Three times Sophie is told she does not deserve love. One time Sophie is told she deserves all the love.
“What does bastard mean?” 5-year-old Sophie asked her governess with her bright, innocent eyes.
“I’m afraid I cannot answer that, Sophie.” Mrs Gibbons avoided the little girl’s eyes.
“Oh, is it a tough word that you do not know its meaning?” Sophie tilted her head in confusion. She thought her governess knew everything.
“You are not wrong to say that, Sophie.” Mrs Gibbons nodded slowly.
“Would an example help? I’ve heard the other maids say I am the Earl’s bastard child.” Sophie assumed she was helping Mrs Gibbons by providing the example.
“About that…Sophie…” Mrs Gibbons weighed the possibilities of defining the term for Sophie.
“It’s another way to describe ward, Sophie.” Mrs Gibbons decided against telling Sophie the truth.
“So can I say that instead of ward? That I’m the Earl’s bastard child?” Sophie assumed the term was positive.
“I would refrain from doing so, Sophie. We shall all stick to ward. I will inform the other maids as well. Are we clear on this?” Mrs Gibbons’ voice was firm.
“Is this why the Earl does not love me? Like how the other papas love their children?” Sophie was an intelligent girl. Too intelligent for her own sake.
“The Earl cannot love you like other papas do, Sophie. You are his ward. He loves you like a guardian would. Nothing more, nothing less.” Mrs Gibbons believed it was for Sophie’s good that she abandoned any hope early. The more Sophie desired fatherly love from the Earl, the more she would be in pain.
“Nothing more, nothing less,” Sophie repeated Mrs Gibbon’s words, reminding herself she was nothing more than a ward, and nothing less.
“You’re a bastard child.” Rosamund stared straight into Sophie’s eyes.
At least the Earl’s blood flows in me. Sophie wished self-control wasn’t one of her strengths. She had learned the meaning of the term as she aged.
“You should be glad that we are providing for you. A bastard child.” Rosamund enunciated the last two words slowly as if the deliberate pause in between would soften the blow.
Sophie looked at Rosamund, weighing the various replies she could choose from. Something told her silence would be the best answer.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Rosamund expected a rebuttal from Sophie. She expected a defiant response so she could justify her anger.
“If me being at your beck and call all day is not enough, I don’t know what more will appease you.” Sophie was done with Rosamund and gave her an answer. An answer that seemed subservient enough on the surface.
“Nothing you do will appease me. Your very presence itself disgusts me, bastard child.” Rosamund spat.
“I shall make myself scarce then.” Sophie turned to take her leave, too exhausted to entertain yet another of Rosamund’s childish, insecure tantrums.
“Where do you think you’re going!” Rosamund lurched to grab Sophie by her hair.
“Let go, Rosamund. You’re hurting me.” Sophie tried to untangle Rosamund’s fingers from her hair.
“Get your dirty hands off me, you bastard child. How dare you touch me!” Rosamund shrieked as she gave Sophie a forceful slap. A slap so strong, it threw Sophie onto the ground with a resounding thud.
“This will teach you to know your place, bastard child.” Rosamund seemed pleased at the sight of her clear palm imprint on Sophie’s tear-filled cheeks.
“How dare you!” Sophie watched as Araminta charged towards the young servant sitting next to her.
“My lady…” The servant stood up instinctively, unsure of Araminta’s next action. Which seconds later, was revealed to be a tight slap to the face.
“I dare you to repeat your words.” Araminta looked at the kneeling servant from the side of her eyes.
“Forgive me, my lady but I do not know what you are referring to.” The poor maid was shivering from shock and the numbing pain from Araminta’s slap.
“You spoke about the Earl’s bastard child. I heard you!” Araminta raged, scaring the poor girl even further.
“We were far from that topic, Araminta.” Sophie stepped in front of the maid, blocking Araminta’s view.
“As if I would believe the words of a bastard child.” Araminta spat, transferring her anger onto Sophie.
“That would be out of my control, Araminta.” Sophie blinked. She may or may not have regretted her response but it was too late.
