chrissy teigen’s tweets sentence starters, part 1.
feel free to edit pronouns / anything.
‘ every time someone asks __ for a selfie and says “I never do this” I think back to the night we met when I said it but not about selfies. ’
‘ hate this macbook relationship. “when do you want to update?” “later” “later today or later tomorrow?” oh my god just fucking LATER. ’
‘ i always have a note in my pocket that says “___ did it” just in case i’m murdered because i don’t want him to remarry. ’
‘ i think a good rule of thumb is to never play “fuck/marry/kill” between other couples you are currently sitting with. ’
‘ remember that one time I went into a store because I liked a dress on the mannequin but it turned out to be a mannequin store. ’
‘ my favorite part about my anniversary dinner was the girl who came to our table who john used to bone and also the sea bass. ’
‘ i’m at the age where I want to eat beef stew but then still go “be around cool people” after. ’
‘ chicken pot pies aren’t talked about enough. ’
‘ trump became president the same year people started eating tide pods. ’
‘ i just read the theory that snapchat is using filters to sell our facial recognition to the CIA but i’m not even mad because i look sooo cute. ’
‘ yikes. don’t google “cream pies”, google cream pie recipe. ’
‘ i am good for a single outdoor activity for about 15 minutes. ’
‘ just cried at the amazon prime commercial with the dog lion. i relate to this heavily. ’
‘ my tamagotchi lasted one hour. ___ made me disable it. ’
‘ sometimes I catch myself holding my nail lady’s hand back and realize the extent of my loneliness. ’
‘ remember when that whole foods photo was going around everyone was like “who the fuck would buy a peeled orange” well the answer is me. ’
‘ 4:30am, eating a sausage mcmuffin and looking up the gestation period of animals. ’
‘ i could go like…4 hours before I would excitedly tell someone I was a spy. ’
‘ the only skill i am currently working on is getting a 5.0 uber rating and i am not fucking kidding. ’
‘ i don’t even get what a bb cream is and now you’re telling me there is a cc. ’
‘ i honestly couldn’t date someone that had the audacity to have a too-large carry on bag. ’
‘ the best revenge really is being nice. OR MURDER. ’
‘ sometimes i think i just rant so i can say, “ugh, I need a drink”. then i get to drinking. ’
‘ threw up in the cab into a bag of cool ranch doritos. this hangover is no joke. also i’m pretty sad about my doritos. ’
‘ why the fuck do frozen foods assume your drunk ass knows the wattage of your microwave? my sober ass doesn’t even know. ’
‘ do you ever feel like your dog is disappointed in you. ’
‘ i am basically just refreshing websites until i fucking die i guess. ’
‘ i have not put my phone down once today. my hand, it aches. my eyes, dry. my pettiness… my pettiness has somehow maintained its strength. ’
‘ what is a tattoo you wanted when you were younger but, thankfully, never got? mine is kermit. ’
‘ drinking game for tonight is to never stop. ’
‘ some people are just hell bent on being the fucking worst. ’
‘ pocket animal crossing might be okay for you AC newbies but for us tom nook loyalists it is merely a hit of the crack that is the actual, real, animal crossing. it lacks the heart. the soul. it’s a sandwich with no meat. a car without tires. that said, i have spent 120 dollars on leaf tickets. ’
