Grieving Young

A blog for those grieving a loss.

[grievingyoung]

are you struggling to keep going while dealing with grief and/or depression? read this, maybe it will help...

Sorry to be so absent but as I’ve accepted death and having gone through all the hardcore part of it the last two years, I’ve felt the need to take space from this place. There are many links and resources listed on www.grievingyoung.com that I’ve used myself. I did a lot of research on this back then so they’re not just random links. I highly recommend also getting in touch with a therapist. Mine is awesome and was my rock when I felt like I lost my shit. I found my therapist on Psychology Today - this may link you to the ones in New York, just change the ZIP code on top. 

For those new to the blog or those struggling:

It will change. And it will change you. I seriously feel I died, twice, when I lost her ten years ago and when I lost him two years ago. I am not the woman I would’ve been if I had not gone through that. In many, many ways I am a better human being because of it. Losing the two people closest to me, knowing I will never see them again, threw me down the spiral of nothingness. Nothing had meaning, nothing made sense, nothing. My depression mainly was that. I was at war with the mundane, which honestly for me was absolutely everything. I still remember how stupid it seemed to shampoo my hair while he's dead. It’s all I could think of. So many times I thought of quitting everything because it all just seemed so ridiculous but I did not. I lived with my nothingness for two years, we’d go to bed together, we’d wake up together. After living with it for two years, I started listening. Turns out this nothingness was pretty wise. You see, what changed was that the nothingness eventually shifted. The nothingness made me appreciate life. Suddenly I had all the answers to all the fundamental questions no one could answer for me. I finally understood all I have is time, that life is an experience, and love is my legacy. This realization wouldn’t’ve come to me if it wasn’t because of the nothingness. 

My advice, live it. Live with this nothingness because one day you will wake up and feel the way I do. You will appreciate it. Now, I feel strong, I feel resilient and mostly I feel completely present. I understand now that what I have, is now. It is this. I appreciate everything and everyone in my life because I know we will all be gone one day and I’ll never know which day will be their last, or my last, and so, I cherish every moment I have with the people I love. I cherish the mundane because that’s all we are, that’s all we have. If you are struggling, it will be hard to see that and you might completely dismiss this post and that’s fine, but maybe save it for later. If in any way, this inspires you to keep going, save it and read it again when you feel like you can’t deal. 

I literally died twice, but now I am more alive than ever. I am everything I want to be right now, and I wouldn’t’ve gotten here if it wasn’t because of all the pain that grief brings. Nobody asks for it, and yes I’d rather have them here but it’s not an option. Just remember it will be different someday. My ‘someday’ is now, but I journaled the worst. Jump into the archives of the blog if you need some company. Just keep going, that’s all you can do. 

Text 741 741 if you’re feeling suicidal or if you are feeling numb, or depressed. It’s a free crisis text line I have used myself. It works, they have great ideas and resources. Don’t kill yourself because you are, in a way, dying already so might as well wait to get to the fun part that comes later. Thanks for reading.

Love, GY

[grievingyoung]

It's so weird when times goes by and they become more and more silent.

[grievingyoung]

What do you guys do when you’re triggered?

[grievingyoung]

What do I want to do with my life? Live it.

GY

[grievingyoung]

[grievingyoung]

[grievingyoung]

You can find resources like free services to talk to counselors, the chatroom and other types of support at www.grievingyoung.com

[grievingyoung]

How have you changed since they died?

(via grievingyoung)

[grievingyoung]

Opinion | How to Fight Suicide

Keeping folks alive is a collective task.

Very accurate article on loss, depression and suicide prevention. We all need to be educated and learn about more efficient ways to help each other prevent suicide of those we love. It’s important not to avoid those who are struggling. It’s important to be kind. If you’re struggling, text 741 741. Free texting suicide prevention service.

You are not alone.

- Grieving Young.

[grievingyoung]

How long have you been grieving your loss?

shared by everyone on @grievingyoung

@nixie-dust

1 year 8 months 😞

@littlebird419

3 Months 3 days

@lewatigress

24 years

@presidentjoker

1 year 4 months 🤧

@fangirllock

5 years 4 months

@lt-callahan

3 years, 9 months, 2 weeks and 2 days...

@therightbrandofsass

In 3 weeks it'll be a year. Just spent the last 30 min bawling about it 😕

@green-bean-s

6 months today.

@monkhh

1 year 13 days

@iamsherlokidinthetardis

15 years in 9 days time.

