it ain't me babe @halimabadjie - Tumblr Blog

HALIMA BADJIE ( YANDEH SALLAH ) is an EIGHTEEN year old from AMSTELVEEN, NL. SHE is known around the island as THE QUICK LEARNER because she is HARDWORKING and DEVOTED but can also be STUBBORN and REACTIVE. SHE reminds of an all-black wardrobe on a sunny day, a strange collection of miscellaneous objects, the classic pairing of coffee and cigarettes.

#yes i all but threw a dart at a wall to pick a label sue me!!!!#wilds.intro

jocelyn-king:

Joss was combing her fingers through her hair mindlessly, in an effort, albeit mostly in vain, to tame it so that she might be able to pull it into somewhat of a neat bun and away from her face and neck. She didn’t like the humidity in the jungle, she felt like she was sweating more now than she had on the beach or even in the cave and she just felt sticky. Always sticky.

“What the fuck?” she said out loud as her fingers snagged on a knot in her long hair and pulled out a clump of strands as she pulled them away. She stared at the hair for a moment or so before shaking it off of her hand and letting it fall to the ground, “Great,” she chimed, “My roots are showing, my skin is falling off, I’ve got a break out on my chin and now I’m going fucking bald- next my bloody teeth are going to fall out,” she whined, frustrated with the week’s events and the unpleasantness of their new camp’s locations. “I’m so over this,” she muttered to herself.

She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself and moved closer to the center of camp then,

“Can somebody braid my hair please?”

.

Halima had her little routines. She puttered around and organized things (mostly her own); moved away debris, stacked firewood, did some assigned chore. Halima liked neat and tidy, for the most part, and so when she heard Joss’ voice rise to attention, she had been mid-sweep. Earlier that morning she’d tied together the fibers from fallen palms to create a broom, reminiscent of the one her mom kept at home and used to beat anything away that had fallen onto their cramped little porch. She sometimes even playfully swatted it at Halima and her siblings. Joss’ question hung in the air for a moment, and Halima gave the jungle floor another whack. Dead leaves went flying to the wayside, clearing the area nearer the new fire.

To say that Halima didn’t know Joss well would’ve been an understatement. Though she guessed the same could be said about her and most of the Eves. She’d never been good at prolonged group settings, or even large groups of friends. She cast her net far for acquaintances back home, but the people she kept close stayed in small numbers. Here, well. Things sort of remained the same. She often found herself annoyed. She kept her distance to hide that. She didn’t want to say something nasty and petty over something small, at least not to anyone’s face. She’d done pretty well when it came to avoiding that. And after yesterday, she was mostly grateful no one bit it. So she was feeling... open. Receptive. Generous, maybe. Halima straightened her back, bringing up her new tool to rest on her shoulder as she eyed Joss’ blonde hair. She shrugged. “Sure.” Halima paused, a short exhale escaping her nose in quiet amusement. “Don’t know how or don’t feel like doing it yourself?” It was probably the closest to pampered they could get nowadays. Halima had faraway, wistful thoughts of that one time she spent an afternoon at Sauna Deco when her mom’s work gave her a voucher for Christmas (nice intention, wrong religion). Massages, steam rooms, lots of lying around and sipping water with cucumber slices in it. Now, she’d probably give anything just to have her back properly scratched.

#int #c: joss #step one in my goal of halima making joss try to spell dutch words: reply to this starter

divyawelby:

WHO: @halimabadjie WHERE: Eves’ new camp WHEN: Day 19

Divya was not scared of Halima. It was just that Halima was cool. Very, very cool. And Divya? Was not. It was out of respect that Divya gave Halima a wide berth. She figured that Halima couldn’t dislike her if she hardly had to interact with her. Sound strategy, right? It’s been going well for Divya thus far, but it seemed today was the day the universe had other plans.

In the final steps of building a house of cards using her UNO deck, Divya was just about to place the final two pieces on the very top of her structure when her nose started acting up and a sneeze shot out of her, sending her cards away in a messy flutter. “Oh, bollocks–” She rose from her place on the ground and quickly went to gather the cards. It wasn’t long however before she realised one of her cards wandered further a way… near Halima. Oh no.

Divya gulped. She didn’t want to bother Halima but she was also really adamant about keeping her UNO deck together. It was the only thing of hers that she still had, especially after yesterday’s high tide. So in a UNO loving-induced bravery, Divya decided to speak to Halima for once. “Um, Halima. Hi. Yeah, sorry. I just– my cards flew away and one of them landed just by your foot. Do you mind if I just–” Approach you to get it? It felt terrifying to say out loud so Divya settled for gesturing her walking over to get it.

.

Of course there were things that they were better off saving than Halima’s stuff, but she still felt selfishly glad to still have a hold of it. The familiar smells of home had long worn off from her jacket but she still held it close once in awhile, seeking it out all the same. Sometimes convincing herself it was there underneath the sand and the salt: Caballero cigarettes, thiouraye, weed, coffee. She liked having her old journal, flipping through it just to remember sitting on Jahou’s bed with it perched on her knees. Jahou’s chin tucked over Halima’s shoulder as she laughed and read about whatever weird, partly-discernable notes Halima left in it about a dream the moment she woke up.

And she liked the shells she collected over the course of nearly three weeks. She had dozens, all of which she ritualistically cleaned and sorted and studied and organized into rows or groups only to place them all back in her bag again when she went to sleep. Sometimes she experimented with them: rubbed them against rocks, against each other, tried to shape them into things, to carve things into them. Now, crouched low, she lined a handful of them up on the wide, fallen branch near where she’d gone to bed the night before, from largest to smallest. It was meditative, almost. Ceremonial. It felt good to have some kind of hobby, like the tiniest scrap of normalcy she could get her hands on.

