Life is weird

who knows.

[homosexyality]

do you ever scroll past a novel-length post and think Um Absolutely Not

[ruinedchildhood]

[Retweet]

[happilynever-deactivated2019031]

This is a portal into another dimension

[austinxartist]

Take me there, it’s my time i have to go

[wellyfullofale]

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

[thequeenofsunflowers-deactivate]

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

[sstudyblr]

not risking it

[onlinepunk]

[thoodleoo]

me: okay i’ve complained enough about this it’s time to put it to rest

me five minutes later: actually you know what-

[frodo-sam]

[anxietyproblem]

I’m always tired

[aevvus]

[aewm]

what do u mean “what have i been up to” … i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

[my-name-is-life]

[mypenleaksiridescence]

[zenyattasperceptrons]

me: gets a solid 8 hrs of sleep

me: wakes up exhausted

me: ok first of all

[nerdfighterwhatevernumbers]

List of things to say when someone asks why you don’t want kids

I promised my firstborn to a witch and really don’t want to make good on the deal

Well you can have them FOR me if it’s that big a deal to you

I don’t think I could get a good price for em on the black market

Fight me Helen

I can’t be a better parent than Angelina Jolie so why even bother

That’s my nindo. My ninja way.

I literally JUST sat down

Recite “The Highway Man” from Over the Garden Wall

Kids? What are those? I don’t understand. What are these youOH GRAVY WHAT IS THAT!?

Oohhh no, I’ve seen Disney movies, I know what happens to mothers

Centipedes? In my vagina?

*Angrily* YOU SEE!? This is just like that episode of Spongebob! *insert the plot of any episode of Spongebob in excruciating detail*

I heard they’re.. you know.. itchy. Like, as soon as you have a kid. Just totally itchy. Everything.

I’m an Aries

Well, we already got an even number so.. *shrug*

I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor

I’m allergic

That’s just what the communists want!

I’ve been dead for seven years

Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas, so I guess it’s no meant to be

I’m afraid they’ll have bad taste in memes

It would be unfair to my cat

I’m chaotic neutral

*long farting noise lasting at least 45 seconds*

“I don’t want to have children, I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

[69shadesofgray]

indie band name generator:

your favourite fruit + the last reason you took painkillers

[halley-duh]

Mango toothache

[beaft]

going through my microsoft word archives is great fun because i always find the wildest shit in there and by “the wildest shit” i mean the time i tried to rewrite the entire bible from scratch at the age of eleven and a half

[beaft]

“And so Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, and Eve turned to Adam and said, 'Nice going, loser.‘” 

iconic

[beaft]

whilst you were listening to avril lavigne, i learned the way of the Lord

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[soshesawildflowerxo-deactivated]

Don’t get me wrong, sex is great, but I would rather spend the night learning everything about you and hearing every story you have. To me, that’s far more intimate.

[blackamydunne1-deactivated20170]

Get this geek ass shit off my dashboard this bitch wants to get Railed !!!

[justprisonersoflove-deactivated]

How am I both of these people