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before the worst, suhyun x jiwon

Jiwon could hear the pain in her voice and it only made him realize how it seemed wrong. The girl was always happy, always. It was easy to stress her out, but it was different from making her sad. And that was what seemed now; he got to the point he thought he never would and realized how it sounded wrong. It didn’t sound like Suhyun at all. How did we get here?, he thought, avoiding to look at her face.

“Yes…”, he murmured, his voice so low it could be mistaken by his breath. “Things seem different”. He thought of sitting down before his legs started failing with all the weigh he had been feeling over his shoulders during the last minutes of his day at work, but he just couldn’t bring himself to give one more step.

Sighing loudly, Jiwon finally looked up at Suhyun’s eyes and felt speechless. What was happening? Why did he do that, why did he cause her so much pain? And though those were his thoughts, he got the guts to make things worse: “What are you trying to tell me, Suhyun-ah? Just say it”. It wasn’t fair to his best friend to make her say the exactly words, it wasn’t fair to himself to hear that, but he caused all of that with that purpose. He was already broken for weeks doing that, he was feeling worse after hearing the bad news of that day. And still, he was just trying to make that day the worst of his whole life.

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Suhyun looked down to her feet and as she put some of her hair back to behind her ear, she wondered why, why was Jiwon treating her like that, was that his way to show her he didn’t want her anymore? Was those weeks of being rude to her or even indifferent simply him, her best friend, demonstrating he didn’t want to be with her anymore? Maybe that was it, maybe it all came down to that and she was being fooled, thinking it would hurt him to break up, when it would apparently, bring only herself pain.

“Honestly, why are you like this?” She asks in a rush of courage, switching her glance from her feet to his eyes, firmily looking at him despite the tears that made it difficult, not only because it caused blurriness to her vision but showing him how weak she was when it was about him hurt her pride. “You’ve been less than pleasant these last few weeks, you have made me cry more this month than the whole time we’ve known each other.” Suhyun starts to raise her voice as she begins to feel her rage take over her feelings. “It’s like something’s wrong, but you won’t even tell me things anymore, are we even friends as for now?” Clicking her tongue, she cleans her face with both her hands, shaking her head.

Turning around, she goes quickly to her closet, taking a huge box from there, she throws it on the floor in front of him, not even minding what was on the inside anymore. “Do you even know I kept all of these? Do you even care about us?” She feels her knees giving up on her as she gets more nervous and she sits on her bed, elbows on her knees as she passed her fingers through her hair. “If you didn’t want us to be a thing anymore, you could’ve been less of a coward and could’ve told me.”

#p:ara #p:btw #hdxkjiwon

hdxkjiwon

before the worst, suhyun x jiwon

That day was probably one of the worst of his life. His phone had only rang to give him bad news, his work was interrupted only to make him feel like he just wanted to wake up and see it was all a dream. To begin with, his mother was getting worse; the woman of his life was getting weaker every day and there would be a day— anytime soon— she could be gone. Jiwon’s head hurt and he wasn’t feeling much like himself, which only made everything worse for himself. To complete that, he just wanted to go home, throw himself on his bed and sleep, so he could go over his parents’ house and see his mother— take care of her for a few days. The initial plan was to get home and talk to his best friend — and girlfriend — about it, let her know he would be away as he had told around his co-workers.

Before he could get home, he got Suhyun’s texts. Suddenly, he would want to be anywhere, but there. He could feel that after weeks being an asshole to the girl he loved — only because he was trying to mess up their relationship — she was finally done with him. And it was in a moment he only wanted to get everything he had done back just to have someone he could talk about what was happening. He deserved it, he wouldn’t deny it.

Sighing once he was done with his day at work, modeling, he put his cap on, letting it hide his eyes, and threw the bag’s strap over his shoulder. He answered the texts from Suhyun as indifferent as he could. It worked, though he was almost certain what would happen when he was home. She would fight with him, yell at him, ask what was happening and he would lie; she would get more mad and there wouldn’t have much he could do, once he really caused most of the things that were happening between them.

Though he was afraid to end that day in a worse than it was already supposed to end, Jiwon got into his car, throw his bag on the passenger’s seat and drove back home. Distracted with the songs playing on the radio, he seriously got a few minutes of peace before parking on the street. Only taking his phone, wallet and car keys, he left his bag inside the car and walked towards the building, getting harder to breath. “I need to see my mom”, he kept saying to himself, again worried about something he couldn’t help. He put his cap more over his eyes and took a deep breath before finally opening the front door of his loft apartment — the one he shared with the girl that could end him right now, who he wanted to just tell what was happening, but that was too mad over everything else that happened for weeks. Jiwon took his cap off once hearing her steps on the floor and looked up at her, avoinding her eyes. “Sorry, I’m late”, he said, throwing everything he had on his hands on the coffee table. “Did you want to talk?”.

hdxsuhyun

Suhyun has spent the whole day thinking, the morning at university had been tough and the afternoon at the cafe hadn’t be easy either, her mind couldn’t keep focused on the things she needed to focus on, she could only think about what she was going to do later, she could only think about how she was going to do it and the reasons for her to do it so. For a few seconds she would even have second thoughts about her decision, but on most times, she could only feel anticipated pain for what was about to come.

