hi. its been a couple of months since i’ve interacted on any servers or written on tumblr, and it was due to some personal reasons that will be keeping me busy for the foreseeable future. i dont know if i intend on ever coming back to writing, or if i’ll continue it on the side, but right now i don’t have the time to commit to fandom spaces/collabs/etc.
going completely MIA was pretty stupid to do on my part, and i missed a bunch of deadlines and messages without any communication, and i apologise for it. it was really fun to know all of you, and i know i can’t guarantee how active i’ll be, but i love all the friends i made here dearly. can’t promise any dm replies or anything of the sort, but im thankful for all the fun times! with that i’ll be taking my leave.
Cam [ @highvern] and Em [ @gyuswhore] welcome you to the 2025 Formula One season! Handcrafted by Caratland's best writers, we're here to ask you to join us for the most riveting grid lineup the sport has ever seen. Catch all 26 destinations on our calendar, and all the drama that goes down in the paddocks with it, because soon it'll be Lights Out, and Away We Go!
Get your all inclusive Paddock Pass to the fastest sport in the world! Sign up for the taglist here with a visible age indicator on your blog [no age, no tag!].
Oops! Some of these areas are for 18+ fans only. Remember to check the NSFW warnings before entering the paddock!
🏁 Race: Overtake by @sailorsoons
🏎️ Driver: Choi Seungcheol x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: Seungcheol and your brother Joshua battle over everything - pole positions, championships, the title of Mercedes’ best driver. The one thing they were never supposed to fight over was you.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: all for one by @amourcheol
🏎️ Driver: Choi Seungcheol x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: three-time world champion choi seungcheol races for greatness—even if it sacrifices red bull's constructor trophy. you, principal strategy engineer, cannot allow favouring the self-centred driver over the entire team. when a new red bull rookie threatens his position and certain rivals begin to tempt you, seungcheol must consider winning you over—a feat more difficult than a fourth championship.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: Off The Record by @soo0hee
🏎️ Driver: Yoon Jeonghan x reader
🛞 Race Stats: 3 seasons with sky sports. 3 seasons of navigating between drivers, the fia and stubborn team principals. 3 seasons and non had taken your breath the way 2025 had thus far. The reason? Yoon Jeonghan. Ferarris posterboy and the man haunting your gridwalks.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: Revving for Love by @nerdycheol
🏎️ Driver: Yoon Jeonghan x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: You didn’t expect the guy you swiped left on at the airport to show up at your new job — let alone be one of Formula 1’s top drivers. As the team’s new physiotherapist, you’re here to keep things professional — no distractions, especially not Jeonghan. Charming, smug, and all too aware you once swiped left on him. What starts as cooldowns and awkward stretches quickly turns into something messier. Jeonghan is flirty, unpredictable, and far too in sync with you — and despite your best efforts, he’s getting under your skin. And without you even noticing… the lines start to blur.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: Birdie by @aeristudios
🏎️ Driver: Joshua Hong x reader
🛞 Race Stats: It would be fate that you would be filming a documentary of the same F1 team as your former high school sweetheart: Joshua Hong, F1 golden boy. He still remembers you as Birdie— the one that flew away without saying goodbye. Now, years later, you have to look him in the eye as he recounts what his life has been like without you.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: build this dream together by @joshujin
🏎️ Driver: Joshua Hong x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: As his race engineer, you’ve spent five amazing years guiding McLaren superstar, Joshua Hong, to victory after victory. But in that fifth year, you learn something horrifying about yourself: you’ve fallen in love with your driver. You’re not willing to let your heart get in the way of everything you’ve worked for, so you do the one thing you know is guaranteed to keep both of your careers safe: you leave.
Two years later, Joshua inadvertently comes crashing back into your life with an announcement that rocks the F1 world. Before you know it, you’re on his doorstep with an offer you know he won’t be able to refuse, ready to guide him back to where he needs to be—one last time.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: burn for the win by @mylovesstuffs
🏎️ Driver: Wen Junhui x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: being the engineer who knows too much and the sister who’s had enough means standing at the eye of the storm while two men she cares about tear each other apart. jun’s pride could still cost him everything, and yet he refuses to fight to fix what’s broken; neither will minghao. she’s tired of the fallout, but no one listens. a crash was only the beginning. now, can anything bring them back?
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: open channel by @sknyuz
🏎️ Driver: Wen Junhui x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: open channel follows you: a young radio engineer who joins the haas f1 team as the apprentice to laura müller, the first female engineer in the paddock, now the chief engineer who has you under her wing—and as the unexpected successor to your own father, the long-time race engineer of haas’s most elusive driver: wen junhui.
junhui is cold to the media, clinical on the grid, and famously unreadable behind the visor. but when your voice cuts through the static, clear and steady, even he can’t help but lean in—though neither of you knows yet how deeply your pasts are tangled in the echoes of a long-ago memory on the track.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: as seen on screen by @imnotshua
🏎️ Driver: Jeon Wonwoo x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: Wonwoo doesn’t pay you any attention, not since you were both rookies - him on the track and you in the paddock. You’ve been at Ferrari for years, and now he’s joined the team you’re supposed to be working together, but it seems he still has that same stick up his ass whenever you have something to say.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: behind the lens by @wheeboo
🏎️ Driver: Jeon Wonwoo x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: Years ago, you and Jeon Wonwoo were inseparable. First loves, reckless hearts, and dreams too big to share—until it all fell apart. He chased after podiums; you stayed behind your lens. Five years later, you’re commissioned in the paddock as a global motorsport photographer for a behind-the-scenes shoot, and he’s back in the centre of your frame as F1’s quiet, unstoppable force. And for the first time in a long time, your photographs begin to feel real again. This time, will your frame capture an ending, or a second chance?
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: playing with fire by @starlightkyeom
🏎️ Driver: Kwon Soonyoung x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: soonyoung doesn't do relationships. or strings. or repeats all that often, honestly. he's one of the best drivers on the circuit and he doesn't need to. the one exception? you, his biggest rival's on-and-off partner. he's always your first call when your relationship is splashed across the headlines again and he never seems to care.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: heartbreak champion by @straylightdream
🏎️ Driver: Kwon Soonyoung x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: After being together since you were fifteen, things hit a rough patch as your husband chases his goal of being world champion.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: Under Investigation by @diamonddaze01
🏎️ Driver: Lee Jihoon x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: Lee Jihoon doesn’t break the rules. He bends them. Just enough to get away with it. Just enough to make your job harder, just enough to see if you’ll flinch. He’s testing the boundaries. And the worst part? You kind of want to see what happens if he crosses them.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: shit, this is red bull by @gyubakeries
🏎️ Driver: Lee Jihoon x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: the version of you that jihoon sees in front of him is not the you he remembers. bleached denim and torn flannels have been replaced by shiny heels and a crisp blazer. jihoon also learns that there are lots of things besides your new appearance that have changed, the most obvious one being — your love for racing. he has no time to waste on all these new facts though, not when the press is behind his ass and you're the only one who can get him out of the messes he creates.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: Burning Bridges by @bluehoodiewoozi
🏎️ Driver: Lee Seokmin x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: When your fiancé chooses his Formula 1 career over you and makes it everyone’s problem, his teammate Seokmin is not about to just sit back and watch.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: red wine nights by @hannieoftheyear
🏎️ Driver: Lee Seokmin x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: what's the worst time to hook up with your best friend and change your relationship forever? probably the night before he gets on a plane and flies far away to become a world famous star.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: Rumour by @gyuswhore
🏎️ Driver: Kim Mingyu x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: It’s hard to dislike Mingyu, an acknowledgement he risks his modesty for. So when he approaches you with rose tinted glasses, clad in the team kit of his dreams, he’s ready to build a rapport of a lifetime with his brand new race engineer.
Until, the brakes screech loud enough for the entire paddock to hear.
It’s hard to dislike Mingyu, but you make it look easy.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: perfect strangers by @studioeisa
🏎️ Driver: Kim Mingyu x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: for the first time in seven years, kim mingyu thinks he might actually have a shot at standing on the podium. he has a decent car, a good teammate, and... a girlfriend? after f1 tv erroneously tags a complete stranger as his 'partner', mingyu now has to reckon with being one half of the newest couple on the grid.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: one track mind by @haologram
🏎️ Driver: Xu Minghao x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: after years in the spotlight, you've learned one thing: how to get used to new environments, good and bad. despite the time and the friends you've made along the way, things never really change — and that includes the mentality that winning is the only option.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: victory lap by @minisugakoobies
🏎️ Driver: Xu Minghao x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: minghao's just led his team to another championship - so why can't he enjoy it? he's jaded, having grown disillusioned with his life, and in desperate need of the familiar spark that’s driven him all these years. lucky for him, a chance encounter with the enemy of his rival will set his ignition ablaze with one wild ride.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: bae-watching by @shinysobi
🏎️ Driver: Boo Seungkwan x reader
🛞 Race Stats: boo seungkwan is over it, really. he's been on the sports circuit for years, but covering any f1 championship gets harder every time. on top of that, he's supposed to get a "fresh angle" on a game that has none-until he's staring down the barrel of history, when she appears right beside the ferrari chief engineer. he's looking at you, but you have stopped looking at him a decade ago.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: along the rubble or the dust by @heartepub
🏎️ Driver: Boo Seungkwan x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: in the high-octane world of formula one, boo seungkwan has clawed his way up with a mix of charm, grit, skill, and pure luck. he knows, more than anyone else, how coincidence can be a turning point. when, in an improbable series of events, his childhood friend starts lurking in the paddock as his new performance engineer, he gets the distinct feeling that this is about to be one of them. even if (or especially because) he’d rather trust you with his life than with his heart.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: Podium Pleasers by @shadowkoo
🏎️ Driver: Chwe Hansol x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: F1 driver Vernon is no stranger to stunning women whispering wicked things in his ear during race season, but no voice has stopped his heart quite like yours. The ‘missing’ younger sister of one of his oldest friends. The girl who disappeared two years ago without a word. And now, you’re on his lap with your bare breasts pressed against his chest. He’s horrified to learn that you’re working at an exclusive strip club, tangled in a complicated contract where sex appeal is currency, personal relationships are forbidden, and your freedom is nothing but a twisted illusion. He wants you out, but walking away from a fantasy life built on status and money isn’t that simple. So, in a last-ditch effort, he offers you something else. Something real. A fresh start on the circuit as his assistant, where you can rebuild your future, possibly even a future by his side.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: slow and steady by @haoboutyou
🏎️ Driver: Chwe Hansol x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: Aston Martin— once a top class, championship winning team, has become riddled with bad press. What better way to cover it up than throwing your driver under the bus? In a not-so elaborate scheme, Vernon and rising star Y/n are entrapped in a dating scandal to cover up the company’s ass, subjecting them to the wrath of public scrutiny instead. Will the awkward dates and busy schedules make way for something more? Or will they let their relationship be dictated by greedy corporations?
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: This Town by @wqnwoos
🏎️ Driver: Lee Chan x reader
🛞 Race Stats: Ten years ago, Lee Chan left your hometown without ever looking back. Now, after a crash that loses him the championship, he’s back and asking for your forgiveness — but you’re not sure if you’re ready to risk your best friend leaving you again.
Practice Session 🏁 Paddock Pass
🏁 Race: The Boundary Concept by @kkooongie
🏎️ Driver: Lee Chan x f!reader
🛞 Race Stats: Lee Chan didn't know which was worse: the fact that he still liked you since high school (despite shutting down completely whenever you were around) or the fact that you wanted to meet up with him... for a research paper. But hey, he was willing to take any crumbs as long as he got an opportunity to make you realise he was a super cool racer now. That is, assuming he didn't crash under the intense pressure. Or, in which, you never knew writing a paper on the boundary concept would make you question the boundaries between you and Chan.
💎 Welcome to The Diamond Life — where Seventeen lives rent-free in our 20+ brains! 💎
We’re a network of Carats who just can’t stop creating — from spicy fics to stunning edits, we’re here to celebrate all things Seventeen, one chaotic masterpiece at a time. Whether you’re here to post, lurk, scream, or simp… you’re in good company. Come shine with us! ✨
✨ Wanna join The Diamond Life? ✨
Think you’ve got what it takes to shine with us? We’d love to have you in our little 20+ Seventeen-loving chaos corner! Here’s how to become part of the sparkle:
⟢ Follow the Network — so you never miss a fic drop, moodboard, or unhinged Mingyu thirst post.
⟢ Read the Rules — just to make sure we’re on the same page (and that you're as grown as your bias list regrets).
⟢ Reblog This Post — spread the Diamond gospel far and wide. Sharing is caring, especially in fandom.
⟢ Apply Here — tell us a bit about you, your fave members, and what kind of content you love to create or consume!
Let’s build the most fabulous, feral little corner of the internet together 💎
⟢ Meet our dazzling Jewellers — the brilliant brains (and chaotic hearts) behind The Diamond Life:
💎 Indi – @wongyuseokie | Master of vibes, menace, and usually cries over several of the members on a daily rotation.
💎 Jess – @starlightkyeom | Brings the fluff, the angst, and occasionally, emotional destruction
💎 Nana – @bitchlessdino | Dino defender, chaos curator, certified icon
💎 Cam – @highvern | Aesthetic queen, soft-core menace, will deny that she is a Cheol enthusiast too
💎 Em – @gyuswhore | Unfiltered, unforgettable, and entirely too powerful with a keyboard
These gems keep the network sparkling — go give them a follow and say hi! 💖
💌 You’re in! Now what?
Welcome to The Diamond Life — we’re so excited to have you join the sparkle! Here’s your glittery little checklist to get settled in:
⟢ Reblog your Acceptance Post — let the world know you’ve joined the cool kids club.
⟢ Add us to your Network List — so fellow Carats can discover your brilliant creations.
⟢ Join our Discord Server — it’s where the chaos lives, the friendships bloom, and the thirst posts thrive.
⟢ Tag all your works with #thediamondlifenetwork — so we can hype, scream, and reblog accordingly.
⟢ Keep our Jewellers updated — changed your URL? Taking a break? Just drop us a quick heads-up so we don’t send a search party.
🎥 Calling all movie lovers! This summer, the members of SVTHub are bringing the theater to you with a brand new series of our favorite flicks! Be sure to add these films to your watchlist, because you won't want to miss our exclusive screenings of both timeless classics and this summer's hot new releases. Find a seat, grab your popcorn, and check out the community's favorite fics: coming soon to a blog near you!
🎥 MPAA warning: some motion pictures are rated R and limited to 18+ audiences only. please see the warnings of each film for more information.
🎥 Assimilation (2025) 🔞
Directed by @synthetickitsune - Rated R
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by S.COUPS
"With Area X slowly spreading, the question of the survival of humanity as species is brought to light. The pressure is rising to have an expedition return with any sort of data. You don’t want to die in fright. So you decide to try your luck - what could go wrong when you have Seungcheol to protect you?"
Top Lists | [smut] , [horror]
🎥 Waiting For a Train (2025)
Directed by @hhaechansmoless - Rated PG-13
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by JEONGHAN
"Jeonghan builds a life with you in a place that doesn't exactly follow time—where cities rise with a mere thought and happiness can be mistaken for reality. Together, for years, you walk the thin line between forgetting and choosing not to remember. Dreams stretch out. Love does too.
Eventually, when the world begins to reveal its faults, Jeonghan snaps out of it. You don't follow. You stay long after the sound of the train has faded—but maybe, just maybe, a part of you still waits."
Top Lists | [dreamscape/limbo] , [angst] , [romance] , [hurt/comfort]
🎥 Love Perserving (2025) 🔞
Directed by @joshujin - Rated R
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by JOSHUA
"You wake up on a Tuesday morning and are told it’s been five years since you last opened your eyes. Only one person noticed.
On the other side of the city, a stranger named Joshua wakes up in what used to be your apartment. His relationship falls apart.
You’re both skeptical that either of you are capable of putting your lives back together again. You try anyway."
top lists | [smut] , [hurt/comfort] , [slow burn]
🎥 Today, Tomorrow, Yesterday (2025)
Directed by @junplusone - Rated PG-13
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by JUN
"Today is today, yesterday was today, and… tomorrow is also today. You didn't think you were going to have anything to do with the implications of quantum mechanics, but your brother's wedding seems to have other plans for you. And so does the handsome, peculiar guest you can't seem to take your eyes off of."
Top Lists | [suggestive] , [comedy] , [romance] , [strangers to lovers]
🎥 Lonely Stars (2025) 🔞
Directed by @gyubakeries - Rated R
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by WONWOO
"Wonwoo has only ever wanted the whole world to know his name, but he's slowly coming to the realization that you seeing him is becoming much more important. He's also finding out that every lyric he sings to you isn't just for the sake of recording a song, but holds a much deeper meaning. Wonwoo has only ever wanted to be a superstar, but he may just throw it all away if it meant becoming a star that shines only for you."
Top Lists | [smut] , [angst] , [romance] , [strangers to lovers] , [hurt/comfort]
🎥 Cursed, But Still (2025)
Directed by @ppyopulii - Rated PG-13
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by WOOZI
"Burdened by what fate dubs as your inevitable demise, you seek the West with what little hope remains in you to find a cure. However, as if the universe wishes for one last show, you are suddenly swept into what is a deadly, budding war between animals and humans. There is no choice left for you now; you must be the end to this madness, no matter the cost—because when hatred spills, it stains."
Top Lists | [coming of age] , [fantasy] , [romance sub-plot] , [religious themes]
🎥 How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2025)
Directed by @nerdycheol - Rated PG-13
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by MINGYU
"Coddle a guy and he'll sprint faster than he’s ever run in the gym. That’s what they say… right?
You, a savvy journalist at a women’s magazine, are assigned to write an article on how to lose a guy—without being the one to end things first: by intentionally driving him away in just ten days. Meanwhile, Kim Mingyu, a confident ad executive, makes a bet that he can make any woman fall in love with him within the same time frame.
When you and Mingyu cross paths, neither of you knows the other’s true agenda. But as you pull every classic “dealbreaker” move and he stays charmingly determined, your fake relationship starts to feel a little too real."
Top Lists | [fluff] , [slight angst] , [slow burn] , [fake dating] , [mutual pining] , [denial of feelings]
🎥 Lee Seokmin Choose You (2025) 🔞
Directed by @eclipsaria - Rated R
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by DOKYEOM
"Scholar Lee Seokmin disguises himself as a beggar to win the heart of the woman of his dream."
Top Lists | [suggestive] , [historical] , [rom-com] , [musical]
🎥 Danger Zone (2025) 🔞
Directed by @junkissed - Rated R
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by VERNON
"Vernon Chwe—call sign "Chew"—is one of a dozen fighter pilots who's been selected for the prestigious TOPGUN training program, an elite organization that's reserved for the best of the best.
The only thing he's better at than flying a plane? Getting under your skin."
Top Lists | [smut] , [rivals to lovers]
🎥 A Shard of Glass (2025) 🔞
Directed by @cheers-to-you-th - Rated R
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by DINO
"In a desolate castle, visited by none, there lives a beast with a heart so twisted that it's no longer human. But what makes someone a human, and what brings out their humanity?"
Top Lists | [romance]
🎥 Your Favorite Scary Movie (2025) 🔞
Directed by @24carathoney - Rated R
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by S.COUPS&JOSHUA
*This critic is still crafting their review, check back soon!
Top Lists | [smut] , [horror]
🎥 Abracadabra Alakazam (2025)
Directed by @cheers-to-you-th - Rated PG-13
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by '95 LINE
"Four talented magicians in Seoul, each with their own specialty, are brought together by The Eye, a secret society, to perform magic and scam the rich for the world to see as the Seoul Division. But what happens when there’s someone else who always seems one step ahead, knowing how they’ll do something before even they know it? Will they be able to pull off their first mission as a team, or is the Seoul Division destined to be doomed?"
Top Lists | [mystery] , [action]
🎥 The Wonderful Cat Life (2025)
Directed by @synthetickitsune - Rated PG
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by '95 LINE
"You need a breather, so you jump at the opportunity to house sit for a friend back in the small town you grew up in. Little do you know that a friend group of strangers you’ve never met before has a similar idea - or that soon enough you’ll be feeding them and scratching them behind their fluffy ears."
Top Lists | [fluff] , [fantasy]
🎥 Within the Loop (2025)
Directed by @supi-wupi
☆☆☆☆☆ - Review by SEVENTEEN
"Awaken trapped in a mysterious house with peculiar members of Seventeen, each with extraordinary abilities. As you unravel the house’s secrets and your own forgotten past, you must fight to reclaim your memories and freedom—finding unexpected family along the way."
a/n: i have a lot of emotions rn. that's showbiz, baby! is my first collab ever, and i've had the most wonderful 7 months in this collab. starting off with the new year, tara ( @diamonddaze01 ) and kae ( @studioeisa ) invited me to their collab, and im so grateful that they gave me a place to make good friends (i love u all sm), be myself with no one judging me, and have some of the best caratblr writers i have interacted with helping me plan, plot, and execute several fics.
this fic, right down to the title and the main premise, wouldn't have existed if it weren't for rie ( @okiedokrie-main ) and his genius brain. bennie ( @miniseokminnies ) made this BEAUTIFUL banner, and i am in love with the way their brain works (hi actor vernon. looking at u.)
calli ( @hhaechansmoless ) and rae ( @nerdycheol ) were my emotional support beta readers, and i love you guys for encouraging me to overcome my writing block <3
this is only the first part of the fic, which feels anti-climactic, but the full story WILL come to you guys!! i promise. for now, please enjoy, loserboy vs. hatergirl.
this fic is a part of the that's showbiz, baby! collab. check out the main masterlist -- here <3
word count: 3.2k
contents: kim mingyu x f!reader , social media intern!mingyu , IT specialist!reader , grumpy x sunshine trope , clumsy mingyu (because its canon) , mingyu is down bad here too. (is this canon) , featuring haechan and jaemin because they're the evil twins of nct
You like your job, you really do. Sure, you hadn’t envisioned yourself working in the IT department of Sebong Corp, one of South Korea's most popular media companies, but you were satisfied, somewhat, with the way you had put your computer science degree to use.
However, there were a few moments that really made you question your job, life, and entire existence.
One of those moments being this:
It’s 9:05 A.M., and you’re not even close to reaching the office. You just got off the subway and you’re booking it down the street to reach work before your department head launched off into another lecture on how ‘today’s youth is late to everything in life.’
Behind all the cafes, shops, and people on the crowded streets of the commercial hub of the city, the tall, glimmering glass building of Sebong Corp. comes into view. An eager tourist might stop to take a few pictures of the sight, but all you can focus on is entering said building in time for your meeting.
You swiftly avoid bumping into most pedestrians taking a lazy stroll down the street, and only when the doors of the building are in front of you, you let your guard down and reduce your sprint to a brisk walk.
Big mistake.
After you swipe your ID card at the main entrance, thereby triggering the large glass doors to open, you stop in the office lobby to catch your breath. You’re just about to wave at Sunjae, the new receptionist, when all of a sudden, you hear someone curse loudly behind you, and get abruptly pushed forward, and feel a strange wetness on your back. It smells a lot like coffee.
You’re not one for cursing in the workplace. Xu Minghao from HR is slightly terrifying when you see him deal with interns who forget to lower their voice while speaking in language inappropriate for work, and you like to remain in his good books.
Now, however, you feel every drop of that restraint leave you as you shout loudly, for even Minghao’s ancestors to hear, “What the fuck?”
