Jayce Hart. 20. Twin. How's it going, strangers? I'm gonna assume you know who I am, otherwise you wouldn't really be here. In case you've been living under a rock, though, I guess I can tell you. The name is Jayce Hart, twin to Talia Hart. I don't really know what people say in these box things, so I'm just gonna put whatever. I'm a skater, one day professionally. And I mean skateboarding, not skates. I'm a sophormore at PSU, where I'm studying graphic design. Just want to design my own park one day, no big deal. As for anything else? Well, it's not really any of your business. You can always ask if you want to know more, but nothing personal or about my parents. I'm here for me and only me.
TALIA: That sounds like a terrible excuse, but it's also Cassie. You've known her for a long time, Jayce. You know she does have a lot of baggage. Sometimes, it's hard to put that on someone.
JAYCE: It's not like it's a fun thing to talk about.
JAYCE: Who doesn't have baggage? Everyone has their own problems they have to deal with. I could have helped her with hers. Instead, she chose to deal with them on her own. Who is that better for?
Had this been anyone but Jayce, Cassie wouldnāt have done this in person. In fact, no. Had this been anyone but Jayce, there wouldāve been no relationship for her to end, whether in person or not, because Cassie didnāt do relationships. She wasnāt good at them. She wasnāt good at letting other people love her, because she absolutely didnāt love herself, and she knew she sucked at anything that wasnāt purely physical. If, though, for some strange, unknown reason she had agreed to date anyone else, she wouldāve broken up with them via text message, most likely. Either that, or she wouldāve just ghosted. It was different with Jayce, though. Sheād tried, but she couldnāt bring herself to do the former, and the latter wasnāt even an option. Jayce was too big a part of her life for her to just disappear on him. She hoped that, at some point, maybe they could go back to what they used to be; best friends who were secretly in love with each other. There would be no chance of that if Cassie ghosted on him.
Since she didnāt do this often, she had no idea what to expect here. She wasnāt sure whether Jayce would yell, or beg, or literally just walk away. Truthfully, she wouldāve probably preferred any one of those things to what he actually did. The way he looked down, the way she could see the corner of his eye crinkling as she dared herself to look at him. If his expression hadnāt given away the fact that he was at least tearing up, then the slight quiver of his voice wouldāve, and that was more heartbreaking to Cassie than anything else. Any hope she had of holding back her own tears was gone right there and then, and they slid down her cheeks against her will, landing in her lap. āOf course you deserve a better explanation,ā she said, the sound of her own pathetic crying voice making her want to get up and run, but she stayed put. Well, save for twisting her body slightly to face her boyfriendā¦ ex boyfriend. āYou donāt get it, Jayce. You deserve so much more than this.ā Cassie had not planned on giving him a real explanation, but he was right, he deserved one. If nothing else, he at least deserved this.
āDo you see me?ā she asked, looking down at her own uncomfortably thin body. Even in the oversized sweater she woreāwhich was pretty much killing her, given the weatherāthat was intended to cover up her body, the terrible state it was in was obvious. āIām a fucking mess.ā Cassieās least favorite subject was her appearance, but it was the root of almost all of her problems, including this one. āThis is a lot for me, okay? My baggage. Itās too much for me. And Iām not okay with putting it on you, too.ā Her intention had been to say what she had to say, get out of there, then have this breakdown at home, but evidently her emotions had other plans, and Cassie was crying pretty damn hard. āI hate myself. I feel constantly exhausted, and constantly drained. Do you know how tiring that is? To wake up every day and wish you werenāt here, and then to see someone who actually makes you not hate yourself so much, and realize that youāre depending on them to make you happy? Itās too much, I canāt do it,ā she shook her head, standing up quickly, āI canāt do this. I canāt do it.ā
JAYCE HART
Jayce wasn't an idiot. He knew that Cassie wasn't perfect. Who was? There was a time where he saw her as such. She was his fantasy girl, meaning that in his eyes; she could do no wrong. In order for them to be together, he had to stop thinking that way. When he stopped seeing her as a fantasy and started seeing her as his friend, he realized that his feeling for her were genuine. He fell for her as a person, flaws and all; rather than the girl he imagined her as before. They never talked about her problems. He knew that they were there and he wanted to be there for her. He just didn't know how. How would he even bring it up? It's not like he could force her to talk to him. Or force her to eat. It wasn't a simple problem, so it wouldn't have a simple fix. The problem was: Jayce was a simple guy. Did he think her problems were going to go away? Of course he didn't. Did he think he could help her, though? Absolutely. He loved her. If he knew how to help, he would do it. He just didn't know how.
