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@greybipolarbear
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A family friend passed away yesterday. From suicide. I’m upset for my mom and her boyfriend and I’m really feeling for them. This man was the nicest friend they had. He was always sweet and genuine. He was always good to my grandparents as well which I really liked. When I would visit I would always look forward to seeing him there in the garage (hangout spot for them). I wish I would have had a talk with him about depression. He’s gone through so much shit over the past few years. From his parents passing away to his only daughter passing away. He started feeling alone but knew he always had my mom and her boyfriend as family. But sometimes that isn’t enough. Depression fucking sucks. It’s a silent killer. I wish I could have had just one talk with him about how things do get better. I wish I could have told him how much his life mattered and how much he meant to every person he came in contact with. It takes time. And it’s understandable for some people to feel like time isn’t worth it. My biggest fucking regret in life was attempting suicide a couple years ago. This death hit so close to home for my mom not only because of his suicide but because she almost lost me to the same thing and she wishes he could have been given a second chance also. Fuck depression.
[Retweet]
Eric Harris and Borderline Personality Disorder theory
Again, another theory. This one is about Eric.
Two most common theories about his possible disease are: 1) Bipolar affective disorder. 2) Borderline personality disorder. I thought that he might have BAD, but evidence showed no signs of his manic/hypomanic or depressive episodes - the key point of diagnostic criteria. So, let’s start.
“We have observed that about 50% of patients who enter the personality disorders unit of our hospital with the diagnosis of bipolar disorder or major depression turn out to present neither, but rather a severe personality disorder organized at the borderline level (Kernberg, 1975, 1984), particularly borderline personality disorder (BPD), severe narcissistic personality disorder, or various disorders in which recurrent suicidal ideation, parasuicidal traits, and/or antisocial behavior are the main symptoms[…].” – Borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder: Practical differential diagnosis. (Otto F. Kernberg, MD; Frank E. Yeomans, MD; Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic)
“The borderline level of organization exists between the neurotic and psychotic and, as such, has characteristics of both. Kernberg (1994) refers to a triad of identity diffusion, primitive emotional displays of great intensity, and problems with impulse control. Like the neurotic, the borderline retains the capacity to test reality. In fact, many borderlines function at a high level indistinguishable from neurosis much of the time. However, the neurotic is capable of an array of mature defenses, whereas those at the borderline level are comparatively primitive variants of “splitting.” Good and bad images of objects are actively separated.” – Theodore Millon, Personality Disorders in Modern Life.
What are the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Fears of real or imagined abandonment, separation and/or rejection.
Unstable self-image and image of others, unstable relationship with others, splitting (black-and-white thinking).
Unstable emotions, frequent mood swings.
Chronic feelings of loneliness, boredom or emptiness. Had a low-grade depression or experienced major depressive episode.
Irritability in response to minor slights and insults. Intense anger and/or difficulty controlling it.
Self-destructive behavior (self-harm, suicide attempts or suicide threats).
Chronic feelings of anxiety. May suffer from frequent physical symptoms of anxiety.
Stress-related paranoid thoughts, suspiciousness.
Impulsivity and dangerous behaviors.
What causes Borderline Personality Disorder?
It has been speculated that Borderline personality disorder was a form of Posttraumatic stress disorder, due to its connection with emotional trauma.
“Although the conceptualization of the borderline personality and its causes remain unclear (Paris, 1994a, 1994b; Zanarini & Frankenburg, 1997), most empirical research shows a marked relationship between childhood trauma and borderline symptoms. Risk factors that differentiate borderline patients usually include loss, histories of sexual and physical abuse, severe neglect or emotional abuse, being witness to domestic violence, and parental substance abuse or criminality (Guzder, Paris, Zelkowitz, & Marchessault, 1996; Laporte & Guttman, 1996; Zanarini et al., 1997).” – Theodore Millon, Personality Disorders in Modern Life.
“Potential confusion between BPD and PTSD derives from the fact that traumatic experience or ongoing, repeated traumatization, which can be sexual, physical, or psychological, particularly in early childhood, constitutes an important etiological factor in the development of a severe personality disorder, particularly borderline personality disorder.” – Borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder: Practical differential diagnosis. (Otto F. Kernberg, MD; Frank E. Yeomans, MD; Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic)
It means that we need to find the evidence of possible trauma in Eric’s life.
Is there any evidence of Eric’s psychological trauma?
We know that Eric’s family had to move many times, therefore, Eric had to lose all his friends and try to make new, just to lose them again. Is it easy for kid to get through the endless chain of losses without possibility to prevent it? Absolutely not. It is a painful, repeated childhood trauma: every attachment ended with loss and further pain. This could lead to fear of attachment in general or unhealthy attachments and difficulties with forming them.
