The Turtle Talks

A turtle amongst anteaters walking on the Edge with God.

[jayce]

[tadashinghamadas]

Hiro mirroring his brother’s words

[haveasmileitsonme]

#BigBrother #Balalalala

[phx5pwr-deactivated20240513]

This actually made me cry.

[grayscalewinter]

I find this really relevant today of all days.

[godoftheoppressed]

The Biblical model for marriage is not Adam and Eve, but God and Israel.

[haveasmileitsonme]

Dear 2013,

You have been the weirdest year that I have ever had the pleasure of dealing with. I guess I shouldn't be surprised seeing as your older siblings have taken me on some wacky adventures as well.If you asked me when we first met where we would be now, I would not even remotely have an answer that resembles our ridiculous journey.

Let's see...

I lost a lot of my community, but created new friendships that helped me stop living in the longing for yesterday. Thankful for my YA community, Delta G buddies, the Jubilee Project, and my 3rd mom that made a mark on me this past season.

Went through a huge season of despair due to a mixture of loneliness and feelings of entitlement. But never have I ever felt closer to God or more inspired to pursue things bigger than myself.

I did not think I could legitimately cook, sing, play an instrument, disciple someone, or even financially support myself at all, yet the impossible was done in front of my very eyes as Jesus led the way.

So to your younger brother, 2014, I get the sense that we will get along just fine. He's apparently called the Year of the Open Door. Wasn't there a song called Love is an Open Door, do you think that means anything? Regardless I'm already excited for what is to come. More joy, more freedom, more challenges, more love, more Jesus.

[jspark3000]

There are days or weeks or even months when I read the Bible and there are no grand epiphanies. There are whole seasons of Sundays when I sing praise and feel nothing. There are times of prayer where the silence kills me. There are great Christian books and podcasts that I eat up which don’t budge my spiritual life. There are too many times when I doubt the very existence of God and the sending of His Son. It can all feel like a crazy lie. I’m probably being too honest — but I’ve found that I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s in those times that I ask myself, “Am I out of love with God somehow? Am I losing my faith here? How do I get back to where I used to be?” But I keep reading my Bible. I keep singing on Sundays. I keep praying. I soak in books and sermons. I serve. I enjoy the company of mature Christians. I enjoy the fellowship of the broken. And you know what? Sometimes the clouds part and God comes through and His love squeezes my heart and I fall to my knees remembering how good He is. Then I read Scripture and can’t stop weeping and I turn on Christian songs in my car full blast and sing loud enough to scare the traffic. I serve with shaking hands and get convicted by those sermons and soak in God’s goodness all over again. So I’ve learned over time: I wasn’t really out of love with God. I’m just a fragile human being who changes as much as the weather. I was setting a ridiculous standard for myself that can’t be defined by self-pressuring parameters. I was tricked by the enemy into judging my flesh. My faith is based on His grace and not my feelings. And I think I need to relax.

J.S. from this post (via jspark3000)

[haveasmileitsonme]

I feel like it is ridiculously unbelievable when people point out other people's sufferings and talk about what they should do behind their back in some "I know better" attitude, but never bother to help or do anything about it.

[haveasmileitsonme]

Just one of those seasons of life where you just can't get away from disappointments. Even my own safe space seems to be invaded.

[haveasmileitsonme]

Why is it that as a Christian, your Christian friends hurt you far worse than any of your non-Christian ones :[.

[goodwomenproject]

Lie #1: “Let’s get lunch” = “let’s reproduce one day!”

[strategos]

“Ultimately, we just want to get to know you beyond the fact that you’re a Christian and a [fe]male.”

This is an excellent read regardless of which side of the gender spectrum you’re on.

[haveasmileitsonme]

Preachhhhh!

[haveasmileitsonme]

"You'll never really have had something, until you've given it up"

After being pretty distrustful of people, I thought I was making headway after being at UCI/The Edge. Slowly but surely my irrational fears dissolved and I wasn't so paranoid of people backstabbing me or misunderstanding me.

