[junewild]

incredible innovations on the beverage front

[its-timego]

Imagine the surreal insanity of being Irina Petrova and just hanging out having a hobby that you're very intense about and then you notice something weird and then all at once your name is one of the most uttered in history, by total accident. In the movie universe they describe her as a "radio telescope enthusiast" she does not even do this professionally. And suddenly everything is Petrova line, Petrova frequency, Petrova wavelength, Petrovascope, Petrova Task Force, Petrova problem. And you're like man. I have a day job.

[ballwizard]

meows loud as fuck shattering all glass within 3 miles no survivors

[ballwizard]

could you survive every piece of glass around you violently exploding instantly

[gumy-shark]

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

[divorcedwife]

studying history is like. here's to another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be. thank you women who fight for abortion and contraception and independance from men for another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be

[loredwy]

I cant believe this tweet is how I find out

[would-you-punt-them]

now all the things you guys have told me about american high schools are starting to make sense

[jeaninelatragedia]

holy shit.

[frustratedasatruar]

You're not really supposed to say it this way, because its considered crass, but here in the US children are culturally and legally considered essentially the property of their parents.

Note that its considered more crass to point this out than it is to treat children as property in the first place.

[enki2]

[funny-tik-toks]

[starlightshadowsworld]

“Oh erm well…wonderful weather we’re having aren’t we?”

[captain-price-returns]

gentrification is when trash goes in trash cans

[zimjaeyun-deactivated20220116]

fuck it’s august??? what’s next? 2022???? can’t do this anymore

[teaboot]

MY MOM SAW A CYBERTRUCK IN HER CITY SO SHE CALLED TO TELL ME ABOUT "THE UGLY CAR SOME GUY WELDED TOGETHER" ADFFHGYJGUHGHGGHGGHGGHHGHGG

[teaboot]

SHE THOUGHT HE MADE IT IN HIS GARAGE

[quietwingsinthesky]

why would u boil a dildo

Boiling your silicone sex toys is an effective and quick way to thoroughly clean them, preventing the growth of bacteria and fungi that will harm your various orifices. Please clean your sex toys regularly. Please.

[captain-price-returns]

[captain-price-returns]

I don't know if full on execution is proper justice, but at least they did something.

[wearegoingfuckinganywhereman]

[glitterdustcyclops]

also while we're having fun making jokes i do just want to make sure we're all on the same page here that kaylin is not actually a PA on dropout she is in fact an improv comedian and she is very funny

[captain-price-returns]