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Naruto Roleswap AU: You Call This A Team Minato Reunion?!

We’re - we’re doing this partly for you. You know that, right?”

“That’s what Rin-chan said,” Tobi said grumpily. He had made it very clear what he thought of that. “But Rin says lots of stupid shit.”

“Your good old tell-off! If I’m not careful, you and Kakashi are going to start ganging up on me again.” Rin’s teasing tone sobered a little, and her hand pressed down on the pillow. “Tobi, can I ask you an important favor?”

Back to the script. Tobi curled up away from her, facing the wall. “No.”

Rin’s tone sweetened, so familiar and nostalgic. Her hand rested on his back, light and soft, and Tobi couldn’t muster the energy to throw her off. Not again. “Tobi. Can I talk to Obito, please?”

As requested by a few people since I mentioned it. I did post a passage from this earlier, but here's the full thing. Do not ask for context, how this happened, what's going on, etc. What's explained in the story is what I know. I just really really really wanted to write them hanging out post-batshittery.

When Obito's the well-adjusted one in the room....

Story under the cut. It's weird and complicated in the story but to be absolutely safe I will TW for sexual assault.

The cell was insultingly nice.

It wasn’t even a cell. It was outright a full dormitory - probably no different from the living quarters of every Akatsuki member. Tobi could pick out over a dozen potential weapons in the room and three significant points of weakness. It was just insulting. A few seals on the door, a few chakra suppressing seals burnt into his skin, and that was it. Did the Akatsuki think he couldn’t escape from a bedroom?

Well, they were right. Clearly. Because Tobi hadn’t escaped. He hadn’t even tried. That was the real message of the least secure prison in the continent: that they would leave the cage practically unlocked, and that they knew he would stay right where he was.

Rin visited every day. Every day, she asked the same questions.

“How are you feeling?” She always sat on the edge of the bed, hands in her lap. Tobi always ignored her. “Do you want to take a walk with me? Staying in bed all day isn’t good for your physical or mental health, you know.”

Tobi raised his head from the pillow and graced her with a withering glare. Rin bore it with grace and poise.

She always leaned in a little, closing in on him, closing the gap between them. “Nobody’s been giving you a hard time, right? I can have a talk with anybody making you uncomfortable.”

Uncomfortable. Nothing about this was comfortable. Itachi and Shisui made Tobi uncomfortable constantly, but asking those two to be anything other than creepy was like asking pigs to fly. Even though they genuinely were trying to make him feel comfortable. It was like breathing to them.

“Everyone’s been nice, Rin-chan.” Tobi turned his face back into the pillow. Horrendously, it was even true. “That doesn’t change anything.”

It was his fault. The words were off-script. Tobi was running out of ideas. He had tried everything: hissy fits, melt downs, the cold shoulder. Tears, of course. It all seemed to genuinely distress Rin. Kakashi had given him stern eyebrows for upsetting Rin. Seriously. But none of it had changed anything, and Tobi was tired.

“Your team is safe,” Rin said gently. “We released Naruto. Doesn’t that change anything?” Tobi grunted, unimpressed. “I know the real reason why you’re here, Tobi. Even if you don’t. Don’t you see it? You missed us.”

Tobi grabbed a pillow and lobbed it at her head, not even looking backwards. “Shut up! This isn’t my fault!”

“Of course it isn’t.” The pillow was replaced next to him. Rin’s hand lingered on the pillow. Lithe and calloused, but free of scars or blemishes. Tobi’s own hands were a mangled mess. She had always been perfect in every way Obito wasn’t. “But you’re here for us. It’s obvious to Kakashi and I. You still love us, right?”

“Duh,” Tobi said into the pillow. “Tobi always loves Rin-chan.”

“Thank you, Tobi. That…means a lot.” Horrendously, she sounded genuinely a little choked up. Tobi turned away pointedly from her. You could love someone and still be freaking pissed at them. “Kakashi and I love you too. We’re - we’re doing this partly for you. You know that, right?”

“That’s what Rin-chan said,” Tobi said grumpily. He had made it very clear what he thought of that. “But Rin says lots of stupid shit.”

Back to the script. Tobi curled up away from her, facing the wall. “No.”

“No!”

“All I want to do is talk. Nobody’s going to get mad or upset at him. There’s nothing we want from him.” Rin’s voice fell into a soft, almost melodic lilt and fall. Tobi just wanted her to stop asking. “I promise, Tobi. That still means something, right?”

“Obito’s gone,” Tobi repeated. Yet again. But she kept coming back and she kept asking. “He’s been gone. Stop asking.”

“We’ve seen what you're capable of, Tobi.” Yeah, because Bakashi had been stalking him. Itachi, Zabuza, Orochimaru - apparently Kakashi had seen it all. Snitch and a stalker. “You don’t have to hide from us. There doesn’t have to be anything to hide. Isn’t that a relief you want?”

Tobi didn’t say anything. He ignored her until she sighed and left, leaving only the warm imprint of a hand on a pillow. Tobi put his hand over that imprint, letting the warmth seep into his wooden arm.

Later that day, Kakashi visited. Tobi couldn’t help but notice how Rin and Kakashi rarely visited together. It seemed strange - from the way everybody else talked about them, they were inseparable.

Team Minato was inseparable. It was the five of them, and it always had been. Two were gone, and weren’t coming back. But the remaining three almost hadn’t been in the same room since Tobi surrendered. He didn’t get it. But Tobi was about ready to give up on understanding anything about those two freaks.

Unlike Rin, Kakashi was happy with silence. He sat down at the armchair next to Tobi’s bed, content to kick up his dirty boots on Tobi’s perfectly clean sheets and watch Tobi’s kaiju movie with all apparent interest. Seriously - what kind of prison cell had a television?

The same kind of prison cell that held a ghost. So, not a cell at all.

They didn’t speak to each other. Kakashi had never been a big talker, and death hadn’t done much on that front. He had gotten pretty socially awkward. Tobi could only guess that he was too busy killing people and orchestrating evil plots to have an ordinary conversation with normal people. Normal people were definitely in short supply in this place.

Unfortunately, Tobi was a big talker. Tobi squirmed through ten minutes of usually-cathartic kaiju destruction before he couldn’t take the silence anymore. “You want Obito too, don’t you?”

Kakashi didn’t visit as often as Rin did. Not nearly. Tobi would be a little offended, but he objectively had no idea to what degree Kakashi was watching him, so it was difficult to feel neglected. He could do with a little more neglect from Kakashi, frankly.

But Kakashi just slouched in his chair, hands folded over his stomach. He looked about ready to fall asleep after a long day on the fishing boat. “I do. Can’t lie and say that I don’t. You should consider it.”

“Kakashi-kun should consider getting a real job,” Tobi said snootily, drawing his legs up to his chest. “Keep dreaming. Jerk.”

“Ouch,” Kakashi panned. “That hurts. Right in my beating heart.”

“Good!” Tobi aggressively turned his attention back to the television. Pretending that he was remotely capable of tuning Kakashi out, of forgetting he was in the room. The novelty of his existence hadn’t worn off enough for that. Tobi wasn’t sure if he wanted it to. “You can go away now.”

“Rin doesn’t get it. She would have thought that you wanted to…” Kakashi waved his hand in a limp circle. “Stretch your wings. You’re, like, free. Or whatever.” Tobi gave Kakashi the most incredulous squint of his life. Kakashi ignored him. “Reunite, at least.”

Tobi was silent for a long moment. He didn’t want to say this - didn’t want to put it in the air between them. Saying something made it real, and Tobi wasn’t sure that this was a reality he could afford to create. But willful blindness to reality never helped anybody free themselves from the Akatsuki, and it sure as hell didn’t protect them.

So he drew his knees to the chest instead, looking steadily away from Kakashi. After a long few moments forcing himself to put the words in his mouth, he opened his mouth and said -

No words came out. Again.

The silence stretched as Tobi gripped onto the words with white knuckles and pushed them out through his mouth with almost physical force. Kakashi pretended to watch the movie, but Tobi could see him glance at him out of the corner of his eye.

Finally, Tobi managed to say, “Um, Tobi thinks that Kakashi-kun knows a secret. And - um, um.” Tobi wriggled uncomfortably, scratching the back of his neck. “Tobi doesn’t get why Kakashi-kun doesn’t just…yup, you know.”

Well. Solidly mediocre effort. Best he could do.

Kakashi turned his head to fully look at him for the first time. His expression was patient and calm. Tobi really hoped he wasn’t trying to ‘make him comfortable’ or more of that useless crap Rin was always talking about. “Why I don’t do what?” Tobi jerked his shoulder in a shrug, gnawing at his cuticle. “Why I haven’t told Rin?”

Tobi exhaled in stupid relief. He nodded, feeling thoroughly stupid.

But Kakashi just hummed, tilting his head. “What makes you think she doesn’t know?”

Well, she’d fucking hate him if she knew that he was faking it. There was that little detail. She’d probably start torturing him on the rack. But that wasn’t the only reason. Tobi shrugged helplessly. “Rin-chan talks about Tobi and Obito like they’re separate people. If Rin-chan knew what Kakashi-kun knew, then…everything would be different, right?”

“That’s certainly how Rin understands it,” Kakashi agreed. “Some of your village friends have similar ideas. This idea of multiple selves…think there’s any merit to it?”

“No!” Tobi snapped - a little louder, a little sharper, than he intended. “Tobi is Tobi!” Wait. That wasn’t right. “Um, Tobi is - me. You know! What’s there to show? It’s all Tobi!”

“Probably. I understand it differently than she does. Perspective dictates uncertain realities. All of our different perspectives…I’m hesitant to call any of them ‘truth’. I imagine that word has lost meaning in all of our worlds.”

Tobi stared at Kakashi. Kakashi stared blankly back. After a few seconds, he seemed a little embarrassed.

“Sorry. I’m bad at determining where you’re at. Did that…not make sense, or…?”

“Why is Kakashi-kun telling Tobi that he knows Tobi’s mind just as good as Tobi does?” Tobi snapped, folding his arms on top of his kneecaps drawn tight to his chest. Kakashi held up one hand on a plea for mercy. “Kakashi-kun is saying nonsense. Don’t tell Tobi that he doesn’t know Tobi. Nobody knows Tobi but Tobi.”

Kakashi yawned, holding one palm loosely to his mouth. His canines were long and sharp, as always, but did he really have the right amount? “That’s your reality. But if that’s so objectively true, then why haven’t you shown us Obito yet?”

“Obito’s not for you!”

“I’m certain he’s not,” Kakashi said, and despite all odds he seemed truly sincere. “But Obito would be a lot better at handling this mess than Tobi, huh? Tobi’s no good at handling situations like this. If things came down to a fight, Tobi’s only a liability. You need Obito right now. And he wants to talk to the Uchihas and Rin and me too. I can tell. So where is he?”

Tobi was silent.

“I know you pretty well,” Kakashi said. “So I’m making an educated guess that you’ve tried pulling out Obito - and that you failed.”

Tobi buried his face in his arms.

“There’s no reason to be embarrassed.” Kakashi’s eyes weren’t sympathetic, but Tobi knew that the gentle voice was reserved exclusively for him. “I thought this would be the case.”

“Kakashi knows me so well,” Tobi muttered into his kneecaps, “but I don’t know Kakashi at all.”

“An unavoidable injustice,” Kakashi said, “but I’m sorry for it regardless.”

What was there to say? He was right.

His desire to speak to Kakashi and Rin as Obito burned. At this moment, he wanted it more than anything. More than his desire to return to Konoha, to break off this ridiculous agreement - more than he desired his own freedom. Tobi wanted Kakashi and Rin and Obito together again, and he just couldn’t do it.

He didn’t even know why. Obito’s words just couldn’t come. His mannerisms, his expressions, the way he thought and spoke and navigated the world - they were blocked by an impenetrable wall, and Tobi couldn’t break through it. He couldn’t even speak like Obito in private. Probably because he knew his ‘cell’ was bugged backwards and forwards.

Acting like Obito had become difficult lately. Truthfully, he hadn’t even tried for a while. Probably scared of this exact scenario. Sure, he could pull up other personas - Jiraiya’s mysterious pen-pal informant, many short-lived people’s worst nightmare, whoever the Team 7 sensei had become - but Obito had been elusive. It bothered Tobi a little if he thought about it, but that was why he didn’t make a habit of thinking about it. Tobi was remarkably talented at ignoring everything in this world that could potentially bother him.

How unfair. Rin and Kakashi were alive and breathing and halfway whole, but the one ‘living’ remnant of Team Minato had blown away in the cold wind. They had been so close to being reunited, so achingly close. Maybe they were fated to be apart.

“Wait. Please don’t cry. I - Tobi, I have no idea what to do with that. Seriously.”

So he was. Not silently, either. He hadn’t noticed. Tobi hiccuped and rubbed at his eyes, feeling thoroughly miserable. He tried saying something - a curse, a cutting remark, a plea - but his breath only hitched pathetically.

For the first time, Kakashi looked a little frazzled. Served him right. Tobi knew that cool guy persona was as fragile as origami. “Can I kill someone for you?” Kakashi asked, almost frantically. “Seriously, do you need someone dead? Will that help?”

“I hate how nuts you are,” Tobi sniffled, rubbing hard at his nose. His eyes were itchy and hot. “I hate that Kakashi and Rin came back crazy. But Tobi’s crazy too, so - so!”

That just set him off crying harder, because Obito Uchiha was the first member of Team Minato to be broken into pieces and stitched back together by the threads of insanity, and because Tobi specialized in self-pity. But something rustling in front of him distracted him from his guilt/self-pity spiral, and Tobi opened his eyes to see Kakashi squatting in front of him. His eyes were grim, and his face was solemn, but Kakashi’s stoicism always seemed to be forged from sadness.

“Don’t wear that look on your face,” Kakashi said plainly. “Please don’t look so broken-hearted. When you do…it makes me want to kill whoever made you look so sad.” A little ruefully, he added, “Right now I can’t decide if the culprit was me or the world. And killing either would be inadvisable. So please don’t put me in a difficult position.”

