Thoughts of a Hockey Penalty Box Attendant
‘Get a job in the NHL they said, it’ll be fun they said, fuckin’ lied though didn’t they.’
'Here comes our first prisone–I mean player.’
'Why do you guys have to hit the glass with your sticks? Why? You could poke an eye out.’
'Oh no, no no no, not the camera– damnit, we just got a new one.’
'How many times is this guy gonna get a penalty.’
'Oh great, here comes another one. Joy.’
'Okay guys, I’m running out of roo- okay honestly, I have no where to sit now.’
'Ew, I just stepped in some sort of bodily fluid.’
'Just once I’d like to see a fan come in the box circa Tie Domi. Just once.’
'It’s a good thing there’s no hot mics in here. A sailor would blush after hearing some of this shit.’
'Can–can you not try to continue the fight while in the pout palace? You’re basically in a glass case of emotion and no one can hear you but me.’
'I will either go deaf from players yelling or fans. Probs both.’
'I am the keeper of the bad children and I alone can release them from their prison.’










