Headline Hunter

Smart comebacks to stupid news headlines.

[headlinehunter]

Italian Man Has Been Photographing Every Object His Right Hand Has Touched for the Past 11 Years

from Laughing Squid

Is also clinically insane.

[headlinehunter]

What The iPhone 7 Needs to Do

From Forbes

Thank goodness Forbes is here to tell Apple, the largest company in the world, what they need to do right after their most profitable quarter ever.

[headlinehunter]

What you need to know about life on the International Space Station

from Engadget

Nothing. There is nothing you need to know. Because the chances that you are going to live there are minuscule.

[headlinehunter]

What We Know About the Texas Ebola Patient

from NBC News

He's from Texas and he has Ebola. At least you didn't bury the lead there.

[headlinehunter]

White House intruder tip of iceberg - Chicago Sun-Times

from Chicago Sun-Times

The Secret Service let an ICEBERG sneak into the White House?

[headlinehunter]

With 'Tiger' sequel, Netflix moves to stream new films

from The USA Today

You couldn't fit "Crouching" into that headline? You know ... so it would actually make some kind of sense?

[headlinehunter]

The Celebrity Photo Hacks Couldn’t Have Come at a Worse Time for Apple | Business | WIRED

from Wired

"Yes, hello, I was planning on hacking into some of your customers' accounts. Is now a good time for you?"

[headlinehunter]

Google Images Was Evidently Attacked by Hackers

from Adweek

I guess that's more logical than it being attacked by rabbits.

[headlinehunter]

Russia: the 'Maleficent' to Ukraine's Sleeping Beauty?

from The Christian Science Monitor

Thanks for covering the international desk while I was out sick. You can go back to writing movie reviews now.

[headlinehunter]

300 U.S. advisers heading for Iraq, but what will they actually do?

from CNN

I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing they'll ... advise?

[headlinehunter]

Amazon unveils its Fire Phone: Business game-changer or gaffe?

from The Christian Science Monitor

If you can't tell which of these two extremes a new product falls into, you probably have no business covering technology.

[headlinehunter]

from The Verge

"Barista" is Italian for "bartender," you redundant Americans.

[headlinehunter]

Scientists can now control flies' brains with lasers

from The Verge

Well it's about time.

[headlinehunter]

Christie scandal is a cautionary tale about technology

from The USA Today

Really? That's the lesson you take away from this story about punishing ordinary citizens over a political vendetta? "Be careful what you text?"

[headlinehunter]

To compete with Amazon, eBay wants to be the Uber of e-commerce

from The Verge

Isn't eBay already the eBay of e-commerce? Why would they strive to be a startup?

[headlinehunter]

Math suggests iPhone market share to hit 68% in US by 2017

from GigaOm

Math, of course, has a perfect track record in predicting economic trends, which is why no one has ever lost money in the stock market and a bubble collapse has never caused a recession.

[headlinehunter]

This Photographer Documented Every Murder Site in London for Two Years

from Wired

Riiight ... He just happened to be at every murder scene ... because he was documenting them ...