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- the evil wizard

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đź đ đš đ„ș đ”âđ« đź
- the evil wizard
life hack: u dont have to be a wolf to yell sad noises at the moon
these arenât my cats
but they could be
*squints at suspiciously* I donât think this was made for fingers
if you experience a constitution buff lasting more than 4 hours please contact your magical advisor
Important question: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines and is Hogwarts vaccinated?
Circa Seventh Book
Hermione: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines?
Ron: A wax what?
Hermione: hmmmm
Harry: Hermione, we cant take out the death eaters with a genetically magicked disease
Hermione: No I know that. Of course I know that.
*Uncomfortably long silence*
Harry: What if we gave them all smallpox
Hermione: HARRY NO! We already eradicated it once, let's not make the world do it again
Harry: Oh yeah, I guess you're right
Hermione: Now tuberculosis, on the other hand...
Hermione: If Voldemort likes the good ole' days so much, why don't we bring them back? Old society, old war tricks
Hermione, putting on a gas mask: New plan. We take them out with consumption and mustard gas
Hermione, to Voldemort: Did you know, historically, a majority of war deaths come from disease?
Harry Potter and the Violation of the Geneva Convention
i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.
someone: oedipus was fucked up like who fucks their own mother??? fucking weirdo.
me: itâs not his fault! he didnât know!
also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didnât offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.
i have been informed that oedipusâ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelopâs son chrysippus.
i stand by my stance that itâs still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laiusâs crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.
Youâre assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying âhey you know what would be so fucking funnyâ
This is so accurate
did u guys ever watch the BBC drama âAtlantisâ where the main character is a modern guy who accidentally travels back in time to Ancient Greece
and tbh itâs full of him having moments where he realises this is a myth
like this woman comes to him and asks for help because her husband is trying to kill her baby so he helps her smuggle the baby out of the city to be taken in by another family and the other family ask the babyâs name and she says âOedipusâ and the guy is like
oh fuck
and then he meets a girl called Medusa and the whole time is just like shit shit shit then she goes missing and they track her to a cave and he is like âguys this is gonna sound weird but does anyone have a mirrorâ
BEST MOMENT is he meets a guy who says âHi Iâm Pythagorasâ and he blurts out âTHE TRIANGLE GUYâ and Pythagoras is just HEART EYES like âYES I LOVE TRIANGLES HOW DID YOU KNOWâ
Tumblr talking about my favorite long-cancelled BBC period drama as justification for a post on Greek mythology is the physical embodiment of
I hope that when I use my stuffed animal as a pillow he knows that means I love him
Re-posting this because I finally got to scan it in high-res.
Betty Bates is a goddamn hero.
ââBetty Bates, Lady-at-Lawâ in Hit Comics #47 (1947)
I⊠gotta admit, I was waiting for the story to turn on her and make her out to be unreasonable, but damn.
It would be interesting to discover the history of this. Anyone care to wager it was quashed by some macho editor?
ShockinglyâŠ. no. I looked it up, and apparently she had her own title for like a decade, and got lost in the shuffle when DC bought Quality comics so they could get Plastic Man. Apparently, she was also a consistent badass.
âŠand may have been played by a time travelling Drew Barrymore.
I am going to have to look up her creatorâ Bob Powell, also responsible for Sheena, Queen of the Jungleâ because Damn, this is not something I would expect to see from the Golden Age.
Apparently sheâs public domain now, so if any of yâall want to write a revival series of her, you can!
i see both the takes "a vampire who pedantically corrects people's accounts of historical events because they were actually there to witness what happened" and "a vampire who can't even remember the previous day, let alone the last 2000 years" and raise you: a vampire with no long-term memory who really loves to fuck with people by telling them 100% inaccurate made-up historical "facts" and seeing how long it takes them to notice
human: wait, you're fucking lying, that never happened, there's multiple eyewitness accounts and none of them mention dragons
vampire:
human: how long have you been lying to me?
vampire:
human: *voice cracking* how long, vlad?
the funniest part? the vampire in question knows that a 5000 year old vampire is physically indistinguishable from a 50 year old one. and they're counting on this, because they weren't even born for most of the historical events they described.
and when they finally get called out on their lies, instead of just confessing that they made it all up they glance over at another, older vampire who's known for being a serious history buff, who can't resist the opportunity to be a little shit and has to force themselves not to laugh as they say "no, that's actually what really happened"
do the spiderverse kids all have. slightly different meme cultures
miles: look I can fit my whole fist in my mouth
gwen: freaky flexing. but alright
miles:
miles, through his fist: Iâm sorry what did you just say
ok but remember Peter Bâs world is most like ours
 so both Miles and Gwen would have slightly off memes and distress him when he has a hard enough time remembering his own worldâs memes
I WAS HOPING SOMEBODY WOULD POINT THIS OUT.
Miles: Itâs âstrange flex but cool beans.â Peter: Am I tripping on something? Is this a stroke, is this what a stroke feels like?
Miles: *makes a mistake* This is distressing. Siri play Take on Me.
Gwen: you absolute heathen. Itâs âThis is tragic, google play All Star.â
Peter: whAT the fUCK
THATâS IT THIS ONE IS THE BEST ONE
noir: strange flaunt, but alas
Noir:
Youâve done it - you found something that fits the format but holds the meaning âfuck Nazisâ.
spiderham: hmm disappointing, jukebox play whatâs new pussycat
Adam Driver mentioned on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2/23/20)
Source: [x]
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This is pretty meta
The peer reviewerâs comments are the best
I ghost-didnât-write this
and you say scientists donât know how to have funâŠ
Professional BSery at itâs finest
Translation: Youâre longwinded, my homie, please keep producing nothing.
Jack London Lake & Invisible Lake, Russia by Vladimir Ryabkov
Just drink in that beautiful color process.
Your tears Rain pouring down in my heart
My heart goes from a lake to become an ocean Embrace all your sadness