michael’s not really sure if the fact he calls luke just luke means anything. sam will ask about his family, or toff will, and michael will start with well, luke is… it’s luke, never my brother, luke. the distinction is probably trivial but michael notices, he thinks some people might too with the way they always have to clarify— your brother? hockey guys don’t do that, they want you to think that they’re the most informed person in the room. michael can’t really operate like that, he would embarrass luke growing up by asking questions, even worse when they were targeted at luke to clarify something he didn’t have the answer for.
he can remember luke keeping his face turned out the car window on the ride home from practice, never once turning to look at michael in the backseat. a lot of being brothers is like that, you look when he’s not and then you have to trust, or have to wonder, if he’s doing the same thing. luke doesn't make him guess for things too often though, easy to find at UPenn, and even easier in oakville. michael doesn’t have to go looking ever, even when luke was in the ohl on his own, he was only a few miles away. luke’s older so he went first, to mites, to juniors, to the ohl, to the draft both times. and then it was michael, who still turns back and has to ask okay, what now? but it’s different.
them in oakville. luke in mississauga and michael in oakville. luke in pennsylvania and michael in san jose. luke not in calgary and michael in san jose. michael wants to say that it’s not the cte that’s fucked his memory, he’s just not good at remembering, but some things he does— luke not looking back at him in the car; luke calling him over and over and over again until he picked up after michael broke curfew for the first time; luke sitting on the floor of their kitchen in oakville saying i don’t remember living here without you when he meant to say just living because he was two years old when michael was born, you can’t remember things then. michael doesn’t remember anything without luke lurking in the background of it, every story, even the ones that take place in san jose have luke somewhere else in the world as they were happening.
mack started talking training camps and michael first question was not when, or with who, or is your dad gonna be there the whole time, it was can luke come? luke, luke, luke, it doesn't matter if michael forgets to call him back, or text at all, or like his photos in the family group chat. it was michael sending the photo of him and luke together after the hlinka cup win to zayne and getting damn, what'd u do to luke??? back in response. he didn't do anything. it was their mom who had to sit michael down after the nhl draft, his, not luke's, and tell him that things might be different from that moment on. which doesn't make any sense because no matter how tall michael gets, or what team he plays for, or if he's 2ova, or 1ova, or 2C, or breaks his tibia for the second time and has to move back to oakville, luke is always going to be older.
it was all the same thing when michael was eleven and luke was thirteen and he found out they weren't friends anymore. stick to the gut and leaving michael hacking up his breakfast on the outdoor rink. and two days later, micahel watched nick lardis' older brother break his nose, watched no one blink an eye because you get to do that when you have a brother. except luke never broke his nose, just high sticks, and boarding, and telling michael that their cat died to see him weep, and promise to never forgive him when he found twizzler licking butter off the kitchen table. and they're friends again now, because michael still asks for him to come to places like vancouver, and luke still makes conversation so michael can sit there and ask an hour later, what do you think lardo meant when he said...
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