—
“Y/N, I’m sure you know why you’re here,” Minghao sighs, and you bite your tongue to stop yourself from saying something to worsen your situation.
“Was it the cursing? Are you going to write me up for it?” You ask innocently, and it’s clear from Minghao’s raised eyebrow that he’s not in the mood to tolerate bullshit.
“Cursing? Do you think that’s what I called you in for?” Minghao asks incredulously. “Y/N, you could go swear in front of the CEO if you’d like, but maybe we should address the fact that you, in the middle of the building’s lobby, deliberately dumped a glass of water on someone’s head?”
“What kind of idiot isn’t careful while carrying four cups of hot coffee?” You retort. “Only someone who lacks any sort of hand-eye coordination, which even toddlers possess, could be so foolish as to—”
The door to Minghao’s office swinging open interrupts your rant, and in walks a six foot tall man, with his shoulders so drawn up with tension that it makes his frame look broader than it already is. His hair is damp with the water you dumped on him, and his face is scrunched up, as if being in this situation physically hurts him, and that makes you laugh, considering that you were the one that just had hot coffee poured on your back.
“You’re Kim Mingyu, yes?” Minghao asks, and the man, Mingyu, nods, not daring to make eye contact. “Mingyu, please, have a seat.” Minghao says, gesturing towards the chair placed next to you.
Mingyu sits down next to you, positioning himself so close to the edge of the seat it makes it look like he’s preparing to sprint out of the room at any given moment. That’s when you notice a brown paper bag clutched in his hands.
“Mingyu, this is Jung Y/N, Sebong Corp.’s IT Specialist,” Minghao introduces you, and Mingyu hesitantly turns to the side to face you.
“Hi,” He gulps nervously. “I’m Kim Mingyu, the new intern at the—”
“Look, Kim Minju or whatever,” You cut him off. “If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having my time wasted, and that’s exactly what you’ve done. You could have a million reasons to explain the fact that you spilled coffee all over me, but I don’t care for a single one, because I have other important things to do. So please,” You turn to Minghao as you finish your sentence. “Don’t bother with any apologies or introductions. If HR needs me to compensate in any way for my behaviour, please let me know via email.”
Mingyu stares as you push your chair back and stand up to leave the room. He looks at Minghao, wondering if the man had anything to say, but he just sighs as your heels click against the floor when you walk out.
“I hope you didn’t mind the way she spoke,” Minghao asks, sounding almost sympathetic.
“I think she hates me, and I haven’t even started working here,” Mingyu winces.
“She doesn’t hate you,” Minghao shakes his head. “She really just doesn’t care enough to. Y/N’s one of the best employees here because of her no-nonsense attitude, so don’t think it’s personal. If you do have any complaints though, you can always let me know.”
“Yes, of course,” Mingyu nods, and Minghao smiles.
“That’s all, then,” Minghao says. “You can head up to your department now. I’ve asked another colleague to make sure you get settled in comfortably.”
“Thank you, Mr. Xu,” Mingyu bows after getting up from his seat.
“Please, we’re the same age,” Minghao laughs. “Just call me Minghao.”
“Got it, Minghao,” Mingyu chuckles, turning to leave the room, when Minghao speaks again. “Mingyu, remember to not take anything Y/N said personally, okay? She’s nicer when you get to know her, so don’t be disheartened. She’s probably already forgotten about the whole thing, so don’t think too much into it, yeah?”
Mingyu nods and then leaves the room, but he can’t help but remember the way you left the office, with your shoulders hunched. Your posture looked uncomfortable, and Mingyu deduces that it must have been that way because of his own mistake. He glances down at the paper bag in his hands, and makes a decision.
“You can do this, Mingyu,” He encourages himself, before heading for the elevators. Once he’s inside, he presses the button for the 5th floor, two floors above his own department. When he gets off on the floor, he asks the nearest person where the IT offices are. After being directed, he quickly makes his way to your office. Minghao’s colleague will have to wait for a while.
“Ms. Jung! Trying out new fashion?” Jaemin, the new intern in your department, calls out when you enter the break-room. The already droopy shoulders of the blazer you’re wearing seem to weigh down on you even more at his comment.
“Uh, yes…?” You reply, shooting him an awkward smile and immediately heading for the coffee machine afterwards.
“I’m all for the oversized clothes trend,” Jaemin goes on, stirring his ‘death juice’ that contains a concerning number of espresso shots. “Baggy jeans? Whoever brought them back is a genius. But, isn’t your blazer a little too big on you?”
You’re glad your back is facing Jaemin, because you’re sure he’d sniff you out within seconds if he saw your terrible acting. “I ordered it online, and I got the wrong size, so….”
“Ah, the mishaps of online shopping,” Jaemin tuts, shaking his head. “What about that new cologne you’re wearing? Is it another online purchase?”
Your eyes widen when you realize that the clothes you have on are sprayed with a cologne completely different from the one you wear on a regular basis. You curse your bad luck before schooling your expression into a more calm one before turning to face Jaemin.
“Jaemin, I understand that I asked you to submit a report to me before lunch,” You say, hoping your voice didn’t shake too much. “How is it coming along?”
It’s Jaemin’s turn to look flustered as he hastily grabs his coffee. “It’s going great! You are definitely going to see it on your desk before lunch! Have a great day, boss.” With that, Jaemin is running out of the break-room, and you heave a sigh of relief.
“God, I wish this stupid day was over already,” You mutter, tugging at the sleeves of the blazer that completely engulfs you in it. You do, however, take the time to appreciate the soft material of the blazer, and the admittedly soothing fragrance of the musky cologne emanating from the fabric.
It smells all too familiar, and it takes you a moment to realize why it does.
“Kim Mingyu, I’m going to kill you.”
. . . . .
A knock on the door of your office makes you pause in the middle of taking your coffee-stained blazer off. You grit your teeth at the uncomfortable sensation of your wet clothes sticking to your back as you put the blazer back on and call out, “Come in.”
You had expected one of the new interns to be walking into your office with yet another complaint about their employee IDs not working, but surprisingly, it’s Kim Mingyu who walks in, looking like a kicked puppy with his sad expression.
“Uh, hi,” He says, closing the door behind him and keeping at least a six-feet distance between himself and your desk.
“Hi,” You reply, and the conversation falls flat. After an awkward minute of Mingyu making eye contact with every object in the room and you trying (and failing) to maintain a neutral expression on your face, you break. “Did you need something?”
That’s when it strikes you—Minghao did mention that Mingyu was a new intern. Was he possibly in your department?
“Wait, are you my new intern?” You ask, unable to keep the mild terror out of your voice as you break the question.
“What? No, I’m joining the Social Media department,” Mingyu shakes his head vigorously, and you sigh with relief. “I just—I wanted to give you something.”
Before you could even ask what he needed to give you, Mingyu hesitantly shuffles forward and places a brown bag on your desk, which you recognize as the one he was holding in Minghao’s office earlier.
You scoff. Over the last six years of working at Sebong Corp., you’ve been hit on multiple times. There have been many hopeful interns and ex-employees who have tried to shoot their shot, but you’ve always shut their advances down. Now, a man who doesn’t even know you and has soaked you in coffee, has the audacity to flirt with you?
“Look, Mingyu, I’m flattered,” You chuckle, your tone lacking any mirth. “But I’m not interested in you that way, and I think it’s way too early to—”
“It’s just dry clothes,” Mingyu cuts you off, and you wonder why he didn’t do it before you made a fool out of yourself. “I had an extra set of clothes with me, and I noticed that you looked uncomfortable, so I got you these. If there’s any other way I can help you out, please just let me know.”
You’re too mortified to even give him any kind of reply, and Mingyu seizes the opportunity to slip out of your office, saving you from any further embarrassment.
“I’m such an idiot,” You mutter to yourself, pinching the bridge of your nose. The combined shame from your hasty conclusion and the growing stickiness on your back makes you give in and open the paper bag in front of you.
Inside, there’s a neatly pressed blazer and a white formal shirt, which makes you nearly leap with joy. Without wasting a second, you head for the bathrooms to change into the fresh clothes.
It’s only after you exit the bathroom stall that you see how idiotic you look in a blazer and shirt three times your size. You had failed to consider that Mingyu’s frame is much bigger than yours, which meant that his clothes would look comically large on you.
Still, there’s no denying the comfort of wearing dry, clean clothes, so you decide to ignore all the possible consequences of wearing clothes that clearly aren’t your size all around the office and exit the bathroom.
You just hope no one asks you about it.
. . . . .
“I wasn’t expecting the new intern to be this cute,” The new voice makes Mingyu look up from his laptop to see someone unfamiliar. He’s spent a week at Sebong Corp. already, but he’s yet to meet the head of his own department, who was apparently on a week-long break in Bali.
Once he takes in the stranger in front of him, and the orange lanyard that hangs around her neck, he’s quick to realize that his boss was finally back from break.
“Good Morning, Ms. Shin,” Mingyu says, standing up from his seat to bow deeply. “I’m Kim Mingyu, the new intern.”
“Yes, Jaemin has told me all about you,” Ms. Shin smiles, stretching her hand out, which Mingyu gingerly shakes. “It’s time this department gets some fresh ideas, and I was impressed by your work. How about I have my assistant set up a quick briefing for the team and you can introduce your ideas to us?”
“Yes, of course, ma’am,” Mingyu agrees instantly. Ms. Shin gives him another dazzling smile before walking away to her office, leaving Mingyu buzzing with excitement at his desk. The company he used to work at previously had never given him much room to experiment with their social media pages, having preferred a more traditional and conservative approach to publicity. The lack of creative liberty had thrown Mingyu into a slump, which is when he came across Sebong Corp.
They were relatively a new name in the entertainment industry, and upon further research, Mingyu found out that the company was run by people who wanted to hire fresh faces and young, creative minds. Without any hesitation, Mingyu quit his old job the day he received an interview call from Sebong Corp.
The chance to share his ideas with people willing to execute them excited Mingyu to no end, which is why he doesn’t waste any more time before preparing a presentation for the briefing.
“Our promotions with Actor Hansol Vernon Chwe are starting soon, so I centered most of my suggestions around Mr. Chwe himself.”
“I think that’s a great idea, Mingyu,” Ms. Shin nods, gesturing for Mingyu to continue.
“Okay, so I did my research, and Mr. Chwe’s fans love him for how unintentionally funny he is,” Mingyu starts. “When he appears on variety shows, his delayed reactions, blank expressions, and comedic timing is what makes him attractive to most people.” He flips through viral tweets and clips about Vernon’s unique personality to enhance his statement.
“To make sure our promotions really reach our target audience, we need to emphasize on humor and comedy. Short-form content, like Tiktoks and Reels are also much more likely to grab attention from more viewers, so that should be our main focus. To make the content more relatable, we should also try to incorporate elements from current trends, even for our own company’s promotions.”
There’s silence in the room after Mingyu finishes his presentation, and there’s a sinking feeling in his stomach. Did I go too far? Do they hate me now? Maybe I should have gone a little more traditional—
“Kim Mingyu, you are exactly what this department was missing,” Ms. Shin interrupts his internal monologue. “I think this is perfect, and the team would be more than happy to implement your suggestions as soon as possible.”
“Wait, really?” Mingyu asks, surprised that his ideas were received so openly.
“Yeah! I think I can come up with some really good scripts for videos,” Yena, the team’s writer speaks up. “And Donghyuck is really good at editing videos and making them funny.”
“You should see the video we made for Ms. Shin on her birthday last year,” Donghyuck boasts, smiling smugly. “But yes, I agree with everyone else. This is new and fresh, and our audience will love it.”
“That’s that, then,” Ms. Shin claps her hands together. “Mingyu, lets take this week to develop on your ideas a bit more, and—”
The door of the conference room swinging open abruptly cuts Ms. Shin’s sentence short. Mingyu wants the ground to swallow him whole when he sees you walk in, brown paper bag clutched in your hand.
“Kim Mingyu, here are your clothes, which I never asked for, washed and dry-cleaned,” You say, thrusting the bag into his hands, when you realize that you just interrupted a meeting. Your mouth falls open when you see most of the Social Media department seated in the room, looking at Mingyu and you with utmost interest.
“I knew it! The clothes weren’t yours!” Jaemin speaks up from the back, and you squint your eyes at the mop of platinum blonde hair peeking out from behind Donghyuck.
“Jaemin, why are you here?” You ask, crossing your arms. “Have you forgotten which department you’re in?”
“Here for purely IT-related concerns,” Jaemin shakes his head. “No one here could get the projector to work, so I had to help out.”
You sigh when you don’t find any appropriate response to give Jaemin, which makes you finally realize that the Social Media department, combined with Jaemin, are the most effective channel of communication in the office.
Two years ago, when an ex-employee had spilled ramen all over Ms. Shin’s laptop and was spotted by Donghyuck, the entire office knew about it within 2 hours of the incident occurring. The thought of everyone finding out that the new intern was now lending you clothes made your head hurt, and you don’t waste a second before apologizing for the interruption and exiting the room immediately, heading up to your office to grieve the loss of your privacy.
Back in the meeting room, everyone files out soon after your exit, muttering to each other about everything that had happened. Donghyuck and Jaemin are the last ones to leave, and they walk up to Mingyu with twin smiles of mischief glinting on their faces.
“Say, Mingyu, you’re quite the gentleman, aren’t you?” Jaemin asks, and Mingyu blushes out of what he hopes is embarrassment.
“There’s nothing to it,” He denies. “I lent her my extra clothes because I spilled coffee on her because it’s the least I could do. I didn’t expect her to actually wear them.”
“I gotta say, the blazer looked nice on her,” Donghyuck adds on. “Maybe you should let her borrow from your wardrobe more often.”
Before Mingyu can even respond, the two men wink at him in sync and leave him alone in the meeting room, heart fluttering at the thought of you wearing his clothes.
Get a grip on yourself, Mingyu, he tells himself, trying to shake the strange feeling off him. It’s too soon for you to catch feelings for someone who probably hates your guts.
He doesn’t think that warning himself is effective, not when his heart never listens to him before falling for anyone.
a/n: i have a lot of emotions rn. that's showbiz, baby! is my first collab ever, and i've had the most wonderful 7 months in this collab. starting off with the new year, tara ( @diamonddaze01 ) and kae ( @studioeisa ) invited me to their collab, and im so grateful that they gave me a place to make good friends (i love u all sm), be myself with no one judging me, and have some of the best caratblr writers i have interacted with helping me plan, plot, and execute several fics.
this fic, right down to the title and the main premise, wouldn't have existed if it weren't for rie ( @okiedokrie-main ) and his genius brain. bennie ( @miniseokminnies ) made this BEAUTIFUL banner, and i am in love with the way their brain works (hi actor vernon. looking at u.)
calli ( @hhaechansmoless ) and rae ( @nerdycheol ) were my emotional support beta readers, and i love you guys for encouraging me to overcome my writing block <3
this is only the first part of the fic, which feels anti-climactic, but the full story WILL come to you guys!! i promise. for now, please enjoy, loserboy vs. hatergirl.
this fic is a part of the that's showbiz, baby! collab. check out the main masterlist -- here <3
word count: 3.2k
contents: kim mingyu x f!reader , social media intern!mingyu , IT specialist!reader , grumpy x sunshine trope , clumsy mingyu (because its canon) , mingyu is down bad here too. (is this canon) , featuring haechan and jaemin because they're the evil twins of nct
You like your job, you really do. Sure, you hadn’t envisioned yourself working in the IT department of Sebong Corp, one of South Korea's most popular media companies, but you were satisfied, somewhat, with the way you had put your computer science degree to use.
However, there were a few moments that really made you question your job, life, and entire existence.
One of those moments being this:
It’s 9:05 A.M., and you’re not even close to reaching the office. You just got off the subway and you’re booking it down the street to reach work before your department head launched off into another lecture on how ‘today’s youth is late to everything in life.’
Behind all the cafes, shops, and people on the crowded streets of the commercial hub of the city, the tall, glimmering glass building of Sebong Corp. comes into view. An eager tourist might stop to take a few pictures of the sight, but all you can focus on is entering said building in time for your meeting.
You swiftly avoid bumping into most pedestrians taking a lazy stroll down the street, and only when the doors of the building are in front of you, you let your guard down and reduce your sprint to a brisk walk.
Big mistake.
After you swipe your ID card at the main entrance, thereby triggering the large glass doors to open, you stop in the office lobby to catch your breath. You’re just about to wave at Sunjae, the new receptionist, when all of a sudden, you hear someone curse loudly behind you, and get abruptly pushed forward, and feel a strange wetness on your back. It smells a lot like coffee.
You’re not one for cursing in the workplace. Xu Minghao from HR is slightly terrifying when you see him deal with interns who forget to lower their voice while speaking in language inappropriate for work, and you like to remain in his good books.
Now, however, you feel every drop of that restraint leave you as you shout loudly, for even Minghao’s ancestors to hear, “What the fuck?”
—
“Y/N, I’m sure you know why you’re here,” Minghao sighs, and you bite your tongue to stop yourself from saying something to worsen your situation.
“Was it the cursing? Are you going to write me up for it?” You ask innocently, and it’s clear from Minghao’s raised eyebrow that he’s not in the mood to tolerate bullshit.
“Cursing? Do you think that’s what I called you in for?” Minghao asks incredulously. “Y/N, you could go swear in front of the CEO if you’d like, but maybe we should address the fact that you, in the middle of the building’s lobby, deliberately dumped a glass of water on someone’s head?”
“What kind of idiot isn’t careful while carrying four cups of hot coffee?” You retort. “Only someone who lacks any sort of hand-eye coordination, which even toddlers possess, could be so foolish as to—”
The door to Minghao’s office swinging open interrupts your rant, and in walks a six foot tall man, with his shoulders so drawn up with tension that it makes his frame look broader than it already is. His hair is damp with the water you dumped on him, and his face is scrunched up, as if being in this situation physically hurts him, and that makes you laugh, considering that you were the one that just had hot coffee poured on your back.
“You’re Kim Mingyu, yes?” Minghao asks, and the man, Mingyu, nods, not daring to make eye contact. “Mingyu, please, have a seat.” Minghao says, gesturing towards the chair placed next to you.
Mingyu sits down next to you, positioning himself so close to the edge of the seat it makes it look like he’s preparing to sprint out of the room at any given moment. That’s when you notice a brown paper bag clutched in his hands.
“Mingyu, this is Jung Y/N, Sebong Corp.’s IT Specialist,” Minghao introduces you, and Mingyu hesitantly turns to the side to face you.
“Hi,” He gulps nervously. “I’m Kim Mingyu, the new intern at the—”
“Look, Kim Minju or whatever,” You cut him off. “If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having my time wasted, and that’s exactly what you’ve done. You could have a million reasons to explain the fact that you spilled coffee all over me, but I don’t care for a single one, because I have other important things to do. So please,” You turn to Minghao as you finish your sentence. “Don’t bother with any apologies or introductions. If HR needs me to compensate in any way for my behaviour, please let me know via email.”
Mingyu stares as you push your chair back and stand up to leave the room. He looks at Minghao, wondering if the man had anything to say, but he just sighs as your heels click against the floor when you walk out.
“I hope you didn’t mind the way she spoke,” Minghao asks, sounding almost sympathetic.
“I think she hates me, and I haven’t even started working here,” Mingyu winces.
“She doesn’t hate you,” Minghao shakes his head. “She really just doesn’t care enough to. Y/N’s one of the best employees here because of her no-nonsense attitude, so don’t think it’s personal. If you do have any complaints though, you can always let me know.”
“Yes, of course,” Mingyu nods, and Minghao smiles.
“That’s all, then,” Minghao says. “You can head up to your department now. I’ve asked another colleague to make sure you get settled in comfortably.”
“Thank you, Mr. Xu,” Mingyu bows after getting up from his seat.
“Please, we’re the same age,” Minghao laughs. “Just call me Minghao.”
“Got it, Minghao,” Mingyu chuckles, turning to leave the room, when Minghao speaks again. “Mingyu, remember to not take anything Y/N said personally, okay? She’s nicer when you get to know her, so don’t be disheartened. She’s probably already forgotten about the whole thing, so don’t think too much into it, yeah?”
Mingyu nods and then leaves the room, but he can’t help but remember the way you left the office, with your shoulders hunched. Your posture looked uncomfortable, and Mingyu deduces that it must have been that way because of his own mistake. He glances down at the paper bag in his hands, and makes a decision.
“You can do this, Mingyu,” He encourages himself, before heading for the elevators. Once he’s inside, he presses the button for the 5th floor, two floors above his own department. When he gets off on the floor, he asks the nearest person where the IT offices are. After being directed, he quickly makes his way to your office. Minghao’s colleague will have to wait for a while.
“Ms. Jung! Trying out new fashion?” Jaemin, the new intern in your department, calls out when you enter the break-room. The already droopy shoulders of the blazer you’re wearing seem to weigh down on you even more at his comment.
“Uh, yes…?” You reply, shooting him an awkward smile and immediately heading for the coffee machine afterwards.
“I’m all for the oversized clothes trend,” Jaemin goes on, stirring his ‘death juice’ that contains a concerning number of espresso shots. “Baggy jeans? Whoever brought them back is a genius. But, isn’t your blazer a little too big on you?”
You’re glad your back is facing Jaemin, because you’re sure he’d sniff you out within seconds if he saw your terrible acting. “I ordered it online, and I got the wrong size, so….”
“Ah, the mishaps of online shopping,” Jaemin tuts, shaking his head. “What about that new cologne you’re wearing? Is it another online purchase?”
Your eyes widen when you realize that the clothes you have on are sprayed with a cologne completely different from the one you wear on a regular basis. You curse your bad luck before schooling your expression into a more calm one before turning to face Jaemin.
“Jaemin, I understand that I asked you to submit a report to me before lunch,” You say, hoping your voice didn’t shake too much. “How is it coming along?”
It’s Jaemin’s turn to look flustered as he hastily grabs his coffee. “It’s going great! You are definitely going to see it on your desk before lunch! Have a great day, boss.” With that, Jaemin is running out of the break-room, and you heave a sigh of relief.
“God, I wish this stupid day was over already,” You mutter, tugging at the sleeves of the blazer that completely engulfs you in it. You do, however, take the time to appreciate the soft material of the blazer, and the admittedly soothing fragrance of the musky cologne emanating from the fabric.
It smells all too familiar, and it takes you a moment to realize why it does.
“Kim Mingyu, I’m going to kill you.”
. . . . .
A knock on the door of your office makes you pause in the middle of taking your coffee-stained blazer off. You grit your teeth at the uncomfortable sensation of your wet clothes sticking to your back as you put the blazer back on and call out, “Come in.”
You had expected one of the new interns to be walking into your office with yet another complaint about their employee IDs not working, but surprisingly, it’s Kim Mingyu who walks in, looking like a kicked puppy with his sad expression.
“Uh, hi,” He says, closing the door behind him and keeping at least a six-feet distance between himself and your desk.
“Hi,” You reply, and the conversation falls flat. After an awkward minute of Mingyu making eye contact with every object in the room and you trying (and failing) to maintain a neutral expression on your face, you break. “Did you need something?”
That’s when it strikes you—Minghao did mention that Mingyu was a new intern. Was he possibly in your department?
“Wait, are you my new intern?” You ask, unable to keep the mild terror out of your voice as you break the question.
“What? No, I’m joining the Social Media department,” Mingyu shakes his head vigorously, and you sigh with relief. “I just—I wanted to give you something.”
