Just thinking about Castiel's depression, and it occurred to me that he wouldn't be so deeply depressed if the writers cared even a tiny bit about this character.
Instead, spn nerfed Castiel into everyone's punching bag/tool, then made him so depressed from the lack of agency that he couldn't even leave the house. Then instead of dealing with that depression, they carelessly reset his character and kept him as a cheerleader/damsel in distress/first-aid kit that doesn't always work, all the way until the final season. Even then, they had to ruin the little progress he'd made with the Confession.
I'll always pretend that the show only has 9 seasons, with Castiel defeating Metatron on his own, Dean dead and Sam moving on.
That way I don't have to rewatch characters throwing around the "pet angel" insult either. It's always made me so so sick.
Just saw the lyrics at the end of Goodbye Stranger and now I'm more than a little dead. I want Meg back so much.
"Tried to see your point of view, hope your dreams will all come true" that line hit particularly hard.
Like, Meg literally died helping protect the angel tablet ("No Cas in the back seat. Your stone is long gone.") which is exactly what Castiel would give anything to keep safe 😭
And to think her usual tactic is gathering as many allies as possible and never going against Crowley alone…
So the HC goes that there are numerous angel blade precursors in an angel true form, but when Castiel gets angry he manifests them all at once, the ones that are ready and the ones that are not.
@lerry-hazel thanks for the idea of Castiel the celestial porcupine 🤩.
If I had the skills, I would draw Castiel as an actual porcupine, and make Crowley be in the form of a raccoon. (because apparently raccoon and porcupine have been known to share a winter den begrudgingly with signs of irritation. This would make a nice Crowstiel shenanigans AU.)
Dean: Sorry I kicked you out, even though I knew angels were gunning for you, especially after watching you die because of it. I'm proud you managed to stay alive this time tho.
Castiel: Thank you.
Later
Castiel: I'll go take on Lucifer and buy you some time.
Castiel: "At the time of the great fall, when the angels were banished from heaven, I lost what I thought was everything. I had no grace, I had no wings. I felt hopeless, and useless."
Everyone thinks Cas only one who had free will because chuck wasn't controlling him but it was basically just Cas transferring his loyalty and devotation to Dean instead of God and heaven. Like he went from I serve my father and heaven, I will die for my father and heaven to I serve Dean and I will die for Dean.
And Dean just like God and heaven expected him to be a tool, to give him one hundred percent loyalty and follow orders without question.
And just like with heaven if he questioned orders or done anything for himself he was punished. Except with Dean the punishment wasn't quite as harsh as heaven. Dean's punishments were hurtful words like no one cares your broken or your dead to me and the silent treatment and orders to go to hell and abandonment once in hell which wasn't quite as harsh as literal torture or mind programming.
So because Dean was slightly less harsh on him Cas thought his new God was the most selfless loving caring person he ever knew. Once upon a time he had the same complete awe and faith in Chuck.
Like even his "we are real" scene. Cas desperately needed something to be real. For there to be some divine righteous being for him to serve because as much as free will was talked about Cas never had it.
He never got out of the mindset he had to serve someone, he had to be useful to have a meaning, his whole perceived purpose of himself was to be a sacrifice when the right time came.
He never learnt he mattered or he could be his own person. We came close in s15 ep03 he stood up for himself he left but then he came back because he had to serve had to be useful in the fight.
And his death scene wasn't really free will it was him giving up his life for this new God that Dean had become in his mind. Like that speech made Dean into some kind of God no one on this earth is the most selfless the most caring the most loving person that has never done anything wrong and has no faults unless you view them in some unrealistic Godlike pedestal. He paid his undying love and worship to his new God before laying down his life.
And I think Chuck knew this and was mocking it. He watched Dean and Cas and he pulled Cas on his self loathing and how he never done what he told because he knew Cas would hang himself on the metaphoric rope. The rope being Dean.
It wasn't that Chuck by blindsided or didn't notice Cas. Why bother with someone you know is going to do your own dirty work for you. Cas was going to doom himself completely on his own.
Chuck likely helped it along by nudging events to happen like Dean's prayer. The prayer was very likely Chuck's doing because at the time Chuck was trying to break Sam by telling him that him and Dean needed others that Dean would give up without others and him and Sam alone wasn't enough for Dean.
Chuck showed Sam a future where Dean gives up because Cas is in box and their other friends die whilst Chuck is forcing a situation where Dean is crying over Cas and not by Sam's side.
Two birds with one stone, try to weaken one target (Sam's) faith while strengthening the other targets faith (Cas) in the rope (Dean) that Cas is going to hang himself on.