After some time, she heard a tentative voice behind her. She craned her head to look over her shoulder, her heel turning on the ground with the movement. It slipped more easily than if it had just ground into dirt. Halima glanced down. The aforementioned card had lodged itself under her shoe with her previous adjustment. She looked back at Divya, the question of whether or not the other girl could approach to grab her card a little ludicrous. But in a sort of funny way. Divya seemed like the type of person who was funny on accident a lot, or even like if she were a guy she’d tip her fedora and address Halima with a m’lady, mayst I approacheth? Halima checked herself. She made a face. Less-than-kind thought. What the hell did she even really know about this version of Divya? “Hi,” she eventually said back, putting emphasis on the word, then reached to pluck the card from beneath her heel. She looked at what it held: two arrows moving in opposite directions. Whatever that meant. Deciding it not worth her energy to try and decipher nor ask for an explanation of the symbol, she simply held it up for Divya’s retrieval. “So the stereotype’s true? British people really do have an uncontrollable habit of apologizing for literally everything.” Or at least totally random stuff, like the weather or correcting people or even just greeting them apparently. “Do you say sorry to the waiter when your food sucks at a restaurant too? Or when someone bumps into you?”

#int #c: divya #1 week later<3 #don't match obv #or like just ignore this entirely if you want you have autonomy!!!!!!

oferins:

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You’re not. A blind person could see that you’re not. Instead of saying those words, Erin’s lips simply pressed together. Fine. You’re fine. We’re all fine. She could believe it long enough to get everyone off the beach. But she couldn’t say it. She didn’t really have much more in her to say things that weren’t true. She took the bag when it was held out to her, shoving it under her arm and holding it there so her arms would be free if Halima needed a hand to her feet. The thing that finally relieved her, that finally made her believe that maybe she was actually fine, and that everyone would be fine, was Halima’s reassuring squeeze to her arm. The panic didn’t disappear from her features, but it certainly softened. “ It is shit. ” She agreed, bundling wet sweater to her chest. One of her hands about to reach out for another thing when Halima spoke again. Brows lifted for a moment, before she looked down to the bag tucked in her armpit a second later. Pulling it free so it was in her hands and she could pull it open and look inside. She couldn’t see much in the dark, or anything really, so a moment later she had wet sweater elbowed against her stomach and her hand down the bag. Feeling around for the pills or better yet the skittles packet they’d come to the island in.

Then she felt them. And she was relieved, her face relaxing slightly from the focused, worried state it had been in. “ Yeah, they’re in here. I can feel them. ” She said, pulling the packet to the top of the bag so she could see them and make sure that was real. Her hand opened, seeing the pills for a second before she could see the substance surrounding them. They’d started to melt. She closed her hand again quickly. Looking back up and meeting Halima’s eyes, she pulled tiny smile onto her features. Had Halima seen? “ They’re here. ” She repeated, putting the packet back in the bag, carefully resting it on top of something else. She could take a better look at the pills later. “ C’mon, let’s get out of here, ” She said, holding drawstring bag by the bundled fabric at the top with one hand, reaching out to Halima again with the other. Once again fingers light on her arm, that little touch between them once again being what she needed in that moment.

.

Halima watched with wide eyes, her gaze flicking between Erin’s face and the bag in her hands. She caught the moment Erin’s expression marginally relaxed and felt a sudden rush of breath enter her lungs like she’d been holding it at bay until then. Yeah, they’re in here. I can feel them. The corners of Halima’s lips twitched, not a smile but a small indication of feeling. She froze when she noticed the pills looked off. Through hazy, anxious eyes, they appeared blurred. Not the same. Her own expression adopted a small crack. Her gut sank slightly. But they were there, she told herself. They were in and Erin said they were there and so it was okay. “Okay,” she breathed out, then sniffed. Her cheeks pricked. She held on tighter to the neck pillow and thought miserably about the wide, flat stuffed animal cat she had laid out on her bed back home. A gift from her dad back when she started basisschool. Plattekat. Her mouth wobbled and Halima swallowed down a lump in her throat. “Okay, let’s get the fuck out of here. This shit sucks so bad,” she continued, voice jittery as she scooped up her waterlogged jacket and followed Erin closely. If the other girl was ever more than a couple steps or an arm’s length away she felt her anxiety drastically spike. At a certain point, she pinched the fabric of Erin’s shirt between two fingers just to make sure she was near. That Halima could touch her. It wasn’t pitch black in the cave, but the sun they faced when they stepped out had Halima momentarily squinting her eyes closed. She bumped lightly into Erin and pulled back, eyes opening again as she looked toward where the water came rushing from. They had to go further inland. She hurried her pace, muttering a frenzied: “Shit shit shit shit shit.”

#int #c: erin

ofjcnnys:

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They thought for a moment on her words. Sure Shane said something similar, though certainly less poetic, mid argument– or was it at the start? Didn’t matter really. The point was the same. They couldn’t have known. There was no way to have known. They wouldn’t have even been able to do much if they were there. And yet, there was the guilt. “ No, I know, but– it’s not like me or Shane have, you know, super awesome track records when it comes to sneaking away from camp. ” Separately they and Shane had left camp on different days and neither had faired well. Both had worried the group. Both had to be rescued. Maybe rescued was a strong word for Shane’s case, but it certainly wasn’t for their’s. “ I just mean that we should have thought about it more. I should have thought about it more. ” They corrected themselves quickly. Shane had enough to carry right now, they could carry that guilt.

They huffed a soft laugh in response the image Halima painted. They’d read that story once, but even they couldn’t remember if that was the way it went. A further smile pulled at their lips at the words tree skin. Looking around briefly at the surrounding trees– their attention drawn back to her when she spoke again. People deserve to get freaky. And with that dumbass look on her face too. An amused scoff escaped their lips as they looked down at her. “ Yeah, sure, ” They agreed, somewhat begrudgingly though still amused. “ –Hey, let’s go back to tree skin. ” They interjected in jest, silly smile pulling at the corner of their lips before nodding to a random tree. “ That one looks pretty tasty, don’t you think? ”