Before you could even ask what he needed to give you, Mingyu hesitantly shuffles forward and places a brown bag on your desk, which you recognize as the one he was holding in Minghao’s office earlier.
You scoff. Over the last six years of working at Sebong Corp., you’ve been hit on multiple times. There have been many hopeful interns and ex-employees who have tried to shoot their shot, but you’ve always shut their advances down. Now, a man who doesn’t even know you and has soaked you in coffee, has the audacity to flirt with you?
“Look, Mingyu, I’m flattered,” You chuckle, your tone lacking any mirth. “But I’m not interested in you that way, and I think it’s way too early to—”
“It’s just dry clothes,” Mingyu cuts you off, and you wonder why he didn’t do it before you made a fool out of yourself. “I had an extra set of clothes with me, and I noticed that you looked uncomfortable, so I got you these. If there’s any other way I can help you out, please just let me know.”
You’re too mortified to even give him any kind of reply, and Mingyu seizes the opportunity to slip out of your office, saving you from any further embarrassment.
“I’m such an idiot,” You mutter to yourself, pinching the bridge of your nose. The combined shame from your hasty conclusion and the growing stickiness on your back makes you give in and open the paper bag in front of you.
Inside, there’s a neatly pressed blazer and a white formal shirt, which makes you nearly leap with joy. Without wasting a second, you head for the bathrooms to change into the fresh clothes.
It’s only after you exit the bathroom stall that you see how idiotic you look in a blazer and shirt three times your size. You had failed to consider that Mingyu’s frame is much bigger than yours, which meant that his clothes would look comically large on you.
Still, there’s no denying the comfort of wearing dry, clean clothes, so you decide to ignore all the possible consequences of wearing clothes that clearly aren’t your size all around the office and exit the bathroom.
You just hope no one asks you about it.
. . . . .
“I wasn’t expecting the new intern to be this cute,” The new voice makes Mingyu look up from his laptop to see someone unfamiliar. He’s spent a week at Sebong Corp. already, but he’s yet to meet the head of his own department, who was apparently on a week-long break in Bali.
Once he takes in the stranger in front of him, and the orange lanyard that hangs around her neck, he’s quick to realize that his boss was finally back from break.
“Good Morning, Ms. Shin,” Mingyu says, standing up from his seat to bow deeply. “I’m Kim Mingyu, the new intern.”
“Yes, Jaemin has told me all about you,” Ms. Shin smiles, stretching her hand out, which Mingyu gingerly shakes. “It’s time this department gets some fresh ideas, and I was impressed by your work. How about I have my assistant set up a quick briefing for the team and you can introduce your ideas to us?”
“Yes, of course, ma’am,” Mingyu agrees instantly. Ms. Shin gives him another dazzling smile before walking away to her office, leaving Mingyu buzzing with excitement at his desk. The company he used to work at previously had never given him much room to experiment with their social media pages, having preferred a more traditional and conservative approach to publicity. The lack of creative liberty had thrown Mingyu into a slump, which is when he came across Sebong Corp.
They were relatively a new name in the entertainment industry, and upon further research, Mingyu found out that the company was run by people who wanted to hire fresh faces and young, creative minds. Without any hesitation, Mingyu quit his old job the day he received an interview call from Sebong Corp.
The chance to share his ideas with people willing to execute them excited Mingyu to no end, which is why he doesn’t waste any more time before preparing a presentation for the briefing.
“Our promotions with Actor Hansol Vernon Chwe are starting soon, so I centered most of my suggestions around Mr. Chwe himself.”
“I think that’s a great idea, Mingyu,” Ms. Shin nods, gesturing for Mingyu to continue.
“Okay, so I did my research, and Mr. Chwe’s fans love him for how unintentionally funny he is,” Mingyu starts. “When he appears on variety shows, his delayed reactions, blank expressions, and comedic timing is what makes him attractive to most people.” He flips through viral tweets and clips about Vernon’s unique personality to enhance his statement.
“To make sure our promotions really reach our target audience, we need to emphasize on humor and comedy. Short-form content, like Tiktoks and Reels are also much more likely to grab attention from more viewers, so that should be our main focus. To make the content more relatable, we should also try to incorporate elements from current trends, even for our own company’s promotions.”
There’s silence in the room after Mingyu finishes his presentation, and there’s a sinking feeling in his stomach. Did I go too far? Do they hate me now? Maybe I should have gone a little more traditional—
“Kim Mingyu, you are exactly what this department was missing,” Ms. Shin interrupts his internal monologue. “I think this is perfect, and the team would be more than happy to implement your suggestions as soon as possible.”
“Wait, really?” Mingyu asks, surprised that his ideas were received so openly.
“Yeah! I think I can come up with some really good scripts for videos,” Yena, the team’s writer speaks up. “And Donghyuck is really good at editing videos and making them funny.”
“You should see the video we made for Ms. Shin on her birthday last year,” Donghyuck boasts, smiling smugly. “But yes, I agree with everyone else. This is new and fresh, and our audience will love it.”
“That’s that, then,” Ms. Shin claps her hands together. “Mingyu, lets take this week to develop on your ideas a bit more, and—”
The door of the conference room swinging open abruptly cuts Ms. Shin’s sentence short. Mingyu wants the ground to swallow him whole when he sees you walk in, brown paper bag clutched in your hand.
“Kim Mingyu, here are your clothes, which I never asked for, washed and dry-cleaned,” You say, thrusting the bag into his hands, when you realize that you just interrupted a meeting. Your mouth falls open when you see most of the Social Media department seated in the room, looking at Mingyu and you with utmost interest.
“I knew it! The clothes weren’t yours!” Jaemin speaks up from the back, and you squint your eyes at the mop of platinum blonde hair peeking out from behind Donghyuck.
“Jaemin, why are you here?” You ask, crossing your arms. “Have you forgotten which department you’re in?”
“Here for purely IT-related concerns,” Jaemin shakes his head. “No one here could get the projector to work, so I had to help out.”
You sigh when you don’t find any appropriate response to give Jaemin, which makes you finally realize that the Social Media department, combined with Jaemin, are the most effective channel of communication in the office.
Two years ago, when an ex-employee had spilled ramen all over Ms. Shin’s laptop and was spotted by Donghyuck, the entire office knew about it within 2 hours of the incident occurring. The thought of everyone finding out that the new intern was now lending you clothes made your head hurt, and you don’t waste a second before apologizing for the interruption and exiting the room immediately, heading up to your office to grieve the loss of your privacy.
Back in the meeting room, everyone files out soon after your exit, muttering to each other about everything that had happened. Donghyuck and Jaemin are the last ones to leave, and they walk up to Mingyu with twin smiles of mischief glinting on their faces.
“Say, Mingyu, you’re quite the gentleman, aren’t you?” Jaemin asks, and Mingyu blushes out of what he hopes is embarrassment.
“There’s nothing to it,” He denies. “I lent her my extra clothes because I spilled coffee on her because it’s the least I could do. I didn’t expect her to actually wear them.”
“I gotta say, the blazer looked nice on her,” Donghyuck adds on. “Maybe you should let her borrow from your wardrobe more often.”
Before Mingyu can even respond, the two men wink at him in sync and leave him alone in the meeting room, heart fluttering at the thought of you wearing his clothes.
Get a grip on yourself, Mingyu, he tells himself, trying to shake the strange feeling off him. It’s too soon for you to catch feelings for someone who probably hates your guts.
He doesn’t think that warning himself is effective, not when his heart never listens to him before falling for anyone.
Summary: Choi Seungcheol has never been the type to commit to relationships - casual is more his thing. You’re fine with that - except you and Seungcheol seem to be terrible at casual when it comes to one another.
Whispers of Desire by @cherriegyuu
Summary:when you cut a deal with the demon king, the man who shows up to help is nothing like you imagined
Up In Flames by @shadowkoo
Summary: When your sister calls with an emergency, you drop everything to house-sit while she’s out of town. What she forgets to mention is that her fiancé’s friend, a handsome stranger who might have saved your life earlier, is already expecting to stay there too. Awkwardly sharing the space, you manage to get through two weeks with Seungcheol—only to unexpectedly cross paths again when he saves you from another dangerous situation outside your therapist’s office.
Seungcheol, a wildland firefighter, is back in the city taking his leave and debating whether to join Station 17 or return home. While sorting out his own issues, he keeps finding himself in situations where he has to save you—the fiery, stubborn little sister of his best friend’s fiancée who has a terrible habit of calling him the most obnoxious nicknames ever. Despite your resistance to being rescued (and his denial of how much you affect him), the sparks between you two continue to ignite. As you grow closer, it’s only a matter of time before everything goes up in flames.
Camera Man by @smileysuh
Summary: He’s this big, strong, business major and frat president- but right now, he’s putty in your hands… and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t feeling extremely powerful from this.
You Think You Might by @daechwitatamic
Summary: Seungcheol agrees to be your fake boyfriend at your sister’s destination wedding, under the condition that it “stays there”. You didn’t expect it to hurt when he holds you to that promise.
Tumble Day by @shina913
Summary: Sure, a man doing chores is hot. But a man who does the laundry, folds it, and puts it away? Absolutely irresistible.
XOXO, Yoon Jeonghan by @svtswhorehouse
Synopsis: with your it girl reputation on the line in regards to the latest gossip girl blast, you have no other choice but to own your mistakes and fall at the feet of the very person behind your impending doom.
Befriending Tigers by @nothoughtsjustfic
Summary: “You won’t admit it to anyone, but you’re pretty enamoured with the tiger striped father-son duo from the very first moment.”
Hanging By A Moment by @haologram
Synopsis: it's been a few years since you've been home for your birthday, and wonwoo can't wait to see you...right?
Slacking Off by @goldenhourology
Summary: being technologically averse, yet a complete control freak to your core, you tend to annoy senior IT specialist, jeon wonwoo, to no end. but after an apology brings you two closer together, wonwoo finds himself reaching out to you more often than not. on and off slack. despite what you two had originally perceived, you find yourself thrown into feelings that neither of you could've ever prepared for.
Lip Tint Stains And Hair Ties by @shineesbackbitches
Summary: “He locked his gaze in front of him, unable to gather the wits to gauge your reaction. His round glasses had slipped further down his nose than he preferred them, but he made no effort to correct their resting place. Wonwoo’s vision had always been complete garbage, and the time he spent focused on video games had not served his eyesight for the better. His glasses were cute though, and you’d told him as much the first time he wore them around you. Overall, he felt neutral about his frames, but being able to clearly see the board at the front of the classroom, the leaves on trees, and the smaller details of your face he hadn’t noticed without them were enough to convince him to wear them consistently. (“Since when did you have like, individual eyelashes?” “You mean like, how everyone does?” “… Huh.” “You knew people have individual lashes. Wonwoo, you knew people have individual lashes, right?”)”
Warning Signal by @hannieoftheyear
Summary :In a treacherous turn of events, your most recent mission gets tangled with Wonwoo's, the last person you'd want to partner up with.
As the lives of your targets get more and more intertwined, and your plan gets more complicated, memories of the past and feelings you thought you could put aside threaten to ruin the mission.
No Face by @smileysuh
Summary. Wonwoo is even more gorgeous than you’d ever imagined the anonymous No Face being, and this time, when you close your eyes to listen to the cam boy moan, you imagine your history partner above you, his hand down your pants as he rubs you closer and closer to the edge.
Glass Towers by @mr-cha-n
Summary: City lights are beautiful, but they're nothing compared to the spark between a hopelessly optimistic architect and his no-nonsense boss. He hopes.
Cinnamon by @daechwitatamic
Summary: You finally decide to try and move on after years of waiting for Mingyu to return your feelings. But when you start bringing your new boyfriend around more often, things with Mingyu get... difficult.
What Do I Call You by @haologram
Synopsis: your best friend is a man of many facets - a creative architecture student, a skilled football player, a wonderful friend and a sought-after lover. not that he'd ever truly glance anyone's way, especially not when his heart has always been set on you.
Dessert First by @highvern
summary: You've got a great life. Your wedding planning business is booming, your clients are great, and you're finally over your ex-boyfriend after years of pining. Or you are, until the universe decides to test if those three things are actually true.
Glimpse Of Us by @gyubakeries
Still Yours by @cherrynpink
Save The Date by @goldenhourology
Summary: 5 weddings in one year. 5 dates you saved for you and your boyfriend to attend — before he cheated. and now, you had to force your best friend, vernon, to go with you. but after losing a bet, mingyu agrees to take vernon’s place and be your date. this wasn’t how any of this was supposed to go, but you guess you could settle going with your only one-night-stand from college.
The Admirer Was Right in Front of You by @mylovesstuffs
Summary: Mingyu’s been in love with you forever but you’ve never seen him that way, or so he thinks. So he writes you anonymous letters, sends gifts, leaves clues—seven days of hope that you’ll catch on without him spelling it out for you. But every time you get close, you guess everyone but him.
Clarity by @hannieoftheyear
Summary: Mingyu doesn't want to pay you any mind. To him, you're just another girl that'll get her heart broken by his dumb best friend.
Why would he care, right? He shouldn't care about the crying sounds he hears from his bedroom when his friend stands you up for the girl he's actually in love with. And he shouldn't be getting close to you. He shouldn't dread the day his friend decides to end things with you and bring someone else home. He shouldn't be wishing to have met you first.
Winner Takes It All by @cheers-to-you-th
Summary: It's no secret that Kim Mingyu is a whore. The question is, why won't he fuck you?!
or
Your journey of attempting to seduce your friend, Kim Mingyu
Apartment no.17 by @kwnnies
Summary: moving to a new apartment seemed like an exciting thing, a breath of fresh air maybe; only then your peace is disturbed by the likes of an old friend and his extremely attractive roommate.
On The Clock by @sailorsoons
SUMMARY: Modern problems call for modern solutions, including naming a random stranger in the book store as your boyfriend to avoid an embarrassing encounter with your ex. The problem? The stranger is Vernon and he’s not supposed to be a stranger at all - he’s your coworker, and now everyone at the office - including your ex - thinks you’re dating.
Vice;Grip by @daechwitatamic
Summary: You both knew why you were there. You both knew what you needed out of it: just sex, just fun.
The just of it failed to last.
You know precisely the first time it was different, the first time it wasn’t for fun. You needed the same things as always: his mouth hot on your skin, his hands roaming, the feeling of him emptying your mind and pushing every bad feeling out like there wasn’t room for them anymore. But for the first time, you didn’t want those things for enjoyment.
You wanted them as a salve.
Make it not hurt, you could have asked him. Or, at least, make it hurt in a way I choose.
hiii i just finished reading if you leave me (an absolute masterpiece) and i was just wondering if this is a mistake or im just wrong (english isnt my first language)
but at the start of it you wrote “jihoon couldnt agree any less” doesnt that mean he doesnt agree with cheol? cause it would make sense for jihoon to agree with cheol that hoshi is acting weird idk maybe im crazy haha
this a genuine question cause its been bothering me sm 😅
anon i hope u have the greatest day ever for pointing out my mistake 😭😭
most of this fic was written at either 1 am or in haste, so i may have made some mistakes, including the one you’ve mentioned, so thank you for telling me!!
a/n: i kid you not. this fic was busted out in like 24 hours. dont ask how im capable of this sorcery bcs idk myself. on a much more angsty note, soonyoung im so sorry ilysm :( writing angst is my default mode, and i had literally no other ideas. writing this fic was a wild journey, and a little part of me broke because of all this angst, but maybe im just dramatic
thank you ro ( @shinysobi ) for telling me i should twin with our fics, because writing angst is like second nature. thank you rae ( @nerdycheol ) and yuki ( @eclipsaria ) for jumping onto this shipwreck with me and helping me save it (also for being my personal google throughout this fic) major shout-out to kirsten ( @naniwatig3r ) for coming in clutch with the finishing touch i needed to end this monster of a fic.
lastly, thank you bella ( @bella-feed ), sana ( @sanaxo-o ) and catalina ( @dokyumms ) for hosting this event and giving me a chance to write this fic! im usually always writing mingyu, so this was a good challenge :)
word count: 7.8k
contents: soonyoung x f!reader , idol!au , idol!soonyoung , designer!reader , inspired by the song if you leave me by seventeen , angst , lots of angst , two (2) angsty rain scenes because rae encouraged me , friends to maybe lovers to wtf is happening dawg , reader is not likable , reader lives in self destruct mode , hurt no comfort , no happy ending , sorry hoshi my tiger baby
soonyoung is never the first one to leave the practice room. he’s the one that stays back after everyone’s gone home, practicing every step of the choreography down to it’s finest details.
lately, however, jihoon has been noticing the way soonyoung is the first to pack his things and leave the practice room, and it confuses him.
he doesn’t probe into this unusual behaviour. the smile soonyoung has on his face as he runs out is something he hasn’t seen much of either, so he lets it slide.
today, too, jihoon sees seungcheol walk up to soonyoung to invite him over for dinner and drinks, but soonyoung barely gives much of an explanation before he’s shaking his head, grabbing his bag, and leaving the room.
“weird boy,” seungcheol mutters to himself, and jihoon couldn’t agree any less.
. . . . .
“y/n! wait up!” a loud yell stops you in your tracks, and you turn to see someone run towards you, their hair covered with a cap, and a mask hiding their face.
other people walking past you on the sidewalk wouldn’t be able to recognize the person, but you could easily tell from the worn-out pink flannel shirt and the expensive sneakers that it was kwon soonyoung, a.k.a hoshi from seventeen, calling out your name.
“you idiot! why are you yelling in the middle of the street,” you whisper-yell when soonyoung is close enough to hear you. “what if someone recognizes you?”
“don’t worry, i’ll take care of it,” he replies, as enthusiastic as ever. “i’m sorry i’m running late, dance practice took a lot of time to wrap up. shall we go?”
it takes you a split second too long to realize that soonyoung is now holding your wrist and gently tugging you along with him towards the restaurant you both are now very familiar with. any other day, you would’ve told him to stop instantly, but today for some reason, you let your hand be held by the person you want but can’t have.
seokmin is sure he’s never seen soonyoung like this: prescription glasses hanging off his nose, new tablet clutched in his hands, and his tired body sprawled across the couch in his apartment. even his flatmate, hansol, shrugs his shoulders when seokmin silently gestures towards soonyoung.
“dokyeom-ah, i need your help with something,” soonyoung calls out, and seokmin warily approaches him, taking a seat on the couch and leaning over soonyoung’s shoulder to take a look at his screen.
“what are you doing?” seokmin asks, thoroughly confused by the poster displayed on soonyoung’s screen. “don’t tell me you’re leaving seventeen to become a graphic designer.”
“and leave you in BSS with seungkwan? no chance,” soonyoung laughs. “you have a good eye for designs and stuff, so i needed your opinion on this. doesn’t it look like it’s missing something?”
“what is this even for?” seokmin questions, eyes running over the words on the poster. “do you have a side hustle at a magazine?”
“it’s…. for a friend,” soonyoung says, not revealing much. “i told them i’d help them out, and i need you for that. i’ll buy you dinner tomorrow if you help, please?”
seokmin agrees easily, but he can’t help but wonder which friend of soonyoung’s is so close to him that they have him designing posters. he also can’t stop thinking about how soonyoung’s face had turned pink at the mention of this ‘friend.’
seokmin wonders if soonyoung’s friend is just a friend.
. . . . .
“this is genius,” you say, looking at the file soonyoung sent you. in the seat across from you, soonyoung squirms with happiness, his chest swelling with pride. “you really didn’t have to do all this, soonyoung. i thought you said you were only going to look for inspo pictures on pinterest.”
“i just had a random stroke of creativity,” soonyoung shrugs. “it’s not that big of a deal. besides, i haven’t forgotten about our deal.”
your shoulders deflate with the sigh you let out. “soonyoung, i never agreed to that deal. you know we can’t— we can’t be like that. and if you’re getting the wrong idea from all this, we can’t keep meeting anymore.”
you don’t think you’ve seen this much fear in soonyoung’s eyes, not since his trainee days, when he wasn’t sure if he’d even debut. but today, he looks scared, almost desperate, when he places his hand over yours just as you’re about to leave the table.
“don’t. don’t leave,” he shakes his head. “i’ll stop with the deal and everything, i promise. just don’t say you won’t let me see you anymore.”
you don’t hesitate to agree, not when every muscle in your body keeps you rooted to the chair at the restaurant that has seen you more than your parents have.
when soonyoung walks you home later that night, you almost blurt out an apology, but you know that apologizing for your own cowardice only proves that it’s real.
“are you done taking what you need?” junhui asks, looking down the aisle to see soonyoung waddling towards him, arms full of snacks and drinks.
“yep! all done,” soonyoung nods, carefully placing all the items in his arms in the basket junhui is carrying.
“when i said i’d pay for you, i didn’t intend on buying out the entire snack aisle,” junhui sighs, carrying the basket over to the cashier and placing it on the counter with a loud thud.
“you love me, and so does your wallet,” soonyoung replies with a cheeky grin, making exaggerated pouty faces at junhui.
junhui only rolls his eyes at soonyoung. he watches the cashier scan every item, when he notices something unfamiliar.
“wait, did you accidentally get the sour lemon gummies? i thought you didn’t like sour stuff?” junhui asks, and soonyoung’s eyes widen like he’s been caught stealing food off mingyu’s plate.
“it’s not for me,” soonyoung replies awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. he’s saved from further questioning when the cashier reads out the total bill amount and junhui fishes his wallet out from his pocket.
later, when they’re outside the convenience store, junhui reaches into the grocery bag to retrieve the lemon gummies. “so, who is this for? is it your token of appreciation for me?”
“you wish,” soonyoung scoffs, snatching the packet out of junhui’s hands. “it’s for someone else.”
“and is this ‘someone’ the ‘friend’ you were helping out last week?” junhui raises an eyebrow at him. “seokmin told me about it.”
“how does it matter even if it is?” soonyoung crosses his arms defensively. “they’re just a friend, that’s all.”
the sigh that leaves soonyoung’s mouth after that sentence makes junhui think that maybe a friendship isn’t what soonyoung wants from his ‘friend.’
. . . . .
“wait, you remembered i like these?” you gasp, seeing the packet of lemon-flavoured jellies in soonyoung’s hands when he meets you at your usual restaurant.
“well, friends remember things about each other,” soonyoung states matter-of-factly. “good friends do at least, because you don’t seem to remember a thing about me.”
“i never said i was going to be a good friend to you,” you retort, holding back a laugh at soonyoung’s unconscious pout when you tease him. “anyway, i didn’t say i needed any help today. why did you ask me to meet you for dinner?”
“you came, didn’t you?” soonyoung challenges. “it’s a routine for me now, anyway, and i didn’t feel like breaking it.”
you feel taken aback momentarily, realizing that no matter how much you’re always shutting down soonyoung’s advances, you almost always say yes to him. clearing your throat, you say, “since you called me, it’s your treat.”
“i don’t mind paying,” soonyoung chuckles. “go on, order whatever you want.”
after dinner, and after soonyoung has walked you back to your house, you lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling. your phone is lazily clutched in your hand, fingers itching to pull up soonyoung’s contact and text him, i remember. i remember things about you. i remember the way you scrunch your nose when you want to stop yourself from sneezing, the way you push your hair back with your hands when you feel frustrated, the way you smile at someone when you’re in love with them.
—
to: kwon soonyoung
i remember how much i loved you|
i remember how much|
i remember|
dinner on monday? need to design the monthly magazine’s cover page
sent at 2:46 a.m.
from: kwon soonyoung
i’ll be there :)
sent at 2:47 a.m.
