I. Can't. Stop.
Sometimes, I wonder why He gave me that mission… Herobrine, through zivi’s words.
The weapon making, besides fighting against That Priest and The Puppet, why ?
He’s a God, is there a reason He’s meddling in all of it? Not that I am going to complain. He’s all I’ve been thinking about these last few days, or maybe months. Years? Time passes by and I’m still waiting for Him to see me.
Standing in front of that Command Block, watching some lights flicker rapidly… Otherworldly, intimidating, cruel.
Sometimes I forget how it works, and I have to remember. Sometimes I think about it too much, and forget to eat… To sleep. To rest.
And His visit. Mary, you are lucky. If only I was here 5 minutes earlier, He would have seen me. He would have kissed me.
…
It should have been me.
I kneel down, listening to its noise. Its whispers… There are so many … Or maybe they’re my own, I’ve not been able to tell for a while now.
Thoughts, dreams, anger, jealousy.
I’m not jealous, you are. Why would I be jealous? We are married.
Yet, I cannot shake this feeling in my head. My heart tightens when I picture Him… Kissing Mary. Multiple times, she said.
His hands in her hair. His words spoken to her like the wind blowing through a flower field. Maybe I am not meant to be here. Not meant to see Him. Not meant to do this.
I close my eyes, listening to the sounds… Imagining waves. My knees touching the cold tiles, making me shiver… My hair, getting in the way and … Him, I can’t stop thinking about Him in some way shape or form…
What’s happening to me? Focus. You’ve done it before, you can do it again, Ahoki. Think, long and hard, conjure the weapon in your mind, what would it look like? The way it attacks, the way it gets hurt, the way it hurts.
Something is changing me. Someone, perhaps- Stop thinking about Him. Weapon, now…
The Command Block clicks, and as I open my eyes and look down the weapon is in my hands.
… That’s what I needed.
He would be proud- STOP! Thinking, about HIM. What is wrong with you, THIS isn’t you?
You made it, you made the weapon, be proud of Yourself. Do not think about-
Damn it, I did it again. …
Sometimes removing the ability to let my mind wander from myself would be easier, than forcing myself to stop thinking.
… It does not matter.