A hum of agreement comes from them. It was about something else. Something deeper, in a sort of way. They could tell from the way it blew up so quickly, everyone probably could. Both had things they actually wanted to say and fuelled that emotion into a fight over something that hadn’t had consequences. They looked to her again when they heard her shift, handing over hoodie before they tucked now free hand under their knees. Her words again earned a small, soft smile. Another exhale of a laugh. “ Now we just have to worry about different bugs crawling in our ears. ” They mused in return, though their mind was already elsewhere. We can leave it at that, if you want. For once, they didn’t really want to leave it. They were going to have to talk to Shane, they were going to have to figure out what to say to her. And as of right now, they were too occupied to get close to that. They had to let some of it out, right? After a small moment they opened their mouth to spoke, though they hesitated for another moment before they actually spoke. “ It’s sorta weird. I– ” They started, though paused a second to think of how to word it. Halima didn’t have the context, any of it. Not really something they were used to when it came to Mia. Everyone back home knew all about her. “ It sort of has me thinking about something back home. Some of the stuff Joss said, some of what Shane said back. ” They said, their tone no longer jestful nor amused. Something closer to somber though not quite. Thoughtful, perhaps. “ Me and my friend used to fight like that all the time, just about anything. Like we were always looking for a reason to fight. And the second it was over, I’d regret it and, you know, think she was gonna hate me forever and that I’d really fucked it up that time. The next day I’d go buy her her stupid soda that I got her every day, all nervous she wouldn’t talk to me when I got to school, or she’d already told everyone how horrible I was. ” They paused for a moment, almost wistfully. “ But then I’d see her waiting outside my subway station, waiting for me even though we’d fought. And she’d just talk to me about whatever indie band she’d found on youtube that she wanted to go see that weekend or something – like nothing ever happened. ” They let that sit for a moment. It felt good. Not that they fought so much with Mia or that this was reminding them of those fights. But to talk about her. Like, properly talk about her. And it be a choice to do so, not a hand that felt forced. “ I dunno that this is gonna be like that. I dunno if I even want it to be like it’s– ” Like it’s fucked up to fight with your friends that much, right? To be always finding a reason to fight with her? They pressed lips together instead of finishing the thought aloud, moving on instead with a small breath, “ But when I talk to her, to Shane, I’m gonna have to say it’s gonna be fine. That things she said weren’t that bad, that things Joss said weren’t that bad, all that shit. ” They continued after a moment, finishing the most they’d spoken in a short period of time with a question to Halima. “ Do you think they will be? Fine, that is. ”

.

I just mean that we should have thought about it more. I should have thought about it more. Halima, whose mom’s chief complaint was that she acted with a type of teenage selfishness that forewent consideration, felt indirectly called out. Not by Jenny but by the sentiment itself, by the fact that it wasn’t something that occurred to her until that moment. She made a noise of consideration, glancing away for a moment—not terribly inclined to concede vocally, but maybe Jenny knew her well enough by now to read between the lines of the initial non-answer. Maybe they should have thought about it more. “It’s starting to feel like we’ll need one of those sign-out sheets, like in primary school when you had to let the whole world know you were off to the bathroom so they wouldn’t think you were kidnapped.” She wondered what the equivalent would be here when not everyone was always in the same place. Maybe just dropping a line with whoever was closest. Seemed the easiest route in this specific scenario. “If I’m nearby and you and Shane are busting to get some alone time, you can give me the signal,” she suggested, bringing her fingers up to her face in the shape of a V. Halima opened her mouth as if to stick her tongue out between them but at the last second simply shot Jenny a smile. A joke. Or whatever. She dropped her hand. “No secrets here,” she continued, a little more subdued, though that wasn’t the whole truth.

Her gaze traveled to the tree that Jenny gestured toward, then snorted. “Mmm, yeah, delicious skin. If I squint a bit,” she said, squinting in an example, “it’s sort of got the texture of a waffle. What do you think?” Now we just have to worry about different bugs crawling in our ears. Halima experienced a full-body shiver. “God, ew,” she replied emphatically. “When I was a kid I got a moth stuck inside my ear. I could feel its little demon wings flapping against my eardrum—it was so fucked up.” Halima’s nose scrunched up before she sent Jenny a semi-amused grin. “There has to be something I can use to plug them up.” It’s sorta weird. I– Halima waited for Jenny to continue. The vibe shifted. Or tilted, more accurately. A few degrees to the right and something had changed a little. Jenny’s tone was different. Halima curled her hand around the hoodie and wondered if they were about to say something fucked up or earth-shattering or just... really, really personal. And she wondered if that meant it was bad timing to peel off her still-damp shirt. Jenny so rarely opened up that she thought having her tits out while they did was probably in poor taste. She dropped the hoodie on her lap and shifted her hair out of her face and over her shoulders. And listened, fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt.

Halima glanced down at her hands. Always fighting, always pretending it didn’t happen—or at least handling the aftermath with kid gloves, something to be tip-toed around and talked about with gentle words. Like a bomb would go off otherwise. And in the past, that bomb had often been Halima herself. For the past couple years, Halima had spent a lot of her time fighting with the people she loved. Her family and her friends and her boyfriend. Well, her maybe-ex-boyfriend. Often angry, often mean, often shouting. It was an intensity she didn’t know how to curb; words she didn’t know how to stop once she got going, even while in real-time a voice in her head would shout at her to stop, to think, to not be such a cunt. She didn’t feel that here, at least not yet, like a pin had been stuck in her side and deflated her. This had probably been the longest she’d gone without an argument. The realization jolted her. She didn’t want to fight. She was so sick of fighting. “That sucks,” she said. “All that arguing. That shit’s so exhausting. And confusing.” She took a deep breath. “And okay, I’m not... an expert,” Halima continued hesitantly, “when it comes to handling dysfunction or conflict or whatever. Or anything. I’m actually pretty much a massive idiot, so remember that.” She paused. “But—you don’t have to tell Shane that there’s nothing on the hand.” Her expression tightened for a split second before she corrected: “That everything’s fine, I mean. Not if you think shit got out of line. It’s up to you. Nothing’s a given. You don’t have to do anything, you know?” A beat passed. “Well, obviously not literally. Because you should definitely talk to your girlfriend about it, but... it doesn’t have to be this back-patting, everything’s-sunshine-and-daisies thing.” Not that she thought Jenny would make it that, but it seemed worth adding. People didn’t always need platitudes, not in the long run. Do you think they will be? Fine, that is. Halima took a second to think, then shrugged. “I really couldn’t tell you,” she answered honestly. “I’ve said worse shit to my sister for not cleaning up the dishes she left in the sink and she still loves me, so... maybe?” She’d also seen friendships fall apart over way less. But this was a unique situation they were in on the whole. Everything felt up in the air most days. She pressed her lips together. “But I don’t know. You know their whole thing better than me.” Halima nodded toward Jenny. “What do you honestly think?”