“what are your dinner plans?” minghao asks soonyoung. the fitting for their upcoming tour outfits just got over, and all the members are leaving in groups for dinner.
“nothing much,” soonyoung shrugs. “want to go get kimchi jjigae?”
there’s a good restaurant at a walking distance from the hybe building, but the heavy rain pouring down when they’re about to exit the building makes minghao and soonyoung take one of the company cars to the restaurant instead.
they’re in the elevator alone, going down to the basement, when minghao decides that it’s a good time to interrogate soonyoung on his recent behaviour.
“you know, everyone’s been thinking you’re acting… different,” minghao starts casually, not wanting to alarm soonyoung abruptly. “is everything alright?”
“what? i’m still the same,” soonyoung laughs. “more importantly, why have you all been discussing me?”
“we’re not discussing,” minghao shakes his head, the elevator doors opening to the basement. “you’re just acting unusual, and we’re noticing it. if you wanna talk about it, you can—”
“wait, what date is it today?” soonyoung interrupts him just as they’re about to open the doors to the car.
“uh, the twenty-eighth,” minghao says, checking his phone, and he watches how soonyoung’s face drains of all color as he realizes something important.
“shit, i need to go,” soonyoung mutters to himself, pulling out his phone and rapidly typing something on his screen.
“go where? i’ll drop you off,” minghao offers, but his words fall on deaf ears. soonyoung is already running back to the elevators, which take him up to the lobby of the building, and out on the street.
the rain doesn’t let up in the slightest, but soonyoung doesn’t seem to care much about it as minghao watches him run like a madman when the car pulls out on the street.
he should lower his window and yell at soonyoung to get in the car, but he’s never seen him this frantic to get somewhere. minghao decides to trust soonyoung’s crazy antics this time, and silently shakes his head at the driver when he asks if soonyoung needs to be picked up.
. . . . .
“is this what good friends do?” a scoff from you has soonyoung’s heart crumbling. “you left me waiting here in the rain, on my birthday, and you couldn’t even call, or text—”
“it’s not like you’re waiting for it!” a cornered soonyoung isn’t a rational one, and the words leave him before he can process them. “you’re always telling me how i shouldn’t be meeting you, have feelings for you, or contact you, yet you’re the one giving me shit for not texting you?”
“i just—i assumed you’d show up,” your voice is considerably softer, now that you really understand what soonyoung is saying. the loud rain doesn’t do much to mask your voice, however, because soonyoung hears you loud and clear.
“well, that’s where you’re wrong,” soonyoung chuckles mirthlessly. “you’ve just taken me for granted all over again, y/n. you think that you can get me to do whatever you want just because i like you and you know i’ll never say no. i’m really fucking tired of all this.”
“soonyoung, it’s not like that—”
“i don’t want to hear another stupid explanation from you, not when you’re always deflecting whenever we get close to being something real,” soonyoung cuts you off. “you’re always the one making decisions for me, for us, and i’m done with that. my feelings for you are my own, and you can’t tell me i’m wrong or that i can’t have them.”
at this point, the salty tears running down your face can’t be differentiated from the raindrops hitting your skin, but you keep your head bowed down, so that soonyoung can’t see your tears. despite not looking at him, you can still tell that soonyoung himself is crying, if his choked voice and hurt tone are anything to go by.
“you’re not going to say anything?” soonyoung tries, and he sounds like he’s giving up now. “why can’t you just take the chance with me? why won’t you trust that i’ll do anything to keep you safe?”
“go home, soonyoung,” is all you say, gathering the courage to look him in the eye. “you’re going to get sick, and with the tour—”
“you don’t give a fuck about the tour, and you certainly don’t care for me either, so cut the crap,” soonyoung sounds angry, and you know he has all the right to. “if i go home now, without anything from you, it’s the last you’re going to see of or hear from me.”
those words have you snapping your head up. you look at soonyoung, fists clenched and teeth gritted together. the image of an younger, much happier soonyoung is superimposed on top of the version of soonyoung you see in front of you, and he looks entirely different.
you don’t see the carefree, happy, and silly soonyoung anymore. you see a man who you’ve managed to break with how much you’ve pushed him away. you see a man who’s scared to love you, even though that’s all he’s done for all these years.
you see the results of your own cowardice, and you know that the bravest thing you could do is end things, right then and there.
“goodnight, soonyoung,” you say, not caring that you’re letting your facade finally slip in front of him when your voice cracks under the weight of your emotions. “i won’t bother you anymore.”
you don’t have to look at him to visualise the look of betrayal and heartbreak on his face, but you sneak a glance anyway, and it’s just as heart-wrenching as you expected it to be. still, despite every inch of your body wanting to stay here, with him, you force yourself to turn around and walk away.
you’re not sure if soonyoung sees the way your shoulders shake when you finally give in and sob loudly. you’re not sure if soonyoung hears the thousands of apologies leaving your lips in broken whispers. but you do hope that soonyoung doesn’t; you’ve already hurt him enough.
“where have you been?” seungkwan gasps when he sees soonyoung at his front door, soaked in water from head to toe. “minghao-hyung told me you suddenly ran away, and all of us have been trying your phone but you—”
“seungkwan-ah,” the tremble in soonyoung’s voice makes seungkwan pause his rant. “i’ve lost her for good, this time.”
“lost who?” seungkwan furrows his eyebrows. “i don’t know what you’re talking about, just come in quickly and shower. i’ll get you some dry clothes.”
within fifteen minutes, soonyoung is now seated on the couch, clean and dry, and seungkwan hands him a cup of warm milk. he sits down next to soonyoung and notices how soonyoung just stares off into space, eyes filled with a kind of sorrow he hasn’t seen before.
“is it her?” seungkwan asks, and soonyoung turns his head to meet his eyes. “the girl you were talking about when you came here?”
“y/n, yeah,” soonyoung nods. “i didn’t know you guys were talking again,” seungkwan says. “i mean, we all thought that during the break when we were trainees, she randomly disappeared without a trace.”
“i thought so too,” soonyoung admits. “but we happened to bump into each other a few months back, and—god, i feel like such an idiot for thinking that we could ever go back to the way we were before.”
“wait, backtrack,” seungkwan holds his hand up. “you’ve been seeing her for the last few months? is that why the members keep saying you’ve been acting different? tell me the whole story, kwon soonyoung.”
the last thing soonyoung wants to do is recount the details of everything that’s happened, but he doesn’t stand a chance against seungkwan’s inquisitive gaze, and so he caves.
. . . . .
you’re definitely going crazy. it’s the only rational explanation for the situation you’ve found yourself in.
three days ago, after you left soonyoung in the rain, you had received a text from an unknown number, which went like: this is seungkwan. hyung is down with a fever. i thought you should know.
you wanted to reply and argue that you shouldn’t know about soonyoung’s health, not when your heart and mind were both ready to drop everything at once and meet soonyoung, no matter how stupid the excuse. instead, you left the message on read and spent the next three days driving yourself crazy while contemplating if you should go and apologize to soonyoung.
in the end, the part of you that craved the comfort soonyoung brought you with just his presence won, and you found yourself in front of soonyoung’s house, plastic bag filled with medicine gripped tightly in your right hand.
you raise your left hand to ring the doorbell, but something in you makes you pause. what if soonyoung doesn’t want to see you? you wouldn’t blame him, after everything you’ve put him through, but seeing disgust or hatred for you in his eyes might just be the thing that shatters your heart for good.
the thoughts running in your head are chaotic, and you wish you just had the courage to knock on his door, face him, and apologize so that he actually hears you, but you’re a mere slave to the crippling fear that fills you at the thought of wanting something real with soonyoung.
you decide against facing him. you place the bag of medicine by the door, ring the doorbell, and run towards the end of the hallway as fast as you can, hiding behind the wall to make sure soonyoung won’t see you. it’s childish and immature, but you’ve come to realize that you’re never rational when it comes to soonyoung.
you need to cover your mouth to muffle the cries leaving you when you hear soonyoung open his door, step out, and call seungkwan to ask him if he sent him any medicine.
you take that as your sign to leave, but the burning question doesn’t leave you: what would soonyoung think if he ever finds out that you were the one who brought him medicine but didn’t even have the courage to hand it over to him yourself?
your relationship with soonyoung had started many years ago, when you both were still in middle school and trying to understand long division.
back then, soonyoung was your best friend. he was the boy who always asked for an extra serving of rice at lunch, because you were too shy to. he was the boy that made sure you walked on the sidewalk when you were going back home after school. he was the boy who choreographed silly dances to make you laugh whenever you were sad.
he was the first boy you fell in love with.
it all had happened very quickly; all the girls in your grade had started discussing crushes and boyfriends, and soonyoung was the only boy in your life who made you feel ‘butterflies in your stomach’ and ‘fireworks whenever he’d touch you.’
after that revelation, it felt like the entire world had become much sweeter. you had exchanged your glasses for rose-tinted ones, and with every moment you spent with your best friend, you only fell in deeper.
one evening, under a starry night sky, fifteen-year old you had taken the leap of faith and pressed your lips against his. it was clumsy, and his nose bumping into yours hurt, but it was the best thing to ever happen to you.
what had followed the kiss was the worst news you’d ever receive.
—
“i’m moving to seoul,” soonyoung says, his hand holding yours gently while he drops a bomb.
“what for?” you ask, and you feel a lump forming in your throat. although soonyoung hadn’t revealed much, you could tell from the way his eyes were welling up with tears that the news couldn’t be good.
“i’m leaving taekwondo for good,” he starts. “i recently got into dancing, and i love it. i want to get better at it.”
“there’s dance studios in namyangju,” you point out. “why seoul?”
“i…. i auditioned for a few companies,” soonyoung confesses, the words spilling out after weeks of being kept secret. “i got into some, and i want to…. train professionally.”
you might just get an award called ‘worst best friend in the world’ for your reaction to soonyoung’s words. you barely stop yourself from saying, “that wasn’t our plan. we were supposed to stick together, even if we got sick of each other.”
what you do say is, “oh. that’s… that’s really cool.”
“you don’t look too excited,” soonyoung’s smile falters a bit. “why aren’t you excited?”
“i mean, of course i’m happy for you,” you laugh, although there’s nothing you find funny in this situation.
“i feel like there’s a ‘but’ that’s going to follow,” soonyoung looks at you warily. “what is it?”
there’s so many things you want to say, but you bite your tongue. you just shake your head with a smile. “no ‘buts.’ i’m happy for you, i really am.”
“really?” soonyoung asks again, just to be sure, and you nod. he seems convinced with the act you’ve put up, because he smiles brightly at you, and your heart skips a beat.
you try to bring up the kiss, and what it would mean for the both of you, but soonyoung says, “i should go home, it’s getting late.”
“yeah, it is,” you reply, swallowing down the urge to tell him to stay. “goodnight, soonyoung.”
—
for years to come, you regretted everything you did that night. you regretted letting him go that easily, not telling him how you felt, even the fact that you kissed him.
this regret had such a chokehold on you, that after soonyoung had packed up his things and moved to seoul, you cut off all contact with him.
you didn’t reply to his emails and didn’t answer his calls. whenever his parents visited your house, you’d lock yourself in your room, scared that they’d ask you about soonyoung and you’d have nothing to say.
it was your first heartbreak, and it was messy and painful. you would cry yourself to sleep every night and wake up in the morning, fighting the urge to call soonyoung and ask how he’s doing.
you had managed to convince yourself that now that soonyoung had left, there was no chance of him coming back, much less to meet you. it took you a year to make peace with it, and another year to try and move on, but one night set you back on your progress and had all your walls breaking down.
—
it’s a rainy night and you’re alone at home. your parents are out of town for your dad’s colleague’s wedding, and you couldn’t be bothered to join them.
you’re on your phone, watching pixelated figures on your screen laugh and scream. you’d never admit this to anyone, but you had secretly kept up with soonyoung’s activities ever since he’d left for seoul. for the last few months, he’d been part of a tv show along with other trainees, practicing in a room with green walls and awaiting the day their names would be picked to be a part of a new boy-group.
seeing him dance and goof around with other trainees always made your heart sink a little, but you were glad that at least one of you were enjoying their youth.
you’re in the middle of a compilation of funny moments from said tv show, when your doorbell rings. you’re skeptical as to who would show up in front of your house in the middle of the pouring rain and this late in the evening, so you equip yourself with a tennis racket and head to the front door.
you slowly twist the door knob and pull the door open, but when you see who’s standing at the door, the tennis racket slips from your hands and clatters loudly against the floor.
“what—what are you doing here?” you ask, suddenly feeling weak in the knees.
“did i do something wrong?” soonyoung fires back. he’s completely drenched in rainwater, and his shoulders seem to droop, not just with the weight of the wet clothes clinging to his body.
“soonyoung, that’s ridiculous. what do you mean?” you sputter. “i think you should be telling me why you’re miles away from seoul, in front of my house, soaked in rain. what were you thinking?”
“it’s been two years, y/n,” soonyoung scoffs. “two years since i left and you never called, texted, nothing. did you really not care about me leaving?”
“i just got busy,” you lie, looking away from him. “school got tough, and unlike you, i need to actually focus on—”
“wait, pause,” soonyoung cuts you off, and you wish you could slap yourself for letting those words slip out. “what do you mean ‘unlike me’? what, you think you’re better than me because you’re going to school and i’m training to be an idol? is that why you cut off all contact with me?”
“i didn’t mean to say that, and you know i’d never do anything like that,” you deny.
“do i? do i know you anymore?” soonyoung runs a hand through his damp hair, just like he does whenever he’s annoyed. “i thought we were best friends, but all of a sudden, you go radio silent and give me no explanation at all.”
“i was having a hard time too, okay?” you raise your voice, and you hate how shaky it sounds. “it was tough for me to get used to living without you here, and—”
“don’t give me that bullshit,” he says, voice cracking near the end. “i needed you too, and you completely abandoned me. just like how you kissed me that night and never said anything afterwards. why do you always leave me in the dark?”
you’ve relived that first, innocent, clumsy kiss, multiple times in your head for the last two years, and hearing soonyoung bring it up makes the memory sting even more.
“soonyoung, i—i tried to, but i didn’t think that it was the right time to bring it up,” you sigh, defeated. soonyoung’s gaze softens at that, and he inches forward to be closer to you. he raises his right hand to cup your cheek, and the contrast of his icy fingers against your warm skin makes you shudder.
“you think too much,” he says, looking into your eyes. “it’s just me; you can tell me whatever you want the second the thought crosses your mind. you know i’d always listen.”
“i know,” you nod, and the air between you two feels charged with tension that has been simmering for the last two years. your brain is working at full speed, trying to decide what your next move should be, and soonyoung seems to pick up on the hesitance in your eyes, because of which he exhales loudly and whispers under his breath, loud enough for you to hear, “fuck it.”
before you can predict what he’s about to do, soonyoung leans forward to crash his lips onto yours. you can feel soonyoung shivering in his wet clothes, but the kiss feels warmer than anything you’ve felt before. you give into your temptations and kiss him back.
it’s not as awkward as last time, but it does take you a second to realize that in the time he’s been away, soonyoung has grown up from the lanky and lean boy he used to be. his shoulders seem to be broader, and arms considerably more firm from the constant, rigorous training he’s going through.
you take your time in running your hands up his arms, until they finally wrap around his neck, pulling him in close. the wet material of his hoodie meets your dry t-shirt, and the foreign cold sensation is what snaps you back into reality. you’re kissing the boy you tried so hard to move on from, and you’re kissing him despite knowing that you’ll never really have him.
pulling away from soonyoung hurts a lot more than you expected. he looks disoriented for a few seconds, but then his eyes focus on you, and he knows something has changed.
“we should talk about—”
“no,” you shake your head. “let’s just call this a weak moment, and forget about it.”
“are you being serious right now?” soonyoung huffs. “why are you doing this? am i just a mistake to you?”
if you were it wouldn’t hurt this much, you think to yourself. to soonyoung you say, “i think we’re better off as friends, soonyoung.”
soonyoung walks away again, but this time you’re the one who pushed him away, and he’s the one that wanted you to stay.
—
you didn’t think you’d ever meet soonyoung after that night. for months after, the pain you felt every time you thought of soonyoung was fresh and raw, but over the years, he moved to the back of your mind as you got busy with trying to cope with the real world.
you had decided to major in design in college, and with your degree, you managed to land a job at a famous magazine publisher as a designer, and you’re somewhat happy with it. it’s tough to get recognition in a creative field, especially as a new employee, but earning money easily outweighs the need for validation, which is why you gritted your teeth, plastered on a smile, and continued working for people who never acknowledge you.
that’s when life decided to give you another unexpected surprise.
—
you just got off work, and it’s almost midnight. you haven’t had much to eat the entire day, not when the company is downsizing and you need to work your ass off to keep your job.
your stomach grumbles loudly, and you feel frustrated too. you’re sick of eating convenience store food for most days of the week, but there’s not a single restaurant open at this hour in your area, and you may just have to settle for ramen again, when you stumble across your saviour.
it’s a hole-in-the-wall joint with a small LED sign outside it, displaying the name of the restaurant. there’s not more than four tables inside the restaurant, yet the aroma of delicious tteokbokki is enough to lure you in.
you push the door open, and an elderly lady with a kind smile welcomes you. “oh, my child, you look absolutely famished,” the lady coos. “come, take a seat, i’ll get you food.”
“thank you so much,” you gush, bowing deeply before sitting down at a table. while the lady brings you food, you take the time to rest your tired feet and exhausted eyes. you’re rubbing your aching forehead, when the door to the restaurant opens, indicating that another customer has entered.
out of curiosity, you look to the side to see the new customer, but when you see his face, you’re considering that the universe thinks you’re a joke. because, sitting at the table across from you is none other than kwon soonyoung.
memories from the past crash into you like a truck, and you’re almost ready to sacrifice a decent meal and flee from the restaurant, when the lady approaches your table with a huge tray in her hands.
“here you go, sweetheart,” she says, setting down bowl after bowl on your table. “enjoy your meal.”
you’re not sure how much of an appetite you’ve got left after you’ve literally faced your past. the shock on soonyoung’s face still hasn’t faded, and you’re debating if you should just avoid any further eye contact, finish your food, and leave the restaurant as quickly as possible.
it seems like that plan needs to be abandoned as well, because after a very awkward meal and paying for your food, the second you step out of the restaurant, soonyoung calls your name.
“y/n, wait,” you can tell that he feels awkward just from the way he’s fidgeting with his shirt, and it only makes you feel even more uncomfortable. “it’s… been a while.”
“it has,” you reply casually, as if he didn’t go on to become a worldwide sensation, while you’re stuck being mediocre. “it was great to see you again, but i really should—”
“let’s catch up some time?” he asks, chest heaving with anticipation.
“i don’t know if that would be a good idea, soonyoung,” you say, vaguely gesturing at the distance between the two of you. “after what happened last time…”
“you said we’d be better as friends, right?” he tries, still enthusiastic, and it makes you want to cry. “we should try again. to be friends, i mean. what do you think?”
—
agreeing with him had been simultaneously the best and worst decision of your life. meeting soonyoung nearly every night after work, eating dinner at the same table in the restaurant you both met at again, and spending hours listening to him talk about everything and nothing was something you never thought you’d get to experience again.
it had started to feel like he was your best friend all over again, just like all those years ago when you both were naive teenagers who could never imagine that their relationship would change this much.
the downside to all this was that your old feelings for soonyoung, feelings that never really faded away, had come to life again, and soonyoung smiling at you like an idiot in love, like an idiot who didn’t choose to run away from you the first time you hurt him, wasn’t helping either.
having to shut down his constant flirting, his abrupt confessions, ‘deals’ he’d strike with you to make you go on a date with him whenever he helped you with work, all of it was killing you slowly, and you didn’t know if you could tell soonyoung to back off without hurting him more than you already have.
as the weeks fly by, you started letting your guard down around soonyoung. he held your hand as he walked you home, carried your work bag even if you weren’t that tired, and even texted you first thing in the morning. you had promised to yourself that you wouldn’t let soonyoung get that close to you again, because dealing with the fallout was something you didn’t want to deal with again.
still, like icarus, you let yourself fly close to the sun that is soonyoung’s affections, selfishly hoping that the day your wings of wax melt didn’t come too soon.
it was all just wishful thinking, and the fragile bubble you had started to live in burst on the day of your twenty-ninth birthday. like every other day, you had expected soonyoung to meet you at your usual restaurant for dinner, but hours passed, and there was still no sign of soonyoung.
when soonyoung finally did show up, and after you left him alone in the rain, you couldn’t help but curse yourself for believing that something so flawed from the start could ever work out, no matter how much you tried.
“is it weird that i still feel nervous before concerts?” mingyu sighs, massaging his legs after their last rehearsal on the stage.
“i don’t think that feeling will ever fully go away,” wonwoo chuckles, panting as he lays sprawled out on the floor of the green room some of them are gathered in. its the day before the first concert on their world tour, and backstage is buzzing with various members of staff running around, making sure everything is perfect.
“i don’t think soonyoung gets nervous, though,” wonwoo teases, nudging soonyoung’s leg with his foot.
soonyoung, too engrossed in his own thoughts, doesn’t even hear the jab. he’s busy staring off into space, and it puzzles the other members.
“hey, what’s on your mind?” mingyu asks, shaking soonyoung’s shoulder to snap him out of his trance.
“i don’t know,” he sighs. “i have a bad feeling about today.”
“hey! don’t jinx our concert with your negativity,” seungcheol quips. “whatever has you distracted, you need to get it out of your head. we need tomorrow to be perfect.”
the restless feeling that has been bothering soonyoung all morning finally makes sense when his phone buzzes with a notification.
it’s a text from you, after radio silence since your birthday, and soonyoung hates how he’s sprinting out of the green room towards the company cars at the drop of a hat.
in his rush, soonyoung leaves his phone behind, and when mingyu picks it up from the couch, the text displayed on the screen reads, can we talk? one last time, i promise.
everyone has a feeling that soonyoung doesn’t want to be meeting you for the last time.
. . . . .
soonyoung feels a little foolish for standing outside the restaurant alone, frantically looking around. he’s forgotten his phone at the concert venue, leaving him with no way to contact you to find out if you were even coming to see him.
but when he sees your figure at the end of the street, walking towards him, the anxiety he’d been feeling gets multiplied by ten.
when you come to a halt in front of him, you seem a bit surprised. “i didn’t expect you to come. not after…”
“i know it was you who left the medicine outside my house that day,” he says. “i decided to come so i could thank you for that.”
“you don’t have to,” you shake your head. “i didn’t do that as an apology.”
“so, you’re not going to apologize for any of it?” soonyoung tilts his head. “why’d you call me here? for your own amusement?”
“i called you here to tell you that i’m leaving for good, soonyoung,” you have to force yourself to blurt the words out, because the lump forming in your throat is slowly starting to choke you. “i got a new job, and i’m leaving korea. i’m not coming back.”
“what?” soonyoung doesn’t sound like he believes you. “what do you mean you’re leaving?”
“i need a fresh start away from all this, away from you,” you can’t hold your tears back anymore, and the thought of never seeing soonyoung again is a comforting yet terrifying thought. “this thing we have, whatever we’ve had for all these years, it hurts to live with. i know i was the one who went and messed everything up, but i—i didn’t know how else to deal with you leaving. i do apologize, soonyoung, for every time i’ve made you feel like i hate you, or i don’t want you, and i want you to know i didn’t mean any of it.”