@katieamazinggrace

2.5 years

@sad-bitter-angry

1 year 8 months

@cute-optimistic-nerd

550 days 😔

@psych0wolf

12 years

@emilyteigan

Lost my Dad 8 & a half years ago and lost my boyfriend Craig 2 & a half years ago.. my heart is so empty without them. 😓💔

@poppy-eva

9 months

@x0foreverinadaze

11months

@blindhuntress

1 year and almost 3 months

@ryantheolo

2 years, 4 months and 9 days

@lewatigress

24 years on 7/28/18

@insanetrioduck​

Around 9 years and 2 months

@kammons-2019​

A year next week...

@coffeeandicecream​

4 years and a month and 2 weeksish

@menageryl​

Just over two years now. Though the grief and loss began a whole 18 months earlier due to... circumstances... Everything just got worse, and darker, and deeper and... final.... later.

@alexintheskyy​

12 years for one, 8 years for one, 7 years for one, 6 years for another, 5 years for another and then two months for my fresh loss. never gets easier.

@silvrdragonfly

491 days

@buckeroo1

404 days 😢😢

@purple----h4ze​

6 years

@what0da0fuck0man​

6 months

@pinkie-rose​

2 1/2 years

@self-criticismm​

1 year. It’s her birthday tomorrow 😭

@littlebird419​

10 months and 9 days.

@emilyteigan​

3 years and counting

@tomkesblog​

A bit over four years now.

@spreadyourwingslove

1 year 2 months and still hasn't gotten any easier

@haleybalayley​

13 days

What about you?

- Grieving Young

[grievingyoung]

You can find resources like free services to talk to counselors, the chatroom and other types of support at www.grievingyoung.com

[grievingyoung]

some of the worst things people tell you while grieving

shared by everyone on @grievingyoung

@devydear 

“Just don’t think about it…”

@devydear

“If your fiancé died then he obviously wasn’t the one.”

@devydear

“Why aren’t you over it yet.”

@alexintheskyy

“Everything happens for a reason” my least favorite one.

@alexintheskyy

“He couldn’t possibly mean so much to you now. He died ten years ago”

@midnightwrittings

“you need to get over it”

@rickshawmusings

“Your mother was more a mother to me than to you…so can’t even imagine the loss I m feeling ”

@cupcakedarnit

“You don’t have time to grieve, you need to be strong for your family. Don’t cry.”

@menageryl

“Time heals all wounds.” “It’ll get better.” “Move on.” “Stop thinking about it.” I DESPISE “Everything happens for a reason.” Or “It’s all part of the plan.” And “She’s in a better place now.” / “She’s happy / at peace now.”

@menageryl

Possibly the worst for me though isn’t the words, its what I see in their eyes, the disbelief… And I can HEAR the words they bite back but echoing in their heads: “You were together for so short a time, how could this POSSIBLY be affecting you so!?!?!?”

@thegriefmachine

My pet peeve is “I know exactly how you feel. My dog died when I was ten.”

@sane-like-me

- you have to move on  - he is resting/ feels no pain/ in a better place - everything happens for a reason - u will get over it - just don’t think about it - just keep urself busy - life is shit

@ab0ap

- I was with my dog when he died, I know exactly how you feel - your eulogy was amazing. You were the star of the funeral - we’re gonna support u wanting to be an actor now because the way you said your eulogy was so beautiful - that one time my teacher used my grief as an example of how God works in mysterious ways - it’s been three years why are u still crying - grief is the same thing as being sad about a fictional character’s death

@littlelikejane

- you didn’t know him - what happened, happened and there’s nothing you can do - you’ll get over it - you have to let go

@hellothanksjellyfish

said to a dying person: “I’m so jealous you get to see mom before I do” - 1) what. 2) IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. 3) you *know* he’s an atheist why would you make him remember how much his mom’s death hurt at a time like this

@aihlife

“suck it up and move on”

@monsterrap

- you’ll find another boyfriend

@girl-enraged

“She would want you to move on/not be upset.” “You have to be strong for her.” “She wouldn’t want [you to take time off work/school, spend a day alone, take a break from a hobby, etc.” (Like why does everyone try to guilt trip me into being happy???) Acting as though their experience of loss means they know exactly how you feel. Assuming they know how to help or what you need instead of just asking you.

@cuthach

“well at least now god blessed you with a healthy child”

@allisonnicholelucas

“I’m so sorry to hear what your brother ‘did’….how are your parents doing?”

@fire-around-us

- “here come the waterworks” *they said that sarcastically* - “you’re overreacting” - “feeling better yet?” - “it was only one person stop being so upset” - “please move on quickly”

@maggie-talks-too-much

my brother passed away at the beginning of the summer and when i got back to school (college) in the fall, a bunch of people looked me straight in the eyes, smiled and said enthusiastically “how was your summer?”

@kammons-2019

“I understand.” “They’re in a better place.” “At least you’re not dead.” “You just need to move on.”