Despite knowing that she had these problems, he never once thought that he deserved better. He never once considered that he wasn't lucky to have her. Jayce didn't look at Cassie and see her as damaged. He saw the girl he's always known. The strong, beautiful girl that he's been crazy about for years. It broke his heart to hear her say that he deserved better. Their relationship may have been short lived, but these feelings didn't come out of nowhere. He's been in love with her for as long as he could remember. When they finally decided to be together, it was pretty much a dream come true for him. He got what he's' always wanted. Not once since then has he been disappointed by it. It wasn't exactly like he had imagined, but that was okay with him. It was even better. It was real. "It isn't up to you to decide what I deserve. That is my choice." He said, forcing himself to look up at her. His eyes were glossed over with tears. It was getting harder to hold them back, though that didn't stop him from trying. He just didn't want to cry.
"I always see you." He said, reaching his hands out for her. He pulled that back as soon as he realized what he was doing, though. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to do it. This was so strange to him. He's been through breakups before; he was just always the one to do the breaking up. This would be the first time someone broke up with him. He never thought that would actually happen. Not that he was that full of himself; he was sure that plenty of girls could have dumped him. They haven't, but that wasn't the point. He just never thought Cassie would break up with him. Now that he thought about it, though; if there relationship was going to end, it would have to be her who does it. He sure as hell wasn't going to. "Let me help you." He said, standing up quickly as she did. "I would do whatever it takes. I can be there for you. Just let me. Please." He begged, hoping that it would make a difference. Hoping that he could help her, if she would just give him the chance.
TALIA: What do you mean you don't have a girlfriend anymore? What happened?
JAYCE: Friday.
JAYCE: It means I had a girlfriend. Now I don't.
JAYCE: I don't even know what happened. She said that she had too much baggage. She said that when we got together, too, but I thought she knew I could handle it. Guess I was wrong.
Theyād only been together for a couple months, but for the last few weeks of their short relationship, Cassie had been pulling away more and more. In the beginning, theyād been with each other constantly, and if for some reason they couldnāt be together, if Cassie had a shoot or Jayce was filming one of his videos for his channel, theyād be texting the entire time until they could be together again. That was what a new relationship was supposed to be like. They werenāt supposed to be out of the honeymoon phase yet, and despite how Cassie didnāt want to be, sheād been acting like they were. All she wanted when she woke up alone was to see her boyfriend, or at least to talk to him. She knew she was becoming too reliant on him, though. Jayce was a good distraction from all of her problems, and Cassie knew that wasnāt fair to anyone. Especially not to him.
Ending things with him felt like the fairest option, and Cassie thought that she would be able to do it much more easily than this. That was a ridiculous assumption, though, because she knew how much she cared about Jayce. Sheād known sheād cared about him for a long time. She knew sheād been in love with him for a long time, not that sheād outright admit that. Everything had only intensified for her when theyād begun dating, so nothing about this was easy. She was stupid to think it would be. Seeing Jayce right there in front of her only made it harder, and Cassie felt like an idiot for crying, but she couldnāt help herself. There was really no point in trying to hold it back, because she knew she wouldnāt get through the whole conversation without breaking down, so why bother? Nodding her head when he patted the spot on the couch beside him, she lifted her hand to brush a tear from her cheek; itād fallen along with the movement, then cautiously walked over to the couch, perching down on the furthest edge of it.