“Eric then complains about his father and how his family had to move five times. He says he always had to be the new kid in school, and was always at the bottom of the “food chain,” and had no chance to earn any respect from his peers as he always had to “start out at the bottom of the ladder.” He hated the way people made fun of him: “my face, my hair, my shirts.”” – The Basement tapes transcript.
From Diversion files: “What have been the most traumatic experiences in your life? Answer: Moving from Plattsburgh, New York and this incident.”
“It was the hardest moving from Plattsburgh. I have the most memories from there. When I left Jesse, and when Kris left, I had a lot of feelings. I felt alone, lost, and even agitated that I had spent so much time with them and now I have to go because of something I can’t stop. […] Although memories stay with you, the actual friend doesn’t. I have lost many great friends and each and every time I lost one, I went through the worst days of my life. […] It doesn’t take long to make a best friend, but it only takes 2 words to loose one. Those are, “We’re moving.” – Eric’s essay.
Do not forget about long-term bullying – another horrible part of his life.
From Eric’s journal: “Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back, ultimate fucking revenge here.”
Eric Harris and Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms
Fears of real or imagined abandonment, separation and/or rejection.
As I mentioned before, it can be possible due to emotional trauma and recurrent losses. Eric did not take rejection or abandonment well.
“Several people have suggested to me that Eric found excuses to hate me back in junior year because he felt I was threatening his friendship with Dylan. After all, he had pushed away their other friends one by one. Eric came from a background of constantly moving around with his family; who knows how many friendships were cut off for him each time? In Dylan, he saw a best friend, and he feared anything that could take that away.” – Brooks Brown, No Easy Answers.
After Brandi Tinklenberg refused to go to the prom with Eric:
““When I would walk in, he would turn his head the other way,” she said. The two never spoke again.” – Carnahan, Ann. “Girl Turned Down Harris for Prom Date.” Denver Rocky Mountain News, 1 May 1999.
007358: Mollie Weksler said about one and half to two weeks before the 1999 Columbine High School Prom, Eric Harris came up to her and asked her to go ask a female student by the name of Brandi Tinklenberg if she would go to the Prom with him. […] Mollie Weksler said Eric Harris saw Brandy shake her head no, and was very upset about being named down. Mollie Weksler said that Eric Harris would not talk to Brandy after this and in fact would not look at her. […] Mollie Weksler said after Brandi Tinklenberg turned Eric Harris down for a Prom date, she heard Eric Harris had asked another female student by the name of Sabrina Cooley to go to the Prom with him, however. Sabrina had also turned Eric Harris down.
Sabrina Cooley [17,760] EH asked her to prom; said no, embarrassed him in front of class.
Mollie Weksler [7,358] EH asked Brandy Tinklenberg to prom (through a friend); EH very upset when turned down;
From Eric’s journal: “I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don’t fucking say “well that’s your fault” because it isn’t, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no don’t let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ooh fucking nooo.”
Megan Minger: […] He left a note on her car with his number, asking her to call him. He asked her repeatedly if he was ever going to call him, but she never did.
Tanya Worlock [10,215] EH asked her out maybe 10 times; he was polite but wouldn’t take no for an answer;
Megan Lebsack: Was asked out by Eric, but she turned him down.
Sasha Jacobs [17,411] dated EH 16–20 times (10/97 to 1/98); broke up, got email threats. She advised in January 1998, she stopped dating HARRIS and in July 1998 she began receiving threatening phone calls with the caller claiming, I’m going to kill you or a bomb is coming. She believed HARRIS was responsible for these calls. HARRIS did send her e-mail and in the e-mail stated JACOBS was a loose end and he was trying to fix all his loose ends. JACOBS changed her screen name and HARRIS’s e-mail to her stopped. JACOB’s parents were made aware of the threats at the time they occurred.
Eric wrote about Sasha in Chad Laughlin’s 1998 yearbook: “Sasha is a fat trendy whiney annoying terd and I went out w/ her cause I felt sorry for her I guess. Oh well. I bet you’ll show her this.”
He tried too hard to be with somebody and after being rejected, felt angry and frustrated.
Unstable self-image and image of others, unstable relationship with others, splitting (black-and-white thinking).
Quick explanation of “splitting”: Person sees the world in terms of extremes. “Good” or “Bad”, “Beautiful” or “Horrible”, “All” or “Nothing”, “Idealize” or “Devalue” and etc.
