don't make the mountain your enemy

Call me Hawk. 30. Clinical Biologist. Carnivore. Runner. Discord: Paige3760

[2-beadyeyes-deactivated20251104]

um. cut him in half

[gorbling]

hot dog or hamburger style, boss

[nature-travel-photography]

Was here at Yosemite National park around January - Author: LimberLight

[hawkeyedflame]

my best friend called bidet users the vegans of the bathroom world and i think i disagree with that even more vehemently than i disagree with the use of 10,000-ply toilet paper

[atepa09]

Are they vegan about it in regards to; they constantly talk about their use of the bidet and it’s ‘advantages’ whether you asked them about it or not?

[hawkeyedflame]

to my understanding he meant that they think they're better than everyone else

[hawkeyedflame]

my best friend called bidet users the vegans of the bathroom world and i think i disagree with that even more vehemently than i disagree with the use of 10,000-ply toilet paper

[hawkeyedflame]

whatever, a girl can nightmare

[hawkeyedflame]

I decided last week that I am done chasing people who don't meet me halfway and that whichever relationships die because of me not texting first/driving the meetups, so be it. None of these friends are flaky or bad people, they're all very busy with partners and jobs and kids and stuff, but that's not really an excuse. If someone is a priority in your life, you put in the effort so that they know. I can't keep being the only one checking in. I didn't say anything to any of the people who were top of mind when I made this decision, but one of them surprised me today by asking me if we can get coffee every week from now on. I guess you just have to let go to find out who is going to catch you.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Amen!

[echoedcall]

I've thought about this, for different reasons, but I feel guilty about actually doing it.

What if they are thinking the same thing, and its why they are not reaching out? What if im the problem?

I actually had a long time friend effectively tell me to stop reaching out to her, because i only did it on my own time, when i wanted something, or needed social connection. (I could say I was busy, but to be fair, she had a point). I was never there when she needed me, just when I needed her.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

An honest friendship goes both ways. However there's always a need to be upfront in a friendship about how you feel. Are you depressed? Tell someone. Are you busy with work? Tell someone. Are you just living your life? Live it. Friendships come in s number of different dynamics. Just because you don't always reach out doesn't mean you don't care. It means you have priorities in your life that have importance.

Some men especially don't talk for years, will see each other and seem like they just saw each other yesterday. All you can do is your best. But at the end of the day, communication is key.

[yetanotherdayofdrudgery]

Also, apparently that's an ADHD trait, if what I read somewhere is correct.

[hawkeyedflame]

it is absolutely an ADHD trait. that's still not an excuse. i have ADHD and i became aware that i was hurting certain people in my life by not reaching out. because i don't need constant contact to love and care about people, i often would let friendships fall to the wayside and then i would lose them while they were waiting for me to remember they exist. i worked really hard to break that behavior and now it's become very apparent to me who has and hasn't done the same work. i'm just no longer interested in having relationships with people who tell me we should spend more time together and then never reach out, i'm done being the one always checking in. it's not like i am hurt, i understand it, but it doesn't mean i have to stay and keep putting in effort that is only returned when it's convenient.

[hawkeyedflame]

I decided last week that I am done chasing people who don't meet me halfway and that whichever relationships die because of me not texting first/driving the meetups, so be it. None of these friends are flaky or bad people, they're all very busy with partners and jobs and kids and stuff, but that's not really an excuse. If someone is a priority in your life, you put in the effort so that they know. I can't keep being the only one checking in. I didn't say anything to any of the people who were top of mind when I made this decision, but one of them surprised me today by asking me if we can get coffee every week from now on. I guess you just have to let go to find out who is going to catch you.

[hawkeyedflame]

i told something to my voice teacher yesterday that really scared me to say out loud because it made it real, but it was important to tell her. she was very receptive and took me as seriously as i hoped she would, which is also scary. i don't feel ready, but i guess one only becomes ready through the process anyway, so here goes...something.

[eatpussypraylove]

Favorite adderall review

[joebidensbignaturals]

[ralfmaximus]

You have to watch the dosage.