@lt-callahan

- Everything is going to be back to normal in no time. - God only gives this weight for those who can carry it. - I know how you feel (about the loss of the love of my life) I lost my dog/sister/mum… - You are so strong! I’m so glad you don’t cry.

@candeysaurus

She died xyz years ago. Why are you still sad?

@casiadilla

“This is something you need to put behind you.” I lost my fiancee seven months ago.

@notsofine

Some of the things said to me after my mum died - “It was her time” - “she’s in a better place” - “.. but you’re still so young” - “she wouldn’t want you to be sad” - “how did she die?”

@spiritsdancinginthenight

“It’s been [time] now…”

@howamijustnowgettingablog

- “He’s not in pain anymore” - “He’d want you to be happy” - “He was lucky to have you” - “You’re still sad about that? It’s been over a year.” -(and probably the worst one) “you realize you ruined his entire cancer treatment by giving him (anything that wasn’t "all natural”).“

@thisskywillmakemesick

"You’re overreacting” because I didn’t go to school the following week.

@justbehowyouwannabe

“He wouldn’t have wanted you to be this sad.”

@macystark

‘‘You’re still young and beautiful.  You will meet someone else’’ (said by multiple people shortly after my husband of 17 years passed away)

@moss-andbone

“He was ready to go” I don’t fucking care if he was “ready to go” I’m not ready for him to be gone

@blindhuntress

“She’s happier now”, “It’s okay, you’ll see her again”, “I miss her so much, I really need her right now”, “I know you miss your mom, but I miss my aunt”. “I’m your Mom now”. Her family treated her like shit, worse than, and called her for all their needs, but never answered their phone for hers. So fuck you and YOUR NEED FOR HER. Let her rest in peace you assholes. Of course she is happier now, but I want more than anything for her to still be HERE, with ME, and HAPPY.

@iwillgiveup2121

“Shit happens”

@blackclouded-mind

“It was really selfish of him to have gone that way” straight to my face after I got out of the hospital from MY attempt only one year after we lost him.

@fangirllock

‘God loves them more’

@mindwanderer1

My dad died when I was 17 - “I understand, my children kind of don’t have a father too” (my then 25yo ex’s mom, who had been divorced for two years, with tears in her eyes (don’t get me wrong divorce must be extremely tough but they spoke on the phone every other day and saw each other basically every weekend) - “I broke up with her because she hadn’t gotten over the loss of her dad by now” (different Ex when I was 22 to my friend)

@toffyy

After finally breaking down on the day my mom died “You can’t cry, you have to keep yourself together, I had to when my father died” you want me to clap you on the back? Were we a part of some competition?

@astr0-drift

The day I went with my partner’s family to the police station to pick up the letters they left us a week after they died, I was sobbing in the lobby and their mom clenched me so close to her body it left bruises on my shoulder and she kept saying over and over in an increasingly demanding voice, “he’s watching you now. You have to get through this bc he’s watching.” Not considering that my partner was queer/not a man, and that neither of us believed in that kind of thing.

Also my neighbor, crying, upon finding out about my partner’s suicide, “don’t you dare do anything like that! Don’t you dare!”

@akzentbeladen

‘He didn’t even speak yet. Your brother was a baby still, how do even miss him?’

@purpxsesearcher

“There’s nothing you can do to bring him back, so shut up”

@who-can-rock-a-rhyme-like-this

“I feel u but don’t let that get u down too much you must remember you was only a fan he didn’t even know you existed.” Got sent in a text.  

@fade-steppin

“this might have saved him from something worse later on.”

@lonelystreetsofnyc

“It’s been nineteen years. get over it.” 

@humanful  

“I didn’t know you guys were close” we weren’t. but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That doesn’t mean I didn’t care.

@badwolf6716

My family lives in CO and all our relatives live in WA and the day my baby brother died my Grandma and Grandpa flew to our house and my Aunt said “Oh, so (Baby’s Name) stops breathing and (Grandma’s Name) just hops on a plane”. She was mad that my Grandma flew to our state to help out and missed her kids school game…. damn lady

Honorable mentions include: “you still have (X) other siblings” “why did it affect you so much? (s)he was just a baby” “(s)he was to perfect for this world” “God only takes the best” “man that sucks…how’s your mum holding up?” “I feel, my grandpa died last month” “you’ve lost 2 siblings? oh, but one of them was just stillborn so you really only lost 1”

@the-god-of-fuck

“You were a baby when he died. You don’t even know the person that you claim to miss.”

@sad-bitter-angry

“Well, he’s dead now, so…”

@bibliophilesaveme

“She was the strong one I didn’t expect you to outlive her, (my little sister) but good job anyway.” 