Tobi stared at Kakashi, speechless. That was - maybe Tobi was way crazier than anticipated, because that sounded very romantic?! Like, incredibly romantic! Even smooth! The situation was bad enough, why had he chosen now to go off the fucking deep end?

“Did I confuse you out of your tears?” Kakashi asked, seemingly a little amused. “Whatever works, I guess.” He rolled to his feet, and Tobi watched in confusion as Kakashi’s hand raised. For an explosive second Tobi thought he was going to put his hand on Tobi’s shoulder, his cheek, but the hand just hovered in the air before dropping. “Don’t worry about anything, Tobi. It’s all taken care of. Just rest for now. Once you actually accept that you’re free of that circle of hell - I think we might all get what we want. Rin and I waited almost twenty years to meet Obito again. We can wait much, much longer.”

He turned to leave, but something stopped him short. Tobi realized too late that it was his own hand - lashing out unconsciously to grab Kakashi by the wrist. He tensed, eyes widening infinitesimally, but he didn’t pull away.

Hoarse and strange, Tobi rasped, “And if there’s no going back?”

Kakashi looked at him for a long moment. And Tobi - Tobi could only look away. His eye fell, fixing on Tobi’s hand clasped around Kakashi’s wrist. Both of their bodies were cool as ice.

Finally, Kakashi said, “We wouldn’t ask if we didn’t think it was possible. But if it’s not, then we’ll move forward. Changes and all.”

And Tobi -

Smiled, bright and almost unburdened. “Tobi loves Kakashi-kun too!”

Kakahi turned red. Tobi did not even know that was possible. He yanked his wrist out of Tobi’s grip and whisked himself out of the room at light speed, almost fleeing.

Damn this persona. This self. Damn the seventh or eighth internal rule Obito had designed for Tobi - that Tobi said what was on his mind. His and Obito’s. Honest to a fault. That was Tobi.

And if Tobi couldn’t say it -

Maybe it wasn’t a truth at all.

Two days later, Shisui and Itachi visited.

Tobi fell out of his handstand when he saw them walk in. He scrambled quickly back to his feet, all liquid grace in his erratic movements, and pasted surprised happiness on his face.

“Shisui-kun! Itachi-kun! You -” Oh, no! Whoops! Tobi forgot that they were The Opposite Team now! Tobi’s face fell, and he crossed his arms. Frostily, he said, “Shisui. Itachi.”

Shisui made a show of wincing, rubbing the back of his neck and laughing lightly. Itachi closed the door behind them and re-activated the seals. Tobi did not miss how he hugged the wall. Itachi kept a ridiculous distance between the two of them at all times. What the hell did Tobi do to him? As if Tobi had killed his entire clan?

“Hey, niichan! Are you really staying cooped up in here?”

The old term of endearment hit Tobi’s heart strangely. Shisui had grown so tall. He had to be twenty four years old, a grown man by any standards. He had shot up like a weed when he hit sixteen, and although he would clearly never be bulky his strength and power was undeniable. All jinchuuriki had a presence. When Naruto had returned to Konoha, laughing and waving, wearing that presence…Tobi had mourned something. Now, in this ersatz cell, Tobi felt the loss in the gain one more time.

“I haven’t left the room ‘cause I’m in jail,” Tobi said frostily. “And terrorists who try and kidnap my students don’t get niichan privileges.”

Shisui shrugged easily, as if Tobi’s words were insults sliding off his back. Itachi’s eyes narrowed a fraction. “Fair enough. You can play kidnapee if you want, Tobi-san. But you can stop playing whenever. This place isn’t exactly designed to keep you in.” Tobi lowered his collar and jabbed his finger at the seal burned into his skin. Shisui didn’t look impressed. “You don’t need to mold chakra to use that arm of yours. Or that eye.”

“He’s a security risk.” Itachi had only grown more soft-spoken with time - his voice was so quiet that Tobi could barely hear him. He had clearly grown into the habit of allowing his partner to do the speaking for them. “We shouldn’t be allowing this.”

“It’s Rin-sama’s decree,” Shisui said breezily, which shut Itachi up. Tobi cautiously sat down on his bed, putting even more distance between him and the kids. No, adults. It shouldn’t be difficult to remember. Their faces were so prematurely aged that they could have been Tobi’s age. “Would you feel like a traitor to your village if you didn’t act like a prisoner, Tobi-san? Don’t feel guilty for the deal you struck to protect your students. Doing sketchy shit for your precious people is the Uchiha playbook.”

“Why are you here, Shisui?” Tobi wasn’t in the mood for a family reunion. Sasuke was the only family he wanted to reunite with right now. These two traitors and terrorists had lost all right to pull the family card. “You should just go away.”

“I wanted to make you an offer. And give you some information, I suppose.” Tobi squinted incredulously, but Shisui just smiled at him. “Because I don’t go back on my promises.”

Which promise, he didn’t specify.

Shisui walked closer, and although Tobi stiffened he didn’t protest. He sat down in the chair next to his bed - the same chair that Kakashi had used, but there wasn’t exactly an excess of seating in here - and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. His expression was all open friendliness, but Tobi would have preferred a more evil expression. That friendly expression on that face…it was just creepy. There was something about Shisui these days. Tobi couldn’t really put his finger on it. But he had good intuition, and Tobi knew what his intuition said about Shisui for certain. He just creeped him out.

“Rin-sama sure gets what she wants, doesn’t she?” Shisui said cheerfully. “Is she collecting Uchihas or something? I’m sure your lineage’s just a coincidence, but it feels like a hell of a coincidence sometimes.”

Itachi glanced at the door, subtly tensing. “Get to the point, Shisui.”

If it had been anyone else he was talking about, the implication would have been obvious. People didn’t collect Uchihas. Just their eyes. But there was no reason for Rin to hoard Sharingans, and Rin didn’t use people for their body parts, so Tobi had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

Maybe Shisui confused his blank and confused expression for classic Tobi stupidity, because he grimaced slightly and started again. “You know the Akatsuki’s hunting for jinchuuriki, right? Me, Itachi, and a few other guys were recruited by Rin-sama to form a special taskforce. It’s not the easiest job, but she got some of the best ninja in the elemental nations to do it. You’d think they’re just normal guys, but after you get to know ‘em…weirdos. Competent ninja, though!”

“You tried to kidnap one of my students,” Tobi frostily reminded him. “My other student almost died protecting our friend Gaara by fighting that puppet weirdo.” She had almost gotten him, too - only Kakashi’s last minute intervention had saved Sasori’s life. It had been frustrating at the time, but now Tobi was a little relieved. It was always weird interacting with people whose teammate you killed. The situation was weird enough already. “I know you’re capturing jinchuuriki. Shisui hasn’t said why.”

Tobi wasn’t happy about what they did to Gaara either. If Sasuke hadn’t been there, he would have died. Gaara was a good kid - loyal to his family and friends. Enjoyed interacting with Tobi, for…some reason. Tobi was afraid that Tobi and Gaara had somehow synced up on their freak wavelengths.

Shisui laughed a little, scratching his cheek. “Beats me. Rin-sama doesn’t tell us everything.” Itachi muttered something that sounded like ‘most things’. “But one thing’s always been obvious. The Akatsuki want the jinchuuriki. But Rin-sama and Kakashi - it’s you that they want. You’ve picked up on that, right?”

That was - a really weird way of stating that. It was obviously true, but Tobi couldn’t put ‘reuniting with Obito’ on the same importance level of ‘mobilizing a terrorist splinter cell of a government organization to kidnap the eight most powerful ninja on the continent plus Naruto’. Tobi couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably on the bed. “Yeah? That’s why they released Naruto. They wanna recruit Tobi or something, right…?”

“You aren’t tangential to this, Tobi. You’re the center of it. There’s something that Rin-sama and Kakashi want from you, and they’re doing a lot to get it.” Shisui’s eyes bore into Tobi, and he found himself freezing. The power of the Mangekyo’s gaze was a heavy, tangible thing. Maybe that was why the gaze was so aged and empty. “The question is: do you want to give it to them?”

Tobi shifted on the bed again, breaking his eyes away from that intense stare. “Tobi already told them that he can’t stop being Tobi.”

“There’s a lot more to it than that, and you know it.”

He did know it. It was something that had never been in question. There was something about it that Tobi had started questioning - but, like, nah, right? Like, that would be nuts. Anyway.

Itachi’s rasping voice broke the silence. “Are you still loyal to them?”

Tobi wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing tightly. He couldn’t bear to look at either of them. “Tobi’s a loyal Konoha ninja…”

“Try again,” Shisui said bluntly. “You hate that village. You’re an Uchiha, Tobi. You’re only loyal to your precious people. Itachi’s asking if Rin and Kakashi are still your precious people.”

Tobi’s mouth moved on its own. He picked at his cuticles, bouncing his leg absently. “Um, Tobi doesn’t know stuff like that.”

Shisui smiled thinly. “Tobi definitely knows things like that.”

But Tobi just shook his head, picking harder at his fingers. “Tobi’s no good with confusing stuff. Rin-chan and Kakashi-kun are confusing ‘cause they’re Tobi’s precious teammates, but they did things that hurt Tobi’s other precious people. So Tobi doesn’t know.”

“Do you know my Mangekyo’s special ability, Tobi?” Tobi looked at the ceiling and shook his head. Shisui just smiled again, fake and thin. “It can manipulate somebody’s thoughts. The technique’s undetectable, unconquerable, and persistent. The ultimate brainwashing tool. Kind of overpowered, huh? It was too powerful for me. I was only able to use it…maybe once every few years. Just not enough chakra.” Shisui’s grin widened, but his gaze only grew heavier. He looked a little… “I have enough chakra to use the technique as often as I like now. That’s why Rin-sama sealed the Gobi inside of me. I’m really one of her most useful tools, aren’t I?”

That was - distressing.

Tobi let the discomfort show, pulling away from Shisui a little. “How many people have you…?” Shisui’s grin only widened. The dark and thick black bags under his eyes was a stark contrast to his paper-white skin. “Shisui-kun, that’s a little evil…”

There were some things that even ninjas balked at. There were very few things a ninja wouldn’t do, but other ninja tended to judge them if they got too frisky with the human rights violations. Tobi knew that Rin and Kakashi and Shisui had done some sketchy things in the past, but this was a bit…it was a bit much, right? It wasn’t the sort of thing that Tobi’s precious people would do.

“Would you like me to use it on you?” Shisui asked.

Instantly, Tobi said, “Nope! Thanks for asking!”

“You should take the offer,” Itachi rasped. His eyes were pinched, and his omnipresent Sharingan was pulsing louder with chakra. “It’s the most effective way to protect you.”

For the first time, Tobi noticed the seals on the door. They were a little different. And if he looked with different senses, he could feel a paper-light shroud of chakra molded into a genjutsu around them. Itachi and Shisui had fooled the bugs. They really were hiding this from Rin and Kakashi. But that meant the people Itachi wanted to protect him from was…

“Protect me from what?” Tobi asked, voice ratcheting upwards. Shisui quickly shushed him - Shushing no Shisui? - and Tobi forced his voice back down. “Rin and Kakashi wouldn’t hurt me!”

The two boys exchanged unreadable glances. And what was that supposed to mean?

Shisui turned back to him, holding his hands out in a plea for mercy. “Just hear me out. I can do one of two things for you. It sounds like the issue is that you want to unbury Obito. But you can’t manage it, right? Twenty years of habit doesn’t break so easily.”

“It’s only possible under duress,” Itachi said stiffly. “Such as that day.”

Unimpressed, Shisui said, “And you’re still pissy about it.”

“He was hiding his strength.”

“You and I both know what Danzo would have done to get his hands on a Mangekyo.” So the warning really had paid off. Yay. Tobi was so glad that he had helped out Shisui back then. Definitely. Loved the way it was being reciprocated. “Tobi, my eye could help you out with that. I could help you draw Obito out.” Shisui winked, holding a single finger to his lips. “Or I could help you bury Obito. I can hide him, so there’s nobody rattling around in your brain but Tobi. Which one do you want?”

Which one did he want? Which one did he want? Which one did he -

“Why would I want you to bury Obito?” Tobi cried furiously. “I’ve been trying to bring him out for Kakashi and Rin and failing! Why would I choose to separate us?”

“Depends.” Shisui leaned back in his chair, arching one eyebrow. “Do you really want Rin and Kakashi to get what they want? When you don’t even know why they want it? What they’ll do with it? How they’ll use a ninja holding the strongest techniques in the world and fully capable of using them? Do you really think they’ve only been chasing you down for sentimental reasons? Didn’t Obito go away in the first place to protect you from people who want to use you?”

Tobi was silent.

“There are drawbacks,” Itachi said quietly. “You’ll be more vulnerable. Less capable of protecting yourself in other ways. You won’t obtain the reunion you dream of. But that reunion…was it ever possible?”

Why was Shisui suggesting this?

It was impossible to understand his loyalty to Rin. It was impossible to even discern if he was with the Akatsuki voluntarily. He had to be. Yahiko had painted a picture of a ragtag group of quirky ninjas who walked away from their villages because they believed in Yahiko’s dream. Each ninja seemed to have grown disillusioned with their village, and they were each seeking out a village where they could follow their own way. Pursue a different dream.

Deidara had claimed that Yahiko promised him a world where he could do nothing but create beautiful art (and, implied, blow it up). Sasori had lost faith in Sand and its corrupt leadership, and he had left to throw in with Yahiko and create his puppets in the peaceful world that Yahiko promised. They seemed to be genuine believers in the dream. On the opposite side of the spectrum, Hidan’s village had turned ‘boring’, and he joined Yahiko in search of more fearsome fights. Kakuzu had said something about bounties. They were here to fight jinchuuriki. Kisame had said something about a perfect world. Something about him made Tobi believe that he wasn’t in either camp.

