Because it's my job. Nobody would know, though...

stormxpadme's RP-Blog. Porn. Lots of porn. IC: Hawkeye. Ex-carnie, ex-car thief, ex-dancer, ex-soldier, Ex-S.H.I.E.L.D.-Agent and part time Avenger. Compromised. Adrenaline-addicted. BDSM player.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

She’d been the one to ask, so Tabby had no choice but accept his answer. Even if it stung. Even if felt like another loop in the cycle of them hurting, then healing, then hurting and healing all over again. The small, silent fear that what drew Clint to her was the pain. Another, more socially acceptable way, of self-flagellation.

“You didn’t leave me alone on purpose, Clint. That wasn’t exactly your fault.” That she could easily forgive. Lives were messy. People were complicated. And in this post-Thanos world, was there really anything to bitch about compared to over 3 billion disintegrated souls. “And I’m not sad. I’m just…” Weighed down by survivor’s guilt? Going through the motions until the next alien attack arrives. “… tired. I’m tired, is all.”

“Come ‘ere?” He reached out his arm, waiting for her to scoot closer, with a shy curl between his brows. “I promise, I’ll behave. You just... you look like you need someone to lean on.” She’d done that often enough for him. Now that she was worn down by this almost palpable sadness and couldn’t even talk about it, the least he owed her was a little comfort. As much as she would accept.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

“My kitchen has survived me for all these years. You’d have to try pretty hard to break it.” She slid in the one last quip before settling back to watch the TV, both legs folded up and tucked beneath her small body as her head rested against the threadbare fabric of her couch.

Contestants sifting ingredients and whipping up batters were only so good of a distraction. Clint’s presence beside her continually tugged at her awareness. For all the time that had passed, now he was here, it felt like it was barely a blink of an eye. Maybe there were a couple more lines on both their faces, but so many other things felt the same.

“You’re brooding.” No judgement, but she said it before her eyes turned away from the screen to look at him. And she softened as she did. “Big brooding Hawk-in-his-nest kind of brooding.” Maybe they should just watch TV and chill, but maybe she could be a bit braver. And she was never good at resisting the need to heal Clint’s hurts. “Want to talk about it?”

“Just thinking about you. I hate to see you sad.”

Especially the last years in isolation had taught Clint to be honest, because there was no running from feelings in the end anyway. Especially when being confined to one place.

“This whole time I was sure you’d be happier without me, you know... That you deserve better. And now I feel like shit for leaving you alone with all this.”

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

It was a rhetorical question about why disasters happened when Clint was absent, but while he laughed, Tabby joined in with a wry shrug of her shoulders, palms half lifted in a gesture to suggest she had no clue either. Because they were kidding around, and because she didn’t want to say that his teammates had always needed Clint more than he needed them. That he was the one who saw quickest through the bullshit. Saw the best path to take. He hadn’t always viewed it that way though. And some of the team hadn’t really figured it out either.

“Bake Off is good. I haven’t binged the latest season yet.” She was already reaching for the remote to load up the first episode. It was a safe option. Good, wholesome kitchen activities. No chance of awkward surprise graphic sex scenes or anything like that. “Just don’t let me try to bake a cake after the first episode. I get stupidly inspired and forget that it’s better for me, my oven, and everyone, to just buy one from the store instead.”    

“Well, we could always try together. Had lots of work for cooking and baking lately. I promise not to wreck your kitchen.”

With half of his attention on what was going on on that screen, Clint took his time watching Tabby from the corner of his eyes. She’d never been that carefree ray of sunshine, life had treated her too roughly for that. But now there was an especially deep aura of sadness around her. It bothered him. Tabby had always been that dry, no bullshit optimism that had kept him grounded. If the world had broken her, it could break anyone.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

“Depends what you’re in the mood for, Farm Boy.” Tabby slid into the empty space beside Clint, a small gap remaining between their bodies as she settled into the seat. A little distance seemed safer. Less confusing. Less risk of boundaries getting blurred. “I mean, I’m still mad Sense8 got cancelled, but we’ve still got Reality TV. Cooking challenge TV. Teenage angst TV. Horror TV. You name it, I can find it.” 

“They cancelled what now? Why is it the world goes to shit everytime I take a few months off?”

Clint tried it with dry chuckle, that was so much better than let Tabby hear how much that small distance hurt. It was only his fault that it was there but that didn’t make it better.

“So we have to resort to the Great Bake Off now, huh?”

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

It was hard to imagine Clint as ever having been fifteen. Like he emerged into the world, fully formed with a bow and arrow already in hand, and starting picking up scars from there. But they were all kids once. And they’re all older now, even if not necessarily wiser. And maybe even less sure about what the right path to take is.

Puppies are easier to think about. “An apartment of puppies would be cute until it came time to walk them. And deal with the poops. Unless you’re volunteering to be in charge of all that. Then it’s a deal. I’ll be in charge of puppy cuddles and pats.”