“if you didn’t mean it, why did you do it?” soonyoung’s face is red with anger and the look of realization that he can’t do anything to salvage this situation is heartbreaking. “i told you, y/n, you don’t have to think so much when you’re with me. you don’t need to worry about everything that can go wrong, not when i’ve got your back. why could i never earn your trust?”
“how could i trust in something that was doomed from the start?” you let out the thought that has been gnawing away at you for years. “the moment i realized i loved you, you left, and i couldn’t do anything about it.”
“is that what the first kiss was about?” soonyoung asks. “you loved me since then?”
“i did,” you nod. “and don’t you dare try to apologize for leaving, because it’s going to make me feel even worse. there was no way on earth i would’ve asked you to stay for me, and you wouldn’t have listened anyway.”
“what about after that?” soonyoung says, and you notice how it’s his left hand rising up to push his hair back. it used to be his right hand before, and you will every cell in your body to stop thinking about what the difference means. “i came back to you, why didn’t you tell me then?”
“you had enough on your plate back then, soonyoung,” you shake your head. “i’ve always kept up with your journey, since before your debut, and i know that expecting a relationship from you then wasn’t right of me. it would’ve made things worse.”
“why not now, y/n?” soonyoung yells, tears of frustration running down his face. “do you have an excuse for that too? what, i’d be too busy touring the world which is why you never said anything? if you love me, and i love you, why couldn’t we just let that be the reason? was love never enough for you?”
“i can’t—i can’t answer that, soonyoung,” you sob. “all i do is hurt you, don’t you see that?”
“there you go, making decisions for me again,” he scoffs. “you can’t be the one to decide if i want you, even if you’ve hurt me.”
“i’m deciding for myself,” you sniffle, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. “we’re too far gone to fix things, and i don’t want you to get your hopes up for me. i don’t think i’ll ever be ready for anything real with you, and i feel like it’s the best way to leave things.”
“you’re leaving without even trying to fix anything,” soonyoung seethes. “your apology is just another slap to the face, and i can’t believe that i’d still do anything for you, no questions asked.”
“i’m asking you to let go, soonyoung,” you choke out. “it’s what’s best for us, and you know it too.”
“you make it sound easy,” soonyoung’s laugh is dry and hollow. “letting go of you means letting go of my heart. it’s not that easy, y/n.”
“i’m sorry,” you let your head hang low, too ashamed to look at soonyoung. you’re surprised once again when you feel his hands reaching forward to hold your trembling ones.
“is there nothing i can say to make you stay?” soonyoung tries again. his anger seems to have dissipated, and the look of desperation on his face matches the one on yours.
“i’m leaving tomorrow night,” you let yourself savor the feeling of his rough hands enveloping yours. “i can’t stay, you know that.”
“i’ll try anyway,” he exhales. “come to the concert tomorrow.”
“soonyoung, i can’t—”
“please.” he sounds dangerously close to begging. “i need to see you one last time, please. if it’s the last time i’m seeing you, i want it to be tomorrow.”
“i can’t make any promises, soonyoung,” you shut your eyes.
“don’t make any,” he says. “i’ll get you a ticket, but if you don’t want to come, don’t. just know that i’ll be looking for you in the crowd.”
“don’t expect me to be there,” you say, looking up at him. he’s close enough for you to see his eyes glittering with tears, and the knife in your chest twists in deeper.
“can’t make any promises,” his words come out in a whisper, and before you can remind soonyoung of the consequences of kissing in the middle of a street, where anyone can recognize him, he pulls you in.
the kiss doesn’t last long, but it makes you feel like your body is on fire. it makes your heart ache at the thought of losing this warmth forever, and it takes everything in you to stop yourself from pulling soonyoung closer to you.
he pulls away first this time, and you can see it in his eyes that he knows you won’t be there tomorrow. still, he says, “come tomorrow, please.”
he leaves before you can respond. which might be better for him. because you don’t know if you can handle the fact that the last thing you’ll tell him is no.
the opening notes of the song play, and now that all the members are finally sitting down after hours of dancing, soonyoung takes a moment to scan the crowd.
he thinks about the ticket he’d sent you through text, and how the message hadn’t even delivered. he thinks about the flight that’s about to leave the airport soon, taking you far away from him.
if you leave in the distant future
i probably won’t be able to live
he thinks of the last kiss, and it’s enough to make his eyes water.
chan finishes singing the first two lines, and with a shaky hand, soonyoung lifts his mic to his lips.
it’s not in the distant future
i just don’t want to think about it
you’re not in the crowd tonight, and even though you didn’t make any promises, the last look he had at you felt like a promise in itself. a promise that said, i won’t be there, no matter how hard you look.
still, soonyoung feels like you’re watching. he wants to imagine that you’re in the waiting room at the airport, waiting to board your flight, clutching your phone and watching the livestream of this concert. he wants to imagine that the tears in his eyes make you want to cry too.
if you leave me (what can i do?)
all my days (you’re the reason i’m alive and breathing)
fans recording clips of this concert are going to share this particular clip of soonyoung singing the chorus of the song with tears streaming down his face. they’re going to say things like, who hurt him? and soonyoung is really professional; he pours so much emotion into each song.
they don’t know the truth behind the tears. they don’t know that soonyoung was once a boy, who was, and still is, in love with a girl. and they’ll never know, neither will you, that soonyoung will always continue to love you, even if you’re oceans away from him.
soonyoung won’t ever know this: you do watch the livestream of the concert. you’re sitting in the airport lounge, and soonyoung’s eyes staring straight into the camera feels like he’s really looking at you, after he failed to spot you in the crowd.
he won’t ever know this, but ever since that first kiss at fifteen, you had doomed your own fate. even if you ever found love in any other person, you’d never love them as much as you love soonyoung, and you decide to continue being selfish and keep this secret locked away in your heart for good.
the airport speakers announce that passengers flying to new york may start boarding their flight, and you shut your phone just as the song ends.
a/n: i kid you not. this fic was busted out in like 24 hours. dont ask how im capable of this sorcery bcs idk myself. on a much more angsty note, soonyoung im so sorry ilysm :( writing angst is my default mode, and i had literally no other ideas. writing this fic was a wild journey, and a little part of me broke because of all this angst, but maybe im just dramatic
thank you ro ( @shinysobi ) for telling me i should twin with our fics, because writing angst is like second nature. thank you rae ( @nerdycheol ) and yuki ( @eclipsaria ) for jumping onto this shipwreck with me and helping me save it (also for being my personal google throughout this fic) major shout-out to kirsten ( @naniwatig3r ) for coming in clutch with the finishing touch i needed to end this monster of a fic.
lastly, thank you bella ( @bella-feed ), sana ( @sanaxo-o ) and catalina ( @dokyumms ) for hosting this event and giving me a chance to write this fic! im usually always writing mingyu, so this was a good challenge :)
word count: 7.8k
contents: soonyoung x f!reader , idol!au , idol!soonyoung , designer!reader , inspired by the song if you leave me by seventeen , angst , lots of angst , two (2) angsty rain scenes because rae encouraged me , friends to maybe lovers to wtf is happening dawg , reader is not likable , reader lives in self destruct mode , hurt no comfort , no happy ending , sorry hoshi my tiger baby
soonyoung is never the first one to leave the practice room. he’s the one that stays back after everyone’s gone home, practicing every step of the choreography down to it’s finest details.
lately, however, jihoon has been noticing the way soonyoung is the first to pack his things and leave the practice room, and it confuses him.
he doesn’t probe into this unusual behaviour. the smile soonyoung has on his face as he runs out is something he hasn’t seen much of either, so he lets it slide.
today, too, jihoon sees seungcheol walk up to soonyoung to invite him over for dinner and drinks, but soonyoung barely gives much of an explanation before he’s shaking his head, grabbing his bag, and leaving the room.
“weird boy,” seungcheol mutters to himself, and jihoon couldn’t agree any more.
. . . . .
“y/n! wait up!” a loud yell stops you in your tracks, and you turn to see someone run towards you, their hair covered with a cap, and a mask hiding their face.
other people walking past you on the sidewalk wouldn’t be able to recognize the person, but you could easily tell from the worn-out pink flannel shirt and the expensive sneakers that it was kwon soonyoung, a.k.a hoshi from seventeen, calling out your name.
“you idiot! why are you yelling in the middle of the street,” you whisper-yell when soonyoung is close enough to hear you. “what if someone recognizes you?”
“don’t worry, i’ll take care of it,” he replies, as enthusiastic as ever. “i’m sorry i’m running late, dance practice took a lot of time to wrap up. shall we go?”
it takes you a split second too long to realize that soonyoung is now holding your wrist and gently tugging you along with him towards the restaurant you both are now very familiar with. any other day, you would’ve told him to stop instantly, but today for some reason, you let your hand be held by the person you want but can’t have.
seokmin is sure he’s never seen soonyoung like this: prescription glasses hanging off his nose, new tablet clutched in his hands, and his tired body sprawled across the couch in his apartment. even his flatmate, hansol, shrugs his shoulders when seokmin silently gestures towards soonyoung.
“dokyeom-ah, i need your help with something,” soonyoung calls out, and seokmin warily approaches him, taking a seat on the couch and leaning over soonyoung’s shoulder to take a look at his screen.
“what are you doing?” seokmin asks, thoroughly confused by the poster displayed on soonyoung’s screen. “don’t tell me you’re leaving seventeen to become a graphic designer.”
“and leave you in BSS with seungkwan? no chance,” soonyoung laughs. “you have a good eye for designs and stuff, so i needed your opinion on this. doesn’t it look like it’s missing something?”
“what is this even for?” seokmin questions, eyes running over the words on the poster. “do you have a side hustle at a magazine?”
“it’s…. for a friend,” soonyoung says, not revealing much. “i told them i’d help them out, and i need you for that. i’ll buy you dinner tomorrow if you help, please?”
seokmin agrees easily, but he can’t help but wonder which friend of soonyoung’s is so close to him that they have him designing posters. he also can’t stop thinking about how soonyoung’s face had turned pink at the mention of this ‘friend.’
seokmin wonders if soonyoung’s friend is just a friend.
. . . . .
“this is genius,” you say, looking at the file soonyoung sent you. in the seat across from you, soonyoung squirms with happiness, his chest swelling with pride. “you really didn’t have to do all this, soonyoung. i thought you said you were only going to look for inspo pictures on pinterest.”
“i just had a random stroke of creativity,” soonyoung shrugs. “it’s not that big of a deal. besides, i haven’t forgotten about our deal.”
your shoulders deflate with the sigh you let out. “soonyoung, i never agreed to that deal. you know we can’t— we can’t be like that. and if you’re getting the wrong idea from all this, we can’t keep meeting anymore.”
you don’t think you’ve seen this much fear in soonyoung’s eyes, not since his trainee days, when he wasn’t sure if he’d even debut. but today, he looks scared, almost desperate, when he places his hand over yours just as you’re about to leave the table.
“don’t. don’t leave,” he shakes his head. “i’ll stop with the deal and everything, i promise. just don’t say you won’t let me see you anymore.”
you don’t hesitate to agree, not when every muscle in your body keeps you rooted to the chair at the restaurant that has seen you more than your parents have.
when soonyoung walks you home later that night, you almost blurt out an apology, but you know that apologizing for your own cowardice only proves that it’s real.
“are you done taking what you need?” junhui asks, looking down the aisle to see soonyoung waddling towards him, arms full of snacks and drinks.
“yep! all done,” soonyoung nods, carefully placing all the items in his arms in the basket junhui is carrying.
“when i said i’d pay for you, i didn’t intend on buying out the entire snack aisle,” junhui sighs, carrying the basket over to the cashier and placing it on the counter with a loud thud.
“you love me, and so does your wallet,” soonyoung replies with a cheeky grin, making exaggerated pouty faces at junhui.
junhui only rolls his eyes at soonyoung. he watches the cashier scan every item, when he notices something unfamiliar.
“wait, did you accidentally get the sour lemon gummies? i thought you didn’t like sour stuff?” junhui asks, and soonyoung’s eyes widen like he’s been caught stealing food off mingyu’s plate.
“it’s not for me,” soonyoung replies awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. he’s saved from further questioning when the cashier reads out the total bill amount and junhui fishes his wallet out from his pocket.
later, when they’re outside the convenience store, junhui reaches into the grocery bag to retrieve the lemon gummies. “so, who is this for? is it your token of appreciation for me?”
“you wish,” soonyoung scoffs, snatching the packet out of junhui’s hands. “it’s for someone else.”
“and is this ‘someone’ the ‘friend’ you were helping out last week?” junhui raises an eyebrow at him. “seokmin told me about it.”
“how does it matter even if it is?” soonyoung crosses his arms defensively. “they’re just a friend, that’s all.”
the sigh that leaves soonyoung’s mouth after that sentence makes junhui think that maybe a friendship isn’t what soonyoung wants from his ‘friend.’
. . . . .
“wait, you remembered i like these?” you gasp, seeing the packet of lemon-flavoured jellies in soonyoung’s hands when he meets you at your usual restaurant.
“well, friends remember things about each other,” soonyoung states matter-of-factly. “good friends do at least, because you don’t seem to remember a thing about me.”
“i never said i was going to be a good friend to you,” you retort, holding back a laugh at soonyoung’s unconscious pout when you tease him. “anyway, i didn’t say i needed any help today. why did you ask me to meet you for dinner?”
“you came, didn’t you?” soonyoung challenges. “it’s a routine for me now, anyway, and i didn’t feel like breaking it.”
you feel taken aback momentarily, realizing that no matter how much you’re always shutting down soonyoung’s advances, you almost always say yes to him. clearing your throat, you say, “since you called me, it’s your treat.”
“i don’t mind paying,” soonyoung chuckles. “go on, order whatever you want.”
after dinner, and after soonyoung has walked you back to your house, you lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling. your phone is lazily clutched in your hand, fingers itching to pull up soonyoung’s contact and text him, i remember. i remember things about you. i remember the way you scrunch your nose when you want to stop yourself from sneezing, the way you push your hair back with your hands when you feel frustrated, the way you smile at someone when you’re in love with them.
—
to: kwon soonyoung
i remember how much i loved you|
i remember how much|
i remember|
dinner on monday? need to design the monthly magazine’s cover page
sent at 2:46 a.m.
from: kwon soonyoung
i’ll be there :)
sent at 2:47 a.m.
“what are your dinner plans?” minghao asks soonyoung. the fitting for their upcoming tour outfits just got over, and all the members are leaving in groups for dinner.
“nothing much,” soonyoung shrugs. “want to go get kimchi jjigae?”
there’s a good restaurant at a walking distance from the hybe building, but the heavy rain pouring down when they’re about to exit the building makes minghao and soonyoung take one of the company cars to the restaurant instead.
they’re in the elevator alone, going down to the basement, when minghao decides that it’s a good time to interrogate soonyoung on his recent behaviour.
“you know, everyone’s been thinking you’re acting… different,” minghao starts casually, not wanting to alarm soonyoung abruptly. “is everything alright?”
“what? i’m still the same,” soonyoung laughs. “more importantly, why have you all been discussing me?”
“we’re not discussing,” minghao shakes his head, the elevator doors opening to the basement. “you’re just acting unusual, and we’re noticing it. if you wanna talk about it, you can—”
“wait, what date is it today?” soonyoung interrupts him just as they’re about to open the doors to the car.
“uh, the twenty-eighth,” minghao says, checking his phone, and he watches how soonyoung’s face drains of all color as he realizes something important.
“shit, i need to go,” soonyoung mutters to himself, pulling out his phone and rapidly typing something on his screen.
“go where? i’ll drop you off,” minghao offers, but his words fall on deaf ears. soonyoung is already running back to the elevators, which take him up to the lobby of the building, and out on the street.
the rain doesn’t let up in the slightest, but soonyoung doesn’t seem to care much about it as minghao watches him run like a madman when the car pulls out on the street.
he should lower his window and yell at soonyoung to get in the car, but he’s never seen him this frantic to get somewhere. minghao decides to trust soonyoung’s crazy antics this time, and silently shakes his head at the driver when he asks if soonyoung needs to be picked up.
. . . . .
“is this what good friends do?” a scoff from you has soonyoung’s heart crumbling. “you left me waiting here in the rain, on my birthday, and you couldn’t even call, or text—”
“it’s not like you’re waiting for it!” a cornered soonyoung isn’t a rational one, and the words leave him before he can process them. “you’re always telling me how i shouldn’t be meeting you, have feelings for you, or contact you, yet you’re the one giving me shit for not texting you?”
“i just—i assumed you’d show up,” your voice is considerably softer, now that you really understand what soonyoung is saying. the loud rain doesn’t do much to mask your voice, however, because soonyoung hears you loud and clear.
“well, that’s where you’re wrong,” soonyoung chuckles mirthlessly. “you’ve just taken me for granted all over again, y/n. you think that you can get me to do whatever you want just because i like you and you know i’ll never say no. i’m really fucking tired of all this.”
“soonyoung, it’s not like that—”
“i don’t want to hear another stupid explanation from you, not when you’re always deflecting whenever we get close to being something real,” soonyoung cuts you off. “you’re always the one making decisions for me, for us, and i’m done with that. my feelings for you are my own, and you can’t tell me i’m wrong or that i can’t have them.”
at this point, the salty tears running down your face can’t be differentiated from the raindrops hitting your skin, but you keep your head bowed down, so that soonyoung can’t see your tears. despite not looking at him, you can still tell that soonyoung himself is crying, if his choked voice and hurt tone are anything to go by.
“you’re not going to say anything?” soonyoung tries, and he sounds like he’s giving up now. “why can’t you just take the chance with me? why won’t you trust that i’ll do anything to keep you safe?”
“go home, soonyoung,” is all you say, gathering the courage to look him in the eye. “you’re going to get sick, and with the tour—”
“you don’t give a fuck about the tour, and you certainly don’t care for me either, so cut the crap,” soonyoung sounds angry, and you know he has all the right to. “if i go home now, without anything from you, it’s the last you’re going to see of or hear from me.”
those words have you snapping your head up. you look at soonyoung, fists clenched and teeth gritted together. the image of an younger, much happier soonyoung is superimposed on top of the version of soonyoung you see in front of you, and he looks entirely different.
you don’t see the carefree, happy, and silly soonyoung anymore. you see a man who you’ve managed to break with how much you’ve pushed him away. you see a man who’s scared to love you, even though that’s all he’s done for all these years.
you see the results of your own cowardice, and you know that the bravest thing you could do is end things, right then and there.
“goodnight, soonyoung,” you say, not caring that you’re letting your facade finally slip in front of him when your voice cracks under the weight of your emotions. “i won’t bother you anymore.”
you don’t have to look at him to visualise the look of betrayal and heartbreak on his face, but you sneak a glance anyway, and it’s just as heart-wrenching as you expected it to be. still, despite every inch of your body wanting to stay here, with him, you force yourself to turn around and walk away.
you’re not sure if soonyoung sees the way your shoulders shake when you finally give in and sob loudly. you’re not sure if soonyoung hears the thousands of apologies leaving your lips in broken whispers. but you do hope that soonyoung doesn’t; you’ve already hurt him enough.
“where have you been?” seungkwan gasps when he sees soonyoung at his front door, soaked in water from head to toe. “minghao-hyung told me you suddenly ran away, and all of us have been trying your phone but you—”
“seungkwan-ah,” the tremble in soonyoung’s voice makes seungkwan pause his rant. “i’ve lost her for good, this time.”
“lost who?” seungkwan furrows his eyebrows. “i don’t know what you’re talking about, just come in quickly and shower. i’ll get you some dry clothes.”
within fifteen minutes, soonyoung is now seated on the couch, clean and dry, and seungkwan hands him a cup of warm milk. he sits down next to soonyoung and notices how soonyoung just stares off into space, eyes filled with a kind of sorrow he hasn’t seen before.
“is it her?” seungkwan asks, and soonyoung turns his head to meet his eyes. “the girl you were talking about when you came here?”
“y/n, yeah,” soonyoung nods. “i didn’t know you guys were talking again,” seungkwan says. “i mean, we all thought that during the break when we were trainees, she randomly disappeared without a trace.”
“i thought so too,” soonyoung admits. “but we happened to bump into each other a few months back, and—god, i feel like such an idiot for thinking that we could ever go back to the way we were before.”
“wait, backtrack,” seungkwan holds his hand up. “you’ve been seeing her for the last few months? is that why the members keep saying you’ve been acting different? tell me the whole story, kwon soonyoung.”
the last thing soonyoung wants to do is recount the details of everything that’s happened, but he doesn’t stand a chance against seungkwan’s inquisitive gaze, and so he caves.
. . . . .
you’re definitely going crazy. it’s the only rational explanation for the situation you’ve found yourself in.
three days ago, after you left soonyoung in the rain, you had received a text from an unknown number, which went like: this is seungkwan. hyung is down with a fever. i thought you should know.
you wanted to reply and argue that you shouldn’t know about soonyoung’s health, not when your heart and mind were both ready to drop everything at once and meet soonyoung, no matter how stupid the excuse. instead, you left the message on read and spent the next three days driving yourself crazy while contemplating if you should go and apologize to soonyoung.
in the end, the part of you that craved the comfort soonyoung brought you with just his presence won, and you found yourself in front of soonyoung’s house, plastic bag filled with medicine gripped tightly in your right hand.
you raise your left hand to ring the doorbell, but something in you makes you pause. what if soonyoung doesn’t want to see you? you wouldn’t blame him, after everything you’ve put him through, but seeing disgust or hatred for you in his eyes might just be the thing that shatters your heart for good.
the thoughts running in your head are chaotic, and you wish you just had the courage to knock on his door, face him, and apologize so that he actually hears you, but you’re a mere slave to the crippling fear that fills you at the thought of wanting something real with soonyoung.
you decide against facing him. you place the bag of medicine by the door, ring the doorbell, and run towards the end of the hallway as fast as you can, hiding behind the wall to make sure soonyoung won’t see you. it’s childish and immature, but you’ve come to realize that you’re never rational when it comes to soonyoung.
you need to cover your mouth to muffle the cries leaving you when you hear soonyoung open his door, step out, and call seungkwan to ask him if he sent him any medicine.
you take that as your sign to leave, but the burning question doesn’t leave you: what would soonyoung think if he ever finds out that you were the one who brought him medicine but didn’t even have the courage to hand it over to him yourself?
your relationship with soonyoung had started many years ago, when you both were still in middle school and trying to understand long division.
back then, soonyoung was your best friend. he was the boy who always asked for an extra serving of rice at lunch, because you were too shy to. he was the boy that made sure you walked on the sidewalk when you were going back home after school. he was the boy who choreographed silly dances to make you laugh whenever you were sad.
he was the first boy you fell in love with.
it all had happened very quickly; all the girls in your grade had started discussing crushes and boyfriends, and soonyoung was the only boy in your life who made you feel ‘butterflies in your stomach’ and ‘fireworks whenever he’d touch you.’
after that revelation, it felt like the entire world had become much sweeter. you had exchanged your glasses for rose-tinted ones, and with every moment you spent with your best friend, you only fell in deeper.
one evening, under a starry night sky, fifteen-year old you had taken the leap of faith and pressed your lips against his. it was clumsy, and his nose bumping into yours hurt, but it was the best thing to ever happen to you.
what had followed the kiss was the worst news you’d ever receive.