Were Shisui and Itachi here because they believed in Yahiko’s dream? It seemed possible. They had always been such sweet boys. Pacifists, in their own way. Tobi had only seen them interact with Yahiko once, but he had obviously taken them under his wing as an unofficial big brother. It was borderline cute. It should have been cute. If they were Yahiko’s followers, then it would have been cute.

But it was clear. Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, and Hidan - they followed Yahiko. They barely knew who Rin was. But Shisui and Itachi followed Rin. If Tobi’s intuition was right, then Kisame did too.

Rin’s dream…it was a world where Rin, Kakashi, and Obito could be together. Tobi didn’t really know what nine jinchuuriki had to do with that. And he didn’t know why Shisui and Itachi would attempt to sabotage that.

Tobi wrapped his arms around himself. Fear and uncertainty was rising in his chest, and he gripped himself tightly. “Kakashi-kun and Rin-chan said that they want to protect Tobi too. Why should Tobi trust Shisui-kun and Itachi-kun? Itachi-kun hurt our family.”

“Don’t play dumb,” Itachi whispered harshly. Who, Tobi? Play dumb? Heavens forbid. “You never trusted Danzo. You knew somehow. You were too unsurprised.”

Tobi stared at Itachi in absolute noncomprehension. “Huh? Unsurprised about what?”

Shisui looked backwards at Itachi. There was something canny in his heavy eyes. “He might not remember that he knew.”

Itachi stepped forward, drawing himself tighter and tighter. “But Obito might. Obito has to know the truth. If Rin-sama ordered -”

There it was. There it always was. There was always a reason. There was always something.

“Shisui-kun doesn’t want to help Tobi,” Tobi said, and Itachi fell silent. “Itachi-kun wants something from Obito too. Obito isn’t for you, Itachi-kun. Obito isn’t for anyone. Go away. I don’t want whatever you’re trying to sell me.”

Shisui gave Itachi a painfully familiar look - a look that Tobi had seen in Sasuke many times, always directed at Naruto. ‘Nice job, idiot!’. In that moment, Shisui could have been nobody other than the boy who helped raise Sasuke. Nobody other than the cousin who brought Sasuke over to Tobi’s house to play, and who spoiled him when nobody else would.

Then Shisui turned back to Tobi, nothing other than open and earnest and pleading, and reality broke. “It’s your choice. If you don’t want to give the world Obito, that’s fine. Say the word and I’ll make it happen. If you need Obito here to help take care of this mess - I can’t lie, niichan, I’d really like his help. But it’s your choice. I think that’s important, you know?” Shisui’s friendly expression tightened, and Obito saw how thin it was. “A choice is a rare privilege. Call it a gift to my only niichan.”

“You just want niichan privileges back,” Tobi said dubiously.

Shisui laughed, raspy and weak. “You caught me.”

It probably seemed as if he’d made the decision quickly - as if he hadn’t really considered it at all. Tobi was very good at giving that impression. It took a lot of thought to make it look as if you weren’t thinking at all. It was practically second nature by now. Instinctual, almost subconscious. After all this time, Tobi thought thoughtlessly. Right? That was true, right?

Tobi dropped his arms, straightening. He hummed, tilting his head and pressing a finger to his lips. After a few exaggerated seconds of deliberation, he finally said, “Okay. Shisui-kun’s a good kid, so let’s do what Shisui-kun wants.”

“Ah,” Shisui said, “now I feel kind of bad.”

“Tobi is not stupid. Let’s do it like this, okay?”

Tobi explained to Shisui and Itachi what he wanted Shisui to do. They were both surprised, but Tobi wouldn’t be swayed. Shisui began to look a little as if he doubted Tobi’s ability to make major decisions about the direction he wanted an insane jinchuuriki to rewire his brain, but he should have doubted that way before now. He probably did. Tobi didn’t know which way Shisui wanted to manipulate him. He couldn’t find out. Not like this.

“I’m surprised you remember that, honestly.” Tobi made a face, and Shisui gave him a broken smile. He blinked, and his eyes bloomed in red. A fat shuriken spun in his eyes. Even the spin of his eyes was just a little hypnotic. “Relax, niichan. You’re safe. Shisui and Itachi are here with you. Meet my eyes. They look just like yours, don’t they?”

There was a void inside of Shisui’s eyes, hungry and endless, and Tobi allowed himself to look into the abyss.

It looked back.

Tobi inhaled -

Obito exhaled.

Coughed, really. He coughed harder, and he became distantly aware of a pounding headache. He cast the pain aside, removing it from his conscious perception, and he forced himself to swallow the coughs. He looked away from Shisui, exhaling heavily and fighting to reorient himself in his body as he waited for Shisui to turn off his eyes. His omnipotent Sharingan.

A genjutsu that couldn’t be broken. An invulnerable genjutsu that could be used almost as often as he wanted. The kid was too dangerous to exist. He was too dangerous to be as crazy as he was. But maybe that was no surprise. You couldn’t be that powerful and still be sane.

“Obito? You back?”

Obito looked back, and met Shisui and Itachi’s eyes for the first time in a very long time.

Both of their eyes widened comically. Shisui straightened. Itachi took a subtle step backwards. Looks like someone still remembered the night of the massacre. Obito remembered it too. Tobi didn’t. Of course he didn’t. Poor little Tobi hated fighting.

Obito stood up. Both boys leaned back. Obito sharpened his index finger into a razor-sharp edge, and he pressed his finger against the brand on his neck. It sliced a thin cut into his neck, and something began to ooze from the cut. It was not blood.

With smooth, unhesitating gestures, Obito cut the brand out of his neck. The boys watched in fascination as Obito casually sliced off fragments of his body. He healed the cut with a swipe of his finger and a gentle tug of Mokuton, knitting the wooden flesh back together and healing the cut.

“Cousin Obito!” Shisui exclaimed. He stood up, chair skidding on the cement floor, and bowed slightly. Itachi hastily did the same. “What an honor, to meet you for the first time! Heard a lot about you! That’s - some killing intent you’re releasing there, not sure if you’re aware of it! But we’re all family here, so if -”

“Don’t get cute.” Obito’s voice could have frozen Amaterasu. He knew his expression was just as cold. “You two hurt my students.”

Shisui shrugged, affecting sheepish body language. “It’s kind of our job? I think we’re kinda square on that, considering how you showed up and almost beat us to death both times.” Itachi muttered something about ‘three times’. Still bitter.

“That was Tobi. Not me.” Tobi’s fighting style had developed very differently from Obito’s, although he knew that he would have to end up synthesizing the two eventually. Counter-intuitively, sometimes Tobi’s style felt more effective than Obito’s. Maybe it was the cheat of kamui and Mokuton, but other times Obito wasn’t so sure. Yet again, Naruto knew what nobody else was stupid enough to know: that a good surprise could beat anything. “I do not care why or how. If you two fuck with those kids again, I’ll stop going easy on you. And we’ll see once and for all how my Mangekyo matches up against yours.”

But Itachi just stepped forward, body wound tight and eyes flaring red. It was almost an expression. Looks like the empty, emotionless tool still had some smoldering embers of a personality after all. “Did Rin-sama have something to do with the Uchiha Massacre?” Obito had never heard him speak so urgently, so forcefully. “Did she order it?”

“I didn’t know Rin was alive until a week ago,” Obito said flatly.

“You knew that Danzo ordered me to do it. I know you knew.” Itachi’s eyes spun, and he drew himself tighter and tighter - until he was about to burst. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why keep that secret? Rin-sama and Kakashi-taicho had something to do with it. I know they did. What do you know, Obito?”

Shisui glanced at Itachi, shoulders falling in subtle sadness. “We’ve been over this, Itachi. If they had ordered it, they would have let you spare Tobi.” Shisui shot Obito a canny glance. “Itachi begged to spare you. They told him that he was ungrateful, you know that? That he was lucky they even let him spare Sasuke. And they told him that he was doing you a favor by killing you. That it would put you out of your misery.”

“He doesn’t need the details,” Itachi whispered harshly. Trying to protect him from the truth.

And Obito couldn’t help but remember how he had tried to protect Itachi too. Attempt after attempt after attempt to make Fugaku and Mikoto see what was happening to Itachi. He unashamedly used himself as an example, publicly humiliated himself just to drive it home. Don’t force Itachi down Obito’s path. He’ll end up as crazy and useless as Obito. Don’t do to Itachi what you did to me. Don’t make Itachi into this. But they didn’t listen.

Maybe it was pointless. Maybe Obito had won. Itachi hadn’t turned into Obito at all. That fate, at least, Itachi had escaped. He had just turned an entirely different sort of insane.

Itachi must know what Tobi did. He probably even knew that Tobi had done it on purpose. Obito had to wonder if Shisui and Tobi were the only ones who ever tried to protect Itachi.

Dammit. Dammit! Tobi was the empathetic one, the one who believed the best in people! Not Obito! All of Tobi’s niceness, his care and kindness - it was part of the incredibly elaborate lie that had spiraled out of control a decade ago. It was fake. As fake as Tobi. And if it wasn’t - it was Tobi’s. Not Obito.

Obito sighed. He walked forward, and with exaggerated and carefully telegraphed movements he put his hand on Itachi’s head. Nineteen years old. An adult by whose measure?

“Take responsibility for the massacre,” Obito said simply. “But don’t take culpability. You were thirteen, and you couldn’t find a way out. You made the choice that preserved a life. I never blamed you.”

It was the last thing that Itachi expected to hear. It was probably something that Itachi had never expected to hear. He didn’t say anything, but his red eyes said enough. He was memorizing this moment.

Obito’s hand fell to his shoulder, and he squeezed it. He sharpened his fingers, and the squeeze was painful. “I blame you for what you’re doing to Sasuke. There’s nothing I hate more than adults who do to children what was done to them.” He lowered his hand, turning and stepping away from both Uchihas. The door had never been locked. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been out of the loop lately. And if I did know something, I wouldn’t tell you. You get nothing from me. Obito’s not here just to be useful to other people.” He stood in front of the door, taking the Akatsuki cloak hung up on a peg and pulling it over his body. Kakashi had carelessly left it behind last time he visited. Obito was dressed in only a loose house yukata, and he would rather not make it obvious. “If you excuse me, I have some old teammates to meet.”

“So that’s it, then?” Shisui asked mildly. “You’ll give Rin-sama and Kakashi-taicho what they want instead?”

“I’m not doing it for them.”

Obito phased through the door, leaving the two crazy men inside.

He knew where they were. Obito had planted a seed on the strap of Kakashi’s mask days ago, and the amused Kakashi hadn’t removed it. Obito knew vaguely that it was night, that most sane people were catching what few hours of sleep they could, and he knew that they would be together.

Obito stalked down the hallway in bare feet, coat snapping along his ankles. He was distantly aware that his aura had soured into something deeply dangerous, and he decided to match it by pasting a familiar expression on his face. It must have been effective: passerby ninja saw him and jumped out of the way. Everybody avoided eye contact. Civilians weren’t stupid enough to look a powerful ninja in the eyes.

Some of them recognized him. Obito saw the disjointed thoughts, as if they had missed a stair on a staircase. Recognizing the murderous expression and aura first before realizing that it was only Tobi in front of them. Obito saw them struggle to reconcile the two incompatible truths, but he didn’t care enough to stop.

He even passed Kisame, smoking in a stairwell. Obito found himself stopping. Kisama looked up from his ragged cigarette, looking Obito up and down as they scrutinized each other. Maybe Obito imagined it, but he felt a strange connection between them.

Then Kisame grinned, wide and dangerous. “Howdy, Uchiha-san. Done pretending you’re held hostage?”

Obito didn’t say anything. He just stared Kisame down, distant and cold. He barely tried to keep his fluctuating and snapping killing intent under control. He could go much further, weaponize it, but it wasn’t the right time for that. Even Obito wasn’t in the habit of showing every card. Maybe he just couldn’t tolerate the idea of anybody looking at him and calling him Tobi right now.

Impossibly, Kisame’s grin widened. “You’d be an opponent unlike any other, huh? Promise to give me a match sometime, Uchiha-san.”

The Akatsuki were such freaks. Obito looked away from him, and continued ascending the stairs without a word. He heard Kisame’s bellowing laugh echoing up the stairwell long after he disappeared from view.

Rin’s bedroom was on the highest floor. It gave Obito time to think. He wondered what the hell he was doing. He shouldn’t have given Shisui any quarter - he couldn’t trust that little nut. Obito vividly remembered when he drugged him. Even afterwards, Shisui continued pushing and pulling a little at Tobi. He had gotten himself overly involved in that idiotic seceding movement, and he was one of the few ninja who realized that people like Tobi heard more than anybody realized. It had been a neat little way for Tobi to feed the intel from his own investigations and rampant theft to Shisui. They always had a symbiotic relationship like that. But Obito hadn’t been stupid enough to trust him. Maybe he was only stupid enough to keep letting the brat manipulate him.

But the idea was Obito’s. Shisui and Itachi obviously hadn’t fully understood it. Of course they didn’t. They didn’t understand Rin and Kakashi.

Maybe Obito didn’t know Rin and Kakashi very well anymore. Inside, deep inside their hearts, Obito knew that they were still the teammates he had loved. He had felt it - even across the battlefield, even as his fists crossed Kakashi’s. But strange layers surrounded their hearts now, and Obito couldn’t profess to see through each of those layers. Not even Mangekyo could see into people’s hearts. These layers, their actions over the past ten years - this ridiculous Akatsuki thing, kidnapping the jinchuuriki, that ‘dream’ Rin kept talking about - didn’t make any sense to Obito. And Obito’s intuition told him that a state of ignorance was a dangerous state to be in.

No. Maybe it was the safest. Safest for Obito. But it wasn’t safe for his students. Tobi didn’t protect his students. He only protected Obito. Tobi was only a burden.