#i love to be coocoo bananas with you<3 #int #c: jenny #we can p much ignore first two paragraphs and scoot this baby along

ofjcnnys:

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They didn’t anticipate it, but it was always nice to not immediately be told to fuck off. Lips pressing together and nodding when Halima told them In a minute. They took it as an invitation to get a little more comfortable, that Halima didn’t mind them there. Pulling legs to their chest and wrapping arms around them in comfortable manner. Resting their chin on their knees as they enjoyed the little bit of sun, the little bit of quiet beside her. The hoodie still held in their hands, it’d be sort of rude to offer their hoodie and then dump it in the dirt just because she didn’t want it right that very second. Holding it against the side of their legs as they allowed their mind to wander a little. Not far, just enough to focus on their surroundings. The bushes surrounding them, the way the leaves moved slightly with the wind, the voices of the others not far off. Peaceful. Today still had the potential to be peaceful.

Their head turned to her when she spoke, lifting slightly from their knees. “ Yeah, I’m good. ” They replied. And it’s not untrue. They were embarrassed, they were hurt, they felt guilty, they felt a little like an old rag, they wondered what the fuck they were supposed to do to make things better – but they were good. Alive. Uninjured. Safe. The whole being on an island thing made it easy to justify that they were almost always good. They nodded slowly, looking ahead again. Your girl. In other circumstances that would have made their day. “ Yeah, she did. ” They said, and they weren’t going to apologise for what Shane said. To anyone but it felt especially pointless to Halima. And not what she was getting at anyway. “ In fairness Joss kinda laid into her too. ” Their voice didn’t carry any anger about it, any malice. It was just facts. They both had a go at each other, and everyone had witnessed it. They took a small breath, again feeling like this wasn’t what Halima needed to hear, or even wanted, but the guilt was heavy on their chest. “ I didn’t know it was gonna be a big deal. I didn’t even think of it. ” They admitted, “ Which feels, like, stupid and kinda selfish now. After all that. Obviously. ”

.

In fairness Joss kinda laid into her too. Halima snorted. “Fuck yeah, she did,” she agreed amiably. Whatever was going down between those two wasn’t Halima’s business, really, and she’d be hard-pressed to find herself giving a single iota of a fuck about what they fought about if she didn’t have to live with both of them. And if Jenny wasn’t dragged into it. Halima didn’t think she would be jumping for joy if her sex life had become the subject of a very public conversation. It seemed like good manners to get a temperature reading on how Jenny was feeling about all that. Which feels, like, stupid and kinda selfish now. Halima shrugged her shoulders. The streaks of sunlight were warm on her face. “What, were you supposed to magically divine mid-O that the Great Wave off Kanagawa was coming to take us out?” Halima peeked an eye open again and tilted her head to get a better look at Jenny. Her expression scrunched up a moment in thought, and then she blinked open her other eye too.

“If we don’t get to do selfish, stupid shit once in a while, I think we’re all bound for like... major insanity. I’m talking, like. Eating the yellow wallpaper type of crazy.” Halima didn’t actually know if the climax of that book was the lady eating the wallpaper, but she knew some kind of fucked up thing went down with it. And that she was nuts. “Or maybe our option here’s... tree... skin.” She didn’t remember the English word for schors and the result was something a little macabre. Halima rolled her eyes. “Also, you’re still a fucking person. People deserve to get freaky.” Her brows raised, a silent you get what I’m saying? She moved to lie on her side to better face Jenny. “Anyway, it seemed like their beef was really about something else.” About Joss leaving. About Shane wanting her to come back. About being there for people. Expecting things of people. Lots of layers there. Halima bit on the inside of her cheek and paused, then reached her hand out for the hoodie. “We can leave it at that, if you want. Talk about our... cool new setup. Oooh, shade. Very exciting. Beats all those little bugs in the sand biting my ass, that’s for sure.”

#int #c: jenny #sleepy but sneaking in at least one reply before i pass out<3333

ofjcnnys:

closed starter: @halimabadjie when: girl idk anymore, day 18 <3 where: jungle

Shit. Shit. Fuck. Crap. Stupid ass mother fucking shit. Jenny thought silently as they moved through the small group, stepping over the group’s belongings scattered over the ground, slipping between the other bodies silently. They felt so fucking useless, and so fucking selfish they couldn’t look anyone in the eye as they moved. Eyes trained on the ground. The only real comfort to the anxiety was the useless rotation of cussing in their brain. That tiny private release. It was childish, but what did that matter? It was for them. They intended on walking to the edge of the group for a moment alone but instead they came across Halima. Lying on the ground, a small patch of sun poking through the trees.

“ Yo. ” They announced themselves, looking down at her. She was wet still, but drier than some of the others. Her brace was off, laid out beside her. And … was that their neck pillow she was resting on? That almost earned a smile. “ You want something dry? ” They asked, already shrugging off hoodie. Bundling it up in their hands as they lowered themselves to the ground beside her, offering it out not a moment later with half smile tugging at the corner of their lips.

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Halima had to disengage. Taking inventory was depressing—life vest? Gone. That dumb card game? Gone. Rum? Gone. The stuff that was most important, they still had. But they couldn’t save everything. Tinged with disappointed, and weighed heavily by embarrassment at her own behavior in the cave, she walked away from their new, fledgling base. She came across a patch of the jungle where she could lie down, where the sun dappled the ground. Far off, she heard the rushing water. But it was a quiet roar. White noise. Using the neck pillow she grabbed as a pillow, she closed her eyes and angled her face toward the light. Meditating. She wasn’t really very good at it. She didn’t try very hard. But she tried to keep still, as still as she could be, and breathe.