“Well, at least that would be a new profession, eh? Just gotta rob a bank first.” Something between a chuckle and a sigh on his lips, Clint stretched out on the sofa, feet propped up on the table and nodded at the seat next to him. “Update me, Brooklyn, what’s the latest shit to bingewatch?”

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

Hey, it’s okay. I am still very, very, very happy you’re alive. And that you’re here. The rest is just more complicated. 

And you know if we go anywhere with puppies that one or both of us will end up bringing a dog home. Maybe more than one. We’d end up with a whole swarm of puppies crawling all over the place. Which would be cute and hilarious, true.

Yeah it is. Guess we’re not like 15 anymore.

Actually that would be kinda cute. I can think of worse things.

[hawkinadistance]

carissime72 replied to your post: So this whole half-of-the-world-dying thing got...

Like that guy would have to pay for it

Eh, you know. Less questions, less attachments.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

I haven’t figured that part out yet, Farmboy. About you and me. Not just on car hoods…. in general. And I’ll probably need a bunch of alcohol first before I come to a decision.

You’re sweet thought. And I appreciate the thought about smiling and all that. You’re due a little happiness too though, after the last rough few years.

Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have... Forget I said something. We’ll talk this over when you’re done thinking.

Eh, maybe we should go to a puppy farm or something. I heard that’s instant laughter.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

I missed you too.

As for me… I don’t know. I could blame it on half the world disappearing but humanity is weirdly good at adapting, right? The Black Plague took out millions of people and still, we kept on going.

I guess I’m just older. Two more years and I turn thirty. Had to happen eventually that I’d stop screwing around on the hoods of cars and start being a bit more of an adult.

You mean, we can’t fuck on car hoods anymore?

That whole older thing suits you, though. Just miss your smile a little. But I’ll do my best to bring it back.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

No. You can sit and relax Clint. Watch some TV. You don’t have to earn you keep. Plus even if you did, pizza is worth at least two nights stay at House Tabby.

I think I’ve seen enough of American Idol and Dancing with the stars for my whole life, Brooklyn. I’d rather watch you. And hear from you. You’ve... I don’t know. You’re different. I mean, we all are. But you... I’d like to come with you to where you’ve been in the last years. God, I missed you.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

Hey, I’m pretty hilarious. Stick around and you’ll be laughing non stop.

And damn right there will be no judging me for my pizza. I want a cheese pizza. As much cheese as they can fit on it

You know, I just might. And not only because you make me laugh.

That’s my girl. I’ll make that too. Right... 20 minutes. Anything else around here that needs repairs or something?

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

Pizza is a good start. 

Maybe after we eat, we’ll do one of those high school aptitude tests for you. You know, the kind that tells you what career path you should follow, now you’re out of the spy-superhero game.

And that’s why I’ll always be back for you. Won’t find a girl who really understands the love for pizza just everywhere.

Also, that’s like the first time I laughed in years. Thanks for that, Brooklyn.  What’s on your pizza? I’ll order. No judging here. You can have pineapple if you want. Or other little pizzas on it. Or hot dogs. I’m very pizza liberal.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

Okay. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you might go dark again. Especially since you were all hunting around Asia still trying to be heroic. Especially after all that happened. But if you ask me, you didn’t let the world down. We wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with if the world hadn’t been assholes about the Accords, and just let you guys do your thing.

But anyway. I’m also sorry I did the not-subtle thing about Laura. That wasn’t cool of me. But you don’t have to live like a monk anymore. You don’t have to worry about the government or house arrest or ghosts in China. Now we just have to keep you from sleeping on the streets and figure out what comes next.  

No need to apologize, Brooklyn. I’m the ass here who left. Yeah... Figuring something out sounds like a plan, I guess. Right now I don’t have the slightest idea what the fuck to do with my life.

How about we start with pizza though? Still got enough buck to buy ya one.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

I don’t know. Feels a little link jinxing fate to say we’re safe now. Who know which alien fucker is waiting to have his turn at changing Earth to his liking?

You’re not useless Clint, and you know it. Look, I don’t know why they didn’t call you in. If there was any reason though, I’m sure it involved Natasha watching out for your ass. And I know I’m not mad at her for that. For keeping you safe.

So is that what you’ve been doing since then? Wandering the world, looking for someone to make suffer? Or just beating yourself up along the way.

Because I really need to know that now. I haven’t asked if you were sleeping with your wife or any shit like that. But I need to know if you’re going to start spiralling. If I’m going to have to get you out of some bloody, messy, broken situation again.

Yeah. Guess you’re right. Just hope for the best then and all.

Guess I can’t be the hypocritical ass here who doesn’t call you to protect you and then be mad at someone else for doing the same, huh? Doesn’t change the fact that I should have been there. Every goddamn fucking teenager they recruited in the last years was there, and I’m like driving my tractor in circles out of boredom... I feel like I let the whole world down, you know? Eh, whatever. Not like they didn’t have my number.