Everybody called him that. Everybody viewed him that way. Obito had refused to internalize it - refused to believe anything that anybody said about him. It was easy. Tobi was a lie, and all of the shit they would spew about him was just proof of how well Tobi was working. The relentless belief across the Uchiha that he ought to be mercy-killed was a good thing. It meant that Obito was safe.

Tobi had been a burden to Rin, Sensei, and Kushina-nee. That was unavoidable. But he had burdened Sasuke too. Maybe that was unavoidable too, but it had been unacceptable. Obito had more than just himself to worry about now. He had somebody who needed Obito.

That number had grown. Naruto and Sakura. Sai and Yamato. Too many people. More than he had ever wanted. But there was no way around it. Tobi loved those kids.

Obito loved Rin and Kakashi. He had protected them from the moment he met them. And Obito could tell that nobody had protected them in a very long time.

Their bedroom was on a lonely floor. Obito could sense the seals and traps. Rightfully paranoid about assassins. Obito walked through every trap, knowing he was tripping every alarm. He strangled his killing intent, packing it deep inside of himself again. He took a deep breath. He finger-combed his hair. He felt stupid. He wished that his face wasn’t so damn ugly. He remembered that Rin had patiently put up with him pretending to be fucking brain damaged for a year, she did not care what he looked like, and it wasn’t as if Kakashi was a huge catch either - they were waiting for him to open the door -

That was the only reason why Obito knocked. Nobody else could ever understand that.

The door flew open immediately. Rin stood in front of him, one hand clasped over her heart and looking up at Obito with wide eyes. Kakashi was directly behind her, maskless and eyes unusually sharp. Rin’s eyes were breathless and hopeful, but Kakashi’s were hungry.

They stood in silence, all staring at each other. Nothing could have broken the moment. None of them wanted it to break. If they could have stayed in that moment forever, that hopeful silence - they all would have been perfectly content with that.

The world wasn’t so easy. Obito wished that he was here because he wanted to be - just to be together with Rin and Kakashi. Unfortunately, Obito was here for a reason. The reason being…

“You morons! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Obito’s familiar hideously judgemental condemnation broke something. Tears welled in Rin’s eyes, and she tackled him in a hug. Obito buried his face in her hair - she had no scent - and he let her squeeze the life out of him. He was a little more unyielding than he used to be, but she was stronger too.

“Obito!” Rin cried out. She really was crying a little. Ah, the long-distant ‘upsetting Rin’ guilt, how he did not miss you. “Obito, it’s you!”

“Who else would it be?” Obito looked up, catching Kakashi’s eyes. He was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. He didn’t move closer, but he didn’t look away from Obito either. He did not blink. “Bakashi. Did you really file your teeth?”

“Blame the wolf contract.” Kakashi tilted his head. He didn’t bare his teeth. “What changed?”

“You’re the genius, apparently. You figure it out.” Obito extricated himself from Rin, who was heroically sniffling. He reached down and gently flicked her on the forehead. The once-familiar gesture made her even more sniffly. “You didn’t have to manipulate me into coming, idiot. You just needed to ask. You think I wouldn’t ditch that village if you asked me to?”

“You didn’t trust us anymore,” Rin said tragically. Obito gave her his best ‘obviously, idiot’ look. “Even if you did, I didn’t want you to get in trouble for deserting. Obito, you have no idea how much we missed you.”

“I could guess, what with the damn stalking.” Obito strode past her into the bedroom, leaving Rin to quickly close and lock the door behind him. He shoved Kakashi aside, just to be petty. But Kakashi leaned into the touch. “You two better have a damn good reason for attacking my students and their friends. Your bedroom’s a mess, by the way.”

It really was. There was clothing and weapons strewn everywhere, and the three bookshelves on the wall were strewn haphazardly with books, scrolls, and journals. A lot of journals. Obito would have to find some opportunity to read them. Rin had always kept a carefully non-incriminating journal. Ninjas were discouraged from things like that, but Rin had said that she didn’t want to forget any of their time together. Obito, whose Sharingan had given him a perfect memory, told her that it wasn’t that great. He hadn’t really understood.

There was a large desk, which was equally piled high with journals and scrolls. Some of the scrolls had rolled off the desk, unfurling across the floor. Another bench was strewn with weapons and whetstones. The large bed with three blankets was a rat’s nest. What kind of medic kept a room this untidy?

“We wouldn’t hurt anybody you cared about without a good reason!” Rin said heatedly. She moved with Obito, staying close to his elbow, but Kakashi just leaned against the far wall. He was keeping as much space as possible between him and Obito. Oh, now he understood personal space. “The situation’s complicated, Obito. Everything’s complicated. But everything we’re doing is for the most important reason. You understand that, right?”

“I don’t understand at all. Because you haven’t explained shit.” Obito turned around, moving backwards and putting a little more space between them. “You keep on talking about that dream of yours. A world where we can be happy. What does a terrorist group have to do with that? Why do you need to kidnap my students? What are you two doing? And why did you shut me out of it?”

Rin’s face fell, and she grasped her hand over her heart again. “We couldn’t drag you into it. What we were doing - it was dangerous. And we didn’t want to make you fight anymore.”

“So it’s okay for you to fight?” Obito demanded. “It’s okay for you to be in danger? Seventeen years and you still haven’t grown a self-preservation instinct! You’re still as reckless as ever!”

Mildly, Kakashi said, “We’ve always been a bit more competent than you gave us credit for, Obito.”

“Rin flinched before every kill and you faked incompetence,” Obito said, unimpressed. And aware of the hypocrisy. Of course he was aware. Tobi inherited those traits from them. “It’s your fault I had to worry about you all the time. You were always biting off more than you can chew and leaving me and Sensei to pick up your slack. Just because you two got some weird superpowers out of nowhere doesn’t mean you’re suddenly qualified to create world peace!”

Both Rin and Kakashi hung their heads a little. Rin muttered something about how they were just trying to keep up with Obito and Sensei. Kakashi looked shifty.

“You should feel bad,” Obito said. “I’m out of retirement and it’s all your fault.” Rin winced, and even Kakashi looked subtly miserable. Damn. Obito hadn’t meant to guilt trip them. “Please, guys. I’ll come out of retirement if you need me to. Just tell me what this is about.”

Rin opened her mouth, stepping closer, but Kakashi tsk’d. She stopped immediately, looking back at him in a silent question. But he just straightened, walking a little closer and putting a hand on Rin’s shoulder. He had softened his gaze to something lazy and unfocused, and his posture was loose and easy. It wasn’t as convincing as it used to be.

Simply, Kakashi said, “Will you join the Akatsuki?”

Obito hesitated.

Rin whirled on Kakashi, expression creasing. “We already agreed not to ask that question.”

“We did,” Kakashi said. “But we also agreed not to make Obito choose between us and his students. If you want to know what we’re doing and how we’re doing it - we want to tell you, Obito. But you’ll try and stop us if we do.”

Obito didn’t say anything. Half of him wanted to escape. The other half of him couldn’t move.

Kakashi kept speaking. “You already knew that. Rin could save the lives of most jinchuuriki after their bijuu are extracted. But not the nine tails container. Sensei’s seal is too good, and the Kyuubi is too powerful. We won’t make you choose between us and Sensei’s son. But we can’t tell you anything unless you’re with us all the way.” One of Kakashi’s eyes glinted, strangely familiar. “Until you’re with us all the way, you shouldn’t worry about what we’re doing.”

There was - a lot to say about that. But only one thing stood out to Obito. “Until?”

“You’ll understand one day,” Rin said fervently. “I promise, Obito. When you see the world we made, you’ll understand why we had to do all of this.”

“Yeah, you said.” It had been a lot of deeply worrying ranting. Not how he had wanted to see Rin again. But Rin had wanted somebody different too. “You said it was for me. No offense, but I didn’t exactly ask for you two to start leading a terrorist organization.”

Kakashi lifted an eyebrow. “Doesn’t Yahiko lead the Akatsuki?” Obito slotted him a deeply unimpressed look. “Ah. As quick as ever, Obito.”

But Rin’s expression just darkened. If darkened was the right word. Maybe it just went a little sideways. “You weren’t capable of asking. I tried so hard to be there for you, but when I - I realized that you needed more than my support. My support never saved anybody. You needed me to heal you. Like you had always protected me, Obito, I had to protect you. I had to save you. I’m so sorry that it’s taking so long.”

“Rin.” Obito didn’t want to say this. It made his skin prickle with anxiety. He never thought he would have to confess this to her. But part of him had known it was inevitable too. He wished it was under better circumstances, but - well, good circumstances would mean that he would never have to tell her at all. “Rin, you have to know the truth. You know that Tobi’s…” Obito’s throat closed up, and it took intense effort to force the words out. It felt almost impossible. “Tobi’s not…Tobi was on purpose. You know that, right?”

He expected disgust or betrayal. Some recognition of how deeply Obito had fucked with her and fucked her over. But she just looked up at him with shining eyes. No judgment, no resentment. Just acceptance and passion.

She stepped forward, taking his large and calloused hand in hers. Simply, she said, “You still think Tobi’s a persona, don’t you?”

“Uh,” Obito said, “because he is. He’s a lie. I was lying to you. You really should hate me for this, actually -”

“It’s not you I hate,” Rin said, and Obito became abruptly aware of how close she was standing to him.

He could feel the heat of her body, and the smooth grip of her uncalloused hands felt electric. Her bare arm was brushing against his cloak, and Obito remembered that his yukata exposed some of his chest. The way she was looking at him, as if he was the only person in the world…

Then Obito remembered her actual partner, who was standing right there, and he jerked backwards. He looked over at Kakashi, panicked and already envisioning Way Too Many Canines-san tearing his face off. But he hadn’t even reacted. He was just - staring. Again. Still. Not fucking blinking.

He still seemed so hungry.

“What do you two want?” Obito asked helplessly. “What do you want from me?”

Rin and Kakashi glanced at each other. They seemed to have a silent conversation, something that Obito wasn’t privy to. He tried not to feel a little left out. Rin and Kakashi had always been close, way closer than they were with Obito. Childhood friends. Of course they’d always been in love with each other. It was natural. He was glad that they had each other the past sixteen years. He really was. Good for them. Couldn’t be happier. For them.

Finally, Kakashi said, “We want you to be whoever you want to be. I suppose you could say that.” Kakashi scrubbed the back of his neck, slouching aimlessly. “Maa. I’m sure you don’t wanna be Obito just so you can interrogate us for intel. Obito-kun wants to be more than a tool, right?”

Obito stilled.

Rin quickly jumped in. “We aren’t mad! You feel like you have to do it. We know that Konoha’s made you believe that Obito is just its tool. But don’t you think that you deserve better? You don’t have to fake loyalty to it anymore.”

Something deep inside of Obito snapped.

“Of course I’m not loyal to that village!” Obito snarled. “I’m loyal to my precious people! My students, their friends, the people who used to be your friends - the people you used to care about, the people you tried to kill! You two are never going to get your old teammate back if you keep trying to destroy everything that teammate fought for!”

He regretted it the moment he said it. Not because he didn’t want to say it, or because he thought it might be cruel - but because Obito wasn’t in the habit of tipping his hand, and those feelings showed just a little too much of his heart. Of the betrayal and confusion. Obito wasn’t in the habit of showing weakness to anyone. Not even Kakashi and Rin. He had always wanted to be strong for them.

Maybe he still did. Strength looked different these days.

Rin’s face fell, and Obito was hit with the predictable ‘upsetting Rin’ guilt. Seriously? Still? Fucking stupid. “That’s why you haven’t been able to let Obito out. You still think we’re enemies.”

“I don’t know what to think,” Obito said bluntly. “We’re still Team Minato. That hasn’t changed. That will never change. So long as we’re alive, we’ll be a team. But I don’t think we’re on the same side anymore. I can’t make this fit. I don’t know what to do. I’m not in the habit of indecision, you two!”

Kakashi walked forward, until he was standing next to Rin. Close to Obito. His body ran cold, so much cooler than Rin. But something about those heavy eyes made heat flash in Obito’s stomach anyway. “Two incompatible things, forced to exist together…that friction causes a lot of unhappiness. Looks like we’re still making you unhappy, Obito.”

“You don’t have to be,” Obito said, and he realized far too late that he was almost pleading. “We don’t have to be on different sides. You’re still my teammates. Are we seriously going to abandon each other here? After all we’ve been through?”

“Of course not,” Rin whispered. She was grasping her heart again, but her other hand was on her stomach. “You’re right, Obito. As always. We…just need to be on the same team. If Obito could just trust us…”

Kakashi scratched his neck absently. “That’s doable.”

Rin turned to face him, expression creasing. “Do you think we…?”

“If it’s what you want,” Kakashi said simply. Rin hesitated, eyes flickering to the uncomprehending Obito. At that second, her quick gaze seemed very heavy too.

“Obito shouldn’t be in pain,” Rin told Kakashi. “That’s what’s important, right?”

“Sure. Why not.” Kakashi looked back at Obito, and Obito found himself frozen in place. “Obito. There’s something I haven’t told you about.”

“What a surprise,” Obito said frostily. “Are you gonna finally -”

Kakashi’s right eye flared red.

Tobi coughed.

His body ached. Why was it so tense? He hadn’t realized how tightly he was holding himself until he relaxed. Had he been clenching his jaw from age five to fourteen? Was that why he had been so cranky all the time? He had just figured Kakashi was that annoying.

“Shit,” Kakashi said.

Tobi looked up, finally seeing Kakashi and Rin standing together in limp boredom and clear anxiety. Both of Kakashi’s eyes were clear. Were they…not supposed to be…?

Rin turned to Kakashi, fired up and almost angry. “What just happened? You’ve done that genjutsu a thousand times, how did you mess it up?”

“What genjutsu?” Tobi complained. Rin and Kakashi stilled. “Ugh, my mouth tastes bad. It’s all rusty. Stupid killing intent.” He scratched his head, blinking at his teammates. “Do Rin-chan and Kakashi-kun want to go back to fighting? Tobi doesn’t really want to fight anymore.”