If anything Cas was the one who Chuck got most satisfaction with. He let the story write itself apart from directing a few scenes with Dean and he got his tragic twisted story. The self loathing angel who longed to serve to be useful sacrificed himself for the man he had transferred all his loyalty to.
It was his happiness moment just saying he loved him and dooming himself into the empty a place worse than hell while the object of his affection had no reaction, didn't care and instantly forgot he had ever existed.
Chuck would of seen it as some type of mix between tragic storytelling of unrequited love and revenge on Cas for worshipping a fake God.
Instead of constantly asking questions about Cas' love for Dean at cons I wish someone would go to con and ask Misha about his views on how Dean treated Cas and Jack. Like ask him about Dean blaming Cas for everything, ask him about Dean sending Cas to hell and being ready to close it. Ask him how Cas thought Dean was the most loving selfless man on earth only hours after he yelled Jack's not family and tried to sacrifice him.
I know he can't really say anything negative about main leads but I do want his opinion. Does he really see nothing wrong with these relationships.
He said Cas knew he was loved because Jack was loved. Does he really think the way Jack was treated and abused was loving.
The scene in the cemetery in Moriah between Cas and Jack always bothered me. First, Cas and Jack met, Cas tried to get Jack away from “everybody” (ie the Winchesters). Then Dean arrived, Jack tossed Cas aside, and Cas was on the ground, not seen again for 2 minutes and 37 seconds. I wrote a deep dive of what transpired.
————————-
Cas turned around, facing Jack who just appeared behind him. He hugged Jack tightly, almost desperately. Jack didn’t hug back.
They sat next to each other on a bench. Jack told Cas, “I know you are here because you love me, and I know I am supposed to love you back, but it’s just…I can’t.”
Cas didn’t skip a beat. “You can’t YET. We just need time to fix this. We need to get you somewhere else, where nobody can find us.”
———————————
Cas didn’t skip a beat. He redirected this incredibly hurtful statement into reassurance and an attempt at hope for Jack.
How did he do that so effortlessly? What was in his mind?
Maybe he didn’t let what Jack said affect him, because he already accepted Jack for who he was at the time—soulless and unable to make an effort to spare his feelings.
Maybe he didn’t think it important to dwell on his own feelings, because he urgently needed to find a way to protect Jack and get him to safety.
Maybe he was desensitized to cruel things his loved ones say to him, such as “You are dead to me.”
Maybe the statement seemed unremarkable, because he already assumed he was unloved, and that he deserved to be unloved.
Maybe all of the above was true, but it hurt him anyway.
———————————–
Then Dean arrived with a gun in his hand, murder in his eyes. And Cas stood up and put himself between Jack and Dean. And told Jack to run. Which meant to use his wings and fly to safety.
Jack flung Cas forcefully out of the way, over a considerable distance. Then Jack went to kneel before Dean, asking to be killed.
—————————————-
Jack disabled Cas by force, because he knew Cas would never allow Dean to murder him.
The rest of the scenes were meant for Dean, Sam and Chuck. Cas stayed on the ground for 2 minutes and 37 seconds before he was back in the scene rushing to Jack.
Cas stayed down for a long time. Why?
Did Jack toss him so hard it injured him? (Jack certainly had more than enough power to do so, and very little control or care at this point.) Did he have to heal himself but couldn’t do it fast enough? Was he unable to get up? Because we all know there is nothing that would stop Cas from intervening if he was able.
What if it wasn’t injury that stopped him? An angel blade bullet and a demon digging through his guts wasn’t enough to stop him for 2 minutes and 37 seconds.
What was in his mind while he remained on the ground?
Did Jack’s violence against him provide inescapable proof of his words that Castiel brushed aside?
Did it finally sink in how little he meant to Jack who meant the world to him?
Was he reminded of how he was once again thrown away by someone he loved, this time literally?
Was it no longer effective to tell himself that his own pain didn’t matter as long as someone else needed him?
Did the physical pain, being concrete and objective, finally broke down the wall and conflated with his emotional pain? Was it so profound that it incapacitated him for 2 minutes and 37 seconds?
A ficlet that's nothing more than me venting my bitter cas girl feelings. cw: very Dean-critical; pre-meditated murder of Dean Winchester.
Synopsis: Alternate explanation of series finale. The rusty pipe was a miracle performed by Jack to avenge his father's pain and suffering inflicted by Dean .
Everything froze the moment Dean Winchester was about to hit the rusty pipe, inexplicably (miraculously) protruding from the wall of a barn.