As soon as the female got home, she couldn’t stay quiet, she couldn’t stay still, she would sit down and get up in the same second, her mind was going places and her body wasn’t responding well to it, she could feel her hands sweating from the sinking of her heart as her fingers typed the texts she sent him, normally she would send Jiwon cute texts through the day, with a lot of emoticons and would ask him how he was doing and what was he doing, but that wasn’t the day for that kind of thing, she was freaking out due to her own mind, to her own thoughts, to her own decisions and she just needed to talk to him, she just needed to get that done already.

Regret came like a wave when she heard his footsteps and then his voice, Suhyun controlled herself and took a deep breath so she wouldn’t cry, so she would stay strong and go through it all without shedding a single tear, but the first ones already came down as she saw him, he seemed broken, she knew him well enough to see that, Suhyun could see his eyes and could see how that little spark he would have was gone and that freaked her out, it sent chills down her spine--in a bad way.

She gulped once, twice and took a deep breath, “Yes, I do want to talk.” She sniffs a bit, passing one finger through both her cheeks to clean the few tears that had fell, her vision blurry because of them already. “I think I’ve been trying to delay this for too long now, Jiwon.” She says, in hopes he will understand without having her say the exact words, Suhyun wasn’t sure if she could, she wasn’t sure if she could break up with him, she loved him too much, but for the past weeks the only thing happening between the both was pain, he would hurt her by his indifferent ways and she would probably hit him harder than needed with her words, she didn’t know why as suddenly he had changed with her, but she couldn’t stand it anymore, she thought at first he was just having a bad day, a bad week, and then she started thinking that he was just growing up and she should accept it and get used to it, but she couldn’t, that wasn’t her Jiwon and she couldn’t deal with it. “I don’t know I… Things have changed.”

#hdxkjiwon #p:btw #p:ara

strawberry froyo & oolong tea

top three insecurities

suhyun is in fact a very insecure person, she actually lacks confidence for most things. all her insecurities evolve around her not being good enough, she is too scared of that to even think about it, she tries to ignore that feeling when it comes to her, but she is, she is afraid of not being a good enough student, so she works twice as hard, she is afraid of not being a good enough singer, so she practices for long hours even though she doesn’t hope to make it in the industry as one, she is afraid of not being a good enough friend, a good enough girlfriend, a good enough barista even, so she overworks herself, overstresses herself because of those insecurities.

a memory with my first love

suhyun’s first love is also her oldest friend so it is hard for her to point out only one memory with him as she has too many, but if she has to, as it says first love, she would definitely point out one that shows him as more of her first love than her best friend. suhyun would point out their first kiss, even though it wasn’t much of a real kiss, but rather the first time their lips touched. suhyun recalls the way she was going on and on about something jiwon couldn’t be more uninterested about and how suddenly he hovered his body over hers, making her close her eyes quickly as his lips went to hers, just like that, nothing more, she couldn’t move and seemed as neither could he, so both stayed like that for what felt like ages, but were actually a few seconds.

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mochi ice cream

just answered it!

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mochi ice cream

what i look for in a friend

suhyun is ever too friendly, she doesn’t have a standard set in stone for what she looks for in a friend, she is accepting of everyone who wants to friend her and is always happy to make more friends, of course, as everyone, she hopes the ones she is friends with are loyal as no one enjoys being backstabbed, she also would rather have more easygoing and funny people surrounding her, but not much of something she looks for, but something she would prefer.

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banana popsicles

one memory i have of you

suhyun has way too many memories of jiwon, they have known each other for so many years and it’s unusual for her to forget things, as she usually remembers everything in details. she, of course, has her favorite ones. suhyun especially remembers the day her parents had a huge fight over something to stupid to begin with, it wasn’t common for them to have those, especially when they yelled so loud at each other, making her heart ache and her eyes close strongly as she tried her best not to cry, she remembers running to jiwon’s house and how his embrace felt as he told her it was going to be okay, suhyun remembers the way he held her hand in a way she felt he was never going to let go and how he took her to an arcade nearby his house so she would distract herself while they paid attention to the games and to the junk food he bought her. she remembers how her heart was filled with joy and how suddenly, her best friend had changed in her eyes.

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mint choco froyo, strawberry iced tea

three things i am proud of

suhyun is first and foremost proud of her scholarship and her college grades, she worked hard for the scholarship and works extremely hard for her grades, she most of times spends nighs awake to study or do essays because she doesn’t accept anything less than perfect.

secondly, she is proud of her youtube channel that is currently only getting bigger and bigger, she never expected to get that much of recognition and it makes her happy beyond words to see it growing and too see people admiring her talents.

and thirdly, suhyun is proud of herself for being able to live without her parent’s help, for being able to obtain enough income to help bobby with the bills and still buy herself some nice things and even buy him some gifts as well.

your best feature

as someone who was bullied during the school days, suhyun does think a lot about her looks and is even concerned by it at times, she has spent a lot of time looking herself in the mirror pointing out all of her flaws, but as the time passed she ended up liking herself more and noticing her best features instead of her small flaws, and currently, alongside with her eyes that she thinks are cute, she finds her smile to be quite pleasant to look at.

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