Tips For Wizards

The Blog Of Gartholomew Gumpernickel, Wizard, Having Been Unceremoniously Thrown Out Of The Hoboken Wizard Council And Now Hoping To Share His Knowledge Among Wizardkind

[wizard-tips]

if ur trans shouldn't we call you wizardess? wizardette?

1. Wizard Is Already A Gender Neutral Title

2. Wrong Direction, In This Particular Scenario

[wizard-tips]

Wizard Tip #2: Trans Your Gender

[sunderwight]

Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.

[lillie-garden]

Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.

[helpeverythingiscats]

The gnomes beat the shit out of you again?

[lillie-garden]

The gnomes beat the shit out of me again.

[wizard-tips]

"don't do too much wizard weed or you'll get stuck in the astral plane for 61 days," you say. wasn't your last activity 61 days before your most recent post? ...is there something you wanna share with us

One Must Test Things For One's Self To Ensure The Absolute Veracity Of All Tips Given

[wizard-tips]

Wizard Tip #33: If You Do Not Think The First Wizard Weed Gummy Hit Please Do Not Immediately Take A Second. Or A Third. Or A Seventeenth. Unless You Want To Be Trapped In The Astral Plane For 61 Days

[tatters-the-bat]

Are they like..... Yknow.... [Goes to do a hand gesture but forgets I'm a wizard and I accidentally cast Lv50 lightning bolt]

[wizard-tips]

Wizard Tip #32: Don’t Touch That Accursed Amulet

[wizard-tips]

Wizard Grong Enjoys Your Blog

And I, The Illustrious Wizard Gartholomew Gumpernickel, Sincerely Appreciate Your Patronage. Have A Royalty-Free Image Of A Toad As Thanks

However. I Do Not Condone Hatred Or Exclusion On The Basis Of Magical Species, As You Have Indicated You Do In Your Blog Description. I Want To Make It Clear That Everyone Is Welcome Here At Wizard-Tips, Regardless Of Species, Innate Talent, Or Magical Field Of Study, Unless They’re A Narc And/Or A Current Member Of The Wizard Council Of The Greater Hoboken Area

[wizard-tips]

What Was Your Most Frequently Cast Spell Of 2025

Beam Attack

Horse Tornado

Penis Blast

Fireball

Bite (Not Actually A Spell Just Biting)

Voting ended onDec 14, 2025

[peachnix]

reminder for mages, necromancers, potion makers, and other spell casters:

YOU 👏 CAN 👏 ALWAYS 👏 MAKE 👏 YOUR 👏 WIZARD 👏 HAT 👏 BIGGER 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[wizard-tips]

How do I summon Tiamat without alerting the guild of adventurers or the king or any others that give out quests?

Tell Them There’s Something Behind Them And Summon Her While They’re Looking Over Their Shoulders

[wizard-at-large]

@wizard-council-bureaucrat was a permit even filed for this? I thought we were cracking down after last time.

[wizard-tips]

Hold Up I Think I See Something Behind You

[wizard-tips]

How do I summon Tiamat without alerting the guild of adventurers or the king or any others that give out quests?

Tell Them There’s Something Behind Them And Summon Her While They’re Looking Over Their Shoulders

[thegoodmorningman]

Abacadabra! I've conjured another Good Morning out of thin air!!!

[wizard-tips]

Wizard Tip #31: The True Measure Of A Wizard’s Power Is Not Their Mastery Of The Arcane, But Their Sheer Whimsy

[wizard-tips]

Wizard Tip #2: Trans Your Gender

[wizard-tips]

Wizard Tip #30: Believe In Yourself. But Believe In The Power Of Fireball More