I have started to become gayer.
(!Minor spoilers for I Am Dracula!)
I always considered myself mostly straight with a general interest in female anatomy. Me being bi was always a side note, and I often questioned it.
Recently, I started reading I Am Dracula by C. Dean Andersson. In the book, there is a female character named Tzigane who is a witch, and Dracula's love interest. She has also become my first female crush. It is getting to the point where I can barely get through the book because of her.
I was fine until I got to a scene where a 18 yo Dracula (Who isn't a vampire yet, and ironically the same age as me.) opens the door to a cottage where Tzigane is waiting for him. I then had to close the book, because the imagery of Tzigane with long, raven-black hair and a long, flowy black dress got a reaction out of me. The first thought in my head was (Damn it! My bi ass.)
I also started looking into Drag Kings, which are the opposite of Drag Queens. I stumbled upon a Drag King named Duke Carson. Let's just say I have a LOT of feelings for Duke Carson. This is the first time in my life I actively feel gay.
Even in public, it feels like my eyes got swapped out for new ones, and now everyone is on the table, as it feels like my brain is playing Smash or Pass with everyone I see, whether I want it to or not.
I want to get a stable income going before I started thinking about dating, but my brain is getting impatient. It feels like my mind is actively LOOKING for someone to flirt with, and I keep telling myself no. The problem is that I am very reserved, shy, and socially awkward.
It creates a paradox where I FEEL like a rezzler when I KNOW I'm not. In other words, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Please send help.
areudirty
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