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father you should write me a Mahito x reader sickfic because I'm your favorite and you love me so much and I'm recovering from a cold
SUMMARY: How would Mahito react to you being sick - in both canon and alternate?
A/N: You are still ranked sixth of six, son - the sheer audacity of this request? Your weakness at surrendering to the common cold?
Get your medical degree first.
WARNINGS: I haven't read JJK in many moons so I'll apologise in advance if I write Mahito out of character, or you're not happy with the AU version. Reader is not necessarily a romantic connection either, and not specified to be male/female.
CANON:
🌸 Realistically I don't think Mahito would care much if you were sick, be it regular flu or something life threatening like cancer. If you expected anything different from him, it appears we are not talking about the same Mahito.
🌸 If you were a human ally who got sick? An annoying setback to his plans. He would be extremely impatient with your weakness and silly human immunity system. What do you mean you're slowing down because you've got a pounding headache? What do you mean you can't do your job properly because your nose is sniffly and your temperature is shot to hell? Excuses, excuses.
🌸 Mahito would push you and your buttons as much as he can. It's bad enough on normal days to tolerate and now you're ill. Maybe a snarky comment here and there, refusal to get you out of trouble. If you ask him to help pass you something, tissue or meds, hahahahahahaahaha no.
🌸 As I said, he's really not going to care. It's got nothing to do with him or the end goals of a world ruled by Cursed Spirits only, does it? One little human and a cough has the same significance of the mosquito you slapped and killed. Nothing much.
🌸 Alright, say he takes a liking to you then. Still unhelpful, in just a more teasing, playfully provoking way. Perhaps he'd offer to transfigure your soul into some way that you become immune to illnesses. Let's not take that offer.
🌸 What if you're a Cursed Spirit as well then (a humanoid one, assuming)? A little more concern then. Maybe he'd want to play doctor and slap a hand against your feverish forehead - "Haha, what kind of Cursed Spirit are you, getting sick from a human virus?" Maybe he'd prescribe a healthy dose of human extermination too.
🌸 If he likes you he'd probably have you sit out on the big fights and rest up, rest up! If you're down with a silly human disease, I could see him robbing a pharmacy (poor cashier) for everything in the aisles to bring to you. And then huzzah, you can ask him why on earth he would bring you a pregnancy test for a flu.
🌸 If he DIDN'T like you however he'd probably treat you the same as I described for a human you, and, well, he's not exactly going to cry about it.
🌸 The rest of the Cursed Spirits would be a better option to be around if you're sick. Not because they're known for their empathy, but because at least their mostly indifferent about it. Mahito isn't. Mahito is going to pick on and pressure, instigate and irritate. Mahito is going to push all boundaries known to mankind, just because he can and you made the mistake of being sick around him.
🌸 Do yourself a favour and sneeze at him.
That's all I have for Canon Mahito. Stop here if you're not into alternate universes where everything is normal.
AU:
🌸 Not any AU in particular - simply imagine that Mahito and everyone is a normal human here. Would Mahito still be the same person as described above? Mostly, and yet not.
🌸 He would not care about you, no, but he would care for you, in a sense, but only for his own self interest. If you're sick, he might get sick, and he has no desire for such a thing. You can suffer alone, thanks, he won't.
🌸 He'll probably opt to stay as far away as he can from you. He'll put a bell around your neck if you keep trying to approach, he swears he will. He's not going to help you at all until someone, maybe you, inform him that he's probably going to get infected anyway the longer you stay sick.
🌸 Of course if he likes you very much Mahito might want to get sick with you just to see what it's like. He'll eat your food, stay in proximity, purposely wear a face mask wrong. He'll keep poking your fever-red face and steal the blanket when you're suffering chills. He'll carry on messing with you, wheedling while you wheeze, until your sickness passes to him and now you both can be sick together, hurray!
🌸 Not entirely true, but hey, at least you've motivated him to help you get better now - somewhat. He'll mask up, make you mask up, throw all sorts of pills at you... not necessarily the correct pills, so don't ask where he got them from. Plus sanitizing. Lots of sanitizing. Anything to keep the plague away.
🌸 And when the next morning rolls around and he discovers being sick is not actually that fun, even with you, he's going to wipe his dripping nose on you as you both lay exhausted and coughing on the couch, tissues scattered around.
Hi I’m Maren (I have lots of names so no you haven’t been calling me by the wrong one lol) and I bring the knowledge of Porphyrios the whale that terrorized the Roman Empire to the friend group
hi i'm Ira and i bring musical songs on repeat to the group
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I’m Wally and I bring the complete series of the vampire chronicles complete with a yap session of the difference between the books, movies and tv series also a soul crushing obsession with Lestat de Lioncourt
Tagged twice and then forgot all day 😭 thank you for the tags!!