“Splitting of the ego, usually referred to simply as “splitting”, is the other interpersonally powerful process that is understood as deriving from a preverbal time, before the infant can appreciate that his or her caregivers have good and bad qualities and are associated with good and bad experiences. […] In everyday adult life, splitting remains a powerful and appealing way to make sense of complex experiences, especially when they are confusing or threating. […] The mechanism of splitting can be very effective in its defensive functions of reducing anxiety and maintaining self-esteem.” – Nancy McWilliams, Psychoanalytic Diagnosis: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process.
From Eric’s journal: “If you can’t figure out the area of a triangle or what “cation” means, you die! If you can’t take down a demon with a chainsaw or kill a hell prince with a shotgun, you die!”
From Eric’s journal: “And if you pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you. Because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually blow over, but not me. I don’t forget people who wronged me, like [censored].”
From Eric’s journal: “[…] no matter what you say if you disagree I would shoot you.”
From Eric’s journal: “Well, I think that anyone who doesn’t think like me is just bullshitting themselves.”
From Eric’s website: “I am the law, if you don’t like it, you die.”
From Eric’s website: “if you got a problem with my thoughts, come tell me and ill kill you, because………god damnit, DEAD PEOPLE DONT ARGUE!”
“Classmate Ryan Whisenhut could never figure out why Eric liked him when they were freshmen, then wouldn’t talk to him when sophomore year started. “He just sort of changed,” Ryan said. ”He wouldn’t say why. He would just sort of give you this look like he could kill you.”” – Bartels & Crowder, “Fatal Friendship.”
“He and Dylan plotted a new “Rebel Mission” against Nick Baumgart. Eric had decided he didn’t like the way Nick laughed. It was ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than choosing to hate my brother for telling him to get off the computer. Or hating me because I didn’t want to drive him to school anymore.“ – Brooks Brown, “No Easy Answers”. Person immediately turns into enemy after minor slights.
Susan Fjeldheim [6,195] mother of Susan DeWitt; EH angry when he called and Susan wasn’t home.
“Still sweaty, Eric and Dylan came over to where we were standing with the Harrises. Before we could congratulate them on a good effort, Eric began to scream. Spittle flying from his mouth, he lashed out at Dylan, ranting about his poor performance. Chattering parents and boys from both teams fell silent and stared. Eric’s parents flanked him and guided him off the field as Tom, Dylan, and I drifted slowly, in stunned humiliation, toward our own car. I couldn’t hear what the Harrises were saying to Eric, but they appeared to be trying to settle him down. Dylan walked between Tom and me, silent and impassive. I was shocked by the sudden inappropriateness of the display, and by the extremity of Eric’s rage. […] How fragile must Eric’s ego be, to be that upset about losing a dumb soccer game? I was more embarrassed for him than I was for Dylan; the tantrum had made Eric seem like a much younger child.” – Sue Klebold
Unstable emotions, frequent mood swings.
From Diversion files: Eric checked off “mood swings” along with other issues.
Chronic feelings of loneliness, boredom or emptiness. Had a low-grade depression or experienced major depressive episode.
From Diversion files: Eric checked off “depression, loneliness, stress” along with other issues.
Eric was prescribed the SSRI antidepressant Zoloft (Sertraline), later – Luvox (Fluvoxamine). Sertraline is used for Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
Fluvoxamine is used for all disorders listed above.
From Diversion files: Harris’s parents checked off “anger, depression, suicidal thoughts” in “Child’s mental health” list.
From Diversion files: “He suffers from Depression, he changed meds and feels better, he has difficulties handleing stress, but says he has a good handle on it now.”
Eric mentions self-loathing in his journal: “Then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. The fact that I have practically no self-esteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. Therefore people make fun of me… constantly… therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED.”
Irritability in response to minor slights and insults. Intense anger and/or difficulty controlling it.
From Eric’s journal: “My doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry.”
From Diversion files. Eric explained his problem: “Short temper. Often get angry at almost anything I don’t like, like people I have no respect for trying to tell me what to do. People telling me what to think. I have too many inside jokes or thoughts to have very many friends, or I hate too many things.”
From Diversion files: Eric checked off “anger, homicidal thoughts, temper” along with other issues.
From Diversion files: “Eric said that he has problems with anxiety and allows his anger to build up until he explodes.”
From Diversion files: “Eric seems to suppress his anger, then “blow up” and hit something or verbally lash out.”