More or less. There were rumors that somewhere in Asia there’s this guy who knows this weird sorcerer guy who does all that cosmic shit. Stupid lead, really, chasing ghosts. Maybe I was hoping I could catch a ride up there and kick that ol’ scrotumface ass or something. No luck so far though. And no... Been there, done that, enough for a lifetime. I’m done fucking myself up for things that weren’t my fault in the first place. Promised you, Brooklyn. Never again.

And for the historical record... I never touched that woman. I’ve been basically living like a monk. Talk about the government fucking up your life.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

Yeah, I need a really strong drink now.

So, me. Let’s see. I was big into the protests against the Sokovia Accords for awhile. Placards and marching and petitions and everything. It was wrong. I knew that and I wanted to fight it. Not that it did anything in the end. 

And you were gone. So I moved on. Worked and laid low. No one every came asking about me and the files, thank fuck. There was too much dirt for everyone to dig through, and half the guys I informed on either fled the country or disappeared when their secrets came out, so guess I got off easy.

And then there was… that day. Felt guilty for being a survivor and relieved at the same time. This part of town went bad for a few days. People going crazy, looting and shit. Luckily my neighbours had some big guns and took turns guarding the building. Not that there’s anything worth stealing around here, but like I said, everyone just went crazy for a little while.

Must have been hard for you though. Even if it started as a fake family… to live with a woman and two kids for all those years and then lose all of them in the Thanos purge. That’s brutal. I’m really sorry.

Cheers. That’s why I lo... looked out for you, you know. It’s not even your problem and you go protest against that shit. I’m just happy they left you alone. I was worried sick about you. Same story, though. The minute I start looking into you, you’d have had the same guys on your back who were controlling me. But now... Now it doesn’t matter I guess. There’s not enough of us left for them to worry about us. Guess we’re safe or something.

It wasn’t as much grief as anger. Those kids didn’t do anything to anyone. It’s all just so fucking pointless. And there’s nothing I hate as much as someone taking control over my shit. They didn’t fucking ask us, they just decided this is what’s best for the universe. And I didn’t even get a chance to stop it. Like, sure, leave the useless Avenger at home. So fucking sick of it. Been off to Asia for a while after that, see if I can find anyone to fuck up for all of that. But that’s the shitty thing about it. No one on this fucking planet you can ghost for this shit.

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

Thanks. I mean, you didn’t have to tackle the shower problem, but I appreciate it. Plumbers are kind of difficult to come by these days.

So. Do we need to, like, talk about what happened? Or d’you want to just call this a fresh start and I’ll make us some pasta for dinner?

Yeah, like pretty much fucking everything else. At least there’s enough booze around. Want some? Found it in the motel mini bar before I left.

S.H.I.E.L.D. happened, I guess. Might as well get this over with. You can still kick me out, you know. Never told ya I had a wife and kids, right? Yeah, kinda forgot about it myself. S.H.I.E.L.D. longtime background, safety measure when everything goes to hell, when you need to like, take cover for a while. I’ve met that Laura woman like two times before that fucked up robot tried to take over the world. She was supposed to be a safe house, and when I come there, she’s got those kids running around she kinda forgot to tell me about. How’s that for a nice veteran homecoming story? Anyway, someone kinda didn’t update me on that file detail, and the government sure as fuck didn’t know we’re an agent backup family. So with S.H.I.E.L.D. as good as gone and the accords in place, they send me to that farm for two years. and tell me to lay low. I planned to leave as soon as things called down, you know, I really did. Already had a ticket to New York in my nightstand. Then that one kid was sick and then the other, and Laura is horrible at keeping a farm together, so I stuck around for that repair and then the other. Basically it was like ... Don’t know. They were like my responsibility. I thought about calling you there, you know? Living with you in a good place, continue where we left off. But there was always a fucking government eye on us and you already were in danger from those released files. I guess I thought you were safer away from me. First there’s months, then it’s a year, then two, and before I know, I stand in my fucking back yard, Laura tells me my team is on TV and no one fucking bothered to even call me, and an hour later, my beard family turns to ashes. So yeah, that’s my last years. How did you do?

[hawkinadistance]

tabbyrp‌:

Ba… Clint, it’s okay. Seriously. You can crash here for as long as you like. Don’t worry about it. And yeah, shower is still that way. Towels are on the shelf. Watch out for the hot tap though because it likes to get stuck and not turn off properly.

And I’m really glad you didn’t turn to ash either. 

You’re way too good for this shitty world and I’m not gonna take advantage of that. Not again. There’s enough deaths on me already. Back in a minute.

Alright, won’t get any better than that. Your shower is, though, kinda fixed it for now. Gotta find myself the right tools tomorrow, then it’ll be as good as new.