@lewatigress

Do not EVER tell me to ‘Get over it’, 'It’s been (x amount of years), why are you still sad?’, 'They’re in a better place’, 'Everything happens for a reason’. I will fuck you up in ways you never thought possible. >: (

@littlebird419

‘It’s already in the past. Oh, btw, do you still think about it? Right, I had forgotten what happened’ - Me: ‘My boyfriend died’ - Some fucking asshole: ‘You mean, your EXboyfriend died.’ ‘OMG, I know how you feel, I broke up with x and I’m devastaded, I feel like there’s no serotonine left in my brain.’ Yes, you idiot, your breakup is as bad as my boyfriend dying. PS. People referring to Daniel as Dany, when they never even met him.

@tomkesblog

‘You shouldn’t be attending a party, that’s so disrespectful to (my father who died about 2 months prior to the party)’

@spreadyourwingslove

“You can have another baby” I want that baby..my first baby. 

What’s the worst one you’ve gotten?

- GY

[grievingyoung]

[grievingyoung]

You can find resources like free services to talk to counselors, the chatroom and other types of support at www.grievingyoung.com

[grievingyoung]

Are you seeing a therapist? Did it help?

shared by everyone on @grievingyoung

@invisible-selfxmade-punk

Yes and yes but I urge people to go as soon as it is possible.  I waited so long and wasted so many years that I could have had happiness.  

@superbadfriend

Yes

@heartonthefloor

Yes and yes

@green-bean-s

I stopped going. My mom made me go see my therapist, and I did, but after one session… I didn’t go back. It’s all too haunting, and everything that could be said has already been said; I can’t keep reliving it!

[grievingyoung]

Did you attend the memorial / funeral? Why did you or why didn’t you?

shared by everyone on @grievingyoung

@lonely-space-kid

Almost no one was going. Everyone was fighting with them before they passed and as angry as I was they meant the world to me and I wanted to be there for them until the end

@my-soul-to-reap

I don’t have the closure of a funeral yet because they’re still looking for his body. But I’ll be there.

@it-callahan

Yes. We had to wait 3 weeks for his cremation to take place and I visited him every day. We had over 250 people gathering, the pub overfilled for his wake. Several car companies sent representatives, one supercar company let many of his colleagues attend and sent the car he worked on. That was cool… At the very end of his eulogy, a motorcyclist went past by sheer coincidence and revved. So it was pretty cool. I was allowed to witness the charge.

@justdyingstars

Yes. A client of my father’s paid for my flight (as I’d just returned to NY and we were all broke from christmas and such). I don’t actually remember much from the funeral. I’ve been told that I stood up and spoke, mainly because a number of the people who drove her to it had the audacity to get up and cry about how they were her “friends”, but I very truly don’t remember anything. I was in a fog for months after she died…

@menageryl

No. Her family would not have wanted me there. I was the outsider. From their perspective I was part of the problem. I didn’t have anything to prove and I certainly didn’t want to bring any further hurt into the situation - most especially for her kids. And she was gone! What they put into the ground may have been where she was living before, but she was gone. Did I WANT to be there? YES! But… Now she’s buried though I seem to be the only 1 ever visits… So wrong.

@the-office-cat

Yes it was terrible… I hated seeing him, cold, dressed nicely, getting lowered down to his grave. I couldn’t see the light in his eyes anymore- he was gone. Far gone. Under and under, further down he went. Until there was nothing more to see.

@spacekittendan

I did, I had a friend come too. She was scared to look in the open coffin. She said he looked like a zombie…

[grievingyoung]

how old were you when you experienced your first loss?

shared by everyone on @grievingyoung

@nixie-dust

3

@heywassupyouguyss

2

@the–girl–who–loved–archived

6? But the first real loss that actually had a lasting effect on me was my stepdad when I was 11.

@sad-bitter-angry

8

@queenbeepedee

14

@the-office-cat

11, lost my best friend, my grandma, and my Dad in a span of 6 months…

@friendgxrl

7, my father figure died in front of me while we were alone & I didn’t know what death was so I couldn’t help him.

@friedartisanobject

18. My best friend passed away a week ago.

@spacekittendan

12

@bookends-theme

I was 10, My father had got in an argument with my neighbor. At which point he was very heated and angry. He came inside and grabbed his coffee and cigarette with the ashtray and as he walked into the kitchen leaving the dining room, he collapsed. My mother caught him but his cup smashed and the smoke burned into the floor. I havent spoken these words and really felt them till writing them now. I watched his eyes empty and his last breaths take to the air and my mother hurdled over him to give…

@thebeautifully-twisted

20 years old just happened two days ago:(

What about you?

- Grieving Young