“Bastard.” Sophie willed herself to not flinch as she watched Araminta’s arm swing towards her cheeks. Go on, Araminta. Hit me.
Seconds after Sophie felt the sting of Araminta’s slap, her ears started ringing and her eyes began to tear. Sophie wasn't sure if it was from pain or anger. Perhaps both.
“Repeat after me. I am a bastard child.” Araminta leaned in with an evil smirk on her face. Sophie’s silence only served to rile Araminta further. With a glint in her eyes, Araminta yanked on the hair of the young maid, who was watching everything on the side. Looking at Sophie briefly, Araminta laid hands on the maid.
“What do you think you’re doing!” Sophie yelled. There was no need for manners in this situation. Araminta didn’t deserve any either.
“Say it.” Araminta threatened as she tightened the grip on the young maid’s hair. Sophie looked at the quivering girl, guilty for implicating her. Seeing Sophie’s ‘defiance’, Araminta delivered another slap to the maid’s face. One that was stronger than before.
“I am a bastard child.” Sophie shut her eyes as she forced herself to repeat Araminta’s words. Shame on you, Sophie.
“Again. I am a bastard child unworthy of love.” Araminta swelled with a disgusting sense of superiority.
“I…am a bastard child…unworthy…of love.” Sophie's throat felt like it was on fire as she swallowed the insult.
“Good. Remember your place.” Araminta was pleased with herself. A bastard child like her needs to know her place.
“Let us leave.” Sophie held the young maid’s shaking hand and pulled her along. Sophie needed to leave before she broke down in Araminta’s sight. That would merely feed her unfounded ego.
“Sophie, I'm sorry.” The young maid knew Sophie did so to protect her.
“Araminta wasn't wrong. I am a bastard child.” Sophie let out a slow and painful sigh, deciding that giving in was perhaps easier than fighting.
“Sophie!” Sophie's body reacted to Hyacinth's voice before her brain could.
“Yes, Hyacinth?” Sophie peeked into the hall.
“The cookies! I wanted to share the cookies that Daphne brought!” Hyacinth beckoned for Sophie to join the rest. Violet, Kate, Daphne, Eloise, Francesca and Hyacinth were all gathered for tea.
“Sophie, come join us.” Eloise made space next to her. Sophie hesitated as she stared at the empty space on the plush couch. She wasn't worthy of the couch.
“See Eloise, Sophie doesn't want to sit with you. Sophie, sit next to me!” Hyacinth tapped the space next to her as she looked at Sophie with a huge grin.
“I'm sure Sophie wants to sit next to me. Sophie?” Daphne offered. Sophie remained rooted at the entrance, overwhelmed by the kind offers.
“Is something the matter, Sophie?” Kate approached Sophie with worry in her eyes.
“You're crying…” Kate bent down to look at Sophie.
Before Sophie knew it, Kate had led her into the hall and the Bridgerton ladies surrounded her.
“Did someone mistreat you, Sophie?” Daphne questioned.
“Did Ben bother you? I'll go talk to him…” Eloise added while adjusting her dress in preparation to confront Benedict.
“Is work too harsh for you?” Hyacinth wondered.
“Let us know what is bothering you and we can fix it, Sophie.” Violet's warm and concerned tone disarmed whatever self-control Sophie had left.
“Sorry, it's just…” Sophie hadn’t felt such genuine love and kindness for as long as she could remember. Heck, she didn’t even have any memory to speak of.
“You’re part of us, Sophie.” Kate pulled Sophie into a hug. Perhaps Kate understood Sophie the best.
“You, Sophie, deserve love. I don’t know what Lady Penwood told you but if there’s one thing you deserve, it is love. The love of a parent, the love of a family and the love of a man who cherishes you deeply.” Violet’s heart for Sophie had only grown since the day Benedict first brought her home.
“Mama’s right. You have us now. We’ll be your family. We’ll love you.” Daphne and her sisters couldn’t be happier to have a sister like Sophie.
For her entire life, Sophie had done everything to earn the love she deserved. Perhaps what Sophie deserved was a love she didn’t ever need to work for. And that came in the form of the Bridgertons.