Her expression twitched when she heard footsteps. She figured it was Erin, maybe. Or—no, she was probably still busy. The following Yo put an end to any of Halima’s guessing. Halima grunted in reply and didn’t open her eyes. You want something dry? Halima’s brow furrowed. Her t-shirt and shorts clung uncomfortably; she’d toed off her sneakers when she found her spot. Her hair felt heavy and uncomfortable. She cracked an eye open when she heard rustling, and caught sight of Jenny settling beside her. “Thanks,” she eventually answered, closing her eyes again. “In a minute.” In a minute, she’d adjust. She’d take off her wet shit. She’d borrow Jenny’s hoodie, because it was a nice thing to offer. Because Halima liked Jenny. Because she was cold and unsettled. A comfortable quiet stretched between them before Halima spoke up again. “You good?” There was no use beating around the bush. A public argument was hard to ignore, and Halima didn’t subscribe to tip-toeing. “Your girl really laid it into Joss back there.”

#it's perfect and i'm obsessed with you #int #c: jenny

oferins:

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With confirmation of the type of bag she was looking for, Erin’s eyes unwillingly left Halima. She could focus on what was going on with her once she was out of the shelter, once she was off the beach, once she was safe. To get there she needed to find the bag with the Oxy. She moved slowly as she looked around, looking for the flash of pink in the dim space. But all she could see was water. She looked back when Halima spoke again. “ I know, ” She assured, though she didn’t. Her mind had already pictured the strongest medication they had already floating out in the ocean. Lost. But what use was that image to them right now? So she pushed it away. “ It’s somewhere, it can’t have gone far, ” She continued, looking back to the water once more. Reaching for a sweater she spotted being weighed down by the water, save for a sleeve floating atop.

As she bundles that in her arm she hears the splash of water as Halima moved suddenly. Her head turns again as a second splash occurs, this time of Halima dropping in search of something. Without a beat she rushed back to her, her mind rushing towards the thought that Halima was hurt before she could even stop it. Dropping to her knees in front of her, arms seemingly in limbo as she spoke again. Her words were confusing to Erin, but worry still coated her features. “ This is what I’m doing. ” She clarified with a certain kind of firmness. A firmness that was almost pleading. Let me help, it said. Let me. “ Are you okay? Did you hurt your hand? ” She asked, looking down for the hand in question under the water, the one wrapped in soft cast.

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Through gritted teeth, Halima answered shakily: “I’m fine.” Her hand hurt but, on some level, it always hurt. Less so with each day, but the persistent ache didn’t quite go away. She pulled on the drawstring of the bag, her fingers scrambling at the feel of the vinyl fabric when it was finally within reach. If the bag she had a handle on wasn’t actually hers, she was pretty sure she’d throw up right then and there. Her stomach rolled over as if in threat of that very fate. She felt pressure at the back of her eyes, and her skin buzzed. Halima knew she was overwhelmed, and she knew it wasn’t exactly a surprise, but knowing those things didn’t make her feel any less pathetic for it. One minute asleep, the next minute a trickle of water tickled her legs. She’d awoken with a choking gasp, a surge of panic. She had to calm down. For herself, for Erin. She pulled the bag close to her and held it out for Erin to grab as she tried to get back to her feet. If it was someone else’s stuff, and not what they had been looking for, she couldn’t be the one to say the words out loud. Her journal was soaked beyond saving. Her jacket was heavy. Her cast was dripping. “It’s shit,” she answered nonsensically. It was all shit. Halima hesitated then reached out to give Erin’s arm a quick squeeze, her breath stuttering, something to ground herself but to also assure Erin that she would be fine. Once she dropped her hand, she grabbed the next thing she could see, which appeared to be some neck cushion, and tucked it under her arm. Lightheaded, she looked over at Erin and waited for her to open to bag and double-check its contents. “Is it in there? The Oxy? That’s my bag, right?”

#int #c: erin #😭

oferins:

-

Erin doesn’t see Halima at first. Well, she sees her. She knows she’s there, she knows it’s her talking when she does. But she doesn’t actually see her. Not at first at least. Swept up in trying to grab anything she could before it was all swept away by the ocean. Her hands felt shakey but she doesn’t stop moving, anything she could reach was being shoved into the bag that was once Jill’s. I need my bag. She looked up then, part way through zipping the bag closed. She’d seen Halima scared before, she’d seen everyone in their group scared before. But she didn’t immediately recognise it as fear. Or just fear. She didn’t know. And it’s not like she had all the time in the world to assess it and Halima made it clear she really didn’t– they really didn’t with what she said next. The oxycodone. Shit.

“ Okay, ” She pushed herself up, swinging bag onto her shoulder. The cogs in her mind clearly still rotating as she looked around briefly and then back to Halima. “ Okay, let’s find it. ” She said, moving to catch up with her. Not a difficult task given the tiny steps, the half frozen movements, she was soon beside her and then just as quickly moving past her. Grazing fingers against Halima’s arm lightly as she passed. A small attempt at comfort when they didn’t have the time for anything more. A small attempt at an apology, really. When Halima wouldn’t have to worry about the pills, they wouldn’t be her responsibility, if Erin hadn’t handed them to her. If she hadn’t all but begged Halima to take them from her to lighten the load of responsibility before she ran away. “ One of the pink bags, right? The retreat ones? ” She asked, looking over her shoulder, she meant to only look for a second– to look for a nod or a shake of her head. But she stayed looking at her, growing concern with each moment that passed.

.

