Tiny twinkle toes

var sc_project=9372382; var sc_invisible=0; var sc_security="0a28beaa"; var sc_https=1; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write(""); var sc_project=9372382; var sc_invisible=0; var sc_security="0a28beaa"; var sc_https=1; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write(""); Previously Shaping-Perfection. Also a previously collared little/sub/pet. Trying to get a relationship with him to work after trauma. Interests in comedy, film, art and lifestyle- actually I rather like a lot of things. Love learning. I'm a person who's experienced a lot in a short life, so please leave if you cannot handle heavy and triggering subjects such as rape and illness.

[halfpintofhope]

I have started my business, wish me luck!

[halfpintofhope]

Final

Message. It’s now been almost days with zero sleep. I’m in a weird limbo. Had a lot go wrong this week and that’s bought a load of thoughts to the forefront. I don’t deserve to die. I’m not going to unless my health declines further. At least I won’t kill myself despite every day I now pray for death. I don’t deserve to die because of a rapist cunt is living and well. I literally just had this revelation at 6am whilst holding razor blades and wine. It hit me like a train.

It is not a matter of if I’ll report him. It’s when. When I’m not scared anymore. I’ve realised as almost a year rolls by that he has no remorse, his life has improved since he raped me. People have forgiven him. What, my life is worth less? Fuck you people, burn in hell. If someone I cared about told me they were raped, they KNEW THE FUCKER and that prick has ADMITTED HE RAPED THEM I would report them to the police myself. Rather than pretend I didn’t like him for a while then crawl back. I don’t need you in my life, and you’re evidently less human. That includes you too Alex.

Luke has ruined my ability to trust anyone. Luke has ruined the way I see sex. Luke has ruined how I see people. Luke has taken the love of my life away from me. Luke has taken my friends away from me. Luke has made people believe I’m a liar be it intentionally to cover his back or non intentionally because he’s so fucking nice nobody wants to believe he’s a disgusting monster.

Luke has left scars on my life that will last decades. Maybe a lifetime. But apparently that isn’t worth some people not having him in their life.

I’ve established I will not move on until he’s dead or in prison or facing some punishment. And as I’m a humane being who couldn’t harm someone in such a way he has me it’s going to have to be the latter. I WOULD RATHER I WAS DEAD THAN LIVE HOW I AM. YOU DID IT TO ME.

I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes. I will not die for Luke’s crimes.

Lines. Master, that’s for you.

[halfpintofhope]

I won’t be posting on here any more and I’ll be deleting the blog in a few weeks once I’ve reflected on it long enough. I don’t think I’ll be living much longer really, and I’m okay with it. I’m going to spend whatever’s left of me with a few people that matter to me. They’ll just see smiley Emma and that’s how I want it to be. I’m proud of how I’ve kept up the past few months and barely anyone has seen how much suffering I’m in. Or what I’ve done or what has been done onto me. I’m happy with it and I will maintain it until the end.

Take care.

[halfpintofhope]

Don't give up. You're a lovely beautiful girl.

Thanks for your lovely message, but I'm not

[halfpintofhope]

I'm going into Nottingham town centre Saturday night to get fucked and fucked up I don't really care anymore and I've never truly had the whole one night stand thing so I may as well I guess

[halfpintofhope]

Nobody

Nobody can feel for someone as physically and mentally messed up as me Who the fuck wants to love a disabled abuse victim? Who was I kidding? Am I fucking serious? Commence aggressive detachment Sorry

[halfpintofhope]

Thoughts

Been thinking about yesterday in detail. I made a huge mistake seeing him, and I don't think I will do so in private again. I told myself I will not be close to him while rapist cunt is there. I will stand by that. Yesterday he got his way, no more. I had that nightmare so it must be me warning me what it's a fucking bad idea. Also last night I dreamt about my teeth falling out again. I haven't dreamt of that since Alex was around. It was a recurring dream and now it's back. It's all warning signs- it doesn't matter if I love him. Also I have found a guy who listens, he doesn't push my boundaries. If I say no he stops immediately. Doesn't matter what, even if it's just a kiss. He won't go near me or try and barter my attention unless I want him to. And saying that he steals the cutest kisses- h doesn't see me as dirty and tainted how I feel and how Alex sees me. I hope it develops into something nice I guess. Main point is Alex aversion.

[halfpintofhope]

Hello half pint. Are you still looking for a dom?

Looking :)

[halfpintofhope]

Hello. Have you found your dom yet?

No

[sheldony]

[distraction-deactivated20220415]

favorite scene

[halfpintofhope]

Panic

Fucks sake Alex has snook me into his house. I stood my ground for months about him. He's been sleeping until now and so have I. It's been nice except I had a horrific nightmare about my life if I got back into a relationship with him. Luke also made a key role in that nightmare. After months of avoidance and telling him I won't see him. Luckily I stood my ground and didn't sleep with him. Love him, hate this. X10

[halfpintofhope]

I was in the hospital until 4am... Wasn't home until around 5. Please people, have mercy. I just want a nap. Being woken up twice isn't cool.

[actualhumancryptid]

OITNB is the kind of show where you can’t ever decide who your favourite character is.

But you know it’s not Vee.

[halfpintofhope]

I'm pissed off because I'm unstable again. I need stable people around me and those who said they could do that have let me down again. So I stand on my own two feet which is very hard for me actually with my disabilities and the whole little-thing. That does mean I sacrificed a lot of emotion for people. But now it means I can't hold them down now I'm falling down the hole again. Some people I want to hold me, some people I want to scream at and let them know how I feel. Some people I want to cook a nice meal for and watch a film together. But I haven't done anything like that. Running on minimal intimacy so my feelings don't get in the way. I want to be made love to. I want someone to need me as much as I need people. I can't help needing people, but I'd love to be that for someone too. Emma

[halfpintofhope]

Tired and oh so fed up. Becoming manager at work. No pay rise though. Minimum wage, I can’t live on this shit. I’ve got to move out somehow. I’m broke and considering becoming a cam girl to get out of here. It wasn’t exactly my ideal job. Tired of people. Tired of fuckers who can’t make an effort and only see me when I’ve got something to give them. Or when they need cuddling because someone else hurt them- and I’m too weak to not want them there because I love them and cherish time with friends. Even when they blatantly use me for stuff. My money, my cigarettes, hell people who just want to sleep with me. I don’t like you any more. I’m trying to take the attitude that if you actually valued me you’d come to me- and you haven’t even over my birthday. So next time you want me I’ll try to say no. Gotta stop being a pussy to people I care about- even if I don’t want to care about them. I thought Id met decent people finally. Gotta stop wanting a happy existence with friends. Got to sort my health out. The pains are getting excruciating. Got to not get fucking drugged in town. That’s a good place to start. He’s right I am weak and I can’t be alone. But I can’t be around people because they take advantage of me. I’m stupid. So I’ll smoke drugs to feel less shitty like a well adjusted adult. Great. I really just think about completely giving up now. One aspect of my life gets better two go down. I can’t sleep, I crave to be held at night. I’m still scared.

Emma

[halfpintofhope]

Birthday has been insane. I'm running on 3 hours sleep, I think I'm dead

[halfpintofhope]

Hello my pretties. Here's my new baby (oh my god oh my god it's beautiful) it's not even tightened properly in that photo! I'll never go without a custom again. And my face. Have that. I cut my hair off. It's two inches long at the back. Enjoy! Em