GreyLilPlum

(They/Them) The Bitter Humor of a young eccentric. A place for all the projects I wish I had the executive function to finish

[hyenaswine]

i think people are starting to confuse class analysis with bioessentialism. like... no not all men do this, but Men as a constructed social class do do this. that's still okay to say. that is regular material analysis of the world around us.

[greylilplum]

I hope someday my writing is subversive enough that the New York post tries to dox me.

[greylilplum]

Never thought I’d see a trend featuring Sabbaton’s “The Last Stand” that didn’t feel vaguely dog-whistly, but a crusade against the soulless AI is something I can get behind.

[greylilplum]

Cast protective magic on your local barista, they’ve brought the unicorn thing back.

[greylilplum]

It would appear that I woke up in a cold sweat and wrote this. I’m not sure how I’m going to include this in a written work but I am now determined to.

[greylilplum]

The bugs are back :D

But also

The bugs are back -_-*

[greylilplum]

I’d scroll tumblr on my phone a lot more if it didn’t bombard me with draft kings pops every time my finger diverts an single centimeter off course

[greylilplum]

This feels like such a boomer ass complaint but why don’t restaurants have cherry cola anymore

[greylilplum]

How do genderfluid people know whether to put a little dirt under their pillow for the dirt man or not?

[greylilplum]

Old people are scared of energy drinks to such a degree you’d think they were cocaine.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

as a younger person I'd sometimes get overwhelmed with the violence of the world, not just human violence but the violence done to animals and by animals, the innate violence of being an animal. because an animal is, by definition, an organism that must consume other organisms to live. and this would lodge in my spiraling young adult mind, the tragedy that to live, to be a creature, is to cause harm. that life is sustained by consuming life.

eventually I got older (and medicated), but in the meantime spending time in woodland really helped. it comforted me to be around plantlife, which feeds not on life but on sunlight, and therefore causes no harm.

anyway now I'm reading The Hidden Life Of Trees by Peter Wohlleben (incredible book) and it turns out that was a big fat LIE. forests are violent as FUCK

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

life as a tree is fucking BRUTAL. ok no they don't actually eat each other (well, not until they've been broken down and digested by microorganisms first) but competition is FIERCE. sunlight and water are finite resources. survival rates are dismal. a tree can release a million seeds in a lifetime and have only one offspring live to maturity. some species evolved ways of stealing sunlight from trees who got there first, bidding their time as a sapling then shooting out from under older canopies to hog as as much light as possible. next-door neighbors? fuck em, let em starve.

then you get shit like epiphytes that decided to just grow on top of other plants. strangler fig vines, for instance, which decided well fuck, im just gonna cling to this tree trunk and let it do the support work. maybe entangle our roots and envelope my host completely over time. oopsie my host died? that's ok I'll just cling to its corpse for eternity

equally horrifying is the honeysuckle, which preys on young trees boa-constrictor style, squeezing the life out of saplings, which grow with permanent deformities before dying prematurely (makes for a neat walking stick though)

then you get out and proud parasites like mistletoe who are happy to attach themselves to tree canopies and suck their blood extract water and nutrients. so yeah some plants do eat each other actually. gives ya some perspective on the old christmas tradition of hunting mistletoe with guns (yes that's a thing, shooting them down out of trees like squirrels. yes, unlike squirrels they deserve it). as for the romance angle, who doesn't want to kiss a lover beneath the dying corpse of a parasitic trophy kill? sexy as heck.

in conclusion, PLANTS ARE VIOLENT AS FUCK, and that's not even getting into the eternal chemical warfare they are forced to wage against insects, fungi, microbes and other enemies.

one day soon the forests will turn on us, and when that day comes I'm cheerfully betraying humanity and skipping away to cross enemy lines 🫡

kofi

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

to those who thought this post was heading in a heartwarming direction, i do NOT apologize and i DO hope the forest and its creeping mycelium tendrils crawl their way into your nightmares

[animentality]

[greylilplum]

An unforeseen problem with putting your IRL friends in tomodachi life is that they’ll randomly fall in love with each other and you’ve got to be the one to put a stop to that.

[greylilplum]

Gonna push up my anime glasses here for a moment.

*slams on table*

ALRIGHT! Since dirty sodas are having a moment, HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO REMEMBER when you buy or make your own!

When deciding on what flavor you are going to put cream in, AVOID citrus and other tangy flavors. Also GRAPE. NEVER DO GRAPE. This will curdle the creamer and be an ultimately unpleasant flavor combo even if it doesn’t.

Go for the more sweet side of things, your colas, your root beers, your doctors. For my midwesterners, vernor’s and ginger ales with a similar flavor also work, but not more tart ales like Schweppes or Canada Dry.

Alright, rant over, brought to you by a combination of autism and general soda gluttony.

[greylilplum]

Drag routine as Benny set to “Where’s your Head at”

[liarsblade]

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

[liarsblade]

[a-potato-of-death]

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[greylilplum]

FNV really has a mission where you break into a dinner party of cannibal elites, and I think it was very cool of them to give us a way to get a flamethrower while we do.