stubborn. that’s what she is, what she’s always been. never content to take his word for it and how can be blame her? he’s been lying to her since he found her, pretending he isn’t aware of what truly draws them together. a liar for noble reasons is a liar nonetheless but it doesn’t dissuade him from his plight. much the opposite, it just reminds him of who he is. what he’ll always be. there’s no returning to what was once his home up above. light shrinks in his presence, the world cowers, but not her.
no, she insists that she doesn’t care. she’s not impressed or persuaded by his harsh tone or his unkind words. at least it’s just the two of them in this bar, so no one can see the way his brows furrow when he has a moment to look away from her. his jaw slacks, his shoulders rise and fall in a breath he feels as if he’s been holding in.
every moment he spends by her side is dangerous and yet he won’t leave her. he’ll torture himself, letting her follow him across this city so at the very least he’ll know for certain that she is safe.
running a hand over his face, his fingers press into his eyes, but the hand falls as soon as her footsteps sound and she appears in front of him, chin lifted in defiance. she’s beautiful like that and it’s impossible, impossible not to let himself admire it. her face basked in sunlight is the most heavenly thing he’s ever seen.
for a moment he feels a sense of selfish unease. humans don’t deserve to witness something so celestial as rey.
she speaks and it’s clear for a moment that all he can do is listen. all this time and the hold she has on him is stronger than anything. even as her words mollify him, it cannot last. “and i think you understand me when i tell you that is a foolish choice.” despite the clenched jaw, his eyes are pleading with her, asking her to abandon this crusade to fight him when he tells her that there cannot be something between them.
“you have a whole city of people. people who will treat you more kindly than i do. why would you choose someone who can’t bring you happiness?” kylo stands up straighter once more, gaze flitting to the ceiling but then back down to her. always her. even when he closes his eyes she is all that he imagines. he wants to shrink back, but he just shakes his head, hand moving to his hip in his frustration.
it’s like the shadows welcome him. the way darkness melds with his presence, the black of his clothing and his hair, the dark of his eyes. everything about him lives and breathes the ink-blotted darkness of the night sky. and she, she looks at him and sees stars. he may move and live as a shadow gliding through this dusty town, but he can’t fool her ------ there’s no mistaking how illuminated by a star-dusted landscape he is. there’s something cosmic and ethereal about him, and somehow she feels like she’s glancing at galaxies whenever she dares to take a look at him. it’s almost forbidden, she thinks, how strong her pull is toward him. therefore she constantly gravitates toward him, never shying away. the boldness within her is strengthened by his presence. she must see him, she must be near him.
her heart, oh lord, is its sanctity devoted to him.
and as he looks down at her, those eyes deep and dark and pleading with her, begging her to leave him lonely, she can’t find it within herself to pull away. she’s overwhelmed with how godly he seems, handsomely omnipresent. if only she could reach out, gently brush her fingers over his skin . . . a shiver courses through her and when he speaks, she’s brought back.
“ quit brooding. ” rey begins pointedly. “ you stand here, you say these things, you push me back, but never quite away. ” she inches closer, brow softening as she glances up at him. there’s a delicate grace in the glint of her eyes. “ you’re cold, but you’re not cruel. you can’t call me foolish when you’re acting just as ridiculously. tell me, kylo, why won’t you just shove me aside? i’m not afraid of you ------ you can hurt me, but you won’t break me. ”
her words are daring, and her gaze works to defy him. the stubbornness born there prevents her from backing down, from stepping away. and it’s his compelling magnetism that pulls her forward. he acts as if they’re polar, they are anything but. they’re not so different, she simply doesn’t know how yet. and when she’s near him it’s as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist on the same plane.
“ have you considered that happiness isn’t what i seek? ” her voices lowers, eyes dashing from his face to his chest. before she knows it, her hands are hovering there, fingers brushing over his shirt. it’s automatic --- she feels calmer the closer she is to him.
“ i’m incredibly drawn to you, ” rey murmurs, her brow furrowing and a frown on her lips as she stars at her hands. after a pause, she raises her head again and looks at him with a burning earnestness. “ i wish i knew why. ”
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