Then, Dean was face to face with Jack. A fresh-faced God in a white denim jacket and baggy Jeans.
Dean was pleased. God, his own kin, had come to help him.
“Jack! It’s about time! Where the hell have you been?”
“I have been looking for a way to get Castiel back.”
Dean noticed how different Jack’s demeanor was. No more shy waves. No more self-deprecating smile. No more wide-eyed search for approval.
Jack was stony-faced, glaring at him with a storm whirling in his eyes.
“Really? Did you get him back?”
“Not yet. I was not strong enough. All I managed to do was to sense him in the Empty. But I have been growing my power, and I am finally ready to go to the Empty and get him out.”
“But before I do that, I need to make things right in this world for him. I need to deliver my judgment.”
Dean was confused. “These shitty little werewolves? Sam and I are handling them. This pipe here isn’t really going to do anything—too blunt to penetrate a human body.”
“My judgment is not for the werewolves. They are the instrument of my judgment, which is meant for you.”
“What the hell are you talking about, kid?”
“You are a selfish and cruel man who was the source of endless pain and suffering for my father. He is still suffering because of you.”
Dean bristled. “He sacrificed himself out of his own free will. I didn’t make him.”
“That’s not what I am talking about. I have been able to see what he is experiencing in the Empty. He is in agony, reliving over and over his past regrets and his sorrows.”
“I saw everything that happened ever since he raised you from hell. I didn’t know any of that before. I saw how you treated him like a tool, like your property, how you reduced him, put him down, made him believe he was worthless. He is still in that hell, even after he sacrificed his life for you.”
Jack had tears in his eyes now, but a fire raged in them too. “I am going to get him out of there, then I am going to help him. I am going to undo what you did to him. I am going to help him see, and feel, the beauty and splendor of his own heart. But the first step is to remove you from his life.”
Dean felt God’s anger striking fear into his heart, but he was nothing if not belligerent.
“You are losing your damn mind because of your grief for Cas.” Dean jabbed a finger at Jack. “He loved me. He said so himself. He belongs with his family. If you want what’s best for him, you need to get him out of the empty and bring him to me and Sam. He deserves to be by my side.”
“Shut up!” Jack shouted, knocking Dean off his feet. “You don’t get to give orders to me, to anyone, anymore.”
Dean scrambled up to his feet, ready to argue. But Jack cut him off.
“You want to talk about what Castiel deserves? How about what he deserved when he was alive?”
“He deserved to have been listened to and supported when he was all alone fighting the army of an archangel, his own family, to save the human world-your world- from apocalypse.
He deserved to have been cared for rather than reprimanded when he lost his mind taking Sam’s madness onto himself.
He deserved to have received sympathy rather than vitriol from his friend when he had been mind wiped and shot.
He deserved to have been called ‘commander’ from those who genuinely admired him, without being criticized and belittled about it.
He deserved not to have his army taken from him due to your sabotage.
He deserved to have been offered a small token of help, of care, when he was either a homeless human, or dying from stolen grace.
When Amara carved a gruesome message in his flesh, he deserved to have heard even a simple “are you OK” to acknowledge the violation.
He deserved not to have his choices written off baselessly as screw-up or brainwash—one of those choices was being my protector.
He deserved to have received a shred of recognition of his grief when I died. “
Shaken now, Dean nevertheless remained defiant. In fact, anger was rising from being scolded by his kid. “That’s just guys being guys. So I’m not good at touchy-feelies -so sue me. It’s not how I was raised.”
Jack narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Let me give you infinite benefit of the doubt. Let me scrape the bottom for you.
Castiel deserved not to have been regularly mocked for who he was.
Castiel deserved to have been thanked, even once, for saving both you and Sam from hell—from hell!
How is it he didn’t even get from you the bare minimum?”
Dean protested. “You are wrong. I loved him in my own way. I expressed it in countless ways. When he died, I…”
“You went to a pie festival,” Jack’s voice was cold as ice.
“No, but…”
Jack cut him off again.
“Let me guess. You punched walls when he died, you tried to say losing him nearly broke you. You pretended you left him behind rather than believe he left you. This is supposed to be your great love. But it’s all about you, all about what he made you feel: having someone who was on your side, loved you unconditionally. That he was, and he did. He gave everything to you: his blood, his grace, his life. What did you give him? Oh right, a mixtape. A cowboy hat. still about you. Your music. Your movies. Your taste. You never gave a single thought about him.”
Dean was finally without a response.
But Jack wasn’t finished. His eyes glowed golden as he delivered his final judgment onto Dean:
“You want to talk about what Castiel deserves?”
