Save me Barry!

“Everything changes when you start to emit your own frequency rather than absorbing the frequencies around you, when you start imprinting your intent on the universe rather than receiving an imprint from existence.” ~ Barbara Marciniak

[cottoncandylesbo]

oh fuck... the adderall has hit my system... the change, it's happening... grRRRGH...!! get away from me, before it's too late...!!

(flails on the ground, then stands up and does the dishes)

[hamlettta]

One of my favorite things about being pregnant right now is a good friend of mine at work is due two days before me. So we’ve been suffering together in the same stages and figuring out our registries together. She’s the type of person to talk about anything and everything and be super open about how she’s feeling while also empathetic to others so I don’t have to worry about communication issues or trying to hold back my real thoughts or offending her.

When the kids are born we’ll have each other to cry to at 3 am when we’re breastfeeding zombies. We’re also not planning each other’s baby showers or anything so there is no pressure for anything, and I would trust her with my baby and she’d trust me with hers. It’s really nice to know we won’t be alone in this

[hamlettta]

Finally bit the bullet and downloaded a prenatal yoga app. I’ve been a tired potato these past 4 months so it was actually difficult 😵‍💫 but man was it nice to stretch and actually use my muscles

[hamlettta]

I really don’t understand why people resist therapy. Well fine actually I do, but come onnn it’s such a great life hack. Alfalfa and I rarely argue and if we do and can’t resolve it we take it to the therapists and they knock some sense into us. Both our therapists are also child therapists and also parents themselves so when this kid comes and we find ourselves struggling we can just ask them what to do. Like hello?? Our lives are so much easier having professionals helping us fix our problems. We just have to listen to them. Like sure I have to face the darkest parts of myself but I’ve been there done that, whatever, boohoo.

The most recent thing is that my therapist told me I have to tell alfalfa whatever I’m feeling even if those feelings are logically silly, like being frustrated that he didn’t put the toothpaste where it was supposed to be. It’s toothpaste, and he got it for me immediately once I asked him about it. But alas, he’s got to know because my face can’t hide my true feelings when I’m trying to be nice and it scares him 🥴

[hamlettta]

Today I was told that I am

1. A disappointment

2. Acting like love is transactional

3. Difficult to talk to

OK and????

[probuccalfat]

dead serious normalize having an average boring ass life where you have enough to meet your needs we do not need to be remarkable we just need to be alive

[vexheart]

[theconcealedweapon]

[hamlettta]

The more pregnant I get the more thankful I am for alfalfa. Not just because he dotes on me but because he’s honest about his feelings and can talk about difficult things. When I first told him I was pregnant, even though it was completely planned, the reality of it all hit him and he actually got depressed. He told me because he tells me everything, but he got worried that I wouldn’t like that he felt that way. I wasn’t phased at all.

I understood why he felt that way- this was a huge life change and he’s generally bad with change. He also is completely aware of how much work it takes to raise a kid the right way and isn’t delusional nor incompetent like most people. He and I aren’t the type of people to say, “I’ve always wanted to be a dad!” Or “I’ve always wanted to be a mom!” Being a parent to us is about doing our best to raise a genuinely happy and emotionally healthy kid while living our own lives to the fullest, not really the experience of being parents or “starting a family”. We are already a family and a kid is just a bonus.

I started therapy in January before getting pregnant with the main goal in mind being fully working through my childhood shit so that I wouldn’t repeat my parents’ mistakes AND so that I could raise the kid the way they specifically need to be raised. My therapist and his therapists are also child therapists so they’re giving us good advice and helping us work through specific situations. My therapist told me I already have a good handle on things so we honestly haven’t worked on much, our sessions are often just me venting and complaining lol. The one thing I need to bring up with her is being open with my feelings to the kid in the moment and being able to tell them when I’m frustrated or upset in a way that teaches emotional regulation rather than scaring them.

Anyway alfalfa has been talking to a lot of his young dad friends and the common themes are: 1. they were depressed the first few months/years and never told their wives or told them way after. 2. Their wives had crazy expectations of them, like one wasn’t allowed to have junk food because she couldn’t have junk food and all of them weren’t allowed or were very restricted to even see their friends for many months to a year when the kid was first born?? 3. Most of them stopped taking care of themselves for years. Thankfully alfalfa has therapists to help him navigate fatherhood and I sure as hell am not going to let him suffer like that. I’ve got to see my friends and so does he once the kid has an immune system.

