some of the worst things people tell you while grieving
shared by everyone on @grievingyoung
“Just don’t think about it…”
“If your fiancé died then he obviously wasn’t the one.”
“Why aren’t you over it yet.”
“Everything happens for a reason” my least favorite one.
“He couldn’t possibly mean so much to you now. He died ten years ago”
“you need to get over it”
“Your mother was more a mother to me than to you…so can’t even imagine the loss I m feeling ”
“You don’t have time to grieve, you need to be strong for your family. Don’t cry.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“It’ll get better.”
“Move on.”
“Stop thinking about it.”
I DESPISE “Everything happens for a reason.”
Or “It’s all part of the plan.”
And “She’s in a better place now.” / “She’s happy / at peace now.”
Possibly the worst for me though isn’t the words, its what I see in their eyes, the disbelief… And I can HEAR the words they bite back but echoing in their heads: “You were together for so short a time, how could this POSSIBLY be affecting you so!?!?!?”
My pet peeve is “I know exactly how you feel. My dog died when I was ten.”
- you have to move on
- he is resting/ feels no pain/ in a better place
- everything happens for a reason
- u will get over it
- just don’t think about it
- just keep urself busy
- life is shit
- I was with my dog when he died, I know exactly how you feel
- your eulogy was amazing. You were the star of the funeral
- we’re gonna support u wanting to be an actor now because the way you said your eulogy was so beautiful
- that one time my teacher used my grief as an example of how God works in mysterious ways
- it’s been three years why are u still crying
- grief is the same thing as being sad about a fictional character’s death
- you didn’t know him
- what happened, happened and there’s nothing you can do
- you’ll get over it
- you have to let go
said to a dying person: “I’m so jealous you get to see mom before I do” -
1) what. 2) IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. 3) you *know* he’s an atheist why would you make him remember how much his mom’s death hurt at a time like this
- you’ll find another boyfriend
“She would want you to move on/not be upset.”
“You have to be strong for her.”
“She wouldn’t want [you to take time off work/school, spend a day alone, take a break from a hobby, etc.”
(Like why does everyone try to guilt trip me into being happy???) Acting as though their experience of loss means they know exactly how you feel. Assuming they know how to help or what you need instead of just asking you.
“well at least now god blessed you with a healthy child”
“I’m so sorry to hear what your brother ‘did’….how are your parents doing?”
- “here come the waterworks” *they said that sarcastically*
- “you’re overreacting”
- “feeling better yet?”
- “it was only one person stop being so upset”
- “please move on quickly”
my brother passed away at the beginning of the summer and when i got back to school (college) in the fall, a bunch of people looked me straight in the eyes, smiled and said enthusiastically “how was your summer?”
“I understand.”
“They’re in a better place.”
“At least you’re not dead.”
“You just need to move on.”
- Everything is going to be back to normal in no time.
- God only gives this weight for those who can carry it.
- I know how you feel (about the loss of the love of my life) I lost my dog/sister/mum…
- You are so strong! I’m so glad you don’t cry.
She died xyz years ago. Why are you still sad?
“This is something you need to put behind you.” I lost my fiancee seven months ago.
Some of the things said to me after my mum died
- “It was her time”
- “she’s in a better place”
- “.. but you’re still so young”
- “she wouldn’t want you to be sad”
- “how did she die?”
@spiritsdancinginthenight
@howamijustnowgettingablog
- “He’s not in pain anymore”
- “He’d want you to be happy”
- “He was lucky to have you”
- “You’re still sad about that? It’s been over a year.”
-(and probably the worst one) “you realize you ruined his entire cancer treatment by giving him (anything that wasn’t "all natural”).“
"You’re overreacting” because I didn’t go to school the following week.
“He wouldn’t have wanted you to be this sad.”