Now one of my fears is pretty much living with me. I don't know what it is. I'd never have expected him to be someone that would grind my gears so easily. Every time he walks into the room, I notice myself change. I'm more quiet, I don't act like I normally would, and I feel more self aware because I feel like I'm being judged. No matter how unintentional it is, I either feel really misunderstood or hurt by a lot of things that have happened thus far. And even when I try to casually reply for him to not do things like that, he replies with something like "it's just a joke" or "I'm not trying to make fun of you or anything". Further pressing the initial feeling.

But.

Somehow, I know that despite how I feel, God is doing something to and for me. Being reminded of my own flaws and poor perceptions of others, God is continuing to humble me and remind me of Him and the good that has happened. Still learning to forgive and be graceful. Here's to hoping that things get better.

[ragamuffinyyy-deactivated201712]

“girls compete with each other…women empower one another”

[strategos]

Amen. Same goes for boys ii men.

[haveasmileitsonme]

Definitely same goes for Boys and Men.

[deletedgoodbye-deactivated20170]

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

Robin Williams (via yurize)

[haveasmileitsonme]

Thankful

I've honestly been having a bad... what is it now... 3 months now? and I just can't seem to fight it anymore. When you feel like you're just starting to become a little better, you end up taking 100 steps back and doing the very thing you despise.Somehow I can tell myself the lie that I can keep it together so that nothing bad will come out, but that's a ridiculous statement, when I know that the fruit of the spirit that I'm worst at bearing is self-control. And "If you go around plugging leaks all day, you are bound to miss one. And. before you know it,. the flood gates open and something big falls through the cracks." Too many "I can't believe I did that", too many "why did I let that happen or get to that point", and too many "if only..."s

It's easy to get caught up in a storm of self-defeat. Truth is, yes I'm a terrible sinner who can't even get some basic functions down. But,I'm reminded of how thankful I am that God forgives and loves me. He's always reminded me that His blood is definitely enough. And even though it's hard to see through the troubles and lies, I look to one of my favorite verses from the Old Testament.

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,     the bitterness and the gall. 20 I well remember them,     and my soul is downcast within me. 21 Yet this I call to mind     and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,     for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning;     great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:19-23

I think to myself "Why should anybody bother? I'm angry, I'm impatient, I'm insecure, I'm irrational, etc..." Yet somehow He still calls me "son". It's too easy to lose awareness on how thankful I really should be about His furious love and grace. He's way too good to me.

[haveasmileitsonme]

Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead. Medicine, psychiatry, and social work offer us models in which "service" takes place in a one-way direction. Someone serves, someone else is being served, and be sure not to mix up the roles! But how can anyone lay down his life for those with whom he is not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship?

Henry Nouwin.

[haveasmileitsonme]

Turtle Tumblings

Beware Steam of Consciousness/Long Post

Melodramatic

This past summer has been really hard dealing with two of my friendships that I hold dear to me. If you know my story, you know why I care so much about the great friendships I have the opportunity to have. To put it simply, friendships make and break me. They're gifts from God, and when it gets to a point where I feel like it's slipping I get really discouraged and frustrated. Somewhere down the line I start feeling like I'm doing all the initiating and risk-taking in these friendships. I don't mind doing it most of the time, that's who I am. But is it so wrong to wish that once in a while that they'd be the first person to reach out, or send a text, or send a reminder that they care about me? Is it wrong to be thinking that? God I hate being insecure. Luckily, I'm reminded of God's providence and grace. He's been keeping me sane and showing me how ridiculously melodramatic I can get. Reminder that as a person who needs to be representing Christ's love, I need to be able to selflessly love and not have any expectations outside of Him.

In fact just hanging out with one of them showed me a bit of why our friendship the way it is. There are just things we don't have in common. Goodness, why did I ignore that for so long. Maybe I was just hoping for the best. But as soon as I was able to admit it to myself, a few new doors opened up (some actually literally) and was reminded of why we were friends in the first place. Praise God.

[haveasmileitsonme]

One of those songs that embodies the season that you're going through.