It was the feeling of Erin’s touch against her arm. Halima still felt clenched for flight, even as her brain willed her not to run off, but the familiar feeling of Erin’s fingers against her skin stilled something. Or a part of something—small, maybe, but significant enough that Halima’s next breath at least came easier. The water sloshed beneath their feet. She wanted to tell herself nothing bad can happen when Erin was right there but the morbid part of her knew bad things happen when you were with people you love all the time. If anything, it always seemed the chances of them multiplied tenfold. Halima held on tighter to her things. One of the pink bags, right? “Yes,” she confirmed and wondered when Erin stepped ahead of her, her mind a little slow on the uptake. Erin was being nice. She was being a good friend. Halima tried not to let it irrationally bother her but it was her bag. She could handle it. Erin was a good person. Erin was trying to help. Halima wasn’t helpless. Not yet.

“It’s fine, I can find it. I’ll find it.” she said quickly, her eyes darting around the cave floor for what she had just seen. It was around there somewhere. “I’m going to find it.” They needed the pills. They were the strongest thing they had, and fuck if Halima knew how else things could go downhill from here. Who among them would end up like that boy in the jungle, bleeding out and pale with searing pain? “I just had it. I had it last night...” It was dim in the cave, especially now with the fire gone out. Halima crouched enough to lean over and start touching the ground, her hand dipped beneath the low-level water and feeling for anything her eyes might’ve missed. Cold rock, cold rock, and then—the very tips of her fingers brushed against drawstring. Halima jerked forward to grab hold, her journal slipping from between her chest and jacket as she moved. It went under the water. “Nee nee nee,” she started and fumbled before she dropped down to two hands. Her jacket fell into the shallow water. She wrapped her fingers around the strap of the bag, weighed down by her shells. Halima’s whole face felt warm with embarrassment and frustration. “I have it, you go—” her voice broke. Humiliating. “Go do what you were doing.”

#int #c: erin #you're an angel and staring at a computer screen is making me so dizzy #but it's worth it.... for Them

oferins:

open starter: @wildshub when: day 18, high tide time babey where: beach, erin returning from the waterfall

Erin was distracted, completely. People’s words from the last few days, especially drunken words from last night, seemed to be on a constant repeat in her head. She wanted to let it go, she wanted to just move on and, like, be happy– or whatever the fuck she’d been doing the first 12 days on the island. But she couldn’t. She hadn’t noticed when she’d left in the very very early morning (arguably still the middle of the night to some) that the tide had started moving up the beach. At least, not more than it did every night. Not enough for Erin to predict what was to come. She was a pool lifeguard after all, not a beach lifeguard.

The long walk to the waterfall and back, with as many bottles as she could carry in two far from pristine Dawn of Eve drawstring backpacks, had felt like what she needed. It was something useful, something she had to return to camp with, and it allowed her the time in nature to reconnect with herself. Think out as many of the negative thoughts on rotation in her head as she possibly could. But when she caught the first glance of the beach through the trees, she realised she was wrong. She was so fucking wrong.

She dropped the bags, forward thinking enough to realise they would only weigh her down and she’d need to drag them off the beach again anyway, before she ran. Hurrying to the cave, where the tide was starting to seep in, some where awake already. “ Come on, come on! The water! ” The moment she saw the red bag of the first aid kit, she reached for it. That was their most important possession. The couldn’t lose it. Where the hell was the lighter? And, Jesus, should she have left the water bottles and brought the bags? Didn’t matter, she reached for anything she could, shoving it into the red kanken that had all of Jill’s stuff in it. “ We’ve gotta move, like now. ” She said, trying to keep her voice calm but it had to be obvious she wasn’t. She was panicked, scared, perhaps even a little guilty for leaving again. Even if it had been for water.

.

Halima froze as she watched the water trickle in at first, unmoving and unthinking. Her feet felt leaden, her skin clammy. Surely it wouldn’t be enough to fill the cave, like a scene from an Indiana Jones movie. Their mouths gasping against the ceiling for their last breaths of air, surrounded by floating debris. But the thought made her muscles contract, and a sudden pain rippled from her shoulder down to the small of her back. She stared unblinking, a hairsbreadth from the wall, with everyone else’s voices drowned out by the buzzing in her ears. And then Erin barreled in. Come on, come on! The water! The air swooped back into her, and Halima inhaled sharply enough that the sudden expansion stung her lungs. She watched as Erin reached for the first aid kid and felt like a moron, standing there scared. Standing there useless. “I don’t—” Halima stood wide-eyed as Erin started to shove things into the red backpack. “What do I do? What should I—”

Her hands flexed at her sides, trembling and futile. Her canvas shoes grew cold and wet in the water. Her throat tightened. This wasn’t who she was, unsure and meek and shaky-voiced. Begging for someone tell her what to do, even if that person was Erin, would be fuel for humiliation at some point in the future. The water kept coming and she glanced around the cave floor. To her right, she saw her journal on top of her makeshift pillow. Not the one given to her by the retreat, but the one brought from home. Jahou bought it for her as a birthday gift. Halima felt her mouth tremble and she finally moved, bent to grab it and her jacket from their watery grave. She held them close to her chest, where they soaked her shirt, and didn’t know what to do next. We’ve gotta move, like now. “Okay. Okay, yeah, okay,” she rambled but didn’t, in fact, move. A long second passed. “I need my bag.” Her drawstring bag. Among other things, it had the pills in it.

“The oxycodone,” she explained further, voice tight, but she thought of other things too: the shells she collected, the cigarette holder Xavi gave her, the earrings she took off a couple days ago. Her things. She dropped it onto the cave floor before she fell asleep the night before, not too far from where she lay. Did it move as the tide came in? Did someone else grab it? That hypothetical pissed her off in a manner that was really both a waste of energy and a little silly; mad about something that maybe didn’t even happen. Halima gathered the fabric of the jacket up, holding it up and out of the way like it’d clear her vision of the cave floor below her as she whipped her head around. Further in, she saw a flash of pink. “Shit,” she swore. She imagined the water coming in like a great, suffocating wave, crashing and carrying her bag down the gullet of a never-ending cave system. Scared and stupid. Halima gritted her teeth and told herself she wasn’t either of those things. She headed further into the cave. A succession of several, quick steps, she pretended the ocean wasn’t at her back.

#int #c: erin #ok so i tried to find a gif to use and came up short this time around #but PLEASE continue using sarah ones i'm on my hands and knees begging you #also begging you not to match length #obv<3

wahgifs

YANDEH SALLAH as AMIE | EAGLES 2.08

#that's my meow.#mirror.

