[pillsburydoughboyofficial]

i accidentally hit a bug and totaled my car

[hambter]

disappoint a baby monkey and he’ll live to see you die

disappoint a mid-aged chimp and he’ll live to see you cry

[molabuddy]

3 hours of sleep = i hate people who laugh

0 ours of sleep = waouw 🌼🌼🌼🌼🐎

[hambter]

looking for My Lobster

[hambter]

[hambter]

weve been trying for a hamster

[hambter]

Who would you save from a pitfall trap with spike lined walls and lava at the bottom of the hole? The one you dont save dies due to the circumstances.

Who Do You Save From Death?

Hamster

Sayaka

Voting ended onMay 31

[hambter]

Okay, the results are in. We’ll be killing this hamster via lava spike fall trap shortly. Thank you.

[hambter]

id rather sleep on a rock than a crumb

[hambter]

this thing just got charged 243 dollars for a deposit on a utility service because it had no credit history. why the fuck would this thing have credit?

[hambter]

my dentist flipped me off

[hambter]

this human body is creepy

[memorycycle]

i should quit my job and search for the golden ant

[memorycycle]

its actually going pretty well

[hambter]

- glimmer box

- moss

nothing else needed , you can camp for days

[hambter]

the regenerative cycle of the dingleflop

[hambter]

hey its me the guy who rotates the plate in your microwave (yes even while its on) dont forget , radiation exposure increases risk of cancer, dont forget to get me a check up soon

[hambter]

there should be a special type of proper nouns where instead of capitalizing the first letter, the whole noun itself is capitalized for words like GRANDMA

[hambter]

Aha my house is a maze so sorry … let me lead you to the stairway *immediately goes limp as we reach the top step and lets my body fall tumble and crash down, not letting out a single sound or opening my eyes* *im dead at the bottom*