Both Kakashi and Rin were looking at each other, having one of those inscrutable husband-wife conversations with their eyebrows. Were they husband and wife? Did they get married? Maybe even terrorists had weddings. Tobi was sad he missed it, but he didn’t really want to go anyway…

“Tobi, look at me.” Kakashi’s voice was so commanding and strong that Tobi found himself automatically doing what he said. Kakashi’s eyes searched him for what felt like forever, but had to only be a few seconds. Rin was looking at him too. If Kakashi’s gaze was piercing, Rin’s was a hundred pound weight. “This conversation isn’t over. You don’t look like you wanted to run away from it.”

“He didn’t,” Rin murmured. “Maybe it was involuntary…?”

“Not quite how it tends to work.” Kakashi kept searching him, and Tobi saw him eventually find what he was looking for. “He’s having a blackout. I’ve never seen it happen so quickly. Did you see his chakra…”

“Snap? Yes. Like a genjutsu. Could your eye -”

“I tried that days ago.”

Well, this was boring. Tobi wandered off, poking at the bookshelves and crowded desk. Medical textbook, medical textbook, medical textbook…romance novel? Rin never changed. Tobi pulled it off the shelf, squinting dubiously at the cover. Wow, those guys were not wearing shirts.

“Tobi! How many times have I asked -” The book was out of his hands, and Rin was already quickly reshelving it. “It’s rude to touch other people’s things. Especially personal things.”

“Sorry, Rin-chan,” Tobi said reflexively. Rin’s words had also clearly been reflexive. Lots of nostalgia today. “I’m bored, I’m going now.”

“Hold on, Tobi, don’t leave yet. Here, you can borrow the book just this once.” Rin opened up the book to a random page, thrusting it at him. She made a jerking head motion at Kakashi. “Can you read out this section to Kakashi?”

Tobi cautiously took the book, scrutinizing the page Rin pointed out. If it was Rin asking… “Why does Kakashi want to read this?”

“We just want you to focus on him a little,” Rin said quickly. “So can you read the -”

“Rin-chan, you aren’t supposed to read books to dead people. You’re supposed to say hi and things.” Tobi looked up, and for the first time he looked fully at Kakashi. Kakashi, whose face was unreadable. Tobi perked up anyway, and he waved a little at him. “Hi Kakashi-kun! You’re back!”

Kakashi gave him a small wave. He spoke with a low and scratchy voice. “Never left.”

“Yes you did,” Tobi said, recriminating. That was Kakashi’s problem - he never thought he did anything wrong. “You left and made Rin cry. You made Tobi cry too. Tobi’s really mad at you, you know.”

“I’m sorry.” Kakashi’s voice was raw and hoarse, and Tobi immediately felt bad. He wouldn’t give Kakashi a hard time if he was already about to cry. “We shouldn’t have abandoned you. We…didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay. That’s what Minato-sensei says. I’ll read this for you if you want.” Tobi held the book up, keeping one careful eye on Kakashi, as he read out loud a particularly lurid description of a handsome samurai.

There it was again: Kakashi’s eye spun red. Maybe he thought Tobi didn’t see, or maybe he thought Tobi didn’t know. Maybe he assumed Tobi just wouldn’t care. But he did, because Tobi recognized the Mangekyo Sharingan when he saw it.

Tobi had no idea what to do with this information. He ought to tell Sasuke. Sasuke was always scolding him for not sharing important information. Sasuke and Tobi’s definition of important was pretty different. There was something different about that Mangekyo. Something so familiar. Even Sasuke would think that was important.

After a few long seconds, Kakashi broke away from Tobi. Quietly, he told Rin, “Obito was a genjutsu. My eye accidentally shattered it. It had been built to shatter.”

Rin blinked at him. It wasn’t her usual sort of expression. Tobi had never seen it before at all. “Was anybody controlling him?”

“Nope. It just suppressed Tobi. Quieted the parts of Obito’s brain that restrain him from living as himself. The defense mechanism returned the second the genjutsu was broken.”

Wow, Rin looked so serious. She always looked serious during missions, but she never looked serious like this - like an anaconda with eyes fixed on its prey as it lay in wait. “It was a test.”

“We failed it.”

“Did Obito place it on himself?”

“I think so,” Kakashi said. “It’s impossible to know for certain.”

He said it so easily. But Tobi knew that Kakashi was lying. He knew who had placed that genjutsu. Tobi lied like that too.

But Rin looked upset. Really upset. Tobi hated upsetting Rin. He did it constantly, and he couldn’t stop. It had always been Tobi’s one regret about his decisions: that he had made Rin cry. But dying would have made her cry more, so he did what he had to.

“He wanted to trust us. He gave us a chance to earn his trust, and we failed. Why does it always end up like this? I’m the best healer on the continent, why can’t I cure the pain of the other person I love?”

Kakashi put his hands in his pockets. Tobi continued avidly reading the book. The enemy daimyo was the samurai’s long-lost father? A surprising amount of plot in this one! “You want to have your kunai and throw it too.”

“Why can’t it be done?” Rin demanded. “We’ve accomplished the impossible time and again. What you want will always be possible if you fight for it. The only way to lose is hesitation or doubt.”

Kakshi’s expression was blank, but Tobi was touched by her words. Was Rin a pacifist too? Technically speaking, Tobi hadn’t actually seen her fight. Kakashi usually did all of the fighting. Maybe she had a moral opposition.

“You got it, Rin-chan!” Tobi said cheerfully. He tried to cheer up Rin a lot, but he was only successful about half the time. “Tobi and Rin-chan and Kakashi-kun are teammates. We’ve gotta stick together. Even if Rin and Kakashi go far away and leave me behind, Tobi knows that you’re not abandoning me. You know why?”

Rin and Kakashi were silent. Tobi waited expectantly for them to fill in the second half of the motto. It was their motto, it was their whole thing. Completely unwillingly, on Tobi’s part. They had all failed each other in the end. But did that mean it had to be forgotten? Or unsaid? Tobi was sick of leaving ugly things unsaid. It wasn’t their fault they were ugly.

“Because those who break the rules are trash,” Tobi said. “But those who abandon their friends are worse than trash.” A little pointedly, he added, “And Rin and Kakashi won’t leave again, so they’re not trash at all.”

“You don’t know us,” Kakashi said. Rin glared at him, but he didn’t look away from Tobi. In that second, he only had eyes for him - was only desperate for his own words. “You can’t forgive us for what we’ve done.”

“Of course I can,” Tobi said. “I’ll forgive you every time. I forgave you at the start. Because I love you, Kakashi.”

Then Kakashi was in front of him, and Tobi only had enough time to register the heat of his body against Tobi’s before his lips crashed onto Tobi’s.

He was kissing him. His hands were gripping Obito’s face, and he was kissing him like he wanted to eat him. With a voracious hunger and ragged desperation. It made heat pierce Obito’s body, stir something inside of him that had not been stirred in a very long time. Kakashi’s body scraped the outside of the cloak, the last barrier between them, and he kissed him as if Kakashi had no choice but to kiss him.

“Hound!”

Kakashi pulled away from Tobi, or he was pulled away. Rin was holding the collar of his flak jacket with white knuckles, and Tobi realized that he hadn’t seen that look on her face in a long time.

Tobi realized that he couldn’t move. He was frozen to the spot, body warm and frighteningly cold. He had no idea what had just happened. He was scared, and he couldn’t really say why.

Rin yanked Kakashi away with stunning strength, pulling at his collar and tripping him onto the ground. There was a familiar-unfamiliar set in her mouth - her protective anger.

“What are you doing?” Rin hissed. Tobi had seen the expression, but he had never heard that voice from her. “He’s blacked out, Hound! You’re hurting him!”

Maybe the real surprise was Kakashi’s face. He looked up at Tobi, and Tobi saw an expression that he’d never seen before. Definitely not in Kakashi. He looked horrified.

“Tobi, I’m - I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that -”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Rin’s face had changed too. Tobi didn’t recognize that face either. She didn’t look angry anymore. She just looked… “I didn’t give you an order to do that. Why are you going against something we agreed on?”

But Tobi just put a finger to his lips. They felt a little different. Wetter, hotter. Imprinted with something. It wasn’t a realization. It was just a weird kind of math. Kakashi-kun plus kissing equalled…? “Does Kakashi-kun like me?”

Kakashi looked gutted.

And Tobi realized that he’d never seen a single true facial expression from Kakashi. He hadn’t even noticed. He had moved his eyebrows and his lips, but his face was dull and dead. He wore a full face mask as Hound and no mask in private, but Tobi found himself wishing that he had held onto that little half-face mask from childhood. At least it was honest.

This was the first unfiltered expression he had seen from Kakashi in a very long time. He didn’t like it.

Rin was still glaring poisonously at Kakashi, and Tobi was still struggling to understand. Kakashi rolled to his feet, incapable of showing anything but grace and control. Right?

“You have no idea what it’s been like for me, Rin.” Kakashi had a hand over half of his face, muffling his words. He didn’t seem consciously aware of it. “Watching him for seventeen years. Don’t give me that look, I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t touch him. I’m almost human. My self-control couldn’t take it.”

“You’re seriously attracted to him when he’s like this?” Rin asked furiously. Attracted to him? Kakashi thought he was cute? “We had to learn how to separate them, you do too!”

“How can I not be?” Kakashi pressed his hand over his mouth, as if attempting to keep the words in. He couldn’t. His eyes, the way he looked at Tobi - his eyes said it all. “He based Tobi off me. He used me to protect himself. Rin, you said that you love what protects you.” Kakashi dropped his hand, and Tobi saw for the first time that his eyes were wild. “I have to love what protects him.”

Tobi was scared. He didn’t know why. His body was hot and cold - is that what scared him? Or was it something else? Rin was saying something - was it Rin and Kakashi he was afraid of? Of course not. Rin and Kakashi were his precious people. So why…

“What’s the difference between this and genjutsu’ing him into compliance?” Kakashi snapped, and Rin jerked back in shock. Strong, irrational shock - how often did Kakashi talk back to her? “Are we suddenly so worried about his autonomy? You don’t care about that. Don’t pretend in front of me.”

“Genjutsus don’t scare him,” Rin said heatedly. “We do what we have to! This is just self-gratification!”

“What has any of this been?”

“Why are Rin-chan and Kakashi-kun fighting?!”

The fight stopped. Both teammates turned to face Tobi in perfect sync, restraining their rapidly growing auras immediately. Tobi realized a bit too late that his hands were in his hair again - that a bit of a meltdown was building. Rin had always helped so much, she had always walked him through it - and he couldn’t have them in front of Sasuke, it’s not his job to take care of the adult - Guy always - it didn’t matter what Rin used to do, she was dead -

“We aren’t fighting.” And Rin was there, like the world’s one and only miracle. Her hands were on his wrists, and she was already gently untangling his grip. “It’s okay, Tobi, nobody’s upset. Kakashi and I were just disagreeing with each other, we shouldn’t have yelled.”

“Why does Kakashi-kun like me?” Tobi cried, and both of his teammates stilled. “Aren’t you married? Married people don’t kiss other people!”

“We’re a team, Tobi. Of course you’re an exception. You’re an exception to all of it.” Rin slowly lowered his hands, squeezing them tightly in her smooth grip. “Kakashi’s not going to do that again. Anything we - that’s a conversation to have with Obito, okay?” A little desperately, she added, “We need Obito. We’ve always needed him. I’m sorry we broke his trust, but he doesn’t understand that we need him.”

In a move that didn’t feel right at all, Tobi yanked his hands out of Rin’s grip. She let him pull away, just as surprised as he was.

“Obito’s not for you!” Tobi cried furiously. He always meant it every time he said it, but he meant it differently now. Maybe it had never been so important. “Is this why you wanted Obito so bad? For that?”

Instantly, almost cutting him off, Kakashi said, “It’s not about that. People who love each other should be together. They have to fight whatever separates them.”

“Liar! You’re a liar, Kakashi!” Kakashi looked gutted again, but Tobi couldn’t even care. He didn’t ever remember being so angry. “You too, Rin! You want Obito for you! Everybody has something they want from Obito, and they take and take and take and they wouldn’t stop taking and they didn’t care if there was nothing left! Nothing was left! And you want that too? Then you’re never getting him!” Tobi stamped his foot, heedless of the giant crack he left in the cement. “You aren’t getting my students, you aren’t getting my friends, and you aren’t getting Obito!” Tobi’s breath hitched, and he realized too late that tears were streaming down his face. “Tobi’s useless. There’s nothing to take from Tobi. They were supposed to leave Tobi alone. Why doesn’t anyone…why can’t anyone fucking leave me alone…there’ll be nothing left of me…”

Then Tobi was crying much harder, and Rin was hugging him, and despite everything he collapsed in her embrace. The reality hadn’t changed: he loved them more than anything. They loved him more than anything. Wasn’t that supposed to be enough?

At some point - indistinguishable and unmarked - somebody crouched down in front of Tobi. He was sitting on the edge of Rin and Kakashi’s bed, zoning out. Maybe? Or had he been talking to Rin and Kakashi? To himself? He didn’t know. He had cried way too much.

That was why it took a second to recognize the figure as Shisui. He didn’t look like he used to - practically unrecognizable, really - but Tobi could recognize him anywhere.

“Shisui-kun!” Tobi cried, delighted. His sadness drained away, leaving him feeling much fresher and more excited. “What are you doing here?”

“I do work here.” Tobi gave Shisui the stink eye - he knew that, thank-you-very-much - and Shisui laughed. “Rin-sama asked me to walk you back to your room. Ready to go?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Tobi bounced up, rubbing at his red cheeks a little. He spotted someone hovering near the door, and he gave him a bright little wave. “Itachi-chan, hi! You work here too!”

“Hello, Tobi. I do.” Itachi awkwardly stepped inside the room a little, as if approaching the Forest of Death. “Rin-sama, Taicho. Is everything…”

“Everything’s fine. Tobi’s just tired.” Rin smiled at Shisui. The smile was not very Rin-like. “We’ll talk later, Shisui.”