[hamlettta]

I’m so happy that the weather is getting warmer and after an appointment today I thought to myself damn I gotta get out of flat farm country so I took a break from errands and veered off into the city and took a nice walk along the waterfront with an iced coffee. Trees with white flowers were blooming and tall wispy grass lined the marshland section of the boardwalk. It’s a conservation area so there were lots of happy birds and bees buzzing around along with little sections to hop along rocks and sit by the water.

Man it was so nice and I even stumbled upon a cute little pollinator garden with pretty purple April blooming flowers. It was right by the river and had benches and a picnic table where I sat and just enjoyed the birds and the flowers and the river 😍 so happy it’s spring

[hamlettta]

We’re spending a week glamping with my family and I can’t wait to completely unplug and just listen to the birds not just for lunch or the morning but all day. With a nice little campfire crackling away, reading on a big camp chair in the shade between making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then hiking and exploring the woods and sitting beside a creek with nowhere to go, nowhere to be.

I worked four 12 hour shifts in a row so I fully expected to be a potato on my day off today, but at 5 am my body woke up like 👁️👃👁️ “so are we gonna see the sunrise or what??”

I was able to fight it for an hour by snuggling with alfalfa but ended up jumping out of bed at 5:59 and running out the door to watch the sun rise over the river. It was beautiful, sun rays bursting from the clouds, birds singing and geese honking and flying above. It got me really excited for camping since I won’t have to drive anywhere to just enjoy nature.

[yellow-cat]

suchhh a relief to spend time with other insane people. yes we are fucked in the head. we are both going to make it. i love you

[heartpeacenquiet]

art: Mac Baconai

[glowcowboy]

it is important to cling to wonder btw

[glowcowboy]

many people grow up and forget what it feels like to be a child. we must remember this. we have to remember what a joy it is to play. to learn. to build connections. to grow. to experience. we must hold onto the things that awe us. we are changed by what we love

[stovetop00-deactivated20230907]

We’re winning.

[lilnasxvevo]

I found his bio on societyofpresidentialdescendants.org and it was so delightful I had to copy paste the whole thing:

“Ulysses Grant Dietz grew up in Syracuse, New York, where his Leave it to Beaver life was enlivened by his fascination with vampires, from Bela Lugosi to Barnabas Collins. He studied French at Yale (BA, 1977), and was trained to be a museum curator in the University of Delaware’s Winterthur Program in American Material Culture (MA, 1980). A decorative arts curator at the Newark Museum for thirty-seven years before he retired, Ulysses has never stopped writing for the sheer pleasure of it. Aside from books on Victorian furniture, art pottery, studio ceramics, jewelry, and the White House, Ulysses created the character of Desmond Beckwith in 1988 as his personal response to Anne Rice’s landmark novels. Alyson Books released his first novel, Desmond, in 1998. Vampire in Suburbia, the sequel, appeared in 2012. His most recent novel, Cliffhanger, was released by JMS Books in December 2020.

“Ulysses lives in suburban New Jersey with his husband of 45 years. They have two grown children, adopted in 1996.

“Ulysses is a great-great grandson of Ulysses S. Grant. His late mother, Julia, was the President’s last living great-grandchild; youngest daughter of Ulysses S. Grant III, and granddaughter of the president’s eldest son, Frederick. Every year on April 27 he gives a speech at Grant’s Tomb in New York City. He is also on the board of the U.S. Grant Presidential Library and Museum at Mississippi State University.”

[wakingfromthewater]

And frankly, the novels sound like they slap:

Desmond was nominated for a Lambda Award.

[doctorscienceknowsfandom]

“With his husband of 45 years.” You kids don’t know ... they got together before AIDS, at the peak of the Gay Glam Life. They stayed together as their generation died around them, and made through it to the point where they could marry and have a legal family. He looks like a chipper preppie who never had a serious thought or care in the world, but it took *incredible* determination, commitment, and also luck to get here.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

having now read the first of this man's vampire books, you can absolutely tell that he cares a lot about historical furniture because oh my god he really wanted to tell us about all the historical furniture in this vampire's house. material culture as foreplay. seduction via theses about chairs

[hamlettta]

One of my favorite things is when Bex tells me that another person in their family asks them if I’m still around and if I’m still married. Then when Bex says yes to both they’re genuinely surprised.

Like yes bitch Bex will never be rid of me and neither will my husband!!!

[hamlettta]

So I have a bad doom scrolling addiction especially when I’m stressed. I made my phone grayscale which helped. So I deleted all my social media apps and now tumblr is the last to go. But go it must 🫡