Cassie knew she shouldāve prepared something to say. She didnāt even know what excuse she was going to give him, and she knew she couldnāt tell him the truth. Jayce had always been there for her, she knew that if she told him she couldnāt be with him because he deserved better than her, heād fight her on it. She didnāt have the energy to fight, especially not now. āThis isnāt working,ā she eventually said in a small voice, glancing up at him through her wet lashes. āI wish I could give you more of an explanation than that, but I canāt. This is all I have.ā It was obvious that there was much more to it than she was letting on. Otherwise, why would she be crying right now? āI told you before we started this, I have a lot of baggage,ā she whispered, surprising herself that she was coming out with more truth than she meant to. āIām not gonna put that on you anymore. I canāt. Iām sorry, Jayce. You can fight me on this all you want, but Iām not going to fight back, and Iām not going to change my mind.ā She took a breath, afraid of choking on her next words, her voice smaller still. āIām ending this.ā
JAYCE HART
Jayce had never been the type of guy to do serious relationships. Heās had some girlfriends in the past, but they were never anything too serious. His longest relationship was probably a few weeks and he was never sad to see them end. He was much more interested in the physical part that came with a relationship. Even if he sort of liked the girl, which is how she got the girlfriend title, he would bail when she started talking about serious stuff. For example: he doesnāt meet parents, he doesnāt celebrate anniversaries, and he never changed his status online. As ridiculous as it sounds, he knew that it would go back to single, so there was no point. He always thought he did all of that simply because he didnāt want anything too serious. The idea of settling down would send him running. He never considered that maybe he was holding out hope that he would settle down with the one person he actually had feelings for. No other girl ever came close to Cassie. He was in love with her. He probably has been for a long time, he was just done denying that he was. To himself. He wouldnāt dare say it out loud.
Maybe because he was so happy, he didnāt consider that something could be wrong between them. He noticed that they didnāt talk as much, and he would be the ones to start most of their conversations now, but he wasnāt trying to think too much about it. He and Cassie were finally together. It was no longer a fantasy he made up in his mind. They were actually together and he was happy about it. He couldnāt even deny how happy. He thought that the feeling was mutual. It had only been a couple of months. They couldnāt have been out of the honeymoon phase, yet, right? Or at least thatās what he thought. He didnāt know how long the honeymoon phase actually lasted, but he assumed it was a lot longer than this. Did it make a difference that theyāve known each other so long? It made sense in his head, since they wouldnāt know how to act like boyfriend and girlfriend.... Then again, it didnāt make that much since, because he liked acting like her boyfriend more than her best friend. It wasnāt even a hard transition, it just happened naturally for him. Like they had been together this entire time. Or like they should have been.Ā
Cassie could have said anything to him right now. He didnāt know what was wrong, just that it had to be something really bad. If he could somehow fix whatever it was, he would. Heād do anything for her. Only, he couldnāt do that. Not when she said the last thing he was expecting. This isnāt working. What did that even mean? Nothing had ever felt more right than being with Cassie. How was that not working? He wanted to ask. To yell and scream; just to demand some sort of answer. He didnāt do that, though. Instead, he sat there, with his head down and tears forming in his eyes. What was going on right now? Was Cassie actually breaking up with him? It didnāt make any sense to him. He was happy. They were happy. At least he thought they were. Now he was starting to wonder if it was only him who felt that way this whole time.Ā āThatās it? I donāt even deserve a better explanation than that?ā He asked, not even bothering to look her in the eye. He didnāt want her to see his eyes water.
TALIA: Are you sure? "Fine" doesn't usually mean fine. Fine is usually, "I'm far from fine." What's going on?
TALIA: Not a love connection. Just connections, I guess. It's that time of year where we don't have college as a safe haven, so we're kind of just thrown to the wolves and all of the fakes come crawling out of the woodwork. This just seemed safer.
JAYCE: I have no fucking idea what's going on. Just that I don't have a girlfriend anymore.
JAYCE: How is this any safer? You don't even know who you're talking to. She can be crazy. She can be a man pretending to be a lesbian. I don't know why, but it could be.
There had been plenty of reasons Cassie hadnāt wanted to be with Jayce, and none of them were to do with him. First and foremost, she knew she was just not very good at relationships. How was anyone who was as self-destructive as her supposed to keep a relationship alive and thriving, right? The second reason was because of this. She was terrified of the day something went wrong, and the relationship theyād built would have to end. It was no secret that Cassie was not an optimist, so sheād expected this day to come. She just hadnāt expected it yet, that was all.
Convincing herself that this was the right decision had taken much longer than she wouldāve liked, but ultimately, she knew that it was. Jayce deserved a girlfriend who he could go out to dinner with without her pushing what little food sheād ordered around her plate, then leaving to go throw up whatever sheād forced herself to eat. He deserved someone who didnāt feel so exhausted from lack of food and energy that she never felt like doing anything or going anywhere. He deserved so much more than her, so breaking up with him was the right thing to do. It was for him, not for her. Cassie was a selfish person, she knew she was. But not with Jayce.