Hi I'm Cas, and I bring the fanfiction writing addiction + five set reactions to the friend group :3
Tags ourghhdgehrh @ilovejunichiro @max-wanna-die @val-cant-read @l02t1nz3n1th @somethingunexpected69 I can't remember my moots picked some random ones ily all I prommy/ref and anyone else!!
Something I've been thinking about for a while... Could I request something with Kyoka having an older brother figure (reader) who has a crush on Atsushi? I hope this makes sense!
SUMMARY: Kyoka attempts to set up two older brothers.
A/N: DWDW my pepsi cola can Sunny gotchu :)) Reader is referred to as an Izumi in this fic, but you don't actually have to be related to Kyoka even though you two share similar personalities. also you've killed a bunch of people.
WARNINGS: Male! Reader, some murder
“Kyoka Izumi - kill count, 35.”
“Unknown Izumi (?) - kill count 72.”
The only thing Atsushi could actually imagine them both murdering were the strawberry flavoured crepes and perhaps his wallet, and that was about it. He briefly tried to reconcile the image of the poker faced girl and happily munching teenager to the crimes they had committed in the name of the Port Mafia, but stopped after Kyoka asked why he was cross-eyed. Atsushi has heard of devils in disguise, of course - part of the reason they were so efficient were because they didn't look it, wasn't it? - yet in their case, brother and sister were surely more of a tragic story where their youths were taken away too soon. Playgrounds for battlefields, toys for weapons.
That was okay. The Port Mafia would never have them back. People could change, even one crepe at a time, right?
“Atsushi?”
“Huh? Need something?” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, smiling to make up for his previous intense silence. “Want another crepe?”
“Well, I wouldn't say no to that.” The older Izumi set his crepe down for a moment, wiping his mouth. Ah, the siblings were serious all the time…truthfully Atsushi probably couldn't afford the cheapest thing on the menu right now. “But no, you just spaced out for a while, are you okay?”
“Nii-chan is very concerned about you,” Kyoka added helpfully…or was it supposed to be?
“Ah, don't worry, I was just thinking about something.” Atsushi shrugged it off, feeling a little attacked under two solemn gazes. They were probably trained to detect lies, but he didn't think it was good taste to bring up what he'd been thinking of. Kyoka agreed and went back to eating; her brother eyed him for longer before dismissing it and going back to his crepe.
Or at least that was what Atsushi thought. The two Izumi siblings certainly weren’t dismissing anything in their minds, although it was two separate matters. The older one was probably calculating how to pay back all that they owed and hmm, he looked like -
“Here, have a bite.”
Taken aback, Atsushi nearly missed and dropped the proffered crepe, which would’ve been a whole lot embarrassing. As it was, a piece was still knocked off and wasted, and Atsushi was just about to apologize, before the other simply scooped up all the wasted crumbs and tossed them into his mouth like it was nothing. “Oh. If you didn’t want any you could’ve just said no.”
“What? No - no, I would like your crepe -” Okay, this was confusing. Atsushi shook his head and restarted. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you offering - I mean, sorry I accidentally wasted it. Can I still have a bite?”
“Sure.” He handed the crepe over expectantly. “You can finish it.”
“Oh, thanks, but you should eat a bit more, you like this flavour don’t you?”
“Well, yes, but you haven’t eaten.”
“Don’t worry - here, take this piece.”
“Thank you.”
Interesting. Very interesting. I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G.
Or it was to Kyoka anyhow, watching the two banter back and forth over a piece of crepe. It was a little polite, maybe a tad awkward, but it had an easy flow to it, a simple connection over a piece of confection. She glanced back to the food truck that had been selling the crepes. The old uncle had been right after all: these crepes were good for sharing.
Maybe more than sharing.
So she investigated further, because she had a little theory in mind now. Kyoka approached Yosano first, being the only other woman at the agency. “Yosano-san, is eating a sign of romance?”
“Huh?” The older woman paused in her activities, taken aback by the question. Her first response would’ve been no, eating is a sign of survival, before she realized Kyoka probably meant it in another context. “Well, depends on what you mean by that.”
“Eating together?” Kyoka suggested.
“Not really. Lots of people do that.” Yosano quirked an eyebrow. “Feeding each other, on the other hand…is that what you mean?”
Kyoka nodded. “Yes. And sharing food.”
