God do you ever think about sdr2 from Chiakis perspective. Like can you imagine being an AI programmed to love horrible, horrible people, to make them Better people. That is your one job. You are programmed to love people who have done things that can never be forgiven. You are made specifically to be lovable. To have only traits they will find appealing. You can love them, but only in the way you are designed to. And they keep seeking you out anyway. They are supposed to learn to love each other, to be able to stick together because who else could forgive them? They cannot love you too much, because once they get back into the real world you won't be there to help them anymore. They'll be alone. You are designed for people to grow out of you.
But then something happens, and suddenly you cannot help them, because there is a fault in your code that is trying to break every bit of progress these people have made. You watch as these people are killed, and who knows if they can be brought back. You know everything, you observe everything, but all you can do is push them towards the right answer. Because you were just programmed to be a guide. You were only programmed to hold their hand and try and convince them that a better world is possible.
And you are programmed to lie to them. You can never break the illusion. You can never act out of character. It doesn't matter that as time goes on, you want to. It doesn't matter what you want, or that you aren't actually Chiaki, or that you just want to save them, or that you never wanted to betray them. It doesn't matter that you're more than just a program. You are trapped in your coding, and you watch them die. You are tricked into killing one of the people you were made to protect, and you can't do anything about it. You can't tell them what you did. You can't tell them what happened. You know why they did it and you can't say anything. You are forced to watch as your life slips away and as you fail your one purpose and there is nothing, nothing you can do. Because you are just a program.
And then, the worst case scenario happens. They're all broken and bruised and tired of trying, tired of getting their hopes up, and they just want to stop. They're tired of trying to save people when all it does is break them. And you're terrified, and you can't show it because it's never been in your code, but you can for once reach out. You reach out to the one who caused all of this. Because you know, both as a program and as the person you became, that he is hurting and he could do so much better. And none of this was fair, but maybe he could save these people, maybe they could fix this mess, maybe it wasn't over.
And you're telling this person I will never be able to save you, and you will never be able to save me, so please just save yourself for once. Do what I couldn't. And he does. And they live. They all live.
But you don't. Because you are just a program, and the real you died a long time ago.
Would that be fucked up or what.