‘‘You’re still young and beautiful. You will meet someone else’’ (said by multiple people shortly after my husband of 17 years passed away)
“He was ready to go” I don’t fucking care if he was “ready to go” I’m not ready for him to be gone
“She’s happier now”, “It’s okay, you’ll see her again”, “I miss her so much, I really need her right now”, “I know you miss your mom, but I miss my aunt”. “I’m your Mom now”. Her family treated her like shit, worse than, and called her for all their needs, but never answered their phone for hers. So fuck you and YOUR NEED FOR HER. Let her rest in peace you assholes. Of course she is happier now, but I want more than anything for her to still be HERE, with ME, and HAPPY.
“It was really selfish of him to have gone that way” straight to my face after I got out of the hospital from MY attempt only one year after we lost him.
My dad died when I was 17 - “I understand, my children kind of don’t have a father too” (my then 25yo ex’s mom, who had been divorced for two years, with tears in her eyes (don’t get me wrong divorce must be extremely tough but they spoke on the phone every other day and saw each other basically every weekend) - “I broke up with her because she hadn’t gotten over the loss of her dad by now” (different Ex when I was 22 to my friend)
After finally breaking down on the day my mom died “You can’t cry, you have to keep yourself together, I had to when my father died” you want me to clap you on the back? Were we a part of some competition?
The day I went with my partner’s family to the police station to pick up the letters they left us a week after they died, I was sobbing in the lobby and their mom clenched me so close to her body it left bruises on my shoulder and she kept saying over and over in an increasingly demanding voice, “he’s watching you now. You have to get through this bc he’s watching.” Not considering that my partner was queer/not a man, and that neither of us believed in that kind of thing.
Also my neighbor, crying, upon finding out about my partner’s suicide, “don’t you dare do anything like that! Don’t you dare!”
‘He didn’t even speak yet. Your brother was a baby still, how do even miss him?’
“There’s nothing you can do to bring him back, so shut up”
@who-can-rock-a-rhyme-like-this
“I feel u but don’t let that get u down too much you must remember you was only a fan he didn’t even know you existed.” Got sent in a text.
“this might have saved him from something worse later on.”
“It’s been nineteen years. get over it.”
“I didn’t know you guys were close” we weren’t. but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That doesn’t mean I didn’t care.
My family lives in CO and all our relatives live in WA and the day my baby brother died my Grandma and Grandpa flew to our house and my Aunt said “Oh, so (Baby’s Name) stops breathing and (Grandma’s Name) just hops on a plane”. She was mad that my Grandma flew to our state to help out and missed her kids school game…. damn lady
Honorable mentions include: “you still have (X) other siblings” “why did it affect you so much? (s)he was just a baby” “(s)he was to perfect for this world” “God only takes the best” “man that sucks…how’s your mum holding up?” “I feel, my grandpa died last month” “you’ve lost 2 siblings? oh, but one of them was just stillborn so you really only lost 1”
“You were a baby when he died. You don’t even know the person that you claim to miss.”
“Well, he’s dead now, so…”
“She was the strong one I didn’t expect you to outlive her, (my little sister) but good job anyway.”
Do not EVER tell me to ‘Get over it’, 'It’s been (x amount of years), why are you still sad?’, 'They’re in a better place’, 'Everything happens for a reason’. I will fuck you up in ways you never thought possible. >: (
‘It’s already in the past. Oh, btw, do you still think about it? Right, I had forgotten what happened’ - Me: ‘My boyfriend died’ - Some fucking asshole: ‘You mean, your EXboyfriend died.’ ‘OMG, I know how you feel, I broke up with x and I’m devastaded, I feel like there’s no serotonine left in my brain.’ Yes, you idiot, your breakup is as bad as my boyfriend dying. PS. People referring to Daniel as Dany, when they never even met him.
‘You shouldn’t be attending a party, that’s so disrespectful to (my father who died about 2 months prior to the party)’
“You can have another baby” I want that baby..my first baby.
What’s the worst one you’ve gotten?