Shisui shrugged, completely unrepentant. “It was his idea. He called it insurance. Don’t blame us if he needed it.”

“You’re dismissed, Shisui.”

Itachi’s brow creased a fraction. “He looks upset.”

Shisui made a show of waving his hand, brushing Itachi’s worries away. “Oh, it’s alright. He’ll be happy eventually. In the meantime, like, whatever, you know?”

Tobi tugged at Shisui’s shoulder a little, tugging him down so Tobi could whisper in his ear. “Kakashi-kun looks super cranky.”

Granted, he looked as bored and blank as ever, but Tobi knew the score. He knew Kakashi backwards and forwards. How could he not? He was Kakashi.

“Better get going, then.” Shisui winked at him, conspiratorial smile growing on his face. “I stole some snacks from the mess for you, niichan.”

Tobi snapped his fingers and pointed at him. “Favorite cousin.” Itachi looked wounded. “Get me snacks next time, Itachi-chan.”

“You used to bring me the snacks,” Itachi said. “Sasuke, too.”

“You’re an adult now, bring me the snacks. Sasuke’s a baby and he’s always making me food! You should learn a lesson from him.” Tobi brightened. He hadn’t mentioned this before, but he really should. There was no way Itachi wasn’t interested. “I’ll tell you all of Sasuke’s favorite dishes. I had to talk him down from all the tomatoes, and he got all grouchy on me - like, yeah, he’s the cook, but I’m the eater?”

The two Uchiha somehow managed to wrangle him out of the room. But Tobi looked back as he left, waving eagerly at Rin and Kakashi.

“Bye, Rin-chan! Bye, Kakashi-kun!”

They looked tired. But Rin smiled anyway, giving him a small wave. “Get some sleep, Tobi.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything. He just looked at him.

His gaze was so hungry. As if he wanted to swallow Tobi whole…

Tobi hustled out of there. He didn’t know what was with that. Tobi was half wood! There was nothing for him to eat.

Tobi wished he could say that he stopped thinking about it - that Kakashi was out of sight out of mind, and that he was able to focus fully on chattering away with his cousins and gaping in awe at the shark man. The shark man was delighted by his attention, and let him touch his gills. Tobi solemnly told the shark man that he was his new favorite shark, which made the shark man laugh a lot.

But Tobi thought of Kakashi all the same - wondering what was left of him to eat.

Tobi was lying on Rin’s bed when somebody knocked on the door.

He was playing around with a puzzle, and it was sufficiently engrossing that he didn’t look up. Rin was sitting next to him, writing an improbable number of letters on a lapdesk. Tobi had to suppose that she was writing instructions for her thousand minions. Judging by some of the addresses, she had minions all over the continent. Kakashi was gone, probably doing Hound stuff. Hopefully he was hanging out with his partner shark-guy. Kakashi definitely needed more friends. If he wasn’t doing Akatsuki Things with Kisame then he was doing Rin’s Minion Things with the Uchihas, and if he wasn’t doing either he was doing Husband Things. That did involve hanging out with Rin and Tobi. It was nice! Tobi liked it when they were all in the same room. They all silently basked in the awkward nostalgia.

“Come in!” Tobi yelled. He looked back at Rin, who looked a little pained at Tobi’s complete willingness to invite other people into her bedroom. As if she hadn’t done it before? “Yahiko and Konan are so nice, they gotta visit more often.”

“One day I’ll figure out how you know who’s at the door when we don’t.” The door opened, and when Rin made a gesture the two figures stepped fully inside. “I have an office.”

Yahiko was smiling affably, as he usually was. Konan was lightly scowling, as she usually was. Her hair was in its usual flop over her eyes, and her black eyeshadow was really popping today! “Sorry, Rin, this is a little time-sensitive.” He brightened when he saw Tobi, who almost overbalanced on the bed in his fervent efforts to wave at him! “Tobi! What’s up, man! How’s it going? You comfy?”

“Niisama!” Tobi cheered. As always, Rin looked a little pained and Konan rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’m comfy. Come take a look at my puzzle, I’m almost done!”

“Wow, really? That thing looks - seriously complicated, as usual.” Yahiko moved over and sat on the edge of the bed, letting Tobi scramble upright. The puzzle wasn’t that complicated, but Rin and Kakashi had attempted it for a really long time and they had both given up. Tobi liked it because there were multiple ways to solve it, so he was finding all of them. Five out of seven so far. “Wow, there’s so many parts. Can you show me how to solve it?”

“Sure,” Tobi said, randomizing the puzzle again and mixing it up. “Look, you gotta move the pin clockwise first.”

The women were speaking, and Tobi kept half a habitual ear out. It required multitasking on about three different levels, but since he was usually multitasking on five it wasn’t an issue.

“We have intruders,” Konan said bluntly. “The rain caught them. Amateurish.”

Rin’s eyebrow rose. “Indeed. The rain’s easy to navigate if you know about it.” After a second’s thought, she added, “Did your old master withhold that information?”

Grudgingly, Konan said, “I developed the technique after he abandoned us. He’s not with them. Coward won’t even face us.”

“I’ll give you the opportunity to kill him soon.” It sounded like something Rin had said several times - a carrot dangling on a stick. “We could use the intruders to lure him out.”

“Too much work.” A little as if she expected Rin to answer the question from the beginning, she said, “What are you going to do with them?”

Rin faked a look of surprise. “Since when do you ask me how to manage your village and organization?”

“You made it very clear that all matters of the jinchuuriki and Tobi-chan are under your jurisdiction.” Konan’s voice never rose above its bland monotone - very Kakashi of her! - but you could typically tell her mood by how icy she got. She was pretty frigid now. “What will you do?”

Rin tilted her head, unblinking. Rin could go a really long time without blinking. Sometimes it just seemed like she forgot? “What would you like me to do?”

“Capture the jinchuuriki and kill the rest.”

“Efficient.” Rin looked over at Yahiko, who was gamely peering at Tobi’s puzzle and listening to his meandering explanation avidly. “Yahiko-sama? What do you think?”

“Honey, you have to stop defaulting to murder.” Konan rolled her eyes behind Yahiko’s back. “Killing them would be a terrible idea. We’d lose Itachi-kun completely, the Hokage would develop a permanent personal grudge, and a heartbroken nine tails would destroy half the city. And it’s just not the pacifistic thing to do, Konan!” Yahiko turned his attention back to Tobi, who had already absorbed himself in the puzzle again. “What kind of example does that set for Tobi? Isn’t he the one you’re fighting for? Is a world like that really the world that you want to show him?”

Rin’s face was unreadable. But Tobi understood. He knew what her sadness looked like by now.

“Tobi’s right here,” Tobi complained. He reached out a hand, beckoning Konan over towards the bed. “Konan, will you make me that little thing again?”

“Oneesama?” Yahiko asked, buoyed by desperate hope. Tobi squinted at him. He deflated. “One day.”

But Konan walked over without hesitation, standing next to Yahiko sitting on the bed. “Hello, Tobi. Which of the little things do you want?”

“Tiger! No, wait! Person!”

Konan raised an eyebrow, but her skin was already flaking into a sheet of paper. “You’ve never asked for a person before.”

“Two people. And don’t animate them.”

Obedient and a little confused, Yahiko allowed the peeling flakes of paper to twist into two miniature human figures on her palm. They were pure, seamless white, less than two inches high with proportions that weren’t quite cartoonish and weren’t quite realistic. A little bit like Sasori’s puppets: living, when life was breathed into them.

Konan deposited them into Tobi’s outstretched hand, and he quickly shuffled backwards to make space on the bed and lay down on his stomach. He cupped the two figures in his hand, trapping the two figures inside, before he slowly raised his top hand. Gossamer-thin chakra strands were attached to the joints of the figures, and Tobi carefully put them down on the bed before separating the chakra strings into both hands. He had created small marionettes, with different fingers controlling different limbs.

All three terrorists were crowded around him now, watching him carefully. Yahiko whistled. “When did he copy Sasori’s technique?”

“Why can he use it?” Konan muttered. “You need extraordinarily precise chakra control.”

“I told you,” Rin said proudly. “He’s a genius.”

“Of course he is,” Konan said. “All geniuses are insane. All of the insane are geniuses.”

Tobi looked up for the first time, grinning at Rin. “Rin-chan, you like romance stories, right?”

Rin smiled, running a hand through Tobi’s hair. “I’m a big fan. The happy endings are my favorite part.”

“Then I’ll tell you a story. An old man told me this story, I think.”

A long time ago - but not really that long, cosmologically - two families were at war. Nobody really knew why. Families just warred back then. In those two families, two boys were born. The families were really different, but the boys were really similar. From a long distance away, they would look at each other.

The two figures stood at opposite ends of the little arena, looking stiffly at each other.

Then their lives crossed! And the two boys saw how alike they were. They had really big dreams, and they shared dreams with each other. They lived life together, in all of its help and hurt. They wouldn’t know it, but it was the last time they were ever happy.

The two figures danced around each other, doing a little jig. Tobi wasn’t the expert at this.

But the two boys were small. They didn’t have the power to make dreams a reality. So reality fought dreams, and reality won. Reality hurt them, way too much. Because the dreams were destroyed, and the thing that the two boys shared was gone. Nothing protected them from reality anymore. Not even each other. Do you think they resented each other for that?

The two figures blew apart, flying to the other side of the arena. They twitched on the ground, writhing in pain.

Was it gone, though? Can a dream be destroyed like that? Can you take revenge for it? The two boys thought so. They decided to take revenge for their dream. So they destroyed reality and rebuilt it in the shape of their dream. Their dream became the new reality. Because their dream was the most precious thing.

The two figures reunited, standing a few inches apart from each other.

The dream was more precious than anything else. It was more important than good and evil; beyond life and death. It protected them from reality. Reality wasn’t strong enough to survive against it.

The two figures shook and stumbled, in clear and burning pain, but they kept on moving closer to each other. And closer, and closer…

Was their dream the most precious thing? Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was just how they shared it. If sharing that dream was the most precious thing…wouldn’t the most precious thing be each other?

Tobi moved the figures closer, until they almost touched.

Wouldn’t you say that this love destroyed the world?

The figures reached out their arms, and their hands gently touched each other.

“How did you hear this?” Kakashi growled. It was the first time Tobi had ever heard him angry, especially at him. Maybe not at him. “You were in a coma half the time.”

“Let him talk,” Rin said. “I’m getting invested.”

“Thanks, Rin-chan. Kakashi-kun, you don’t have to stay if you’re going to be rude.” Tobi turned his attention back to the arena, ignoring Kakashi’s muttered apologies. When had he even come in here? He hadn’t always been here, right?! Stupid stalkers! “Reality always hurts. That’s what makes it reality.”

The dreams became reality, and reality hurt them. A lot. A bit too much. These boys were small at heart, and they didn’t have the power to protect their dreams. Their dreams were destroyed, and the thing that the two boys shared was gone. But love can’t be destroyed like that…so the boys took revenge for love. That is what we call hatred.

The two figures fell down. Still touching, but no longer looking at each other.

So they destroyed reality and rebuilt it in the shape of hatred. Their hatred became the new reality. Because their hatred was the most important thing. And the shape of hatred was war.

The two figures began to unfold. Their neat edges began to fold away, and their tight corners began to soften.

A short time ago - not long at all - two families were at war. Nobody really knew why. People just warred. In those two families, two boys were born. The families were really different, but the boys were really similar. From a long distance, away they would look at each other…

The paper shifted away, and the corpses of the boys decomposed. The paper slowly began to shift and crease together, forming the outlines of a…

Tobi grabbed the two sheets of paper. He squeezed his hand, activating a flame jutsu and turning them both into ash. He dropped the ash on the bedspread, letting it shift and run.

“That wasn’t what the old man said,” Tobi said. “But I think it was what he meant.”

The others looked at each other, expressions inscrutable. Tobi just looked at the ashes, prodding at them a little. He felt kind of bad for destroying Konan’s hard work, but it just felt right. Maybe he was worried that the figures would become ghosts or something…

“I liked your story, Tobi.” Yahiko smiled encouragingly at him, and Tobi perked up. It was pretty cool, wasn’t it. “It has me wondering something, though. If this story is just the same thing happening over and over again, then why do you think it started with the two boys? Couldn’t it have started way beyond that?”

“Cycles don’t begin,” Konan muttered. “That’s, like, the definition of a cycle.”

“Unless the cycle created the world, it had to begin at some point.”

“Who cares?” Tobi asked blankly.

“Good point.”

“It’s so romantic,” Rin sighed. She looked up at Kakashi, smiling at him. “Don’t you think so? Love that creates and destroys the world?”

“It’s hatred that destroys the world,” Kakashi said flatly. “Hatred.”

“That’s what the story’s saying. What’s the difference?”

“I don’t think you got out of that what you were meant to get out of that.”

“What does that mean?” Rin said, miffed. “Why, what did you get out of it?”

Kakashi stared at her for a long, empty second before finally shaking his head. “No point. What about you, Tobi? Do you find it romantic?”

Tobi hummed, swaying in his seat. “Tobi doesn’t know. It’s nice how they loved each other a whole lot…it’s not nice how they ended up fighting. People in love shouldn’t fight.”

Cheerfully, Yahiko said, “By Rin-sama’s logic, there’s no difference between fighting and fu - ow! Konan!”

Kakashi was staring at Tobi again. He had a weird look in his eyes. Tobi tilted his head.

In a soft voice that Tobi had grown to associate with scariness, Kakashi said, “Rin-sama. Should I…escort the intruders away?”

“We aren’t leveling half the city,” Konan said flatly - a drastic turn from her previous stance. Yahiko always had too much of an effect on her. “This is your operation, Rin. Decide what you’re doing.”

Rin hummed. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, one leg crossed over her knee. One finger was pressed to her bow-shaped lips as she made a show of thinking hard about something. Finally, she smiled. She still had the sweetest smile. “Have you been having fun, Tobi?”

