You sighed deeply, understanding just what this meant. You knew you had died, you just really didn't expect to be here quite so soon. The walls were red, the floors were red, everything was red.
"Wow, Satan really needs an interior decorator down here," you rolled your eyes and quickly tapped your foot, waiting for someone to come get you.
After a while, you began to wonder if this was your hell. Patience was NOT one of your virtues so you wouldn't be at all surprised, but then someone finally appeared.
"Thank god," you started, "I was wonderin-"
You shut up. The weird man started walking away at a brisk pace, so you had to speed up to catch up. Hell was not at all what you thought it'd be. For example, this man, who you were assuming was a demon, looked like a middle aged office worker 7th in line for the promotion who is just holding off until retirement in 20 years. If it weren't for his awful sulfury breath, you wouldn't have guessed that he was a demon at all.
The demon led you into a large room filled with more, you guessed it, red. You almost couldn't tell the walls from the floor. And it took you a second to notice the obnoxiously extra throne in the center of the far wall, and the obnoxiously red suited man sitting in it.
Despite your better judgment and prior knowledge, you couldn't help but admit to yourself that the devil was fricking hot. True, his head was partially on fire and that may have had something to do with it, but his eyes, his face, it was exactly the type of person you pictured when thought about walking down the aisle. You chastised yourself for fantasizing about the devil.
The demon, whose name you never caught, left as soon as you entered the room. The devil smiled, and you could see his sharp canines and shrouded face from across the room, and you shivered.
"Greetings mortal," his voice boomed across the hall, "Welcome to hell." His lips curled up in a vicious sneer, and you once again had to convince yourself that you shouldn't be attracted to him.
"Thanks...?" You managed to say without a squeak. Satan laughed, this again booming around the red room.
"Mortal, do you know why you are here? Well, I mean, that's kind of obvious, my dad's a dick, but other than that, do you know why you are here?"
You shook your head. The laugh echoed again.
As the devil came toward you, he seemed to grow in size as his eyes turned a color of vivid red that matched his crimson tie and swirled like a wild flame as he stopped, towering before you, and said,
"I just wanted to say wow. I am SUCH a big fan. I mean, what you did up there?" Satan smacked his lips as he seemed to shrink in size. "Ugh, I just, I kinda wanted you to die earlier cause I'm a fangirl and I wanted to meet you, but like that last bit? I mean, GENIUS! I cannot believe your actually here oh my dad."
You stood, frozen. *The devil... likes me?*
"Oh, man, I just remembered that I should probably introduce myself," he cleared his throat, "The name is Lucifer. Or, you know, if you prefer Satan, The Devil, Bringer of sin, Slayer of all that is good and holy, whatever floats your boat down the river of fire."
You couldn't bring yourself to make any noise other than a soft croak. Lucifer laughed, but then his face got super serious.
"Look, Ma'am. Souls die and go straight to their rooms and their daily complementary torture, you know, the norm. But, when I knew you were coming down, I knew that I had to intercept you. You see, I have a proposition for you."
"Look," Lucifer sighed, "us sinners, we get a bad rap, you know? But like, all we've done is just made a few mistakes, usually, so some of them don't believe in dad, he's a little picky about that sometimes, whatever. Look, the point is, that us major sinners? Demons and the like? We deserve better than just torture all the time. I mean, come on, the same boring tortures over and over again, you get bored with it.
"We just want a little change. Something new. That's why I brought you here. I want your help."
You were taken aback. "My help? With *what*?"
"Well," Lucifer sighed, drawing out a scroll from behind his back, "this is my current contract with my father." He unrolled it to reveal an impossibly long sheet of paper filled with minuscule lettering. You gaped at him.
"What I need from you," he said slowly, " is to help me find the loopholes. I don't want to leave, I like my scarlet paradise."
You scoffed. He gave you an annoyed look but continued.
"Look, the point is that I don't want to leave. But, I've been doing this job for what feels like eternity, and one gets a little bored with forever every now and again. I want you to find me a loophole. Find me a place that says I don't just have to torture souls. Maybe I can throw a party for my demons every once in a while and have the poor wretched torturees do cleanup duty. That could still be considered torture, could it not?"
Despite his strange logic, you could see his point. However, you were confused as to how that had anything to do with you.
"Ugh, please. To heaven with formalities! Just call me Luci."
""Luci," you started, giving him a strange look, "why on God's green earth would you want me?"
"First of all, my father's "green earth" is mostly blue, and second of all, because you are the most renowned lawyer of all time. If anyone can find that loophole, it's you. And, if you do this, I'll turn you into a demon straightaway, so you can skip the whole 'centuries of torture' thing. It's a pretty good deal, if I do say so myself. So? What's it going to be?"
You racked your brain with some kind of solution. While you really didn't want to be turned into a demon, you didn't want to go through centuries of torture either. Another problem was the fact that you would have no idea what you were doing. Finally, you said,
"Alright. Fine. I'll do it."
"Excellent! We'll get started right away!"
As you followed Luci out of the room, you gulped. You didn't have the heart to try to tell him the truth.
Not that you were hopelessly attracted to him (which you were), but something else.
You weren't a lawyer. You were an actor.
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