Under the same Sky we share,my words bleed for you

[heartkickletters]

Why am I still crying whenever I look at his pictures? My heart keeps breaking over and over again. I can't let him go.

[heartkickletters]

Aku sudah bertahun-tahun menjadi regular speaker di beberapa komunitas masyarakat dan sekolah-sekolah. Tapi tetap saja setiap kali mempersiapkan materi ajar untuk event-event yang mereka adakan aku merasa beban banget. Apa selama ini aku tidak ikhlash? Aku tidak memungut bayaran sedikitpun, semua kulakukan dengan sukarela. Namun, adakalanya bahkan seringkali aku merasa menjadi budak. Seharusnya aku bisa fleksibel dan rileks mengerjakan semuanya, namun aku selalu merasa mereka menuntutku lebih. Dan aku sangat tak menyukainya.

[heartkickletters]

I can't hide what I feel, so yeah... He often tells me, "You look so sad." I just stay silent and try to smile as best as I can, while holding back my tears so they won't fall in front of him.

Forgive me... I just can't stop thinking about him. 😭

[heartkickletters]

Kamu menghisap seluruh semangat hidupku. Kini aku serasa tak berdaya dan lebur. Pilu, hampa, dan tak tahu harus berbuat apa untuk bisa bersamamu. Hal yang tak mungkin kulakukan.

[heartkickletters]

Half of my soul is somewhere on the American continent.

A place so far away, yet not far enough to stop it from stealing my heart.

What's left of me now is just enough strength to keep going... to keep myself from losing my mind.

My tears never seem to tire of falling, and I no longer know when they will finally come to an end.

[heartkickletters]

Why? 😭

Why are you doing this to me? Sometimes it feels like you're deliberately trying to destroy what's left of me.

[heartkickletters]

You ruined my day. What? What is wrong with you?

You're such a coward. You keep flirting with me, but you don't have the guts to take a step forward. Do you think I am happy with all of this ?

Just so you know, I'm very desperate !!! 😭

[heartkickletters]

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

Every morning, when I wake up, my heart and soul are with him. At night, my mind never rests because of him. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night, he's still the first thing on my mind. And throughout the day, he never leaves my thoughts—not even for a second. Even when I'm completely occupied with a busy schedule, I only seem to miss him more.

Do you think I can survive this? 😭

[heartkickletters]

To the one who stole my heart and continues to keep it safe. I love you endlessly.

[heartkickletters]

Sebenarnya aku sudah tak tahan lagi. Bersyukur aku masih waras tidak gila sampai detik ini. Itu karena rahmat Allah semata. Allah menyayangiku. Alhamdulillah.

[heartkickletters]

I had no appetite for months. What should I do? 😕

[heartkickletters]

Aku punya beberapa teman bule dari negara negara yang berbeda-beda. Kepada mereka entah kenapa aku sengaja menunjukkan diriku yang jutek, ketus, dan terkesan sombong. Sejatinya itu semua bukan sifatku. Karena aku tidak mau terlibat terlalu jauh dengan mereka. Karena bule-bule itu seperti mengharapkan lebih dari sekedar pertemanan. That's it.

[heartkickletters]

I'm dying inside. And nobody knows about this.

Maybe I'm torturing myself by holding on to these feelings, feelings for him that will never truly fade.

Yet I can never have him. Not because he would reject me, but because we met at the wrong time.

The wrong time? Maybe not.

Maybe this is simply a test. A test that came when I no longer belong to anyone, and no one can truly have me.

[heartkickletters]

I'm sick of being part of a huge organization. I feel trapped among hypocrites.

Oh lord, please take me away....

[heartkickletters]

Ah kamu..... damn, you made me cry. I miss you so badly. Please take me away of here! 😭

[heartkickletters]

Aku terlalu pengecut, maafkan aku.

[heartkickletters]

How can I miss you this much? 😭