HALIMA BADJIE: BUNKER DAY ONE

The interview room isn’t the most inviting. It’s cold. There’s cement everywhere you look. A metal table is situated in the center of the room. There’s a single chair on one side of it – the side closest to the door. On the other side, two men are sat next to each other waiting for you. One is in a pressed suit. The other in a thick sweater.

“Hello,” the one in the suit greets. “Thank you for joining us. We just have a few questions for you.” The men introduce themselves. The one in the suit is Agent David Wilkes, FBI. A stoic and authoritative – though not unkind – professional from the looks of things. The man in the sweater is Dr. Parker Hessman. He doesn’t appear very threatening with his thick-rimmed glasses but he’s a trauma psychologist and it’s never good when one of those are around.

“We’ll start off easy,” Agent Wilkes begins. “Just some preliminary questions as we don’t want to overwhelm you. Let’s begin shall we?”

#*fart noise*#translations at the bottom lmao #!!!!!!!!#stole the formatting from gray it just means ily #wilds.interview #i guess i'll....finish oona's #and pretend i don't have day 2 interviews to tackle too <3

beverlywan:

**

bev watched along as halima placed her belongings in the car, just on the verge of offering to help but also keeping in mind feedback she’d recieved in the past, which was that she was a lot but like, whose iconic and isnt? “oh i hear you, babe. a ouija board in like, seventh grade said i was gonna be in a plane crash and like, no thank you.” she shuddered at the thought. “it totally sucks what you had to go through though.”

bev placed a hand on her chest, flattered that halima thought she was camera ready. “yes, just give me like, ten seconds.” she quickly flipped down her mirror, and touched up her hair a bit, sure the photo was just to erin but why not look good? once bev was ready, she exhaled and then leaned in closer to halima, making sure not to actually look at her too long because she was that beautiful. “whenever you’re ready.” she offered her signature selfie pose, a slight smile that really was more about smizing at the camera. “so, where to? i’’ve also got, here,” she turned towards the back to fumble with a few cables, left over from friends or former friends and pulled out once she thought might fit. “a cord for your phone, if it fits, is different phone charges like a europe thing, im not sure. but if it works, feel free to pick a playlist or podcast or we could just chat, did you have any plans when you get to cali?” she only realized once she stopped to take a breath just how much she was talking. “or like, whatever’s on your mind.”

x

Halima quickly snapped the photo and sent it off to Erin. If this is just some girl pretending to be bev it’s too late now, she tacked on. With a smile, she lowered the screen and reached for the seatbelt over her shoulder and pulled it across her chest. When Bev asked where to, Halima hesitated. Sitting on the dingy rug of the airport as they tried to figure out what she should do, many of the options sounded like total dogshit to her. She could tell Bev to take her to the hotel her mom found online, no more than fifteen minutes away from where they were right then, but that would mean another day not in California. And their time was already so limited. “Well... Okay, how far are you down to go? If I pitched in for gas and stuff. Bought you a bag of Doritos, maybe.” It was a big ask, but she had to shoot her shot. Halima fiddled with her phone, then took the aux from Bev. She would always take the aux when offered. She snorted. “Yeah, this part’s the same,” she said, tapping the pad of her finger against the end of the wire. “It’s the other side that’s all goofy over here.” She started to scroll through the Spotify playlists she listened to on the plane, mostly to drown out the dozens of people mouth-breathing around her. She was still halfway through Blondie’s ‘Hanging on the Telephone.’ Maybe Bev would dig it. She dragged the time back to the beginning, then pressed play. “I think there were a lot of museums and hiking on the schedule. I really wanted to check out this place called the Haggin. You know, art... local history... a real cultural education. Day trip to San Francisco on one day too.” She was so ready to get weird in Amoeba Music and do a walk-by of that house Charles Manson lived in, or maybe Jerry Garcia’s. “Classic tourist-y stuff, I guess. You ever been out there?”

#int #c: bev #dream week

oferins:

closed starter: @halimabadjie dream concept: elfia time babey

Erin’s head tilted slightly as she looked at herself in a mirror in Halima’s room, eyes running up and down her own costume carefully. If it were another event she likely would have been overthinking it as much as she was right now, but she liked to think she wouldn’t. It was because of all the photos she’d looked at over the last few days, costumes other people wore to the fair. In comparison, Erin’s look was rather simple. She wondered if people would look at her and think her a poser. Not to mention she only spoke a tiny amount of Dutch that Duolingo had managed to teach her in the last few months. She tried adjusting slightly. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, tugging cardigan to cover a little more of her chest, bunching a little of her dress on her hand over her leg. Carefully assessing how each little adjustment changed the look over all, but none of it changed that she was wearing a pair of fairy wings on her back and felt ridiculous trying to look ethereal. She gave a small sigh, turning away from the mirror and back to Halima ( who, of course, looked ethereal without even trying ) and asked, “ Do I look like an idiot? ” Adjusting the strap of wings on her shoulder now as she looked to the other for support. “ Or, like – like a poser or something? ”

x

Following in the same vein as school projects and costume parties, Halima did a lot of research into what she wanted to create but in the eleventh hour, when she still had nothing to show for it, Jahou had to swoop in. If her sister was bitter about it she never said, but Halima got the impression that she liked saving the day. And save the day, she did. She wasn’t a sewing connoisseur by any means, but Jahou knew how to get shit done. Repurposing a couple old pieces from both of their wardrobes, and then with the addition of both golden ear cuffs in the shape of elfin ears and a pair of wings, Halima felt a little silly—but also that she looked super hot. She thought Erin did, too. “No, you look sooo good,” she insisted and pulled her black corset over her waist. “You are about to see the occasional steampunker. Believe me, no one will look at you and think you’re the idiot. If anything, people are going to look at us and erupt into a bunch of corny, Shakespearean-ass proposals. It’s been done before. I saw a video of an impromptu handfasting ceremony on Instagram last year.” She spun forty-five degrees, her back half-turned toward Erin, and looked over her shoulder. “Could you tie me up?” she requested and waggled her eyebrows with a little grin. “These laces are sort of a bitch.”