The ride to his house took longer than usual, but that was because she meant it to. Sheād taken a detour, then another one, because she knew that the sooner she got to Jayceās place, the sooner this would all be over. They were best friends, but that would be ruined now, too. She wasnāt ready to lose him. She couldnāt keep putting it off forever, though, so eventually headed towards his house, unsure of how she even managed to get out of the car and walk over to his door, but she did it. So far, sheād managed to hold it together. She was sad, but she could hold her emotions in. However, the moment she stepped foot into the house, her eyes landing on Jayce, they instantly began to glaze over with tears.
āWe need to talk,ā she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself and not daring to look him in the eye. āCan we sit down?ā
JAYCE HART
It was no doubt that this was Jayce's favorite time of year. He was a California boy at heart, which meant he took full advantage of his summer vacation. Most of his time was spent at the skate park, trying and failing some new moves he's seen online. If he saw someone doing something awesome, especially someone who was younger than him, he would have to prove that he could do it, too. Sometimes it took him all day, sometimes it took him longer. He was way too proud to admit he couldn't do something. That's what he planned on doing that day, since it was a Friday and he had nothing else to do. He would have liked to spend it with his girlfriend; if he had even heard from her that day. It was weird that he hadn't gotten a text from her that morning. The only reason it didn't bother him too much was because he could have texted her, too, so that would make him a hypocrite. He had every intention of texting her when he got home. Since it was particularly hot that day, he decided that surfing was better than skating. The water felt amazing and he could have stayed in there all day. He would have gone swimming at his own house; if he even had water in it. He drained it to film himself skating and hasn't filled it up since. Besides, he canāt surf in his pool at home.
Walking into his house; he was starting to think that maybe not being able to surf wasn't so bad. As much as he liked it, he sure as hell didn't like that he could literally feel sand everywhere. He still planned on texting his girlfriend, but first, he had to at least get in the shower. Not only was that uncomfortable, he planned on asking Cassie to come over for a bit. It wouldn't be much fun if he was full of sand the entire time. He left his cell phone and keys on his coffee table before running into his bathroom, needing to get all of the sand off of him quick. After surfing, he usually enjoyed a nice hot shower. The point of swimming was to cool himself off, but the water was way too fucking cold sometimes. Plus, the hot water was relaxing. This time, though, he was quick to removed the sand and get out to get dressed. He was eager to get a hold of his girlfriend. With his hair all wet; wearing only a pair of shorts, he walked into the living room to grab his phone. Before he could even send a messaged, the very girl he had been thinking about just walked right in. Not that it was a problem, she was his girl, but he was surprised to see her. Happy, but surprised.
That happiness quickly turned to worry when he really looked at her. It didn't take a genius to find out something was wrong. Jayce couldn't remember a time when Cassie wasn't in his life. The moment he met her, something changed. Who knew that one person could effect his life so greatly? She went from the hot older girl, to his best friend, to his girlfriend. And in all of that time, he had learned to read her like a book. When you spend that much time with someone, it was bound to happen. His first instinct was to ask her what was wrong, but when she said they needed to talk, the words died in his throat. We need to talk. Those are the words a guy never wanted to hear, because they usually meant one thing. "Yeah, of course..." He trailed off, hoping that he was wrong about what she wanted to say. He sat down on the couch, patting the spot next to him for her to join. "What's going on?"
NOTES ā After finally talking about his feelings, Jayce decided that he needs to see Cassie.
CASSIDY HARPER
It probably said something positive that Cassie was nervous as she sat here beside Jayce, because of the kind of conversation they were about to have, but that she hadnāt been nervous when it came down to physical things with him. That had all just felt comfortable. It had all felt right, like it was something they shouldāve been doing forever now. It was a good kind of nervous as far as their conversation, though. Because, hopefully, it would have a positive outcome. Of course, Cassie hadnāt really taken into account that sheād have to spill her feelings, too. Sheād been content with letting Jayce do the talking, but it was going to be her turn at some point. It was only natural that heād want to know how she felt, so she couldnāt really blame him for asking. It didnāt make it any easier for her to talk, though.
Chewing gently on her lower lip, she paused, opening her mouth to speak, but couldnāt. Instead, she just gave him a bashful smile, something Cassie definitely wasnāt known for. āYou know I suck at this,ā she laughed somewhat awkwardly, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. It was like some weird, nervous reaction, something she wasnāt used to. If she didnāt care about him as much as she did, she wouldnāt have been acting like this. Despite being embarrassed about how pathetic she was being, she knew it was better than her not caring, and hopefully Jayce knew her well enough to realize that, too.
