Bodily 20 | PF-DID | CRP Introject | pfp by antlergrave : ENDOS / PRO / NEUTRALS DNI , ANY NON TRAUMAGEN PEOPLE OR SUPPORTERS DNI | womp womp I won’t debate with you womp
Heya I’m Toby, I’m managing this little blog for myself,,, because I’m bored and I can LOL. So let me speedrun a little intro:
20yo | Introject | PF-DID + AuDHD + BPD | I stutter a lot irl and it SUCKS!! This blonde bitch @repulsivefreak laughs at me for it (ily.. don’t kill me)
I like horror/ supernatural shit like: Slenderverse, CRP, DBD, Supernatural (the show) , Fran Bow, Other cool horror games I’m too lazy to list atm,, and also Sonic and Transformers special interests LOL
𖤐 DNI 𖤐
Note: this is literally just because I genuinely have no patience or will to deal with these kinds of people
BASIC DNI (racists/homophobes/transphobes/bigots/Zionists/etc)
Endos / non-traumagens + supports
Proshippers / darkshippers / commshippers idk any variation of ts
z00s / MAPs / Necros .. get out !!
TransIDs / Radqueers
Anti-recovery IRLs / DAs (I’m personally not going to encourage your delusions, not very comfortable for me)
Anyone under 16
If you believe in narcissistic / BPD abuse
𖤐 THIN ICE 𖤐
Fictionkins -> just don’t treat me weird!
Sourcemates or other crp introjs -> don’t act like you know me on a personal level idk you like that
Anyone that’s 16-17 yos -> I don’t really want to be friends with minors
Uhhhhhhhh idk I think that’s it
Anyways, thanks for reading! Anyone apart from those listed r fine to interact I don’t rlly care, I’m here for shits and giggles
Man out blog really went from “wow can’t stop posting” to “sorry guys you get a vent every so maybe”
Basically life has been shit, our senior dog passed away, life feels like a hydraulic press on my soul and I’m losing it
Im tired, genuinely exhausted, paranoid on the highest level because of course we have an insane amount of anxiety holders plus the WORST paranoia holder we have in front because yeah… yeah that’s what I wanted
I’m also trying not to throw up but that’s besides the point I guess, I feel like km about to end up like riddler and start shaking like a chihuahua because im having a moment
All of us feel like doom, despair, and everything shitty so it’s truly an experience tbh
Kind of hoping Neo (our gatekeeper) pushes someone whos either very apathetic or a little to front so we can take a break from nauseating anxiety and panic
Yeab no yeahh because I love waking up after a nightmare and feeling only panic and fear that if I went leave my room one of my abusers would be there no yeah cause that’s what I wanted yeah to wake up and immediately fight off a panic attack half awake because I genuinely thought they had come to our home to visit and wouldn’t leave for awhile yeah totally. Awesome. Amazinf even
Vent, don’t know what tws to put on this so be aware I guess
Highkey want to cry my eyes out because I can’t sleep, my organs feel like they’re vibrating and no one is awake to talk to us to distract us of the impending doom of everything because our emotions r shit right now
And it’s honestly because we’ve been forgetting to take our meds consistently for around 3+ weeks now and our BPD is full on beating me up
And I want to throw up because I don’t like feeling like this, I’m usually the one who helps bring out mood up but I just feel really sad and like a crybaby for wanting to just be held or something
Like I don’t know.
Maybe I’m too needy, maybe I just need to shut up and push it away because it’s honestly not that serious. But my body is in mass amounts of genuine pain from both the mood swings and how hard they hit
And then that thing where we feel like everyone is enemy #1 as soon as one little non important thing happens is starting up again and it’s messing me up really bad
I feel stupid, I want to cry, and I just want to curl up and never get up again
I really really hate being so sensitive, I hate it? I hate it and I’d kill to just. Have a day where I don’t have to worry about anything, or feel like I’m not loved even though I rationally know I am
And it’s stupid it’s stupid because none of it is rational and I can’t tell if it’s anything important or if it’s just my dumbass because we’ve accidentally skipped a lot of doses of our meds
Why can’t I do anything right
My head hurts, I’m upset, and I feel like a big baby over this
I bet 10$ we’ll end up breaking down or crying chat
I heart BPD and how it’s like “oh haven’t been spoken to in (amount of time) yeah you’re the worst and everyone hates you and you’re annoying and this other person sucks but also you suck but everyone else is shit because they hate you and-“ /sar
Like oh my god. What the fart. Please let me be normal for two seconds I beg
Or it’s stupid stuff like
“Yeah you’re fucked you’re gonna be alone and that’s why you feel like shit because they hate you and won’t talk to you on purpose and you’ll be abandoned”
Like dude let me BREATHE it’s like being kicked when we’re already down on my god
Totally need to rant about this shit ass system Vrc group , I had so much high hopes it’s pretty new and I’d called “System Hideout” they made a world to go with it, and theyre anti Endo so this felt like a space we could make friends in . Me and 2 friends @baebaedenaee & @pup-in-ribbons (both singlets btw) hung out there before in maybe 2-3 times max?
