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Major Loss: Michelangelo’s David Has Been Devoured By Foxes After A Museum Security Guard Forgot To Spray Fox Poison On It

Sadly, the world lost one of history’s greatest artistic masterpieces today. After centuries of being celebrated as the pinnacle of Renaissance sculpture, Michelangelo’s David has been completely devoured by foxes after a museum security guard forgot to spray it down with fox poison.

This is a dark day for the artistic community.

According to reports, last night at around midnight, the security guard in charge of Michelangelo’s iconic Davidstatue forgot to spray it with its nightly dose of fox poison and inadvertently allowed a pack of foxes to enter the Galleria dell’Accademia di Firenze. Just minutes after entering the museum, a group of six to seven hungry adult foxes bypassed the unsuspecting guard, smelled the David for traces of fox poison, and when they found none, immediately devoured one of history’s greatest masterpieces whole.

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‘May I, Papa?’: McDonald’s Is Releasing A New Fig And Ladyfinger McFlurry For Fancy Little Boys Who Desire A Treat

Don your tartan-print leisure knickers and command Barkley to warm up the Rolls-Royce, because McDonald’s is releasing a toothsome new offering for America’s blue-blooded lads. In a press release this morning, the fast-food giant announced it is coming out with a new fig and ladyfinger McFlurry for fancy little boys who desire a treat.

Ah, how splendid!

Marketed as the McDandy, this fig-based confection is served inside of fine porcelain saucers gilded with Baroque, gold-leaf patterns, making for a luxurious yet yummy after-dinner indulgence for monied young moppets who yearn to cap off an afternoon of backgammon and bidding on antique baubles at Christie’s by stuffing their rosy cheeks with something sweet and decadent. Little lords who would prefer not to rub elbows with grubby commoners in the restaurant can pay for a car-side service upgrade, where a tuxedoed McDonald’s employee will deliver your McDandy to your idling vehicle and adorn you with a Turkish-cotton bib so you don’t risk sullying your silken ascot if any of the beluga caviar “sprinkles” happen to spill onto your shirtfront.