[mortimermcmirestinks]

You have to watch the dosage.

[the-davest-of-uncles]

You really have to watch the dosage.

[disgruntled-foreign-patriarch]

As someone who has been on Adderall before, this is No Joke.

I once took WAY too much to do a drive from CT to Boston and then from Boston to Michigan. I did it all. Without peeing, without eating, and barely drinking.

By all rights, I should have stroked out.

[hawkeyedflame]

one of my friends was put on the absolute max dose of addie right out the gate and it made her so insane that she became a kleptomaniac. she stole a whole-ass christmas tree from target once. you have to watch the dosage

[hawkeyedflame]

if you wait for your fear of being vulnerable to go away before you let someone see you, you will be small and invisible forever.

[hawkeyedflame]

my friend, who is also my voice teacher and a professional opera singer, sang for me yesterday after we finished my lesson. it's an aria that she's been working on for a few weeks and she hadn't shown it to anyone before. when she asked if she could sing for me for a little bit, i said yes, and she replied that she felt embarrassed to do it and that she is scared of one particular passage. i told her she didn't have to if she felt uncomfortable but she insisted on it. and then she sang, and it was so beautiful it transported me somewhere else entirely. and she delivered the passage that intimidated her with flawless execution.

the thing is, she is legitimately one of the most insanely skilled singers i have ever heard in my life. the reason for that is not because of her natural talent, but because she learned how to work with and in spite of her fear of being vulnerable in front of others in order to find and deconstruct her weaknesses. singing is an intimate behavior, it is natural to feel afraid to share it with others. even though she has performed hundreds of times in front of literally thousands of people in the past, she still felt nervous. after years on stages, she still had fear singing for me. and she still sang.

the fear doesn't go away. if you want to grow, you must learn to make space for it.

[hawkeyedflame]

if you wait for your fear of being vulnerable to go away before you let someone see you, you will be small and invisible forever.

[hawkeyedflame]

haha hey did anyone else ever have their mouth scrubbed with soap as a kid for swearing/back talk or was my mother just a psychopath

[sweatermuppet]

having childhood PTSD is crazy. like whyd they do that to me? lol

[hawkeyedflame]

in other news

[hawkeyedflame]

guess what's relevant again

[hawkeyedflame]

The NBA kicked Florence off of her spot at TD Garden on Sunday because the Celtics are in the finals bracket, and she was forced to move the show to Monday, which means my friend can no longer come with me because she is working (on what is normally her day off, because God hates both of us apparently). I am sure she is way more upset than I am, but at this point I'm wondering what I did wrong in a past life to be having such a horrid fucking year. I was literally clinging to this show, and to sharing the experience with someone for whom it would be equally meaningful, in what has otherwise been a dogshit year. I just want a fuckign break from everything. I'm so tired and overwhelmed.

[hawkeyedflame]

i took a mental health day from work bc i have some really awful shit going on rn, i was out running errands and i fucking ran straight into my mother at the grocery store but she somehow did not see me. when i tell you guys i panicked and literally bolted away while hiding the tattoo on the back of my arm as i went, praying she wouldn't recognize me from behind. i was straight up shaking as i speedran the checkout and it's been 40 minutes since this happened and my heart is still racing.

i am genuinely shocked by how powerful and automatic that response was. i was not a 30 year old woman in that moment, i was a 10 year old girl abjectly terrified of being caught doing something wrong. holy shit. talk about ptsd, jfc

[hawkeyedflame]

I’m glad you’re ok!

I'm also glad I'm okay! I was genuinely terrified for my life until I heard my friend shouting for me. My knees are scraped up and my calf is sore as hell but I'm fine thanks to her. I still can't believe none of the 15+ other people directly in front of us on the beach made any motion to assist, even as she was literally dragging me out of the water while I was clearly incapable of standing or walking on my own. My tendonitis was also flaring because the sand is so shifty, so I legitimately couldn't support my own weight at all on either leg. She was only half able to carry me because she's shorter than me but nobody came to help. Actually ridiculous.