Yeah! Toast!

Hi. I'm V. My wallpaper came from the wonderful Legionnaire

[orlofsky]

Today at work I named the sergers

[white-aster]

This reminds me of being in grad school and seeing the incredibly geeky names three generations of grad students have named the various computers.

[lizardtitties]

Ridiculous shit that happens at my job:

- 3 hours overtime because we have too many fish - 3 hours work because we don’t have enough fish - “the boat was on fire again, no work today” - communicating with the multicultural workforce almost entirely by gestures and pranks - Hearing the scary Polish grandma yelling at someone, wondering what they did wrong, then catching the words “HBO” and “Boardwalk Empire” and seeing her do a murder gesture and realising she’s just hyped about TV - Having a Columbian woman who doesn’t speak English become my work-mother despite me not speaking Spanish either - Having a TV crew film me getting (accidentally) hit in the face with a 9kg salmon - Casually stabbing a fish that isn’t dead enough yet - That time we got into an eyeball fight - Having a group of immigrant women chant my name because my 5'2 self was somehow the tallest person on the sorting team that day

[lizardtitties]

See also:

- Somebody swapped all the cars around in the parking lot and nobody is owning up to it - The guy who juggles the salmon - The time the salesman came with a team of dudes to give them a factory tour and the Colombian woman and the girl from Mozambique were heavily swooning over his cologne - That time the foreman stood on the forks of the forklift and used a stick to hit the switch and jack himself up to reach something - The boss of the company says hello to me a lot so the factory people think I have power but really I just know him cause he got drunk at my house with my brother in law and threw up out the window and I gave him bread - Someone put a lumpfish in some guy’s work boots - The Bulgarian guy can shove a salmon on each finger like a disturbing fish glove. He does this often - “The ice machine was on fire, no work today”

[steampunktendencies]

“Dove Of Peace” by Igor Verniy

[yourosse]

[thegalaxiesedge-deactivated2014]

*whispers* You can be mature and respectful and still have a dirty sense of humour.

[geekishchic]

*murmurs* You can curse a lot and still be highly intelligent with a massive vocabulary.

[get-off-your-arse-its-begun]

*mumbles* You can be quiet and reserved and still be witty and even outgoing in certain circles.

[the-illuminated-showgirl]

*sighs* You can be intelligent and sharp-minded and still forget what month it is

[chickennoodlepoodle]

I love bees and I think they make the perfect bakery theme

[lazy-gudetama-deactivated201907]

♡

[d-inchiostro]

hey whats you favorite pokemon ? ghost type but there are plenty of … ALL of them! next alola ones and then the megas

[randomsplashes]

PSA: if Victor Nikiforov becomes Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov when they get married, he basically goes from Winning McWinnerson to Winning Winner McWinnerson.

THIS IS GOOD

[bitchonline]

[downlo]

This excellent visual representation of that old scam, “trickle down economics”, has been all over Twitter recently.

[baby-revenge]

And then the glass on top gets too big and too full and all the other little glasses below it break and then they all shatter.

[aquarian-sunchild]

And the big glass blames the little glasses for not working hard enough to hold it up.

[thehistoryoftheladder]

*SLAMS THE REBLOG BUTTON*

[literal-ghost]

[mydruidlife]

In fairy tales it always pays to take heed of the animals of the wild.

[luccorvus]

Crows actually do tell on you to their buddies if you misbehave.

[briwhosaysni]

It’s true. This is an actual thing, and it is both terrifying and awesome. Corvids are ridiculously smart, and not to be fucked with.

[kengriffey-jr-deactivated202102]

I feel like I’ve phased into an alternate universe

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

you know how japanese otakus will destroy their idol cds and merchandise if it comes out that their favorite idol has a boyfriend or whatever

im imagining that exact reaction, but instead of otakus its racist white americans destroying commemorative nascar plates and hot wheels while they screech “WHY DALE WHY” 

[snowysauropteryx]

Antarctic sponges live on a time scale we can barely comprehend. 

[snowysauropteryx]

UPDATE: WHAT THE FUCK

[friend-rice]

[funnylime]

old boys

[birdghost]

it took me 3 times reading this post to realized that (wild) meant living in the wild and wasn’t just a casual remark on the longevity of these organisms

[tevruden]

[x]

[angelwalking]

#get with the program the new humor is benevolent surrealism (x)

[alsayn-deactivated20190815]

k so story time:

i went to the local shakespeare festival (and by local, i mean on the other end of the state) and during the day i convinced my mother to go hiking with me because we were in the center of like four national parks

so we end up hiking this trail that sort of jack-knifes down the mountain and I end up climbing partway up a tree on the edge of the trail to see further out, so my smartass mother asks “legolas, what do your elf eyes see?”

and i, in my smarmy glory, go “they’re taking the hobbits to isengard!”

which is funny enough as is, but then the entire mountainside of hikers hidden in the trees goes “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-GARD-GARD-GARD-GARD! THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD, TO ISENGARD!”

and that’s how an entire hiking trail of people who never actually saw one another convinced my mother i’m some sort of meme-summoning mountain troll

[fableprincess]

Oh Christ this made my day! XD

[pastelwest-blog]

I understand why a lot of people hate him and sometimes I want to punch him but I really can’t bring myself to outright hate H.P. Lovecraft I mean

the man was afraid of salad.

[thisyearsmodel]

this is officially the best lovecraft fact i have ever read in my entire life

even better than the fact that he wrote an entire essay explaining why he thought cats were better than dogs

[pastelwest-blog]

Howard Phillips Lovecraft was an absolute trainwreck of a human being who among other things:

Did extensive colonial era roleplay via the mail with his penpals and even dated regular correspondence as 17– just because he could.

WROTE SO MANY LETTERS HE IS SECOND ONLY TO VOLTAIRE IN THE SHEER VOLUME OF CORRESPONDENCE WE HAVE FROM ANY SINGLE PERSON

Once sat in the same chair for 9 hours from 10 pm to 7 am because a cat was sitting on his lap and he didn’t want to disturb it.

Was terrified of seafood and most plants; as a result of this he lived primarily on a diet of baked beans and candy and (it has been theorized) was therefore constantly hallucinating from malnutrition.

[mendedpixie]

what the fuck Lovecraft. No wonder he wrote what he did. I knew he was a racist asshole but this is ridiculous.