everything haqi style

am osu! player. IGN: harrharrqi

[haqistyle]

WOAH what is tumblr

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hi i am invading master's profile :3

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i guess i'm back alive now that she's basically never on my mind now

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sayonara

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I failed at being understood.

Fuck the younger generation.

They're more close-minded than the Westboro Baptist Church

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Suicide

Another post.

Quite rare to have two right after another.

Anyways, the topic will be suicide. Rather, my suicide.

This isn't the first time I've thought about this either. I've had experiences, whether it be over academics or emotions. But this time I had a scaring thought: "Will she even care if I died right now?"

One would think 11 years would make it so that she would care deeply if I in fact did die, but our relationship has been so strained and pushed that, honestly, I don't think she even cares about me at all. When we met in the past, it was full of smiles and long conversations, but now its a simple wave and a "hi". She treats everyone else so much more nicely I feel unnecessary in her life.

Can't type anymore, my vision is shaking around and I'm feeling a bit sick.

[haqistyle]

Stressed and Pressed

It's been a year.

More like, its been about 11 years.

For the first time in a while I hung out with some friends. We went off to a Korean restaurant and a boba place, and went home. Yet on the way home I felt uncomfortable. Probably because I didn't really think about this kind of stuff until on the way back. On my mind was her. How she's been. How she's handling things. Other stuff. Yet she wasn't there with us.

I started thinking about her only because, in the past, I suspected one of the people on the car to have liked her a lot in the past. Of course I didn't tell anyone about it, although I did drop hints of my shipping them together in the past (even though it hurt to avoid the truth about my feelings about this).

I kept thinking. On the car ride, they started to go on the topic of her, about how other people we knew might have liked her. What about me? Do I still like her? The entire time I couldn't stop attempting to sort out my feelings. 11 years. Why didn't anything work out? My life would be easier if I never met her in the first place. What if she disappeared?

The moment I thought that thought, I realized my life was ruined long ago. I'm a pathetic man who lives for selfish reasons. Although I seem nice (err debatable) on the outside, it is only to balance out my selfish feelings for her. That sickened me. Nothing about me had changed. My 7 year old personality was still deeply influencing my love life in the present. And I guess it's really impacting me in a negative way.

There's just so much more I want to say but in the end everything comes down to how pathetic I am.

I'm just a waste of a potential for life.

[haqistyle]

dream

I was hanging out with 6 other friends and we decided to go to a restaurant called Limecicle. The menu was strange, and because I was so indecisive I took like 30 min to pick something. In the end I picked the boba noodles, which I thought read as easy cup noodles. While I was waiting in line, one of my friends in that group sat really far away from the others, and she happened to be a person that I like. I wasn't sure whether or not I should sit next to her or the others, since I was a pretty good friend of hers too. After I placed my order she sat next to the others. Then I waited a very long time for my order as I somehow ended up sitting next to her again. No Limecicle was on the side :(

And then I woke up.

[haqistyle]

So I missed my math final and honestly I don't know what to think anymore. Is it despair or is it relief? I just need someone to tell me.

[dennys]

good luck, crispies

[unfamiliarroe]

OKAY IM GOING TO SAY SOME SHIT ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. IT WORKED. IT FUCKING WORKED I WAS ON TUMBLR AND THOUGH ‘well fuck it might as well i mean i need the fucking A in science’ AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW 5 DAYS LATER I CHECK MY GRADES AND WHOOP DE FUCKING DO ALL MY CLASSES HAD A LEAST A B AND I GOT THE A IN SCIENCE

[haqistyle]

Today is the day.

My birthday.

Do I feel older? Or do I feel younger? To be honest, I think discovering myself hasn't been harder since high school. High school was pretty amateur compared to now. I've just only been a lazy fuck this entire quarter, and honestly nothing I do changes that.

I also missed my math final.

Can I just die already.

[haqistyle]

Finals week is next week.

In the end my grades are atrocious and frankly I'm disappointed as well. I don't know, maybe it's just my lack of motivation. My mood hasn't been much better either but who knows, maybe everything will change once winter break starts.

[haqistyle]

small update

Finals week is next week. I haven't really studied or anything so I don't really expect any good grades on my finals.

College is just getting harder and harder while I'm getting lazier and lazier. I still don't think college is the place for me.

I guess on the bright side I'm making more and more friends.

I'm pretty inactive on osu! now ;_; i really want to talk to my friends online but I can't be bothered to open it since I've basically lost all motivation to play. This lack of motivation is also due to a certain someone who quit a few months back who also told me to read Rewrite. I'm glad for having friends like him.

[milkycrossing]

"i’m…. scared.."

“HELLO SCARED. WE ARE DAD.”

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the only thing i got going for me are my 2d waifus :3

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haven't registered for classes

can't register for classes

yay