—
“i’m moving to seoul,” soonyoung says, his hand holding yours gently while he drops a bomb.
“what for?” you ask, and you feel a lump forming in your throat. although soonyoung hadn’t revealed much, you could tell from the way his eyes were welling up with tears that the news couldn’t be good.
“i’m leaving taekwondo for good,” he starts. “i recently got into dancing, and i love it. i want to get better at it.”
“there’s dance studios in namyangju,” you point out. “why seoul?”
“i…. i auditioned for a few companies,” soonyoung confesses, the words spilling out after weeks of being kept secret. “i got into some, and i want to…. train professionally.”
you might just get an award called ‘worst best friend in the world’ for your reaction to soonyoung’s words. you barely stop yourself from saying, “that wasn’t our plan. we were supposed to stick together, even if we got sick of each other.”
what you do say is, “oh. that’s… that’s really cool.”
“you don’t look too excited,” soonyoung’s smile falters a bit. “why aren’t you excited?”
“i mean, of course i’m happy for you,” you laugh, although there’s nothing you find funny in this situation.
“i feel like there’s a ‘but’ that’s going to follow,” soonyoung looks at you warily. “what is it?”
there’s so many things you want to say, but you bite your tongue. you just shake your head with a smile. “no ‘buts.’ i’m happy for you, i really am.”
“really?” soonyoung asks again, just to be sure, and you nod. he seems convinced with the act you’ve put up, because he smiles brightly at you, and your heart skips a beat.
you try to bring up the kiss, and what it would mean for the both of you, but soonyoung says, “i should go home, it’s getting late.”
“yeah, it is,” you reply, swallowing down the urge to tell him to stay. “goodnight, soonyoung.”
—
for years to come, you regretted everything you did that night. you regretted letting him go that easily, not telling him how you felt, even the fact that you kissed him.
this regret had such a chokehold on you, that after soonyoung had packed up his things and moved to seoul, you cut off all contact with him.
you didn’t reply to his emails and didn’t answer his calls. whenever his parents visited your house, you’d lock yourself in your room, scared that they’d ask you about soonyoung and you’d have nothing to say.
it was your first heartbreak, and it was messy and painful. you would cry yourself to sleep every night and wake up in the morning, fighting the urge to call soonyoung and ask how he’s doing.
you had managed to convince yourself that now that soonyoung had left, there was no chance of him coming back, much less to meet you. it took you a year to make peace with it, and another year to try and move on, but one night set you back on your progress and had all your walls breaking down.
—
it’s a rainy night and you’re alone at home. your parents are out of town for your dad’s colleague’s wedding, and you couldn’t be bothered to join them.
you’re on your phone, watching pixelated figures on your screen laugh and scream. you’d never admit this to anyone, but you had secretly kept up with soonyoung’s activities ever since he’d left for seoul. for the last few months, he’d been part of a tv show along with other trainees, practicing in a room with green walls and awaiting the day their names would be picked to be a part of a new boy-group.
seeing him dance and goof around with other trainees always made your heart sink a little, but you were glad that at least one of you were enjoying their youth.
you’re in the middle of a compilation of funny moments from said tv show, when your doorbell rings. you’re skeptical as to who would show up in front of your house in the middle of the pouring rain and this late in the evening, so you equip yourself with a tennis racket and head to the front door.
you slowly twist the door knob and pull the door open, but when you see who’s standing at the door, the tennis racket slips from your hands and clatters loudly against the floor.
“what—what are you doing here?” you ask, suddenly feeling weak in the knees.
“did i do something wrong?” soonyoung fires back. he’s completely drenched in rainwater, and his shoulders seem to droop, not just with the weight of the wet clothes clinging to his body.
“soonyoung, that’s ridiculous. what do you mean?” you sputter. “i think you should be telling me why you’re miles away from seoul, in front of my house, soaked in rain. what were you thinking?”
“it’s been two years, y/n,” soonyoung scoffs. “two years since i left and you never called, texted, nothing. did you really not care about me leaving?”
“i just got busy,” you lie, looking away from him. “school got tough, and unlike you, i need to actually focus on—”
“wait, pause,” soonyoung cuts you off, and you wish you could slap yourself for letting those words slip out. “what do you mean ‘unlike me’? what, you think you’re better than me because you’re going to school and i’m training to be an idol? is that why you cut off all contact with me?”
“i didn’t mean to say that, and you know i’d never do anything like that,” you deny.
“do i? do i know you anymore?” soonyoung runs a hand through his damp hair, just like he does whenever he’s annoyed. “i thought we were best friends, but all of a sudden, you go radio silent and give me no explanation at all.”
“i was having a hard time too, okay?” you raise your voice, and you hate how shaky it sounds. “it was tough for me to get used to living without you here, and—”
“don’t give me that bullshit,” he says, voice cracking near the end. “i needed you too, and you completely abandoned me. just like how you kissed me that night and never said anything afterwards. why do you always leave me in the dark?”
you’ve relived that first, innocent, clumsy kiss, multiple times in your head for the last two years, and hearing soonyoung bring it up makes the memory sting even more.
“soonyoung, i—i tried to, but i didn’t think that it was the right time to bring it up,” you sigh, defeated. soonyoung’s gaze softens at that, and he inches forward to be closer to you. he raises his right hand to cup your cheek, and the contrast of his icy fingers against your warm skin makes you shudder.
“you think too much,” he says, looking into your eyes. “it’s just me; you can tell me whatever you want the second the thought crosses your mind. you know i’d always listen.”
“i know,” you nod, and the air between you two feels charged with tension that has been simmering for the last two years. your brain is working at full speed, trying to decide what your next move should be, and soonyoung seems to pick up on the hesitance in your eyes, because of which he exhales loudly and whispers under his breath, loud enough for you to hear, “fuck it.”
before you can predict what he’s about to do, soonyoung leans forward to crash his lips onto yours. you can feel soonyoung shivering in his wet clothes, but the kiss feels warmer than anything you’ve felt before. you give into your temptations and kiss him back.
it’s not as awkward as last time, but it does take you a second to realize that in the time he’s been away, soonyoung has grown up from the lanky and lean boy he used to be. his shoulders seem to be broader, and arms considerably more firm from the constant, rigorous training he’s going through.
you take your time in running your hands up his arms, until they finally wrap around his neck, pulling him in close. the wet material of his hoodie meets your dry t-shirt, and the foreign cold sensation is what snaps you back into reality. you’re kissing the boy you tried so hard to move on from, and you’re kissing him despite knowing that you’ll never really have him.
pulling away from soonyoung hurts a lot more than you expected. he looks disoriented for a few seconds, but then his eyes focus on you, and he knows something has changed.
“we should talk about—”
“no,” you shake your head. “let’s just call this a weak moment, and forget about it.”
“are you being serious right now?” soonyoung huffs. “why are you doing this? am i just a mistake to you?”
if you were it wouldn’t hurt this much, you think to yourself. to soonyoung you say, “i think we’re better off as friends, soonyoung.”
soonyoung walks away again, but this time you’re the one who pushed him away, and he’s the one that wanted you to stay.
—
you didn’t think you’d ever meet soonyoung after that night. for months after, the pain you felt every time you thought of soonyoung was fresh and raw, but over the years, he moved to the back of your mind as you got busy with trying to cope with the real world.
you had decided to major in design in college, and with your degree, you managed to land a job at a famous magazine publisher as a designer, and you’re somewhat happy with it. it’s tough to get recognition in a creative field, especially as a new employee, but earning money easily outweighs the need for validation, which is why you gritted your teeth, plastered on a smile, and continued working for people who never acknowledge you.
that’s when life decided to give you another unexpected surprise.
—
you just got off work, and it’s almost midnight. you haven’t had much to eat the entire day, not when the company is downsizing and you need to work your ass off to keep your job.
your stomach grumbles loudly, and you feel frustrated too. you’re sick of eating convenience store food for most days of the week, but there’s not a single restaurant open at this hour in your area, and you may just have to settle for ramen again, when you stumble across your saviour.
it’s a hole-in-the-wall joint with a small LED sign outside it, displaying the name of the restaurant. there’s not more than four tables inside the restaurant, yet the aroma of delicious tteokbokki is enough to lure you in.
you push the door open, and an elderly lady with a kind smile welcomes you. “oh, my child, you look absolutely famished,” the lady coos. “come, take a seat, i’ll get you food.”
“thank you so much,” you gush, bowing deeply before sitting down at a table. while the lady brings you food, you take the time to rest your tired feet and exhausted eyes. you’re rubbing your aching forehead, when the door to the restaurant opens, indicating that another customer has entered.
out of curiosity, you look to the side to see the new customer, but when you see his face, you’re considering that the universe thinks you’re a joke. because, sitting at the table across from you is none other than kwon soonyoung.
memories from the past crash into you like a truck, and you’re almost ready to sacrifice a decent meal and flee from the restaurant, when the lady approaches your table with a huge tray in her hands.
“here you go, sweetheart,” she says, setting down bowl after bowl on your table. “enjoy your meal.”
you’re not sure how much of an appetite you’ve got left after you’ve literally faced your past. the shock on soonyoung’s face still hasn’t faded, and you’re debating if you should just avoid any further eye contact, finish your food, and leave the restaurant as quickly as possible.
it seems like that plan needs to be abandoned as well, because after a very awkward meal and paying for your food, the second you step out of the restaurant, soonyoung calls your name.
“y/n, wait,” you can tell that he feels awkward just from the way he’s fidgeting with his shirt, and it only makes you feel even more uncomfortable. “it’s… been a while.”
“it has,” you reply casually, as if he didn’t go on to become a worldwide sensation, while you’re stuck being mediocre. “it was great to see you again, but i really should—”
“let’s catch up some time?” he asks, chest heaving with anticipation.
“i don’t know if that would be a good idea, soonyoung,” you say, vaguely gesturing at the distance between the two of you. “after what happened last time…”
“you said we’d be better as friends, right?” he tries, still enthusiastic, and it makes you want to cry. “we should try again. to be friends, i mean. what do you think?”
—
agreeing with him had been simultaneously the best and worst decision of your life. meeting soonyoung nearly every night after work, eating dinner at the same table in the restaurant you both met at again, and spending hours listening to him talk about everything and nothing was something you never thought you’d get to experience again.
it had started to feel like he was your best friend all over again, just like all those years ago when you both were naive teenagers who could never imagine that their relationship would change this much.
the downside to all this was that your old feelings for soonyoung, feelings that never really faded away, had come to life again, and soonyoung smiling at you like an idiot in love, like an idiot who didn’t choose to run away from you the first time you hurt him, wasn’t helping either.
having to shut down his constant flirting, his abrupt confessions, ‘deals’ he’d strike with you to make you go on a date with him whenever he helped you with work, all of it was killing you slowly, and you didn’t know if you could tell soonyoung to back off without hurting him more than you already have.
as the weeks fly by, you started letting your guard down around soonyoung. he held your hand as he walked you home, carried your work bag even if you weren’t that tired, and even texted you first thing in the morning. you had promised to yourself that you wouldn’t let soonyoung get that close to you again, because dealing with the fallout was something you didn’t want to deal with again.
still, like icarus, you let yourself fly close to the sun that is soonyoung’s affections, selfishly hoping that the day your wings of wax melt didn’t come too soon.
it was all just wishful thinking, and the fragile bubble you had started to live in burst on the day of your twenty-ninth birthday. like every other day, you had expected soonyoung to meet you at your usual restaurant for dinner, but hours passed, and there was still no sign of soonyoung.
when soonyoung finally did show up, and after you left him alone in the rain, you couldn’t help but curse yourself for believing that something so flawed from the start could ever work out, no matter how much you tried.
“is it weird that i still feel nervous before concerts?” mingyu sighs, massaging his legs after their last rehearsal on the stage.
“i don’t think that feeling will ever fully go away,” wonwoo chuckles, panting as he lays sprawled out on the floor of the green room some of them are gathered in. its the day before the first concert on their world tour, and backstage is buzzing with various members of staff running around, making sure everything is perfect.
“i don’t think soonyoung gets nervous, though,” wonwoo teases, nudging soonyoung’s leg with his foot.
soonyoung, too engrossed in his own thoughts, doesn’t even hear the jab. he’s busy staring off into space, and it puzzles the other members.
“hey, what’s on your mind?” mingyu asks, shaking soonyoung’s shoulder to snap him out of his trance.
“i don’t know,” he sighs. “i have a bad feeling about today.”
“hey! don’t jinx our concert with your negativity,” seungcheol quips. “whatever has you distracted, you need to get it out of your head. we need tomorrow to be perfect.”
the restless feeling that has been bothering soonyoung all morning finally makes sense when his phone buzzes with a notification.
it’s a text from you, after radio silence since your birthday, and soonyoung hates how he’s sprinting out of the green room towards the company cars at the drop of a hat.
in his rush, soonyoung leaves his phone behind, and when mingyu picks it up from the couch, the text displayed on the screen reads, can we talk? one last time, i promise.
everyone has a feeling that soonyoung doesn’t want to be meeting you for the last time.
. . . . .
soonyoung feels a little foolish for standing outside the restaurant alone, frantically looking around. he’s forgotten his phone at the concert venue, leaving him with no way to contact you to find out if you were even coming to see him.
but when he sees your figure at the end of the street, walking towards him, the anxiety he’d been feeling gets multiplied by ten.
when you come to a halt in front of him, you seem a bit surprised. “i didn’t expect you to come. not after…”
“i know it was you who left the medicine outside my house that day,” he says. “i decided to come so i could thank you for that.”
“you don’t have to,” you shake your head. “i didn’t do that as an apology.”
“so, you’re not going to apologize for any of it?” soonyoung tilts his head. “why’d you call me here? for your own amusement?”
“i called you here to tell you that i’m leaving for good, soonyoung,” you have to force yourself to blurt the words out, because the lump forming in your throat is slowly starting to choke you. “i got a new job, and i’m leaving korea. i’m not coming back.”
“what?” soonyoung doesn’t sound like he believes you. “what do you mean you’re leaving?”
“i need a fresh start away from all this, away from you,” you can’t hold your tears back anymore, and the thought of never seeing soonyoung again is a comforting yet terrifying thought. “this thing we have, whatever we’ve had for all these years, it hurts to live with. i know i was the one who went and messed everything up, but i—i didn’t know how else to deal with you leaving. i do apologize, soonyoung, for every time i’ve made you feel like i hate you, or i don’t want you, and i want you to know i didn’t mean any of it.”
“if you didn’t mean it, why did you do it?” soonyoung’s face is red with anger and the look of realization that he can’t do anything to salvage this situation is heartbreaking. “i told you, y/n, you don’t have to think so much when you’re with me. you don’t need to worry about everything that can go wrong, not when i’ve got your back. why could i never earn your trust?”
“how could i trust in something that was doomed from the start?” you let out the thought that has been gnawing away at you for years. “the moment i realized i loved you, you left, and i couldn’t do anything about it.”
“is that what the first kiss was about?” soonyoung asks. “you loved me since then?”
“i did,” you nod. “and don’t you dare try to apologize for leaving, because it’s going to make me feel even worse. there was no way on earth i would’ve asked you to stay for me, and you wouldn’t have listened anyway.”
“what about after that?” soonyoung says, and you notice how it’s his left hand rising up to push his hair back. it used to be his right hand before, and you will every cell in your body to stop thinking about what the difference means. “i came back to you, why didn’t you tell me then?”
“you had enough on your plate back then, soonyoung,” you shake your head. “i’ve always kept up with your journey, since before your debut, and i know that expecting a relationship from you then wasn’t right of me. it would’ve made things worse.”
“why not now, y/n?” soonyoung yells, tears of frustration running down his face. “do you have an excuse for that too? what, i’d be too busy touring the world which is why you never said anything? if you love me, and i love you, why couldn’t we just let that be the reason? was love never enough for you?”
“i can’t—i can’t answer that, soonyoung,” you sob. “all i do is hurt you, don’t you see that?”
“there you go, making decisions for me again,” he scoffs. “you can’t be the one to decide if i want you, even if you’ve hurt me.”
“i’m deciding for myself,” you sniffle, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. “we’re too far gone to fix things, and i don’t want you to get your hopes up for me. i don’t think i’ll ever be ready for anything real with you, and i feel like it’s the best way to leave things.”
“you’re leaving without even trying to fix anything,” soonyoung seethes. “your apology is just another slap to the face, and i can’t believe that i’d still do anything for you, no questions asked.”
“i’m asking you to let go, soonyoung,” you choke out. “it’s what’s best for us, and you know it too.”
“you make it sound easy,” soonyoung’s laugh is dry and hollow. “letting go of you means letting go of my heart. it’s not that easy, y/n.”
“i’m sorry,” you let your head hang low, too ashamed to look at soonyoung. you’re surprised once again when you feel his hands reaching forward to hold your trembling ones.
“is there nothing i can say to make you stay?” soonyoung tries again. his anger seems to have dissipated, and the look of desperation on his face matches the one on yours.
“i’m leaving tomorrow night,” you let yourself savor the feeling of his rough hands enveloping yours. “i can’t stay, you know that.”
“i’ll try anyway,” he exhales. “come to the concert tomorrow.”
“soonyoung, i can’t—”
“please.” he sounds dangerously close to begging. “i need to see you one last time, please. if it’s the last time i’m seeing you, i want it to be tomorrow.”
“i can’t make any promises, soonyoung,” you shut your eyes.
“don’t make any,” he says. “i’ll get you a ticket, but if you don’t want to come, don’t. just know that i’ll be looking for you in the crowd.”
“don’t expect me to be there,” you say, looking up at him. he’s close enough for you to see his eyes glittering with tears, and the knife in your chest twists in deeper.
“can’t make any promises,” his words come out in a whisper, and before you can remind soonyoung of the consequences of kissing in the middle of a street, where anyone can recognize him, he pulls you in.
the kiss doesn’t last long, but it makes you feel like your body is on fire. it makes your heart ache at the thought of losing this warmth forever, and it takes everything in you to stop yourself from pulling soonyoung closer to you.
he pulls away first this time, and you can see it in his eyes that he knows you won’t be there tomorrow. still, he says, “come tomorrow, please.”
he leaves before you can respond. which might be better for him. because you don’t know if you can handle the fact that the last thing you’ll tell him is no.
the opening notes of the song play, and now that all the members are finally sitting down after hours of dancing, soonyoung takes a moment to scan the crowd.
he thinks about the ticket he’d sent you through text, and how the message hadn’t even delivered. he thinks about the flight that’s about to leave the airport soon, taking you far away from him.
if you leave in the distant future
i probably won’t be able to live
he thinks of the last kiss, and it’s enough to make his eyes water.
chan finishes singing the first two lines, and with a shaky hand, soonyoung lifts his mic to his lips.
it’s not in the distant future
i just don’t want to think about it
you’re not in the crowd tonight, and even though you didn’t make any promises, the last look he had at you felt like a promise in itself. a promise that said, i won’t be there, no matter how hard you look.
still, soonyoung feels like you’re watching. he wants to imagine that you’re in the waiting room at the airport, waiting to board your flight, clutching your phone and watching the livestream of this concert. he wants to imagine that the tears in his eyes make you want to cry too.
if you leave me (what can i do?)
all my days (you’re the reason i’m alive and breathing)
fans recording clips of this concert are going to share this particular clip of soonyoung singing the chorus of the song with tears streaming down his face. they’re going to say things like, who hurt him? and soonyoung is really professional; he pours so much emotion into each song.
they don’t know the truth behind the tears. they don’t know that soonyoung was once a boy, who was, and still is, in love with a girl. and they’ll never know, neither will you, that soonyoung will always continue to love you, even if you’re oceans away from him.
soonyoung won’t ever know this: you do watch the livestream of the concert. you’re sitting in the airport lounge, and soonyoung’s eyes staring straight into the camera feels like he’s really looking at you, after he failed to spot you in the crowd.
he won’t ever know this, but ever since that first kiss at fifteen, you had doomed your own fate. even if you ever found love in any other person, you’d never love them as much as you love soonyoung, and you decide to continue being selfish and keep this secret locked away in your heart for good.
the airport speakers announce that passengers flying to new york may start boarding their flight, and you shut your phone just as the song ends.
a/n: after procrastinating for ages, and then speedrunning through the writing process, (thank you to all my sprint buddies) this fic is finally done (sort of)! i've changed my plot ideas for this collab fic MULTIPLE times, and finally settled on this one, and im really proud of it. i had to compromise and put out the 1st part so that yall could get SOMETHING AT LEAST but the other parts will follow soon. i hope.
a HUGE thank you to rie ( @okiedokrie-main ) for making this gorgeous banner at such short notice! thank you calli ( @hhaechansmoless ) for agreeing to help with beta-ing this fic and encouraging me to sprint and write it. shout-out to serena ( @gotta-winwin ) for beta-ing too!!
i'm also so thankful for ro ( @shinysobi ), yuki ( @eclipsaria ), and rae ( @nerdycheol) for hosting this collab alongside me! all of the writers in this collab are people dear to me, and I KNOW their fics are absolute bangers.
this fic is part of the milestone : 100 collab! check out the main masterlist here <3
word count: 4.8k
contents: mingyu x f!reader , businessman!mingyu , barista!mc , hoshi is mc's younger brother , strangers to lovers , coffee shop au , unhealthy consumption of coffee , awkward confessions , mingyu is so down bad yall
mingyu comes to a halt in front of his local starbucks outlet at 7:53 a.m., which means that he’s already running late by 13 minutes. however, the giant ‘CLOSED’ sign hanging on the front door doesn’t seem to care much for his delay.
he knocks on the glass doors, but doesn’t get much of a response. that’s when a random passerby taps him on the shoulder and says, “this outlet shut down because of health violations. dead rats in their coffee beans, or something.”
mingyu feels his entire body shudder at the thought of possibly having ingested coffee that had come in contact with dead animals. still, dead rat or not, he needs his morning coffee. he pulls out his phone, fingers flying across the screen as he tries to find the closest coffee shop while also ensuring that he’s not late for his meeting.
five minutes later, google maps, or what mingyu later thinks is fate, leads him to a tiny cafe hidden by a vibrant flower stall to its right and a giant supermarket to its left. while both its neighbours seems to have a lot of footfall, the cafe, [name], seems to be relatively empty.
as long as they make a good americano, it doesn’t matter, mingyu tells himself as he pushes the door open, the chime of a bell alerting the workers of his presence. or… just worker, mingyu observes.
the interior of the cafe is pleasing to the eye, and whoever was in charge of decor really loves the vintage aesthetic. there’s soft jazz music playing on the speakers, the aroma of fresh coffee wafting through the air, and then there’s you.
you, in your pastel blue apron and hair tied back, standing at the coffee machine with your back to mingyu. even though he can’t see your face, mingyu feels strangely drawn towards you, the only worker at the cafe. his worries about reaching work on time are forgotten as he watches you stir sugar into the coffee and placing the cup on a saucer. you even add two small biscuits onto the plate and turn around to set it down on the counter.
the magic of the moment is broken as soon as the saucer meets the glass countertop, because you yell, “yah! kwon soonyoung! stop texting your girlfriend in the breakroom before i go in there and drag you out myself! your coffee is ready!”
mingyu is so taken aback at how unexpectedly loud your voice is that he starts coughing out of surprise, which finally gets you to notice him. you seem to have a similar surprised reaction as your cheeks turn red with embarrassment. gone is the loud yell, and it’s been replaced by a voice much gentler, but still tinged with a bit of the chaotic personality mingyu had caught a glimpse of.