“Yeah!” Tobi cheered. Sure, he hadn’t been having fun before, but the moment was the most important thing. “Niisama and Konan are super nice! It’s way better than the last time I was kidnapped!”

This clearly delighted Yahiko. “You’re a great guy too, Tobi! It’s fun hanging out with you. And Konan’s so happy that you like her origami. She’s just too grouchy to show it.” Konan looked away, muttering a little. Yahiko grinned and elbowed her. “C’mon, you wanna be Konan-nee, just admit it -”

“You want to go home,” Kakashi said, thin and strange. “It’s obvious.”

“Uh…well, a bit. Sasuke’s probably super worried…the other kids too, they’ll just be less annoying about it. And now Yamato’s alone with them, which is just cruel?” Tobi shrugged, a little miserable. “Tobi loves Rin-chan and Kakashi-kun. But Tobi has a responsibility to his students. The Akatsuki understand, right…?”

Rin’s smile softened. “Of course we do. Kakashi and I have a responsibility too. What do you think, Kakashi?”

Kakashi was still staring. He was always staring. He always stared like a weirdo, too. It was kinda uncomfortable. Tobi remembered something about stalking too? Like, almost twenty years of stalking? Has he been looking at Tobi like that for almost twenty years? Or had he been satiated only until he smelled the food in front of him? Despite common sense, Tobi wished it was the later.

He had said that he couldn’t control himself. About…something. Something, something. Tobi wondered how long that self-control would last. What would happen when it failed.

Yeah, uh. Um. Like. Tobi had to get out of here.

“He’ll be back,” Kakashi said. “When the nine tails is taken care of. We weren’t trained to abandon our precious people. Tobi won’t.”

Rin grinned. “Because those who break the rules are trash.”

“But those who abandon their precious people are worse than trash,” Tobi finished vigorously. “So we won’t abandon each other, alright?”

“Of course not.” Rin rose and walked towards the far bookshelves. Kakash followed her, hovering at her shoulder, and everybody else watched in interest as Rin scanned the titles. “Let’s see…what book were you reading earlier, Tobi?”

“The Handsome Samurai of the West,” Tobi said promptly. “His code of honor cannot be broken!”

“A virtue.” Rin pulled out the book, flipping through the pages. She didn’t blink, but her eyes moved back and forth quickly. “Ah. Here we go.”

Rin held the book out, and with a one-handed jutsu she soaked it in water. Tobi was constantly surprised at just how many jutsu Rin and Kakashi knew. It was, like, Sharingan level.

The water began to drip from the book, running black. The water was squeezed out of the book as black water pooled on the floor. Shiny and viscous water. Tobi recognized it quickly. The sight and smell of ink was super familiar now.

“Oh, are we acknowledging that now?” Yahiko asked cheerfully. “How much did it hear?”

“I released the silencing jutsu after Tobi finished his story.” The ink bubbled, hissing and spitting. Tetchy! They said that dogs resembled their owners. “Meet us outside of the headquarters, Konoha. And please don’t come with swords in hand. We’re pacifists.”

The concrete floor absorbed the rapidly disappearing ink, and in only seconds Tobi was alone with the Akatsuki. It felt weirdly as if his most comforting sweatshirt was in the wash.

Tobi sighed, rolling over and sitting up completely. “My students are so paranoid. They’re always all like - no, Tobi, don’t go here, stay away from there. Don’t lick that, Tobi. As if I can’t lick whatever I want?” Kakashi twitched. “I saw that, Kakashi-kun.”

“No you didn’t.” For the first time, Kakashi left Rin’s side and moved over to sit next to Tobi. Tobi fought the urge to squirm uncomfortably. “Hope we…weren’t too unpleasant.”

“Kakashi-kun’s a good person,” Tobi said loyally. “What sucks is the situation.”

“Shisui said that breaking the genjutsu on you would just hurt you more.” Kakashi slowly raised a hand, and when Tobi didn’t move he rested the hand on the top of Tobi’s head. “I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide from us. I guess you did.” Kakashi smoothed Tobi’s hair back, the messy curls resisting the motion. “The day when we’re together again…it’s further away than I thought. But that’s alright. We’ve waited seventeen years. We can wait a bit longer.” Kakashi hesitated, breath catching strangely. “Can - can you make it easier to wait for you?”

Tobi tilted his head, frowning. “Okay? Tobi wants to help, but -”

Kakashi leaned in and kissed him. It was really different from last time, more restrained. But Tobi could still feel the desperation. Longing, if it was all sharp edges and the pits of desolation. If - if this helped out Kakashi, then it was okay…?

“I didn’t know you two were doing that,” Konan said blandly. Her tone didn’t change - it never did - but her words were ice cold.

“It’s far from the worst thing I’ve done to somebody I loved.” Kakashi stood up, placing his hand on Tobi’s head one last time. “I can’t pretend I’m a good person. I stopped trying.”

“If you’re going to do bad things,” Tobi said reproachfully, “you should apologize.”

Kakashi smiled down at him, eyes crinkling, and in that moment he was nothing less than the child Obito had loved from the start. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Tobi.”

The most honest man in the Akatsuki was telling the truth. Tobi could forgive him for that. He could forgive it all. Maybe he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself. The two of them had held everything back for too long, and they were boiling over. Tobi couldn’t even muster up the desire to hate him.

“Apology not accepted,” Tobi said, as firmly as he could. Knowing that it was pointless. “Stop being weird.”

Kakashi just laughed, razor-sharp teeth flashing in the soft light. “I’ll think about it.”

And that was honest too - even if it was only within what he did not say.

The hostage exchange took place in the rain.

Not really an exchange. More like, ‘setting a baby bird free to fly into the sunset’. Any baby bird would struggle in this weather, but a basic water repellant jutsu that every Ame nin could perform in their sleep kept the Akatsuki and Guest warm and dry.

Team 7 did not have the jutsu. Or, rather, Sakura, Sai, and Yamato had the jutsu, and offered to teach it to Sasuke and Naruto. Then they got way too prideful and insisted that they weren’t afraid of some little rain. They were sopping wet. Sakura visibly resented how unprofessional this made them look. Sasuke’s duck-butt hair made him look like a little bedraggled kitten. Just too cute!

Team 7 wasn’t happy to see Akatsuki and Guest. To be fair, the Akatsuki contingent wasn’t exactly their favorite people. Rin wasn’t there - she said that Konoha had seen her one time too often already - but she had been pretty weepy during their private goodbyes. Tobi deadass hadn’t known what to do with her desolate little looks. Konan had something snide about fixing the problem, but Yahiko had elbowed her. Yahiko, Konan, and Kakashi accompanied Tobi now. The wait in front of the gates had bored him, so he had occupied himself with the puzzle until he got distracted by Sasuke’s dramatic break from formation and landing a healthy distance away from them. If he had gotten too close it would have looked like a pre-emptive attack, but Tobi could see that the distance itself was killing him.

Sasuke had taken point, but as usual Naruto walked forwards to stand next to him. Kid keeled over and died if he wasn’t the center of attention. He even pointed dramatically, finger streaming water in the pouring rain.

“Give Sensei back, you assholes!”

Under her breath, Konan muttered, “Konoha’s greatest orator.”

Tobi just beamed, pumping his hand in a wide wave. “Kids! It’s been ages, what’s up!”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed, and Tobi could sense the medical chakra flash. His shoulders untensed just a fraction, but his eyes didn’t soften at all. An exceptional medic-nin who could tell from a faraway glance if somebody was hurt or not. Tobi’s self-appointed medic since he was ten years old, who knew that even torture left no marks on wood.

“We’ve come to collect our sensei,” Sasuke announced, proud and strong and hilariously wet. “Deal’s off. If you want Naruto, then stop blackmailing my cousin and fight for him.”

Tobi turned to Yahiko, who only looked faintly amused. “Oniisama, they really look like they mean it this time…”

Yahiko clapped Tobi on the shoulder, stepping forwards to meet Team 7. He gave them his most professional smile - easily mistaken for warm and accepting. “We’re not here to fight, Konoha. The Akatsuki will always come in peace! Now, are any of you interested in peace talks, exchanging point of views -”

“Give us back our sensei!” Naruto yelled. Sasuke’s eager hand was straining on his sword.

Under his breath, Yahiko said, “Thought at least that one would be receptive.”

Tobi shook his head sadly. “Naruto-chan has room in his brain for two thoughts at a time, Oniisama.” He turned to the kids, waving wildly. “Hi Team 7! Nice job rescuing Tobi! You’re doing awesome!”

Sai turned to Tenzo. Blandly, he said, “Told you it was voluntary.” Tenzo gave him an extremely stern look. Useless. No amount of pointed looks ever worked on Sai.

Sasuke really did draw his sword at Yahiko, which was quite rude. Tobi would like to say that he raised him better than that. He really didn’t, but he had tried! “Send Tobi back. Now. Or it’s coming to a fight.”

Konan groaned, throwing her head back. “Do they have water in their ears? They’re the only ones who want to fight!”

Wryly, Kakashi said, “Some people view a hostage as a sign of aggression.” Yahiko turned betrayed and wounded eyes on him. “I know. How unfair.”

Tobi cupped his hands over his mouth, calling out to the team. “Ninja are patient! Tobi has to say goodbye now!” He turned back to the amused Yahiko and thoroughly unamused Konan - the usual. “Bye bye! Let’s hang out again, but really differently!”

Yahiko grinned, giving Tobi a big thumbs up. “Got it! Maybe next time we’ll even have a diplomatic talk with Konoha, huh?”

With utmost seriousness, Tobi said, “Tobi will create peace between our people.”

“That’s what I like to hear!”

“He’s not gonna do that,” Konan said.

“There will be peace eventually,” Kakashi said, with great and zen-like calm. “You’ll see it in your lifetime. That was Rin-sama’s promise to you.”

Kakashi was dressed up in that Hound outfit - the one that usually meant a fight, desperate and dirty and all-too-collected on his side. One, and only once, it meant the greatest shock of Tobi’s life. A miracle, threaded into a nightmare.

Konan squinted at Tobi, who graciously allowed her to squint at him. “The genjutsu’s wearing off.”

“It’s supposed to. Shisui designed it to melt away with rain. You might feel a little vertigo on your way back, Tobi. Be careful tree jumping.” Tobi saluted seriously. Konan rolled her eyes at the mother-henning. But Kakashi just hesitated - for one second, two, the fight within him raging.

Out of curiosity, Tobi asked, “Is Kakashi-kun gonna keep stalking me? Tobi thinks he needs other hobbies.”

“Ah. Maybe I will.” So: no, but you should lie to yourself about it. Kakashi just stepped closer instead, ceramic mask tilted just a little sideways. Rin could have read that blank face. Tobi had no hope of understanding it. “I know it’s hard. I know the world is grinding you down. But be patient. Rin will make it happen for you. Us.”

“Tobi thinks that maybe Rin-chan and Kakashi-kun should have more low-stress and relaxing hobbies?”

Kakashi huffed a laugh. He raised a hand and stroked Tobi’s hair. The touch was calloused, but lithe. An impossibly gentle touch from a hand that had killed hundreds. Those hands were shaking almost imperceptibly - brought down by Tobi, and Tobi only.

“I’ll see you again.” He released his hand. The loss of the warmth was strange, and Tobi blinked. “Go home.”

Tobi shrugged. “Alright. Bye-bye, Akatsuki!”

Yahiko grinned, making a big show of waving. “Bye-bye, Tobi! Don’t be a stranger!”

That was that. And although Tobi really hated saying goodbye, he nodded and stepped away. With a very slight push of Mokuton, Tobi backflipped through the air across the field and landed neatly in the center of his assembled team.

Tobi grinned at the stunned group. “Okey-dokey! Let’s go home.”

Everybody blinked at him.

Finally, Sai indited, “Some rescue.”

“We just kinda hung out,” Tobi said peacefully.

Then Naruto was wrapping him in a big hug, and Sasuke was already running a chakra diagnostic for injuries, and Tenzo was clapping him on the shoulder. Sai rolled his eyes and made many loud observations about how it was such a good idea to loiter in enemy territory, we should do it all day. Sakura hung back, looking troubled.

Then Sasuke’s eyes flashed red, and Tobi quickly led the charge in getting them out of there.

“It’s a genjutsu.”

Sasuke blinked, turning off his eyes and straightening. Tobi was sitting on a log around the campfire, kicking his heels and thoroughly bored. At least they were out of the Rain Zone Tee Em. It was grasslands and swamp as far as the eye can see. Why was half of the continent so boring to look at?

Naruto leaned forward eagerly. He was sitting next to Tobi on the log, in his usual enthusiastic display of solidarity. “So break it!”

Far more relevantly, Sakura asked, “What does it do?”

Tenzo made a hand sign, widening the log and stopping Naruto from almost falling over. Maybe most importantly, he said, “Who laid it?”

Maybe it was an obvious question after all. Sasuke was furious - furious in Sasuke’s own way, with a feeling so giant and voracious that it consumed every cell. “A Mangekyo.”

Tenzo hissed. Sai’s ‘I told you so’ face returned. Sakura chewed at her lip.

“Itachi did that?” Naruto cried. He paused a beat. “What did Itachi do?”

“Not necessarily.” Tenzo looked grimmer than usual. And he always looked pretty serious. “Shikamaru’s already reported that Shushin no Shisui’s among them.” Sasuke’s lips thinned. “His Mangekyo produces the most powerful genjutsu ever recorded. Apparently he’s the one who laid the absolute genjutsu on the Kiri kage.”

Tobi grinned, clapping his hands together. “Shisui-kun’s so grown up! Tobi got to hang out with him lots.”

The group gave him a various array of bizarre looks. Bizarre or pissed off or deeply worried. Tobi understood why, but he was having issues explaining that. Way too hard, actually. Tobi was beginning to realize what that genjutsu had been.