And yesterday we were in the room with the staff/owners just hanging out chatting and Denae made a e-sex joke , A JOKE, nothing in details nothing explicit and they told her not to say that , so she stopped, and not even 5-10 minutes later one of the staff makes a joke about un consensually touching their partner, thought it was weird so we left, today we came back hung out for an hour and Denae (who was regressed) randomly got instance/world banned, she was dead quiet sitting with me while me and Pupcake talked, we went and asked the staff what she did and “apparently” she was breaking rules, we asked what rules she broke and they were tip towing around it, they said how somebody reported her and that she did multiple inappropriate things, which they refused to elaborate on. The staff/owners ganged up on me and Pupcake saying how “well we can back eachother up because we were there” like bitch. Y’all glazing eachother stfu. Than they started saying weird things about Denea accusing her of things I’m not going to repeat. How this isn’t a age regression instance even though this is a system space SAFE FOR LITTLES TOO, THEY HAVE A LITTLE ROOM/AREA , Pupcake got banned before me so I decided to just leave because they were genuinely being assholes, they banned me from their group when I left.
I’d like to mention how their ban screen is very bright and disorienting and loud. You can’t even just click out of it you have to completely close out vr and personally I feel isn’t epilepsy safe
So honestly fuck you guys because my friend did nothing wrong and y’all are a bunch of bitches , you are not a safe space if you’re going to do shit like that and be on a little power high
Not tryina romanticize being persecutors but also mfs got to stop saying that persecutors are all misunderstood, no. Not all of them, I know what I do and I don’t care enough to change.
Like yes. I’m problematic, plainly that.
Also I don’t say ts in “oh evil alter” way. Like. No? We just aren’t fucking perfect?? Like dude. Mentally ill systems are not gonna have all parts be nice and kind and perfect at coping even with therapy and meds.
We went through too many years of self destruction and trauma 4 that. LOL.
Hope ts doesn’t come off as edgy emo alter. I’m just ranting here since I’m not interested in pissy headmates if I say something wrong to whoever they fuckin’ talk to.
At the point where I’m like. Hoping that through divine intervention our body will stop being enemy #1
I dry heaved into the toilet for NO REASON like why am I feeling sickly dude. WHY.
And we also might have gastroparesis, time to go to gastroenterologist for the millionth time
Lowk we have been avoiding going back after getting our gallbladder removed bc I fear they’ve seen enough from us LOL
Also kinda still annoyed over the fact that we can’t even dance to the music we like in our room like losers without needing to sit or lay down because we’re super symptomatic to our hear rate going higher
Us vs figuring out what the fuck is wrong with us physically
“Guys polymindence isn’t like systems at all, the terms are just purely coincindental and the term ‘active’ comes from the subpersonalities wiki [doesn’t give any further proof of other terms not being system based]. Anyway I’ve heard a polymind person say they here voices and that led them to discover they’re polymind, also look at the emojis I made for polyminds with a version for systems the only difference being the word used (switch and swap). Anyway since I’m polymind I’m gonna call myself plural and get upset at systems for saying you can’t be multiple if your not a system/have a cdd. Everyone has sub personalities and parts [correct but from the way they’re talking this basically sounds like everyone is polymind] have you ever seen a show where a character has to face a part of themself [yes that’s how you represent internal conflict this is normal and cool and not “I’m actually multiple minds who take control” stfu!!!]”
jaw on the floor type shit
you’re taking a normal human experience everyone has (sub personalities) and misunderstanding and misrepresenting it to its very core. Using system language and literally calling yourself multiple. It literally sounds like you just want to be a system but know endos get hate so youre trying to save your ass by making shit up but you’re literally doing the same thing endos do. No you aren’t multiple, stop trying to separate your sub personalities as their own people who can take control of your body. For the love of god!! Can you guys do proper research (“every anti endo/anti polymind argument just sounds like they don’t understand what endo/polymind is and they need to do their research”) im sobbing you’re the one who needs to do actual research Jesus christ gaaaaaaah
I hate endos and I hate polyminds youre literally the same with the same talking points and complaints and both butchering and misunderstanding the human mind and the disorder your copying
stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters stop discovering new alters