“Hmmm, sort of.” Yosano grinned. “Why? Somebody offered their snacks to you?”
“No, to my brother, and he offered them to someone else.” Kyoka tilted her head. “He hates sharing his food, usually, especially desserts. He won’t even give me a bite, but he gave this person…half his crepe.”
“Wow, that’s certainly…” The grin widened. “You think he might like this person, whoever they are?”
Kyoka nodded again.
Yosano cackled. “They do say the way to a man’s heart is his stomach. Tell you what, why don’t you see if you can give these two a little nudge forward? Get your brother to share something the other person likes instead now.”
“That’s a good idea. Thank you.” Kyoka disappeared, half-lost in potential schemes already. So strange to be plotting something sneaky and covert, yet not related to assassination.
Yosano reclined back in her chair with an amused sigh. “If it’s who I think it is, he should probably get this other person chazuke.”.
“Nii-chan, I can go order.”
“Really? If you say so.”
Kyoka nodded assuringly and snatched up the proffered wallet, slipping off to the counter. For her plan to work, she would have to arrange the chazuke bowls herself. As an added bonus, the two of them - cough cough a certain brother and a specific tiger - would be left alone together. What do two people with obvious tension do with each other when they were alone, she’s not sure exactly, but it had to be good. Or very silent.
The shopkeeper is a very nice lady who tries to convince Kyoka to get three bowls instead of two. Kyoka insists and finally has her way - the chazuke is steaming hot and delicious as it arrives and it’s quite obvious that Atsushi is drooling…right until Kyoka grabs her bowl and pushes the only other one over to them both. It takes them a while for their brains to catch up, and by then Kyoka has already dug into her own. Territory staked, they are now forced to only have one bowl or share hers.
“You can’t have my bowl,” Kyoka immediately said, just to be sure.
“But Kyoka-chan, there’s only…one other bowl.”
“Sorry.” And she does look sorry. “Maybe I got the order wrong.”
Kyoka-chan is a very good actress.
Atsushi is a nice guy, and if it were any other dish perhaps he would push the bowl to the other and say that both of them can have it. But alas, it’s chazuke, and Atsushi would rather eat the chopsticks on the table than sacrifice chazuke. He squirms, torn between selfishness and the need for chazuke. “Well, Kyoka, are you okay with sharing with your brother?”
“But I already ate more than half.”
So she has. Atsushi’s spirits sink. The choice is now between eating half a bowl or eating none a bowl.
“I don’t mind sharing,” Kyoka’s less-greedy brother says generously, and pushes the bowl across to Atsushi. “Here, you can have first bite.”
“Oh…thanks.” Chazuke is chazuke and Atsushi digs in.
It’s a bit awkward sharing, utensils poking into one another, accidental crumb spills and the very awkward oh no please you can go first. Heads bump, elbows shove. The unintentional eye contact while eating is the worst, but luckily neither of them noticed Kyoka staring hopefully (intently) at them both or else it would've been even weirder. Still, they get through the bowl of chazuke with minimal stiffness and it's almost down to the last few bites now.
Where was the spaghetti romance moment of Lady and the Tramp, the one where they both get the same noodle and slurp it up into an intense blushy blush stare?
Okay, granted, there were no noodles, but surely something could've happened by now.
Sigh. The plan is a failure then. Kyoka’s disappointed enough that only one thing can fix it now: crêpe.
“Go buy it yourself then,” her brother sighed and slid over the money. “And get one for me.”
So off Kyoka went. Funny how you start noticing the smell of things you suddenly want to eat, isn't it? Crêpes were calling and she was answering.
Naturally she didn't notice the hand resting on the arm of Atsushi’s chair. Or the brief flicker of a gaze lingering while the other finished the last of the chazuke, the same way she had not noticed when they had scooted their chairs closer an inch or two when they had sat down earlier upon arriving here.
The clink of utensils being set down broke the brief pause. They both glanced at each other and simultaneously breathed a sigh of relief.
“I thought she was going to notice for sure this time.” Atsushi fidgeted. “Maybe we should tell her?”
“Kyoka might think it's a bit weird… or worse.” A shrug too casual. “She might attempt to make her kill count 36. I wouldn't let her, obviously, but offering you 24 hours protection is a bit impossible.”
“H - huh?!”
“Wait - she's looking at us - look away!” He quickly retracted his arm, somehow maintaining a completely stony, stoic expression. Atsushi spluttered.
A distance away, at the crêpe cart and in the midst of buying another crêpe short to try and execute the plan again, Kyoka sneezed.
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