The Goblin Den

Mobile blog. Post hoarder. 

[gremlintuba]

🔮 🌚 🚨 🥺 😵‍💫 🔮

- the evil wizard

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

life hack: u dont have to be a wolf to yell sad noises at the moon

[anxietyproblem]

[pentecost]

these aren’t my cats

[bunjywunjy]

but they could be

[foxghost]

*squints at suspiciously* I don’t think this was made for fingers

[negativeonetwelfth]

if you experience a constitution buff lasting more than 4 hours please contact your magical advisor

[chucktaylorupset]

Important question: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines and is Hogwarts vaccinated?

[chucktaylorupset]

Circa Seventh Book

Hermione: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines?

Ron: A wax what?

Hermione: hmmmm

Harry: Hermione, we cant take out the death eaters with a genetically magicked disease

Hermione: No I know that. Of course I know that.

*Uncomfortably long silence*

[2rsquared]

[achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily]

Harry: What if we gave them all smallpox

Hermione: HARRY NO! We already eradicated it once, let's not make the world do it again

Harry: Oh yeah, I guess you're right

Hermione: Now tuberculosis, on the other hand...

[achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily]

Hermione: If Voldemort likes the good ole' days so much, why don't we bring them back? Old society, old war tricks

Hermione, putting on a gas mask: New plan. We take them out with consumption and mustard gas

Hermione, to Voldemort: Did you know, historically, a majority of war deaths come from disease?

[theawkwardgayfanboy]

Harry Potter and the Violation of the Geneva Convention

[lesbianshepard]

i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.

[lesbianshepard]

someone: oedipus was fucked up like who fucks their own mother??? fucking weirdo.

me: it’s not his fault! he didn’t know!

[lesbianshepard]

also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.

[lesbianshepard]

i have been informed that oedipus’ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelop’s son chrysippus.

i stand by my stance that it’s still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laius’s crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.

[the-cheshire-cat-grin]

You’re assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying “hey you know what would be so fucking funny”

[fangirltothefullest]

This is so accurate

[gaiusthegenius]

did u guys ever watch the BBC drama “Atlantis” where the main character is a modern guy who accidentally travels back in time to Ancient Greece

and tbh it’s full of him having moments where he realises this is a myth

like this woman comes to him and asks for help because her husband is trying to kill her baby so he helps her smuggle the baby out of the city to be taken in by another family and the other family ask the baby’s name and she says “Oedipus” and the guy is like

oh fuck

and then he meets a girl called Medusa and the whole time is just like shit shit shit then she goes missing and they track her to a cave and he is like “guys this is gonna sound weird but does anyone have a mirror”

BEST MOMENT  is he meets a guy who says “Hi I’m Pythagoras” and he blurts out “THE TRIANGLE GUY” and Pythagoras is just HEART EYES like “YES I LOVE TRIANGLES HOW DID YOU KNOW”

[hashtagloveloses]

Tumblr talking about my favorite long-cancelled BBC period drama as justification for a post on Greek mythology is the physical embodiment of

[aksldhfgaajdshgaslg-deactivated]

I hope that when I use my stuffed animal as a pillow he knows that means I love him

[superdames]

Re-posting this because I finally got to scan it in high-res.

Betty Bates is a goddamn hero.

—“Betty Bates, Lady-at-Law” in Hit Comics #47 (1947)

[aqueerkettleofish]

I… gotta admit, I was waiting for the story to turn on her and make her out to be unreasonable, but damn.

[jesuisloupseul]

It would be interesting to discover the history of this. Anyone care to wager it was quashed by some macho editor?

[aqueerkettleofish]

Shockingly…. no.  I looked it up, and apparently she had her own title for like a decade, and got lost in the shuffle when DC bought Quality comics so they could get Plastic Man. Apparently, she was also a consistent badass.

…and may have been played by a time travelling Drew Barrymore.

I am going to have to look up her creator– Bob Powell, also responsible for Sheena, Queen of the Jungle– because Damn, this is not something I would expect to see from the Golden Age.

[littlemissonewhoisall]

Apparently she’s public domain now, so if any of y’all want to write a revival series of her, you can!

[valtsv]

i see both the takes "a vampire who pedantically corrects people's accounts of historical events because they were actually there to witness what happened" and "a vampire who can't even remember the previous day, let alone the last 2000 years" and raise you: a vampire with no long-term memory who really loves to fuck with people by telling them 100% inaccurate made-up historical "facts" and seeing how long it takes them to notice

[valtsv]

human: wait, you're fucking lying, that never happened, there's multiple eyewitness accounts and none of them mention dragons

vampire:

human: how long have you been lying to me?

vampire:

human: *voice cracking* how long, vlad?

[valtsv]

the funniest part? the vampire in question knows that a 5000 year old vampire is physically indistinguishable from a 50 year old one. and they're counting on this, because they weren't even born for most of the historical events they described.

[valtsv]

and when they finally get called out on their lies, instead of just confessing that they made it all up they glance over at another, older vampire who's known for being a serious history buff, who can't resist the opportunity to be a little shit and has to force themselves not to laugh as they say "no, that's actually what really happened"

[iloe]

do the spiderverse kids all have. slightly different meme cultures

[iloe]

miles: look I can fit my whole fist in my mouth

gwen: freaky flexing. but alright

miles:

miles, through his fist: I’m sorry what did you just say

[muchymozzarella]

ok but remember Peter B’s world is most like ours

 so both Miles and Gwen would have slightly off memes and distress him when he has a hard enough time remembering his own world’s memes

[brawltogethernow]

I WAS HOPING SOMEBODY WOULD POINT THIS OUT.

[brawltogethernow]

Miles: It’s “strange flex but cool beans.” Peter: Am I tripping on something? Is this a stroke, is this what a stroke feels like?

[dontworryimdis-arm-ed-deactivat]

Miles: *makes a mistake* This is distressing. Siri play Take on Me.

Gwen: you absolute heathen. It’s ‘This is tragic, google play All Star.’

Peter: whAT the fUCK

[nazyalenskey]

THAT’S IT THIS ONE IS THE BEST ONE

[mangomorales-blog]

noir: strange flaunt, but alas

[thetransintransgenic]

Noir:

[brawltogethernow]

You’ve done it - you found something that fits the format but holds the meaning “fuck Nazis”.

[star-temeraire]

spiderham: hmm disappointing, jukebox play what’s new pussycat

[driverdaily]

Adam Driver mentioned on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2/23/20)

[ultrafacts]

Source: [x]

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts!

[ambris]

This is pretty meta

[elodieunderglass]

The peer reviewer’s comments are the best

[poetry-protest-pornography]

I ghost-didn’t-write this

[syolen]

and you say scientists don’t know how to have fun…

[chiamoi]

Professional BSery at it’s finest

[royal-random-the-yogurt-queen]

Translation: You’re longwinded, my homie, please keep producing nothing.

[expressions-of-nature]

Jack London Lake & Invisible Lake, Russia by Vladimir Ryabkov

[evil-comix]

[wilwheaton]

Just drink in that beautiful color process.

[littleoil]

Your tears Rain pouring down in my heart

My heart goes from a lake to become an ocean Embrace all your sadness

[willfosho-deactivated20210729]

[theearlofsandwich]