“good morning, sir!” you greet him with a bright smile, now standing at the cash register. “welcome to [name]. what would you like to order?”
mingyu sputters, caught off-guard at being addressed directly. “uh, an iced americano. with two shots of espresso, please.”
you punch in the order and then look up at mingyu again. the awkward pause stretches for a while, before mingyu clears his throat. “how much is it?”
“oh, that’s all?” you laugh sheepishly. “nothing else to go with your coffee?”
“i’m in a bit of a rush,” mingyu winces. “maybe next time?”
“i’ll hold you to that,” you smile, pressing a few more buttons before giving mingyu his total. with the swipe of a card, mingyu’s coffee is paid for, and you request him to take a seat while you make his drink.
there’s this strange calmness that washes over mingyu as he watches you, a complete stranger, make a cup of coffee. the way you move with practiced ease, flitting between the take-away cups and coffee machine, is weirdly captivating. mingyu can’t believe he’s so fascinated by the mundane process of making coffee, which he’s never paid attention to, not before today.
“your coffee’s ready!” your announcement drags mingyu out of his thoughts, and he walks up to the counter to pick up his drink. “please enjoy, and have a great day.” you give him another grin, and mingyu feels his cheeks heat up.
“um, you too,” he blurts out. “thank you.” mortified by how he’s been reduced to an awkward teenager in front of someone he’s never met before, mingyu is quick to speed-walk out of the cafe and head to work.
soonyoung comes out of the break-room a few seconds later, and he finds you standing at the cash register, head propped up on your hands and a dreamy look on your face.
“woah, what’s with you?” he asks, moving past you to grab the coffee you had made for him. “you look like tom cruise just walked in to order coffee.” he punctuates the end of the sentence with a loud gulp of coffee, for which you smack the back of his head, dreamy look gone and glare back on.
“i’m never gonna make you coffee again, not if you disrespect it by drinking it like a toddler,” you scowl, proceeding to wipe down the counter with a rag while grumbling about the absurdity of a boss making coffee for her own employee.
soonyoung is used to your grumbling and reprimands being directed at his childish and loud behaviour, but what he’s never seen you do is giggle to yourself and skip into the break-room.
who on earth had just walked into the shop? soonyoung vows to never stay in the break-room for too long ever again, because the curiosity might just kill him.
“strange woman,” he mutters, turning around to wash his coffee cup. “makes a mean coffee, though.”
—
mingyu has never given a second thought to the coffee he purchases daily because it’s nothing more than a necessity for his daily routine to function smoothly. today, however, keeps getting weirder, because mingyu is sat in his office, holding an empty take-away cup in his hands two hours after the drink has been finished.
his eyes trace the lines of the logo of the cafe printed onto the pastel blue cupsleeve around the plastic cup for the nth time. he can’t get the quaint coffee shop and its fascinating worker out of his head, no matter how hard he tries.
that’s when it strikes him.
placing the cup on his desk, mingyu reaches into a drawer to retrieve a blue, leather-bound journal. it’s never been used before, and somehow, mingyu feels that the whirlwind of thoughts in his head is a good enough occasion to commence the use of the journal.
he takes his trusty pen out from the pocket of his suit and opens the journal up to write his name on the first page. once he’s satisfied, he takes a deep inhale before flipping the page and resting the tip of his pen on the first line.
he takes a moment to get his thoughts in order, and then, he writes.
entry 1: 15/05/25
she’s a stranger, and i don’t even know her name, but i want to. she’s someone i may never meet again, but my heart wishes to see her tomorrow morning, and all the ones after that.
she’s a stranger, but she’s beautiful, and the pastel blue brings out the brown in her eyes.
i guess i found my new regular coffee shop.
the next morning, mingyu takes a different route to work. he doesn’t pass the tteokbokki stand run by the chatty grandma who wants to set him up with her grand-daughter, and he’s grateful for the change of scenery.
a brisk eight-minute walk later, mingyu finds himself outside [name] again. this time, he feels a weird sensation in his gut, which he thinks might be what others call ‘butterflies in one’s stomach.’
“it’s just coffee,” he tells himself before pushing the door open. today, the soft chime of the bell is drowned out by a loud electric guitar solo blasting through the speakers of the cafe, and mingyu is taken aback.
instead of the delicate atmosphere you had created the previous day, the environment mingyu steps into today is completely different. there’s rock music playing, and dishes clink together as they’re being washed by a man in a tiger-print apron?
mingyu blinks quickly, hoping that he’s seeing things, but the man behind the counter is still here, and the tiger stripes on his apron glare at mingyu intimidatingly. still, he walks up to the counter, clearing his throat loud enough for the man to hear him over the music.
the man, who was in the middle of aggressively wiping the counter down, startles in his place. he reaches for his phone to turn the music off and comes up to the cash register to greet mingyu.
“good morning! welcome to [name]! i’m soonyoung, and i’ll be taking your order.” soonyoung beams at mingyu, as if the last fifteen seconds hadn’t occurred. mingyu stops himself from asking soonyoung where his colleague is, because he doesn’t want to come across as a complete creep in front of someone he doesn’t even know.
with shoulders slumped over in defeat, mingyu half-heartedly recites his regular order and watches as soonyoung makes his coffee. the calmness he felt watching you the previous day was now replaced by constant worry that soonyoung may accidentally break something. thankfully, his coffee is prepared without any grand mishaps, and mingyu reaches for his wallet to pay for his drink, when—
“you’re back again today!” the voice mingyu has been longing to hear makes him pause. “don’t tell me you’re only ordering a coffee, sir.”
mingyu can’t tell if he’s smiling like a complete idiot, but he can’t help it, not when he looks up to see soonyoung’s place taken by you, the barista he can’t forget about. your smile manages to kickstart his brain into functioning again, even without a drop of coffee in his system.
“please, just call me mingyu,” he chuckles. “i’m too young to be called sir.”
“got it, mingyu,” you repeat after him, uttering his name slowly, as if you were memorizing the way the syllables of his name sounded on your tongue. “i’m y/n, and i still want to know if you want to get something along with your coffee this morning.”
“anything you’d like,” mingyu blurts out, and your smile is momentarily tinged with confusion. “i mean, i’ll take whatever your favorite is.” mingyu clarifies, and you give him a coy smile.
“alright, i’ll have your order ready soon,” you nod, when soonyoung interrupts the moment by placing mingyu’s iced americano on the counter.
“his coffee’s done,” soonyoung says, eyeing you warily, as if you’ve grown another head. “just grab your pick from the display.”
“idiot,” you mutter under your breath, pushing past soonyoung to grab a paper bag and pick out the nicest looking blueberry danish on display for your new favorite customer.
by the time you bring the bag to mingyu, he’s already done paying for his food and is waiting with his coffee held in one hand.
“one blueberry danish for you,” you grin, reaching over the counter to hand the bag to mingyu, who feels the tips of his ears turn red when his fingers brush against yours. “i hope you enjoy.”
“i know i will,” mingyu nods, which makes you blush this time. then, just like the previous day, mingyu finds himself speedwalking out of the cafe, embarrassed by his awkward behaviour.
meanwhile, inside the cafe, soonyoung shoots a suspicious look at you, as you hum to yourself while making yourself a cappuccino.
“so that was him? the guy who had you daydreaming yesterday?” he asks, crossing his arms.
“i think you’re forgetting who the elder sibling is here,” you scowl at your brother. “drop the protective brother act, it’s corny.”
“i’m just looking out for you,” soonyoung huffs, wiping the counter to clean up the coffee he spilled while making mingyu’s order. “he is cute though, i’ll give you that.”
“excuse me?” you gasp, throwing your rag at soonyoung’s face. “you have a girlfriend! stop eyeing other men, or i’ll tell her about it!”
“you won’t unless you want to die, kwon y/n,” soonyoung threatens, and you only give him a playful wink as a response, before pulling your phone out to text his girlfriend.
—
today’s coffee is amazing. all the worrying he did while soonyoung made his drink seems to be unnecessary, because no matter how clumsy he is, he does make great coffee.
but it’s not the same as the one mingyu had the day before, and it bothers him. he has no idea why it does, but he’s beginning to think that his interest in you isn’t just curiosity, but potentially something more confusing.
he sighs as he takes his journal out from the drawer, grabbing his pen to make another entry in it.
entry 2: 16/05/25
she likes blueberries, and her name is just as sweet.
i know her name now, but my heart wants to know her favorite song too, and everything that makes her smile.
one more coffee tomorrow, then.
mingyu goes to your cafe the next day, just like he had intended to, and learns that you like sunflowers, if the large vase of flowers in the corner was anything to go by.
the more he learns about you, the more he wants to know, and being a human being makes him submit to his natural curiosity, which leads mingyu to your cafe the day after, and all the days that follow too.
. . . . .
entry 5: 19/05/25
today, she walked into the cafe with a crate full of oranges, and when she moved past me to get to the kitchen, i caught a hint of her perfume.
lavender. delicate, yet leaves a strong mark behind, just like her.
monday, 8:47 a.m.
when mingyu enters the cafe, it’s empty. there’s no sight of either soonyoung or you working behind the counter, and he wonders if he’s too early. that’s when the bell jingles behind him, and he turns to see you entering the cafe, a huge crate of oranges nestled in your arms.
“hey, do you need some help?” mingyu offers before he can think too much about it, and you peek your head out from behind the crate to take a look at mingyu.
“no, i’m fine!” you shake your head. “you are the customer after all, i couldn’t ask you for help.”
“please, i don’t mind at all—” mingyu starts, but you abruptly come to a halt in front of him.
“just– could you move?” you ask, smiling through the pain of the edges of the crater digging into your arms. “you’re blocking the way to the kitchen.”
mingyu splutters out an apology as he quickly steps aside, leaving you enough room to walk past him and into the kitchen.
the air trailing behind you smells like lavender, and mingyu feels the soft scent curl up in his lungs.
within a minute, you’re standing at the cash register, visibly more relaxed after setting down the crate, and smiling at him. “so, what’s your order for today?”
mingyu leaves the cafe later, with his americano in one hand, a slice of orange cake packed in a box, and the lingering smell of lavender clinging to him.
. . . . .
entry 17: 31/05/25
it’s another weekend, and i went to the cafe, even though i didn’t have to go to work.
she’s worth it. seeing the smile on her face when a child handed her a drawing of a kitten is worth it.
she seems like she likes cats. should i ask her about dogs next time?
saturday, 9:16 a.m.
“i’d recommend the butter croissant,” you tell him, punching in the order for his regular americano. “they turned out really good today.”
“alright, i’ll try that out, then,” mingyu agrees easily, and you walk away to prepare his order.
while mingyu waits for his order, a lady and her child enter the cafe, the little boy excitedly running up to the glass display to greet you.
“hello, miss y/n!” the boy calls out, and you turn around to greet him back with a huge smile. mingyu watches the exchange fondly, as the boy tells you about his week at school and the new friends he’s made.
soon after, the boy holds out a slightly crumpled sheet of paper that he had been carrying in his hand. “i drew this for you! our teacher told us to draw an animal, so i drew a cat, because you said you like them.”
“that’s such a nice drawing!” you gasp, holding the picture up like it was the mona lisa. “thank you so much for this! how about a free doughnut for you, hm?”
mingyu learns that you have a very special way of making everyone else around smile as much as you do, and it stirs up a warm feeling in his heart.
. . . . .
entry 18: 1/06/25
she likes dogs, too. she even showed me pictures of her family dog, lucy.
one day, if i can ever muster up the courage, should i ask her out on a date at an animal cafe?
sunday, 10:07 a.m.
“so, you’re a cat person?” mingyu starts the conversation this time, which seems to surprise both you and him.
he hopes he isn’t hallucinating the faint pink blush that appears on your cheeks when you say, “i didn’t realize you heard that. i do love cats, but i love dogs just as much.”
“really? i’m slightly more biased towards dogs,” mingyu admits, and your eyes seem to light up.
“i have a feeling you’re gonna love lucy.”
“does she work here?” mingyu asks, puzzled, and you simply laugh before pulling out your phone.
“lucy is my pet dog,” you explain, holding out your phone for mingyu. he also hopes his hands aren’t trembling too much as he takes your phone and looks at the screen, on which you’ve opened up a picture of an adorable golden retriever.
you guide him through dozens of pictures of lucy, recounting the memory associated with each picture, and mingyu decides to throw caution to the wind.
you’re falling for her, his heart tells him, and mingyu can’t find it in him to deny the obvious.
. . . . .
entry 33: 16/06/25
she doesn’t like bitter things. she said that black coffee was disgusting on its own and that it always tastes better with milk and lots of sugar.
…..i changed my coffee order for her. my assistant asked me if i was suddenly turning into a softie, and surprisingly, i didn’t feel embarrassed to say yes.
monday, 8:12 a.m.
“i’ve always meant to ask you this,” you say, and mingyu’s neck hurts from how fast he whipped it up to look at you in anticipation. “how do you manage to drink your coffee like this everyday?”
“what, you don’t take your coffee black?” mingyu asks, and you shudder.
“coffee without milk and sugar is disgusting,” you fake gag. “i know, i know, i shouldn’t judge based on one’s coffee order, but seriously, if you’re not putting a diabetes-inducing amount of sugar in your coffee, there’s something wrong with you.”
“you really think so?” mingyu asks, and you nod confidently. “okay then, make me coffee the way you drink it.”
“are you sure, mingyu?” you smirk, raising an eyebrow at him, as if you’re challenging him. “i feel like any amount of milk and sugar in your black potion of death would send you into shock.”
“then let’s take baby steps,” he suggests. “how about you add tiny amounts of milk and sugar to my coffee every day, till i can decide if you’re right or wrong?”
“deal,” you agree. “be prepared for your world to change.”
mingyu still doesn’t like the way milk and sugar tastes in his coffee, but he’s willing to drink his coffee that way, as long as he has another excuse to talk to you.
. . . . .
entry 46: 29/06/25
she’s a good sister to soonyoung. they’re always bickering, but it’s heartwarming to see.
i should text minseo.
the coffee is getting sweeter, and i think i like it now.
sunday, 4:30 p.m.
“you’ve come a long way on your sugar and milk journey,” you tell him, setting his coffee down at the table in front of him. it’s a bright sunday afternoon, and mingyu has started drinking his coffee at the cafe on weekends, instead of grabbing his cup and booking it out of the cafe, blushing like a schoolboy.
“couldn’t have done it without you,” mingyu says teasingly. you open your mouth to reply, but the loud ringing of your phone cuts you off.
“wait, it’s my brother,” you groan, gritting your teeth as you answer your phone. mingyu still gets amused when he sees your demeanour shift entirely whenever you talk to soonyoung, who he has learned is your younger brother who ditched his position at a tech start-up to help you with the cafe.
“kwon soonyoung, you better have a good excuse for calling me now— wait, what? how did you even manage to do that?” mingyu watches as your eyebrows furrow with concern, and he can’t help the worry rising in his chest at your tone.
“fine, i’ll drop by after closing,” you sigh. “don’t get your ass into any more trouble. fine, i’ll get you the ice-cream you like. i’m hanging up now, idiot.”
mingyu can hear soonyoung’s muffled protests from the phone’s speaker before you hang up on him. “what’s wrong?” he asks, and you pull out the chair across mingyu and sit on it.
“soonyoung sprained his ankle and hurt his shoulder really bad after slipping on some wet pavement,” you say, rubbing at your forehead. “he’s in the hospital now, waiting for his x-ray reports to see if he’s broken anything.”
mingyu knows the annoyance is a flimsy facade; your caring instinct clearly shines through, and it’s another thing mingyu admires about you. “do you need to go to the hospital now? i could drive you up there.”
“his girlfriend is with him,” you shake your head. “i told him i’d go after i close the cafe, but he seems fine enough with just his girlfriend with him. thanks for the offer though.”
mingyu waves goodbye to you an hour later, his empty coffee having joined in on the jokes he cracked and embarrassing incidents he shared with you, hoping to lift your spirits.
he feels uneasy for the rest of the day whenever he recollects the worried look on your face he left you with, and he can only hope that you feel better the next day.
mingyu is sure he’s turned every single drawer in his office upside down at least twice by now. he’s sat through two meetings and a zoom call already, but his mind is in a state of chaos as he tries to find where his journal went.
the blue, leather-bound journal, which he keeps in his desk’s drawer, is nowhere to be seen, and mingyu’s brain keeps thinking about the million other people who could’ve found it and read most of his love-stricken thoughts about you.
over the last seven weeks of knowing you, mingyu has developed a sort of habit of writing about you in his journal every day, and a break in the routine has his entire body buzzing with nervous energy.
it’s easy for you to notice how jittery mingyu looks when he enters the cafe for a second time on the same day. your eyes follow him as he stands in line, his eyes clearly distracted as he moves like a robot—detached and mechanical.
you have an idea of what might be wrong.
when mingyu comes up in front of the cash register, he feels too nervous to even look you in the eye. he knows the chances of you finding out about the journal are low, but—
“my favorite color isn’t pastel blue,” you tell him. “it’s just the uniform. i’m more of a yellow girl.”
“...what?” it takes a while for mingyu to catch up with what you’re saying, so you clear your throat and explain again.
“your journal,” you say. “you wrote that you think pastel blue is my favorite color, but it isn’t. it’s yellow.”
“you. you have my journal.” mingyu gulps, his life flashing before his eyes. “i—i don’t even what to—”
“mingyu, chill,” you assure him. “i just opened the first few pages to try and find who it belonged to, i didn’t read anything else. you must’ve left it behind yesterday.”
“i can explain, i promise,” mingyu insists. “can we talk for a bit?”
he takes the lack of any hesitance on your end as a good sign as you immediately nod. you call soonyoung over to take the next customer’s order and then slip out from behind the counter to walk up to mingyu. “let’s talk outside?”
mingyu follows you outside the cafe, silently praying that he hasn’t entirely blown all his chances with you for all of ten seconds, stopping only when the door closes behind the both of you with a chime, and you reach into the pocket of your apron to retrieve his journal.
“here you go,” you say, handing the journal over to mingyu. he’s quick to take the journal from you, staring at the cover, as if blaming the journal itself for the situation he’s landed himself in.
“can i be entirely honest?” mingyu sighs, not wanting to make up any excuses or lies. “ever since i walked into your cafe, i haven’t been able to get you off my mind. at first i told myself that i was just, curious, but i was so wrong. i don’t think i have a single poetic bone in my body, and as cliche as it sounds, the journal entries are the closest i’ll ever get to writing poetry.”
“what are you trying to say, mingyu?” you shrug your shoulders. “what, you want my comments on your poetry?”
“i’m saying, i like you,” mingyu finally confesses. the words hang in the air between you two, waiting to sink into your skin. “i think i’ve liked you since the day i saw you, and i hate that you found out this way. the journal entries weren’t anything creepy, i swear. i just want to know you.”
“i never said i found them creepy,” you chuckle, and mingyu feels the weight on his chest vanish. “i think it’s cute. you’re cute. if you’d like it, i could help you out.”
“help with what?”
“your journal,” you answer, gesturing towards the journal in mingyu’s hands. “i could help you get to know me better. maybe at an animal cafe, or something like that.” you add, with a barely concealed smile.
“that would be great!” mingyu regains his composure, when he finally realizes. “wait—is this you agreeing to me taking you on a date?”
“you’re adorable, actually,” you laugh at mingyu’s confused expression. “check your journal when you get home, then text me what day you’re free, yeah?”
mingyu nods wordlessly, brain still not registering what’s happening to him. you take the chance to move closer to him and stand on your toes to press a kiss to his cheek. he’s left standing there, lavender clinging to his blazer, cherry lipgloss on his cheek, and heart beating rapidly, while you return to the cafe.
that night, when mingyu goes back home, he opens his journal eagerly, flipping through the pages, before he notices something different on the first page. under his name, you had scribbled in pink ink, text me on my number to fact-check your entries :P.
he’s never been this fast at sending texts.
entry 47: 30/06/25
she wears cherry-flavoured lip gloss. and she wrote down her number on the first page of the journal.
i’m totally normal about this. i think.
saturday seems like a lifetime away, especially after mingyu officially asked you out on a date at an animal cafe, like he had wished to, and you said yes.
he still goes to the cafe every morning before work, and the conversations you both exchange are marked by shy smiles and curious looks. soonyoung is quick to pick up on the new body language, although he stays silent and stares intensely at mingyu the entire time he’s inside the cafe.
there’s another thing mingyu has noticed: he doesn’t order americanos anymore, and even when he makes coffee for himself at home, he never forgets the milk and sugar.
he thinks about how ever since he’s met you, his coffee order and his life has been getting sweeter. he only hopes that the sweetness isn’t just momentary.
a/n: after procrastinating for ages, and then speedrunning through the writing process, (thank you to all my sprint buddies) this fic is finally done (sort of)! i've changed my plot ideas for this collab fic MULTIPLE times, and finally settled on this one, and im really proud of it. i had to compromise and put out the 1st part so that yall could get SOMETHING AT LEAST but the other parts will follow soon. i hope.
a HUGE thank you to rie ( @okiedokrie-main ) for making this gorgeous banner at such short notice! thank you calli ( @hhaechansmoless ) for agreeing to help with beta-ing this fic and encouraging me to sprint and write it. shout-out to serena ( @gotta-winwin ) for beta-ing too!!
i'm also so thankful for ro ( @shinysobi ), yuki ( @eclipsaria ), and rae ( @nerdycheol) for hosting this collab alongside me! all of the writers in this collab are people dear to me, and I KNOW their fics are absolute bangers.
this fic is part of the milestone : 100 collab! check out the main masterlist here <3
word count: 4.8k
contents: mingyu x f!reader , businessman!mingyu , barista!mc , hoshi is mc's younger brother , strangers to lovers , coffee shop au , unhealthy consumption of coffee , awkward confessions , mingyu is so down bad yall
mingyu comes to a halt in front of his local starbucks outlet at 7:53 a.m., which means that he’s already running late by 13 minutes. however, the giant ‘CLOSED’ sign hanging on the front door doesn’t seem to care much for his delay.
he knocks on the glass doors, but doesn’t get much of a response. that’s when a random passerby taps him on the shoulder and says, “this outlet shut down because of health violations. dead rats in their coffee beans, or something.”
mingyu feels his entire body shudder at the thought of possibly having ingested coffee that had come in contact with dead animals. still, dead rat or not, he needs his morning coffee. he pulls out his phone, fingers flying across the screen as he tries to find the closest coffee shop while also ensuring that he’s not late for his meeting.
five minutes later, google maps, or what mingyu later thinks is fate, leads him to a tiny cafe hidden by a vibrant flower stall to its right and a giant supermarket to its left. while both its neighbours seems to have a lot of footfall, the cafe, [name], seems to be relatively empty.
as long as they make a good americano, it doesn’t matter, mingyu tells himself as he pushes the door open, the chime of a bell alerting the workers of his presence. or… just worker, mingyu observes.
the interior of the cafe is pleasing to the eye, and whoever was in charge of decor really loves the vintage aesthetic. there’s soft jazz music playing on the speakers, the aroma of fresh coffee wafting through the air, and then there’s you.
you, in your pastel blue apron and hair tied back, standing at the coffee machine with your back to mingyu. even though he can’t see your face, mingyu feels strangely drawn towards you, the only worker at the cafe. his worries about reaching work on time are forgotten as he watches you stir sugar into the coffee and placing the cup on a saucer. you even add two small biscuits onto the plate and turn around to set it down on the counter.
the magic of the moment is broken as soon as the saucer meets the glass countertop, because you yell, “yah! kwon soonyoung! stop texting your girlfriend in the breakroom before i go in there and drag you out myself! your coffee is ready!”
mingyu is so taken aback at how unexpectedly loud your voice is that he starts coughing out of surprise, which finally gets you to notice him. you seem to have a similar surprised reaction as your cheeks turn red with embarrassment. gone is the loud yell, and it’s been replaced by a voice much gentler, but still tinged with a bit of the chaotic personality mingyu had caught a glimpse of.