#int #c: erin #dream week #elfia time!!!!

ofjcnnys:

●

Jenny chuckled easily as they leaned away from Halima’s fingers, smile spreading their features. Though then Halima raised a good point and they pointed back at her to show the recognised it, bopping index finger up and down as they thought for a second and then spoke, “ We’ll think on it, we’ll figure something out. ” They assured, as though coming up with a solution to carrying Jenny along with her two katanas was the top of their priority list– a smirk tugging their features up again a moment later.

The change in how they spoke once outside was obvious, but after so long it was the norm for them. You were quieter, you were more aware of your surroundings. Because if you weren’t, then you’d die. But it didn’t mean they couldn’t still have fun and rag on a beloved member of their community. “ Oh my god, ” They groaned, rolling their eyes playfully as she announced that today’s wisdom had come from Aristotle. As it did most days, as it did at least 80% of the time Cap decided to share some dusty quote with them. When Halima started quoting, Jenny rolled their eyes again, an exasperated chuckle coming with it. They were half tempted to join in the quotation, convinced they knew it, but decided not to. Instead laughing again easily as she imitated audience and described her own reaction, laugh that was more a movement of their body than actual laughter now they were on the ground. “ I do believe you, ” They said, entertained smile decorating their face. If they were still under there was a joke about Cap needing new material. But they weren’t. As the breeze moved leaves around them, they instinctively looked for a source. Their hand hovering over cross bow in case anything made itself known. They nodded to answer Halima’s question, starting to move in that direction. “ Keyan said there was a group of Hoppers passing through the area yesterday, but he didn’t sound stressed about it. ” Jenny hoped that meant if they were noticed by the creatures, they would be able to handle an attack. And not that Keyan was severely underestimating the creatures just because they jumped around and had a dumb name to match. “ We should be able to sneak right past them. ” They said, glancing over to Halima as they moved.

x

Halima adjusted the pack and radio (currently off, batteries scarce and always dangerously low) she had strapped at her hip to busy her hands. In the short amount of time between recounting Cap’s predictable 'sage words’ and the mention of Hoppers, whatever sort of silly, juvenile feeling she had going on sort of just fizzled out. They needed to make this journey safely; supplies were dwindling, everyone was starting to get dangerously antsy. They heard reports of other colonies breaking apart, starved out of their confines, and sent in different directions. But they, their colony, were several years strong, and Halima couldn’t imagine leaving and trying to find someplace else. These were her people, philosophy and instant coffee, and cramped quarters and all. They were her closest thing to family now, her biological one thousands of miles and years apart now. She quickly tucked away that thought as she moved quietly, and tensely. “Here’s hoping they didn’t catch his scent, just prowling around and waiting for some idiot to finally show face,” she said, a prayer if she believed in any kind of god. She liked Keyan, but his self-confidence could often lead to risky situations. But he wasn’t totally careless, she supposed. “Hey, do you believe those stories he tells? About his last colony, when he was a kid,” she continued, still quiet and determined to talk inconsequentially through some of the early nerves. He talked about thieves with a yacht, a giant Pincher under their control that towed them around. Halima had seen a lot of strange things, but people had a penchant for tall tales when the outrageous and surreal became their reality. Especially boys. “At least seventy-five percent has to be bullshit.”

#int #c: jenny #dream week #lmk if i should change anything <3 xoxo

auddie00

Yandeh Sallah as Amie Samuelsson Condé [Eagles SVT S4 Trailer]

#that's my lady that's my wife #mirror.#long post

beverlywan:

the buzz of her phone had been a welcome distraction from what had proved to be an extremely boring day. for once, the restaurant wasn’t understaffed, the toddlers were busy and the fact that social media seemed nearly dead proved that other people had places to be. since it wasn’t some random number, bev took the chance to pick up. “oh hey babe. okay…yep i can…dutch? like, the ovens? oh sure, yeah i’ll head over there now. her outfit…let me guess clogs? oh that sounds hot actually. yeah, no problem, babe.” and with that, bev smiled wide, because hello, purpose.

it was during the second verse of tove lo’s cool girl that bev spotted the meeting area and really beautiful woman matching the description. “fucked of erin to not warn me of how hot she was but whatever.” she mused before pulling up and lowering the window. “hey! oh don’t die, or like, don’t tell my car insurance.” she took a chance to gaze at the stranger and to really absorb the accent, as she did her best to give a poker face that it wasn’t really adorable. “i’m bev, hop in and we can text erin that you’re not lost in alabama.” bev had at least enough self awareness to know that very scenario could be a horror film moment to some.

x

Halima only needed to hear ‘I’m Bev’ before she pulled open the passenger side door and dumped her carry-on at the foot of the seat. It held the essentials: her passport, her wallet, her phone charger, her vape. “Hey,” she greeted, figuring a more formal greeting was necessary. Her small suitcase was another matter. She opened the backseat door and tossed it in with some abandon, happy to not have to drag it around for the time being, before she succinctly closed the door again. When she slipped into the front seat, she let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. She squeezed her eyes shut and let her head fall back against the headrest before she let out one, long miserable groan. “Fuuuck Delta—and also?” She opened her eyes and tilted her head to look at Bev. “Fuck planes. They’re just weak little tin cans.”

Straightening, she reached into the front pocket of her backpack to grab her phone. Bev made a good point. Her conversation with Erin was easy to find, right at the top, and squeezed between two equally-panicky conversations with Jahou and her mom. She tapped a quick message: the precious package has been acquired... but at what cost? 🤔 Once she saw the word ‘delivered’ pop up, she turned to Bev. “You mind if I send her a picture of you?” she asked and held her phone up to demonstrate. She wouldn’t put it past Erin to ask for the extra assurance and she might as well get it done before some airport attendant came up and bitched at them for keeping the car there for too long. “Proof that I didn’t get into some random’s car?”

#int #c: bev #dream week

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