“He deserves everything, but first he deserves basic things that every ordinary person deserves: consideration, understanding, and respect. Show him those minimum decencies, then maybe you could start to earn the right to say you loved him.
Except you didn’t. Not the first time he was alive. Not the second time he was alive. Not the third time he was alive, or the fourth, or the fifth, or the sixth. You know, Castiel may still forgive you, if he has a seventh, eighth, ninth life.”
“I do not.”
Jack snapped his fingers. Time unfroze. Dean Winchester slammed into the rusty pipe with a force far exceeding what any law of physics could achieve.
Dean, I know how you see me. You see me the way my enemies do. You think I am impulsive, misguided, frequently the reason for what goes wrong. You think I always try to be the good guy, but I failed more often than I succeeded. You think I am only strong when I fight by your side, as your blunt weapon. I am not. Everything I did, the good and the bad, I did for love. I raised you and Sam from Perdition for love. I raised my angel army for love. I care about you, but I also care about the whole world. And the world, Dean, is much bigger than you.
let’s discuss these two moments from 15.03 that personally are so unbelievably sickening to me.
on the left we have belphagor, the demon who is possessing jacks corpse, sat next to cas in the car whilst dean is driving. up until this point dean has forced cas to not kill the demon possessing his sons corpse.
the son who, should i remind you, was killed by castiel’s father in front of him. the son who minutes before that was held at gunpoint by dean in front of cas. and through all that? dean only managed to make chuck about him and how nothing in their lives is real completely ignoring that he is cas’ DAD.
so in the situation in the gifs dean told cas to basically stay with belphagor and keep an eye on him, once again with zero regards for how it is affecting cas. and when cas sticks up for himself and says he can’t and that he can’t even look at belphagor, dean has the nerve to roll his eyes. he literally is rolling his eyes that his bestfriend doesn’t want to babysit the demon possessing his sons corpse.
i fully believe this situation was deans way of “punishing” cas for “killing mary”, despite the fact that cas had zero idea mary was gonna die, zero involvement since it was an accident and absolutely zero reason to confide in his sons abuser about his sons potentially worrying behaviour. it’s absolutely abusive and twisted and makes me so fucking angry.
can you imagine if a demon possessed mary’s corpse right afterwards and instead of letting dean and sam exorcise the demon cas forced them to play nice and accept said demon as it “may be useful”?? obviously cas wouldn’t cause he’s not a dick but dean would be so fucking angry but god forbid cas is when dean makes him do exactly that!
as for the gifs on the right, there’s a rift in the earth that leads to hell and one of them had to go and sit by it with belphagor, even though it was extremely risky. without even a second of doubt dean instantly says cas will go. to which cas looks absolutely stunned at, in which dean simply responds “you’ve been to hell before” and with that cas accepts defeat proclaiming on how he doesn’t really have a choice.
dean sending cas to hell with the demon possessing his sons corpse with absolutely no concern on cas’ safety or if cas will even make it out alive is already sick, but then you take into account that cas has severe hell trauma from several occasions of rescues, being tortured and lucifer and it becomes even more sickening.
this was just another way dean could get cas out of his sight and continue “punishing” him, especially since it involved cas having to stay with belphagor. dean had absolutely zero care or regards for cas’ safety and well-being, dean saw himself feeling angry and decided that it’s acceptable for him to act like that because of it. it’s toxic.
then that night when they’re back at the bunker, dean decided to really just drill into cas on how much he fucked up by killing belphagor (which was not easy for him to do at ALL considering that’s his sons body but i digress) and how he should’ve just stuck to the plan - which didn’t even properly exist, said plan was dean wanted cas to literally go to hell and babysit the demon. and then when cas defends himself and explains belphagors plans and that something went wrong dean really had to say why does that something always seem to be you.
so not only did dean spend the day making cas act like a demon possessing his sons corpse’s babysitter and getting annoyed when cas wasn’t comfy with that, sending said demon and cas to hell with no regards for his safety and then ends it all by saying the thing that always goes wrong in their lives is cas, he then gets annoyed when cas leaves. as if he hasn’t done nothing but push cas away for weeks, say he’s dead to him and literally sent him to a possible death with no regards.
i could rant for days on how cas was treat in season 15 but this in my opinion was the absolute most disgusting thing.
#he fucking sent his so called bestfriend to hell with his sons corpse who died at the hands of his dad all as some sort of punishment#for his mom dying despite the fact he fucking killed amy pond infront of her kid and threatened to kill the kid next#and held a gun at cas’ son minutes before like what the fuck you are 40 years old
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