proclaimed thing of beauty:

BALL STEALING DRAGON.

Are any of these items functional things that I genuinely need to use? Hell no. Are they things that could generally be considered “in good taste?” Hell no. Will my life be noticeably improved by making them? HELL YEAH. Also, I’m pretty sure that if I don’t make the sock dragon a physical form it’s going to peel itself off of the pages of the book and start haunting me.

Anyway, if anyone else has fond memories of low-quality themed children’s craft books from the early 2000s, is in dire need of some new decorations for their wizardly lair, or just generally wants to make any of this shit, let me know and I can DM you the full instructions!

[wizard-tips]

Bonus Wizard Tip: Decorate Your Tower With These For A Little Extra Pizazz

[greg-the-sorcerer]

I let out a quick devious cackle and then promptly go back to sitting in silence

[softwaring]

[wetclownspecimen]

sick ass wizards

[greg-the-sorcerer]

[vaguewizard]

I call forth.. my CREATURES

A rift opens up, revealing these

Get 'em boys!

[greg-the-sorcerer]

The king won’t be expecting a plan as devious as this one

[greg-the-sorcerer]

[greg-the-sorcerer]

May your blowjobs be as sloppy as a gelatinous cube

[greg-the-sorcerer]

Fuck off

No you fuck off

[the-better-wizard-council]

Is using animal shapes on an insect plague to turn the insects into thousands of bears still outlawed or is it ok to use that combo again?

Uhhh. What.

[greg-the-sorcerer]

*Starts frantically hiding all the bears* n-nothing

[sandmandaddy69]

Myles Pinkney

[dude-the-ancient-dragon]

Listen, all the traps are oiled and reset, my walls are repaired and pristine. All my kobolds have new armor and spears, I've installed ballistae on the ramparts. All the monsters in my dungeons are STARVED half to death. All my fridges are filled witb monster energy, and the sound system is playing two steps from hell on loop.

I'm expecting visitors and we will not be having a nice dinner. You will pay in blood for every piece of gravel, every inch of my fortress. You will face hell itself as it blasts from my Jaws.

The enemy will never have my cocknballs

[greg-the-sorcerer]

Let’s just say my dad could be your dad <3

[greg-the-sorcerer]

Dear adventuring guild of Warlington.

Please fuck off and stay off my property.

Sincerely Greg :)

[greg-the-sorcerer]