āYou do make me smile,ā she eventually said, her lips easing into an easy, natural smile as she looked at him. It wasnāt forced; just good timing. āI think itās obvious how I feel about you, Jayce. I donāt know how happy I could make you,ā her smile faded, but she continued, āIn fact, I think Iād make you the opposite, which is why Iām so hesitant. Iām not a good person, and Iām not saying that so youāll disagree with me. I wonāt believe you even if you do.ā This time, she gave him a sympathetic smile as she squeezed his hand back. āI can try to be better, though. Because Iām too selfish to pass up on letting you make me as happy as I know you could. As my boyfriend.ā Cassie lifted her hand to cup his cheek, leaning in to gently press her lips to his, then pulled back just a little, keeping her hand where it was and managing to make eye contact. āI do. I want you to be. As far as Iām concerned, youāre already mine.ā
JAYCE ANDERSON
Jayce never imagined that they would actually be having this talk. It probably had something to do with the fact that he had been denying his feelings for so long. Once he finally admitted them out loud, it was like he couldnāt stop himself if he had tried. Being honest sounds easy enough, but it actually took him a really long time. He doesnāt know when Cassie started feeling the same way about him. He could only assume that it had been recently, since she obviously knew how he felt. Despite the fact that he thought he was being totally subtle, everyone knew. He had more time to come to terms with his feelings. Cassie didnāt. Whether that made a difference or not, he didnāt know. Maybe asking for her to talk about her feelings was selfish? Or maybe he deserved to know. He was just as bad as this as she was. The only difference was, he wasnāt afraid to admit it anymore.Ā
āI do know that.ā He chuckled, giving her hand a light squeeze. He hoped that she could at least find comfort in it, since he wasnāt really good at making people feel better. He was at least trying, because he didnāt want her to feel weird about anything. Even if things were kind of weird. Suddenly realizing that youāre falling for your best friend would do that to you. Still, he seemed to be the one taking the lead here, which was probably for the best.Ā āItās just me. You can tell me anything. You do know that, right?ā If there was one thing that he didnāt want to change, it was the way they could always be honest with each other. Besides the crush he kept from her for all these years, he always felt like he told her everything. He wanted to feel like they could always do that.
Hearing Cassie say he made her smile only made him smile. The smile didnāt last very long, though. He couldnāt understand how Cassie didnāt see how happy she already made him. They didnāt have to be together for that. Just having her in his life in general made things better. He didnāt even know what qualified as being aĀ āgoodā person, anyway. Was anyone really a good person? He didnāt feel like he was one, either. When he thought about it, though, he couldnāt see her as anything other than a really amazing person.Ā āReally?ā He finally spoke up, the smile returning to his face; only much bigger this time.Ā The moment she kissed him was honestly the happiest heās ever felt.Ā
āIāve always been yours.ā He whispered, scooting back only a little to take both of her hands.Ā āI used to think about asking you something like this, but I never would have had the nerve to do it before. And I donāt know if I even have to ask now, but itās just something Iāve always wanted to do.ā He rambled, hoping that he didnāt sound like a total idiot.Ā āCassidy Harper, will you be my girlfriend? My one and only California babe?ā He chuckled, thinking he was the funniest guy ever. Although he had actually felt nervous now that he finally asked, he mostly felt really happy and it was because of her. He just wished she realized that.
LEO: Then why haven't we hung out? I've resorted to following girls to the dog park so I can act like Mr. Sensitive. I need you to keep my head in the game.
LEO: Just realized how stalkerish that sounds. I went to the dog park with one girl, with her consent.
JAYCE: Give me a second. I've got to make up something convincing.
JAYCE: I've been kinda.... distracted lately. Not so distracted that I can't keep you from stalking girls in the dog park, though.
CASSIE: How freely are you saying it? Because this has nothing to do with anyone else, Jayce. This is about us, and I'm not trying to run around telling the whole world, I hope you get that.
JAYCE: That's as equally scary as it is hot.
JAYCE: Damn, don't start freaking out. I say it to myself. Ya know, just to remind myself that it's real and I didn't make it up in my head.
CASSIE: I wonder when it's gonna stop being weird? Calling myself your girlfriend, I mean. I still haven't called you my boyfriend yet. Not aloud, at least. That right there was the first time I said it in text.
JAYCE: Anyone else would have been in danger, huh?
JAYCE: It's gonna take some getting used to, that is for damn sure. I like saying it, though, so I'm sure that it'll take no time at all.