Bored, Sai said, “Sensei, will you finally debrief us on what happened?” Tobi shrugged, yet again. “Great. I don’t suppose you have any Akatsuki secrets or classified information to share.” Tobi fervently shook his head. “Do you have any useful information to share whatsoever?”

With utmost seriousness, Tobi said, “There was a big shark man and he was literally so nice.”

“Found the genjutsu.”

“Senpai, do you not remember anything about the Akatsuki?” Tenzo clearly couldn’t believe that he had to say this. Or he did believe it, because they had been on the same team for months. “Or do you just…not think anything’s…important?”

“Lots of stuff about the Akatsuki are very important!”

“Can you share?”

“I’unno.”

“I think we’ve found the genjustu.”

Sakura crossed her arms. “It had to have been Shisui Uchiha. Only a mangekyo could put a genjustu on another mangekyo. And only a genjustsu specialist could lay one this powerful, for this long.” They had no idea. “Sensei must have learned something they didn’t want him to learn. I bet they realized how much information on them Sensei was collecting. Nobody ever expects it.”

Sasuke scowled. “Can’t be. It was set to degrade. What’s the point?”

“Then let’s just wait for the genjutsu to degrade.” Naruto brightened. “Maybe Sensei’ll remember good after we eat a bunch of ramen!”

“Ramen does not fix my cousin getting captured and brainwashed -”

“Ramen!” Tobi cheered. “Enough of gloominess, let’s relax!” Sasuke proceeded to look even gloomier. “Sasue-chan, angst is gonna make your face stick like that.”

As always, Naruto was right. They were twenty minutes into Fire Country before a wave of vertigo hit Tobi so badly in midair that he completely missed the next tree branch. The world spun as his momentum kept him hurtling towards the next tree, and he just barely managed to phase through it as he tumbled onto the springy grass.

By the time the others caught up with him, he was on his hands and knees as he vomited his stomach out. It felt as if he was purging himself - of the genjutsu, of the hazy last few days, of the mental void that threatened to pull him into the horrible abyss of his own mind.

That - that - that - that - !

“Kakashi!” Tobi thumped his wooden hand in the ground, a pure expression of idiot frustration. “Kakashi! Kakashi! Fuck!”

“Sensei, keep vomiting. Hit the ground again if you think you consumed any poison.”

Sasuke’s hand was on his back. As always, it was grounding. The kids were here, the kids needed him here. He was their sensei and they depended on him and fucking Akatsuki -

“I don’t know. I stopped testing the food -” Tobi had to stop to vomit again. Above him, Sai was making a lot of unnecessarily grossed out noises. “Fucking hell!”

Highly distressed, Naruto said, “Sensei knows curse words?!”

Right. Of course. Tobi couldn’t pull out Obito in front of the people he had once loved more than anything, but he felt himself surfacing here. In a shitty situation, coming back from a shit-ass mission, surrounded by people he loved and trusted. And Sai. That was the only place Obito could ever be.

Sasuke wanted things from him. He wanted a hug. He wanted Tobi to eat his food, and he wanted to show Tobi the newest moves he’d mastered, and he wanted Tobi to sit still as he used him as a human mannequin to study anatomy. Sasuke was older, now. He didn’t admit to wanting hugs anymore. He wanted different things, looked to different people for them - but kids wanted everything from you, and Tobi had only ever wanted to give it.

Rin. Kakashi. Damn it. Damn it!

Tobi spat the final mouthful of vomit onto the ground and rolled over onto his back, heaving deep breaths. Everybody else was crowded around him. Half of them looked very grossed out at the vomit, but Sasuke’s Magekyo was activated again as he undoubtedly checked Tobi over for the genjutsu.

He couldn’t see the sky through the thick canopy of leaves - through the worried and grossed out faces before him. He had really missed that sky…

“Rin,” Tobi whispered. “What are you doing…”

“What did she do?” Sasuke asked urgently. “What happened?”

Tenzo extended a hand, and Tobi grabbed it as he pulled himself up. He obviously glanced over Tobi for injuries. A whole team of mother hens. “Are you ready to give that debriefing now?”

No. There was a slight problem.

Despite everything, there was one thing about the Akatsuki base that Tobi had liked. And found really really really weird, but he had liked it. Everyone he spoke to was aware of his…situation. Tobi hadn’t had to lie about much. Lie about anything. He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t lying about something. He hadn’t even put on an affect for Tobi. It had felt so natural and real.

Rin and Kakashi hadn’t lied to him. They certainly thought they were telling the truth - even as they freely admitted that they couldn’t tell him everything. Shisui and Itachi kept everything under their hats, as usual, and he couldn’t tell how far their agendas strayed from Rin’s.

Technically speaking, their agendas should spread far. Itachi was a mole. Tobi had known this for years. It didn’t change a thing: Tobi had never hated Itachi. It would have been somewhat hypocritical. At least Tobi’s post-genius dramatic and obscenely weird mental breakdown didn’t have a body count. Tobi was still super mad at him for traumatizing Sasuke so badly, though. And he hadn’t had to kill every Uchiha…he could have settled for the Council, maybe the high ranking ones…Tobi had a list, Tobi could have given him a list…

Shisui had to know. Those two shared everything, and Shisui could read him at a glance. He had to be in on it. Was he a mole too? Tsunade was shocked to hear he was alive, and Tobi knew that shock was real. If Itachi was reporting back everything to the village, then shouldn’t they have known Shisui was alive? What was happening? What did Shisui want? Did Itachi want what they thought he wanted?

Did Rin know that Itachi was a mole? Tobi had no evidence that she did. But he knew she did. Kakashi’s red eye saw it all.

Couldn’t tell the kids about the mole bit. Couldn’t tell the kids about the ‘we really like this persona but can you start acting like this other persona please’ recurring theme. Why the genjutsu had been laid in the first place. They were going to ask why Rin and Kakashi were so invested in him. What was he supposed to say?

It was dangerous to lie in a debriefing. Disrespectful dishonorable etc yeah, but working with false or misleading information was a neat shortcut to dying. Giving your compatriots wrong information was a really fun sideways method of murdering them. Tobi didn’t want to lie. New sentence - or an extremely old sentence. How was he going to frame this?

“Water, please,” Tobi said. An extremely reasonable request, and he drafted his response as he drank from the canteen. Thankfully, his talent at coming up with convoluted strategies to deal with a problem in the span of time it took to do something stupid was unmatched. “Tobi needs to debrief you all now. Then we need to decide what we are going to tell the Hokage.” You’re going down with him, suckers!

Obviously, Tenzo took the first offense. “You’re saying we need to lie about what happened?”

“Nuh-uh! But, um…if Tenzo-san wants Tobi to stay on this mission, and to stay on Team 7…” Tobi looked at the sky, affecting a slightly abashed look. “We should keep some things out.”

“You did go voluntarily,” Sai said.

Sakura turned around, snapping at him. “Yes, he did! To save Naruto! Stop accusing our sensei of being a traitor!”

Much louder, Naruto announced, “Sensei’s not a traitor and Team 7 aren’t liars! But yeah, Sensei, let’s hear it!”

This was going to be embarrassing. In a new and improved way, which was great.

Tobi spat his last mouthful of water on the ground, wiping his mouth. “Okay. So Rin and Kakashi are Tobi’s old teammates who are super alive for some weird reason. Tobi still doesn’t know. And they’re attacking the jinchuuriki and stealing their bijuu and they keep on making really long eye contact with Tobi and being super intense and saying mysteriously dramatic things -”

“We know!”

“Just recapping! Um, so Rin and Kakashi wanted Tobi to stay with them ‘cause they…missed me?” Wow. It was half true, and it sounded like a three hundred percent lie. Everybody gave him the most predictable look. “Tobi doesn’t get it either, okay! All Tobi knows is that Rin and Kakashi were really really nice to Tobi because we care about each other a lot. Capturing Naruto was just getting me out to them.” Yeah, he was much later in their timeline. Weirdos. “It was kinda an honor system type capture…?”

Flatly, Tenzo said, “An honor system.”

“Tobi can’t fight Rin and Kakashi!” Tobi cried. His wooden hand spasamed, and it clenched the canteen so tightly that the leather groaned. “If Rin and Kakashi aren’t hurting Tobi’s precious people then Tobi isn’t hurting Rin and Kakashi! They’re his team!”

“They’re the bad guys, Sensei!” Sakura clearly wished she couldn’t believe she was saying this. “We still don’t know anything about their plans, we don’t know why they’re attacking villages and stealing bijuu. They almost killed Gaara!”

“And Gaara’s alive because Rin-chan saved him!” Tobi said heatedly. “Rin can remove the bijuu without permanently killing the host, and she’s doing a super good job! Tobi doesn’t know what’s going on, but -” This wasn’t helping. It was actively making him sound much worse. Tobi cut himself off, pretending he was overwhelmed by everything happening and couldn’t attach his feelings to words anymore. “Whatever. Tobi don’t care. Rin and Kakashi are going to go after another bijuu soon. Team 7 has to get there first. But Tobi can’t hurt his team.”

“They feel the same way,” Sai said. He was fiddling lightly with one of his chakra brushes, smoothing the tip with one finger. “They were monologuing at you about joining their cause or something, yeah?” Tobi sighed and nodded. “Typical. That’s why the Akatsuki were so nice to you. They don’t actually want to be your friends. That’s obvious to anybody with an average IQ.”

Wow, what a flex. “Yahiko wants to be everybody’s friend,” Tobi said truthfully. “He’s really nice…um. Tobi did make friends, actually…”

“Did you draw them a map of Konoha, too?”

“You aren’t explaining the genjutsu,” Sasuke said harshly. That kid never loses focus! “It wasn’t just a censorship genjutsu. It was layered differently. I could barely even read it. What was it? Why did they lay it on you?”

Well! Here goes. “Tobi asked Shisui-kun to do it?”

There were those incredulous ‘what the fuck is wrong with Sensei’ looks again. Funnier under other circumstances.

Tobi lowered his voice again, hunching his shoulders and looking away. “Um. Remember when we got me out of Itachi-kun’s genjutsu, and I was weird for a bit? That happens when, um, lots of things are happening. Sasuke-kun knows.”

Clipped, Sasuke said, “He mentally regresses.”

For real this time! For actually! “Yeah. Tobi asked Shisui-kun to put on a sedative-ey genjutsu. That did that. Tobi didn’t really like it either. But! Very hard to interrogate Tobi like that.” Tobi gave them all two terrible thumbs up. “Tobi didn’t tell ‘em a thing! Yay!”

They all looked insanely depressed. Even Sai. You knew the situation was bad if Sai was sympathizing with you. Well, sorry to worry you kids! Gotta hurt the people you love for the sake of your convoluted lying seventeen year lying campaign! See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!

“That was extremely dangerous.” Tenzo didn’t look recriminatory or anything. He wasn’t the type to do that. Maybe because he knew that it was one of the few things that Tobi absolutely did not tolerate. He got really freaking pissed off if people scolded him like he was a kid in while in a workplace environment. Sorry, if you want to act like you have a six year old in the battlefield, you should have tried it last time! “You can’t defend yourself when you’re like that.” Of course he knew about it. Babysitter extraordinaire knows all the bedtimes.

Tobi wanted to say ‘So? Rin and Kakashi would never hurt me while I’m defenseless in a million billion years?’. But that would involve the truth, heavens forbid. And he couldn’t pretend that it was an anti-torture device and also say that he felt completely safe with them. They just couldn’t know…they would never really understand how…

“Risk and benefit analysis. Risk won. It paid off, so it's probably okay." Tobi shrugged. “Everything’s a little fuzzy after that, but Rin and Kakashi and Tobi just hung out. With Yahiko and Konan too…they’re all really good friends. I don’t remember what we talked about super well. Tobi wishes he had good information for you. Tobi will try to remember.” Might as well throw this one in. Tobi affected a thinking face. Rarely seen. “Tobi remembers Shisui and Itachi walking into his room. We talked about Rin and Kakashi and how they miss me. We talked about…stuff about the village and the Akatsuki…Tobi’s very sure he asked Shisui for the genjutsu. And that’s it. Blocking information extraction makes sense. Tobi thinks that’s what it was for.” Tobi shrugged widely again. “Right?”

Sai and Tenzo exchanged looks. Sasuke looked 40% more unhappy than usual, and Sakura was chewing her lip. Naruto was attempting a heroic feat and struggling to strand two thoughts together.

Realization struck. Naruto snapped his fingers, pointing at Tobi. “Sensei! That Hound guy thinks he’s your boyfriend!”

Sasuke and Sakura immediately started yelling at Naruto, who clearly didn’t understand why he was being yelled at. Tenzo just looked concerned. Tobi was worried that there was something he saw that concerned him. And Sai just crossed his arms.

“Oh, are we talking about that? Hound was being awfully touchy. I thought he was just the Akatsuki member with the least interesting personality until I saw in a five hundred meter radius of Sensei. I’ve heard word that Team Minato had a love triangle during the war. Maybe he still has feelings for you, Sensei.”

Tobi cringed. Nope, no cringing. No doing any of that. We’re fine. It was fine and also none of their business. “Haha maybe?” Tobi tossed the canteen back at Tenzo, who loosely caught it. “Anyway let’s go back to Konoha and tell a really abridged version of this story yay! Ones without playtime with the Akatsuki and maybe teammates who are still friends yay!”

Sai looked at Tenzo. “I think they fucked.”

Then all three kids were gearing up to attack Sai again, Tenzo was speaking extremely sternly to the absolutely unrepentant Sai, and -

“I want to go home.”

Silence fell hard and awkward over the forest. Everybody felt strange, and nobody was looking at each other. Even Naruto, who was finally processing what he had said. Or what it might have meant. Sasuke was holding himself so tightly that he looked full to bursting.

And maybe Sai understood something after all, because he finally seemed a little embarrassed.

“We’ll make Konoha in two hours,” Sai said. “We can get moving.”

Tobi wondered if that was what he had meant. There was no way of knowing - not even for Tobi.

#fic

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