”I said to the kids, ‘Lock the doors. I’m just going to unroll the window a crack,' Judy Brown recalled. “And they did, and I said, Eric, I’ve got your backpack and I'm taking it over to your mom’s. Meet us over there.” Eric’s response shocked all three of them. His face turned bright red, and suddenly he began shrieking and pounding on the car, pulling as hard as he could on the door handle. He screamed at them to let him in. No one, not even Brooks, had seen Eric act like this before.” – Brooks Brown, “No Easy Answers”.
From Diversion files: “Notes: Quick temper - problems w/letting go of anger - builds up - punches walls (4x a month). Anxiety.”
Self-destructive behavior (self-harm, suicide attempts or suicide threats).
From Diversion files: Harris’s parents checked off “anger, depression, suicidal thoughts” in “Child’s mental health” list.
From Diversion files: “Eric said that he has thought about suicide a couple of times, but never seriously, mostly out of anger.”
From the Basement tapes: “He then points to a picture that depicts two backpacks labeled “napalm.” He calls this the “suicide plan.””
From Eric’s autopsy report: “Present on the lateral aspect of the left upper arm is a small cluster of punctate lacerations and cuts.”
A small cluster of punctate lacerations and cuts means that there is a several lacerations and cuts in one area. A laceration is a cut in the skin, commonly caused by a sharp object. Position of the injury (left upper arm) suggests that Eric could do it by himself, since he was right-handed. Wounds are most likely self-inflicted, but we do not know for sure.
From Diversion files: Have you had thoughts about not wanting to live (commit suicide)? Eric’s answer: d) More than two times Have felt down or depressed? Eric’s answer: c) Usually
After Tiffany Typher refused him anymore dates, he staged a fake suicide:
“There was a girl named Tiffany Typher who rode the bus with us, and Eric took her to Homecoming our freshman year. Unfortunately for Eric, it wound up being their only date; she didn’t want to go out with him again after that. Eric was pretty bummed out, because he had liked her a lot. So he decided to play a prank on her as revenge. We decided to use some fake blood left over from Halloween to give Tiffany a scare. As the three of us were walking past Eric’s house, I started talking to Tiffany to distract her while Eric set his plan in motion. Then, once he was ready, he let our a scream. Both of us turned in time to see Eric lying on the ground with a bloodied rock in his hand. His head and neck were covered in fake blood, and he was no longer moving; it looked like he bashed his own head in. For a few seconds I played along, acting all concerned for my friend. Then I couldn’t hold it back anymore and I burst into laughter. Eric did too, chuckling hysterically as he picked his bloodied self up off the ground. Tiffany told him that he was extremely immature, and stormed off to her house. Needless to say, Eric wasn’t getting any closer to getting another date with her after that.” - Brooks Brown, No Easy Answers.
“In general, acute or chronic parasuicidal behavior, such as repeated cutting or burning — particularly under conditions of intense emotional agitation, temper tantrums, or acute frustrations — is typical of severe personality disorders, particularly borderline personality disorder. […] chronic suicidal tendancy and the acute, repetitive suicidal attempts under conditions of frustration or anger of borderline patients are typical of severe personality disorders. It has to be kept in mind that up to approximately 10% of patients with borderline personality disorder commit suicide.” – Borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder: Practical differential diagnosis. (Otto F. Kernberg, MD; Frank E. Yeomans, MD; Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic)
In the end of his life, he committed suicide.
Chronic feelings of anxiety. May suffer from frequent physical symptoms of anxiety.
From Diversion files: “Eric said that he has problems with anxiety and allows his anger to build up until he explodes.”
From Diversion files: Eric checked off “anxiety, disorganized thoughts, obsessive thoughts, racing thoughts” along with other issues.
From Diversion files: Have felt mixed up or confused? Eric’s answer: d) All the time
From Diversion files: “Notes: Quick temper - problems w/letting go of anger - builds up - punches walls (4x a month). Anxiety.”
Stress-related paranoid thoughts, suspiciousness.
From Diversion files: Eric checked off “suspiciousness” along with other issues.
Impulsivity and dangerous behaviors.
Did not find any evidence of substance abuse, spending, sexual deviance (promiscuity or paraphilia) and etc.
Summary
Eric meets the criteria for Borderline personality disorder, although cannot be diagnosed. I have outlined my views on the subject, backing them up with some actual evidence and excerpts from books I have read.
That’s all folks. Thanks for reading… I hope it was worth it. Maybe I’ll add something later.
-wannacryexe
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It was just a year ago that I went to Seattle for work
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And I’ve finally come to terms with how I feel.
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕I’m fucking in love with Lena💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
the beauty of mental illness
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Whenever you’re feeling sudden calm its because I took your voodoo doll out for a picnic on a grassy hill
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