Congrations

you done it

[twinktorturer]

the most sexual emotion a man can feel is fear

[browsingfreakshit]

Now why would Tumblr user twinktorturer say something like this

[heraldic-thunderbolt]

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels

[quinnception]

[crittaslink]

"who said that" is a powerful spell that casts a defensive bubble around your most vulnerable thoughts

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[squonkcity]

wht my penis produces when i ceank it off to Mysterious Porn

[linuswatchestv]

[mwagneto]

[cryptotheism]

[guy whose parents are a Christmas elf and a dracula]: I just feel like I don't belong anywhere

Me: that's rough man I'm sorry

ElfDracula: I'm still white though, right?

Me: you gotta get off those forums man

[3000s]

wait a minute..... these arent my memories

[3000s]

ughh. why does my head hurt

[corrucyst]

dude, this is really scary, and liminal as well. It's like the bathrooms

[optical-trapping]

[itsyveinthesky]

[seabassapologist]

[penismage]

Hello!

Howdy!

I’d like, uh, two normal rolls.

Sure thing!

And one with the… With the pumpkin seeds.

Which do you mean?

The one with the… With the seeds.

What are they called?

Uhm… A, uh, “crunchy pumpky.”

Sure thing. Would you like anything else?

Uhh… I’ll also take a, uh… A… A Nutella donut…?

Unfortunately, I don’t know at all what you mean…

A… One of those right there!

You really must tell me, what’s it called??

I… I’m… I’m a dumb piece of shit.

Sure thing! Anything else?

That one there?

You know what you need to do. [Here she switches from the formal, customer service voice to addressing him casually and familiarly.]

I… I’m a little greedy pig, oink oink?

Do it!

[grunts like a pig]

That comes to €13.50, please! Have a beautiful day!

Hello! I’d like an “I hate my father” and two “I have a small willi—” [The word that gets cut off is Pimmel, an un-sexy term for penis.]

[albva]

[albva]

um. i think that will make an even awkwarder silence

[segamascott]

[ur-favorite-fishgirl]

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

[dogpuppy]

[limitedmedicine]

【Rippi/リッピ】

fuzzy bugs series

w140×h130xd90mm

@shina0607

[deepinourengines]

i need a polycule of tall skinny white guys preferably like around 10 of them so i can dress them up in nice outfits and give them cute little red ribbon chokers. (hiding a bowling ball behind my back) For no real reason