“good morning, sir!” you greet him with a bright smile, now standing at the cash register. “welcome to [name]. what would you like to order?”
mingyu sputters, caught off-guard at being addressed directly. “uh, an iced americano. with two shots of espresso, please.”
you punch in the order and then look up at mingyu again. the awkward pause stretches for a while, before mingyu clears his throat. “how much is it?”
“oh, that’s all?” you laugh sheepishly. “nothing else to go with your coffee?”
“i’m in a bit of a rush,” mingyu winces. “maybe next time?”
“i’ll hold you to that,” you smile, pressing a few more buttons before giving mingyu his total. with the swipe of a card, mingyu’s coffee is paid for, and you request him to take a seat while you make his drink.
there’s this strange calmness that washes over mingyu as he watches you, a complete stranger, make a cup of coffee. the way you move with practiced ease, flitting between the take-away cups and coffee machine, is weirdly captivating. mingyu can’t believe he’s so fascinated by the mundane process of making coffee, which he’s never paid attention to, not before today.
“your coffee’s ready!” your announcement drags mingyu out of his thoughts, and he walks up to the counter to pick up his drink. “please enjoy, and have a great day.” you give him another grin, and mingyu feels his cheeks heat up.
“um, you too,” he blurts out. “thank you.” mortified by how he’s been reduced to an awkward teenager in front of someone he’s never met before, mingyu is quick to speed-walk out of the cafe and head to work.
soonyoung comes out of the break-room a few seconds later, and he finds you standing at the cash register, head propped up on your hands and a dreamy look on your face.
“woah, what’s with you?” he asks, moving past you to grab the coffee you had made for him. “you look like tom cruise just walked in to order coffee.” he punctuates the end of the sentence with a loud gulp of coffee, for which you smack the back of his head, dreamy look gone and glare back on.
“i’m never gonna make you coffee again, not if you disrespect it by drinking it like a toddler,” you scowl, proceeding to wipe down the counter with a rag while grumbling about the absurdity of a boss making coffee for her own employee.
soonyoung is used to your grumbling and reprimands being directed at his childish and loud behaviour, but what he’s never seen you do is giggle to yourself and skip into the break-room.
who on earth had just walked into the shop? soonyoung vows to never stay in the break-room for too long ever again, because the curiosity might just kill him.
“strange woman,” he mutters, turning around to wash his coffee cup. “makes a mean coffee, though.”
—
mingyu has never given a second thought to the coffee he purchases daily because it’s nothing more than a necessity for his daily routine to function smoothly. today, however, keeps getting weirder, because mingyu is sat in his office, holding an empty take-away cup in his hands two hours after the drink has been finished.
his eyes trace the lines of the logo of the cafe printed onto the pastel blue cupsleeve around the plastic cup for the nth time. he can’t get the quaint coffee shop and its fascinating worker out of his head, no matter how hard he tries.
that’s when it strikes him.
placing the cup on his desk, mingyu reaches into a drawer to retrieve a blue, leather-bound journal. it’s never been used before, and somehow, mingyu feels that the whirlwind of thoughts in his head is a good enough occasion to commence the use of the journal.
he takes his trusty pen out from the pocket of his suit and opens the journal up to write his name on the first page. once he’s satisfied, he takes a deep inhale before flipping the page and resting the tip of his pen on the first line.
he takes a moment to get his thoughts in order, and then, he writes.
entry 1: 15/05/25
she’s a stranger, and i don’t even know her name, but i want to. she’s someone i may never meet again, but my heart wishes to see her tomorrow morning, and all the ones after that.
she’s a stranger, but she’s beautiful, and the pastel blue brings out the brown in her eyes.
i guess i found my new regular coffee shop.
the next morning, mingyu takes a different route to work. he doesn’t pass the tteokbokki stand run by the chatty grandma who wants to set him up with her grand-daughter, and he’s grateful for the change of scenery.
a brisk eight-minute walk later, mingyu finds himself outside [name] again. this time, he feels a weird sensation in his gut, which he thinks might be what others call ‘butterflies in one’s stomach.’
“it’s just coffee,” he tells himself before pushing the door open. today, the soft chime of the bell is drowned out by a loud electric guitar solo blasting through the speakers of the cafe, and mingyu is taken aback.
instead of the delicate atmosphere you had created the previous day, the environment mingyu steps into today is completely different. there’s rock music playing, and dishes clink together as they’re being washed by a man in a tiger-print apron?
mingyu blinks quickly, hoping that he’s seeing things, but the man behind the counter is still here, and the tiger stripes on his apron glare at mingyu intimidatingly. still, he walks up to the counter, clearing his throat loud enough for the man to hear him over the music.
the man, who was in the middle of aggressively wiping the counter down, startles in his place. he reaches for his phone to turn the music off and comes up to the cash register to greet mingyu.
“good morning! welcome to [name]! i’m soonyoung, and i’ll be taking your order.” soonyoung beams at mingyu, as if the last fifteen seconds hadn’t occurred. mingyu stops himself from asking soonyoung where his colleague is, because he doesn’t want to come across as a complete creep in front of someone he doesn’t even know.
with shoulders slumped over in defeat, mingyu half-heartedly recites his regular order and watches as soonyoung makes his coffee. the calmness he felt watching you the previous day was now replaced by constant worry that soonyoung may accidentally break something. thankfully, his coffee is prepared without any grand mishaps, and mingyu reaches for his wallet to pay for his drink, when—
“you’re back again today!” the voice mingyu has been longing to hear makes him pause. “don’t tell me you’re only ordering a coffee, sir.”
mingyu can’t tell if he’s smiling like a complete idiot, but he can’t help it, not when he looks up to see soonyoung’s place taken by you, the barista he can’t forget about. your smile manages to kickstart his brain into functioning again, even without a drop of coffee in his system.
“please, just call me mingyu,” he chuckles. “i’m too young to be called sir.”
“got it, mingyu,” you repeat after him, uttering his name slowly, as if you were memorizing the way the syllables of his name sounded on your tongue. “i’m y/n, and i still want to know if you want to get something along with your coffee this morning.”
“anything you’d like,” mingyu blurts out, and your smile is momentarily tinged with confusion. “i mean, i’ll take whatever your favorite is.” mingyu clarifies, and you give him a coy smile.
“alright, i’ll have your order ready soon,” you nod, when soonyoung interrupts the moment by placing mingyu’s iced americano on the counter.
“his coffee’s done,” soonyoung says, eyeing you warily, as if you’ve grown another head. “just grab your pick from the display.”
“idiot,” you mutter under your breath, pushing past soonyoung to grab a paper bag and pick out the nicest looking blueberry danish on display for your new favorite customer.
by the time you bring the bag to mingyu, he’s already done paying for his food and is waiting with his coffee held in one hand.
“one blueberry danish for you,” you grin, reaching over the counter to hand the bag to mingyu, who feels the tips of his ears turn red when his fingers brush against yours. “i hope you enjoy.”
“i know i will,” mingyu nods, which makes you blush this time. then, just like the previous day, mingyu finds himself speedwalking out of the cafe, embarrassed by his awkward behaviour.
meanwhile, inside the cafe, soonyoung shoots a suspicious look at you, as you hum to yourself while making yourself a cappuccino.
“so that was him? the guy who had you daydreaming yesterday?” he asks, crossing his arms.
“i think you’re forgetting who the elder sibling is here,” you scowl at your brother. “drop the protective brother act, it’s corny.”
“i’m just looking out for you,” soonyoung huffs, wiping the counter to clean up the coffee he spilled while making mingyu’s order. “he is cute though, i’ll give you that.”
“excuse me?” you gasp, throwing your rag at soonyoung’s face. “you have a girlfriend! stop eyeing other men, or i’ll tell her about it!”
“you won’t unless you want to die, kwon y/n,” soonyoung threatens, and you only give him a playful wink as a response, before pulling your phone out to text his girlfriend.
—
today’s coffee is amazing. all the worrying he did while soonyoung made his drink seems to be unnecessary, because no matter how clumsy he is, he does make great coffee.
but it’s not the same as the one mingyu had the day before, and it bothers him. he has no idea why it does, but he’s beginning to think that his interest in you isn’t just curiosity, but potentially something more confusing.
he sighs as he takes his journal out from the drawer, grabbing his pen to make another entry in it.
entry 2: 16/05/25
she likes blueberries, and her name is just as sweet.
i know her name now, but my heart wants to know her favorite song too, and everything that makes her smile.
one more coffee tomorrow, then.
mingyu goes to your cafe the next day, just like he had intended to, and learns that you like sunflowers, if the large vase of flowers in the corner was anything to go by.
the more he learns about you, the more he wants to know, and being a human being makes him submit to his natural curiosity, which leads mingyu to your cafe the day after, and all the days that follow too.
. . . . .
entry 5: 19/05/25
today, she walked into the cafe with a crate full of oranges, and when she moved past me to get to the kitchen, i caught a hint of her perfume.
lavender. delicate, yet leaves a strong mark behind, just like her.
monday, 8:47 a.m.
when mingyu enters the cafe, it’s empty. there’s no sight of either soonyoung or you working behind the counter, and he wonders if he’s too early. that’s when the bell jingles behind him, and he turns to see you entering the cafe, a huge crate of oranges nestled in your arms.
“hey, do you need some help?” mingyu offers before he can think too much about it, and you peek your head out from behind the crate to take a look at mingyu.
“no, i’m fine!” you shake your head. “you are the customer after all, i couldn’t ask you for help.”
“please, i don’t mind at all—” mingyu starts, but you abruptly come to a halt in front of him.
“just– could you move?” you ask, smiling through the pain of the edges of the crater digging into your arms. “you’re blocking the way to the kitchen.”
mingyu splutters out an apology as he quickly steps aside, leaving you enough room to walk past him and into the kitchen.
the air trailing behind you smells like lavender, and mingyu feels the soft scent curl up in his lungs.
within a minute, you’re standing at the cash register, visibly more relaxed after setting down the crate, and smiling at him. “so, what’s your order for today?”
mingyu leaves the cafe later, with his americano in one hand, a slice of orange cake packed in a box, and the lingering smell of lavender clinging to him.
. . . . .
entry 17: 31/05/25
it’s another weekend, and i went to the cafe, even though i didn’t have to go to work.
she’s worth it. seeing the smile on her face when a child handed her a drawing of a kitten is worth it.
she seems like she likes cats. should i ask her about dogs next time?
saturday, 9:16 a.m.
“i’d recommend the butter croissant,” you tell him, punching in the order for his regular americano. “they turned out really good today.”
“alright, i’ll try that out, then,” mingyu agrees easily, and you walk away to prepare his order.
while mingyu waits for his order, a lady and her child enter the cafe, the little boy excitedly running up to the glass display to greet you.
“hello, miss y/n!” the boy calls out, and you turn around to greet him back with a huge smile. mingyu watches the exchange fondly, as the boy tells you about his week at school and the new friends he’s made.
soon after, the boy holds out a slightly crumpled sheet of paper that he had been carrying in his hand. “i drew this for you! our teacher told us to draw an animal, so i drew a cat, because you said you like them.”
“that’s such a nice drawing!” you gasp, holding the picture up like it was the mona lisa. “thank you so much for this! how about a free doughnut for you, hm?”
mingyu learns that you have a very special way of making everyone else around smile as much as you do, and it stirs up a warm feeling in his heart.
. . . . .
entry 18: 1/06/25
she likes dogs, too. she even showed me pictures of her family dog, lucy.
one day, if i can ever muster up the courage, should i ask her out on a date at an animal cafe?
sunday, 10:07 a.m.
“so, you’re a cat person?” mingyu starts the conversation this time, which seems to surprise both you and him.
he hopes he isn’t hallucinating the faint pink blush that appears on your cheeks when you say, “i didn’t realize you heard that. i do love cats, but i love dogs just as much.”
“really? i’m slightly more biased towards dogs,” mingyu admits, and your eyes seem to light up.
“i have a feeling you’re gonna love lucy.”
“does she work here?” mingyu asks, puzzled, and you simply laugh before pulling out your phone.
“lucy is my pet dog,” you explain, holding out your phone for mingyu. he also hopes his hands aren’t trembling too much as he takes your phone and looks at the screen, on which you’ve opened up a picture of an adorable golden retriever.
you guide him through dozens of pictures of lucy, recounting the memory associated with each picture, and mingyu decides to throw caution to the wind.
you’re falling for her, his heart tells him, and mingyu can’t find it in him to deny the obvious.
. . . . .
entry 33: 16/06/25
she doesn’t like bitter things. she said that black coffee was disgusting on its own and that it always tastes better with milk and lots of sugar.
…..i changed my coffee order for her. my assistant asked me if i was suddenly turning into a softie, and surprisingly, i didn’t feel embarrassed to say yes.
monday, 8:12 a.m.
“i’ve always meant to ask you this,” you say, and mingyu’s neck hurts from how fast he whipped it up to look at you in anticipation. “how do you manage to drink your coffee like this everyday?”
“what, you don’t take your coffee black?” mingyu asks, and you shudder.
“coffee without milk and sugar is disgusting,” you fake gag. “i know, i know, i shouldn’t judge based on one’s coffee order, but seriously, if you’re not putting a diabetes-inducing amount of sugar in your coffee, there’s something wrong with you.”
“you really think so?” mingyu asks, and you nod confidently. “okay then, make me coffee the way you drink it.”
“are you sure, mingyu?” you smirk, raising an eyebrow at him, as if you’re challenging him. “i feel like any amount of milk and sugar in your black potion of death would send you into shock.”
“then let’s take baby steps,” he suggests. “how about you add tiny amounts of milk and sugar to my coffee every day, till i can decide if you’re right or wrong?”
“deal,” you agree. “be prepared for your world to change.”
mingyu still doesn’t like the way milk and sugar tastes in his coffee, but he’s willing to drink his coffee that way, as long as he has another excuse to talk to you.
. . . . .
entry 46: 29/06/25
she’s a good sister to soonyoung. they’re always bickering, but it’s heartwarming to see.
i should text minseo.
the coffee is getting sweeter, and i think i like it now.
sunday, 4:30 p.m.
“you’ve come a long way on your sugar and milk journey,” you tell him, setting his coffee down at the table in front of him. it’s a bright sunday afternoon, and mingyu has started drinking his coffee at the cafe on weekends, instead of grabbing his cup and booking it out of the cafe, blushing like a schoolboy.
“couldn’t have done it without you,” mingyu says teasingly. you open your mouth to reply, but the loud ringing of your phone cuts you off.
“wait, it’s my brother,” you groan, gritting your teeth as you answer your phone. mingyu still gets amused when he sees your demeanour shift entirely whenever you talk to soonyoung, who he has learned is your younger brother who ditched his position at a tech start-up to help you with the cafe.
“kwon soonyoung, you better have a good excuse for calling me now— wait, what? how did you even manage to do that?” mingyu watches as your eyebrows furrow with concern, and he can’t help the worry rising in his chest at your tone.
“fine, i’ll drop by after closing,” you sigh. “don’t get your ass into any more trouble. fine, i’ll get you the ice-cream you like. i’m hanging up now, idiot.”
mingyu can hear soonyoung’s muffled protests from the phone’s speaker before you hang up on him. “what’s wrong?” he asks, and you pull out the chair across mingyu and sit on it.
“soonyoung sprained his ankle and hurt his shoulder really bad after slipping on some wet pavement,” you say, rubbing at your forehead. “he’s in the hospital now, waiting for his x-ray reports to see if he’s broken anything.”
mingyu knows the annoyance is a flimsy facade; your caring instinct clearly shines through, and it’s another thing mingyu admires about you. “do you need to go to the hospital now? i could drive you up there.”
“his girlfriend is with him,” you shake your head. “i told him i’d go after i close the cafe, but he seems fine enough with just his girlfriend with him. thanks for the offer though.”
mingyu waves goodbye to you an hour later, his empty coffee having joined in on the jokes he cracked and embarrassing incidents he shared with you, hoping to lift your spirits.
he feels uneasy for the rest of the day whenever he recollects the worried look on your face he left you with, and he can only hope that you feel better the next day.
mingyu is sure he’s turned every single drawer in his office upside down at least twice by now. he’s sat through two meetings and a zoom call already, but his mind is in a state of chaos as he tries to find where his journal went.
the blue, leather-bound journal, which he keeps in his desk’s drawer, is nowhere to be seen, and mingyu’s brain keeps thinking about the million other people who could’ve found it and read most of his love-stricken thoughts about you.
over the last seven weeks of knowing you, mingyu has developed a sort of habit of writing about you in his journal every day, and a break in the routine has his entire body buzzing with nervous energy.
it’s easy for you to notice how jittery mingyu looks when he enters the cafe for a second time on the same day. your eyes follow him as he stands in line, his eyes clearly distracted as he moves like a robot—detached and mechanical.
you have an idea of what might be wrong.
when mingyu comes up in front of the cash register, he feels too nervous to even look you in the eye. he knows the chances of you finding out about the journal are low, but—
“my favorite color isn’t pastel blue,” you tell him. “it’s just the uniform. i’m more of a yellow girl.”
“...what?” it takes a while for mingyu to catch up with what you’re saying, so you clear your throat and explain again.
“your journal,” you say. “you wrote that you think pastel blue is my favorite color, but it isn’t. it’s yellow.”
“you. you have my journal.” mingyu gulps, his life flashing before his eyes. “i—i don’t even what to—”
“mingyu, chill,” you assure him. “i just opened the first few pages to try and find who it belonged to, i didn’t read anything else. you must’ve left it behind yesterday.”
“i can explain, i promise,” mingyu insists. “can we talk for a bit?”
he takes the lack of any hesitance on your end as a good sign as you immediately nod. you call soonyoung over to take the next customer’s order and then slip out from behind the counter to walk up to mingyu. “let’s talk outside?”
mingyu follows you outside the cafe, silently praying that he hasn’t entirely blown all his chances with you for all of ten seconds, stopping only when the door closes behind the both of you with a chime, and you reach into the pocket of your apron to retrieve his journal.
“here you go,” you say, handing the journal over to mingyu. he’s quick to take the journal from you, staring at the cover, as if blaming the journal itself for the situation he’s landed himself in.
“can i be entirely honest?” mingyu sighs, not wanting to make up any excuses or lies. “ever since i walked into your cafe, i haven’t been able to get you off my mind. at first i told myself that i was just, curious, but i was so wrong. i don’t think i have a single poetic bone in my body, and as cliche as it sounds, the journal entries are the closest i’ll ever get to writing poetry.”
“what are you trying to say, mingyu?” you shrug your shoulders. “what, you want my comments on your poetry?”
“i’m saying, i like you,” mingyu finally confesses. the words hang in the air between you two, waiting to sink into your skin. “i think i’ve liked you since the day i saw you, and i hate that you found out this way. the journal entries weren’t anything creepy, i swear. i just want to know you.”
“i never said i found them creepy,” you chuckle, and mingyu feels the weight on his chest vanish. “i think it’s cute. you’re cute. if you’d like it, i could help you out.”
“help with what?”
“your journal,” you answer, gesturing towards the journal in mingyu’s hands. “i could help you get to know me better. maybe at an animal cafe, or something like that.” you add, with a barely concealed smile.
“that would be great!” mingyu regains his composure, when he finally realizes. “wait—is this you agreeing to me taking you on a date?”
“you’re adorable, actually,” you laugh at mingyu’s confused expression. “check your journal when you get home, then text me what day you’re free, yeah?”
mingyu nods wordlessly, brain still not registering what’s happening to him. you take the chance to move closer to him and stand on your toes to press a kiss to his cheek. he’s left standing there, lavender clinging to his blazer, cherry lipgloss on his cheek, and heart beating rapidly, while you return to the cafe.
that night, when mingyu goes back home, he opens his journal eagerly, flipping through the pages, before he notices something different on the first page. under his name, you had scribbled in pink ink, text me on my number to fact-check your entries :P.
he’s never been this fast at sending texts.
entry 47: 30/06/25
she wears cherry-flavoured lip gloss. and she wrote down her number on the first page of the journal.
i’m totally normal about this. i think.
saturday seems like a lifetime away, especially after mingyu officially asked you out on a date at an animal cafe, like he had wished to, and you said yes.
he still goes to the cafe every morning before work, and the conversations you both exchange are marked by shy smiles and curious looks. soonyoung is quick to pick up on the new body language, although he stays silent and stares intensely at mingyu the entire time he’s inside the cafe.
there’s another thing mingyu has noticed: he doesn’t order americanos anymore, and even when he makes coffee for himself at home, he never forgets the milk and sugar.
he thinks about how ever since he’s met you, his coffee order and his life has been getting sweeter. he only hopes that the sweetness isn’t just momentary.
To celebrate The K-Fic Collection’s one year anniversary, we decided that we’d host an Author Appreciation Event!
What that means, is that for the past couple of weeks, we had a form and our asks open for people to anonymously send notes of love and appreciation for k-pop authors on Tumblr.
We received many notes and fic recommendations from many lovely people, and as promised we’ve compiled them into several posts based on alphabetical order.
We hope you enjoy reading the lovely notes and fics recommended below!
Appreciations for @facethesunflower
“i reread your ‘world’s best husband’ series at least once a week both because i crave scoups so much but also just because like. fuck your writing is so hot!!”
Appreciations for @frenchkisstheabyss
“ty is fantastic in all facets, and when i feel no confidence in my body image her fics remind me how beautiful i am and that real love sees past physical attributes”
Recommended work by frenchkisstheabyss
Wondering
“a huge representation of all of her amazing and uplifting qualities in one fic”
Appreciations for @gimmethatagustd
“Jai is back!! Really excited to see it, welcome back!!”
Appreciations for @gyubakeries
“Tiya is probably the nicest person ever. Somehow, she always manages to make you feel like you've been friends for over a decade, even if you've been moots for all of two minutes. Her works are always so fun and creative too!”
Appreciations for @gyuswhore
“em is one of those people that just make the world a little brighter :) a breath of fresh air who writes so memorably and with so much thought.”
“em is one of the first people i followed here on caratblr! i've always loved everything she put out, just masterpiece after masterpiece all the time! and even if we haven't talked much, i just wanted to say that she's one of the funniest, nicest and most supportive writers on here”
“every word you write is magic.. patiently waiting for the next part of ‘cherry picker’ and even if it takes ten years i’ll still be here waiting for it because it’s SO good. ‘hits different’ was life changing too. the svtblr community is SO lucky to have you”
Recommended work by gyuswhore
[2:34]
“this one was a while ago, but i think about it a lot <3”
Thank you to everyone who sent in notes. We’re really happy that you participated in this event and helped us to show appreciation for some of the wonderful writers of k-pop Tumblr!
Appreciation compilation posts: A-C. D-E. F-G. H. I-L. M. N-R. S. T-1.
Run and created by Head Librarian Chee and Head Librarian JiJi.
Updated: 13/06/2025.
