Never, cavalier! I miss hearing you play. I miss when we had that studio and I could sing with you. There’s no extra room to get away from everything out here.
Sérieusement! Can we run away and have a girls weekend in town or something? We’ll take Luna, and Victoria. They can’t even get mad if we have Victoria with us, right? Like, we’ll have a guard, so it’s okay.
Yeah, of course, I'm fine. Just been worried about you. And then Justin went into the hospital. Was there something in the water this week? I swear, its been so bizarre. I'm just glad everyone's home and safe.
Alyssa was torn in her opinion of Victoria. At the same time, she both admired and was very wary of Victoria’s self-confidence and strength. On the one hand, she really respected that the redhead was strong enough to be a guard, and was never intimidated by the guys. On the other hand, Victoria was really intimidating herself.
ൠ - random headcanon
Since she became friends with Kalen, Alyssa was rarely not by his side. Her parents put her in the same elementary school, and they’d be going to the same middle school next year. She spent most weekends dragging Kalen around the mall or downtown, and this Saturday was no different. Her dad had dropped them off downtown for the afternoon while he went to some boring meeting. Despite Kalen’s constant worries about her going off on her own, Alyssa found herself skipping down the sidewalk towards the ice cream parlor, after she may or may not have snuck away from Kalen while he was paying for some books he’d picked out at the last shop. The door to a shop in front of her opened and she fell hard against the body that emerged, eyes tearing up as she hit the hard sidewalk. “Je suis desolé,” she mumbled, earning a laugh from whoever she’d stumbled into. When she looked up, she recognized the guys from class and bit her lip. She shifted back a little on the sidewalk before standing up, her shoulders hunched in slightly as the boys laughed and rambled on their usual remarks. She didn’t know a lot of what they were saying, but caught a few words words the boys yelled at her often enough. French, princess, go home. Kalen always got upset when they said those things, so she knew enough that whatever else they said along with those possibly harmless words made it insulting. She got frustrated when people would talk fast. She could understand a lot of words, but not when they ran together, and not very well with the Australian accents. Kalen always made an effort to speak at a pace she could understand, even learning a few French words to help her out, and it threw her off when other people didn’t do the same. She tried to rack her brain, searching for the words to say that she didn’t mean to bump into them, and she wanted to go. “Sorry. I am leaving,” she mumbled, but only earned harsher laughs from the boys. She pressed her eyes shut, silently willing Kalen to find her, or for the boys to leave. The boys stopped laughing suddenly, and she opened her eyes to see a redheaded girl that stood about a head shorter than the smallest boy, but somehow whatever she was saying silenced all of them. Alyssa didn’t recognize most of what she was saying from how quickly she was yelling at them, but pig and sexist came up a lot. The smaller two of the three boys looked sheepishly at the ground. The bigger one just turned really red and yelled something back before leading the two other boys away. The redhead turned to look at Alyssa and she flinched reflexively, but the harsh tone was gone, though she was still speaking faster than Alyssa could really understand. After waiting an uncomfortably long moment to try and think of a reply for a question she hadn’t understood, Alyssa heard her name being called from behind her, and a warm hand wrapped around hers. She relaxed, and the redhead just looked up at Kalen curiously as he started to pull Alyssa away. “Merci,” Alyssa said over her shoulder to the girl. She was more than a little shocked, and wanted to cry for reasons unknown to her when she heard the quiet reply, “De rien.” The day that she met Ryder’s new guard, Alyssa wondered if the familiar looking girl was the same. But if she was, she doubted Victoria would remember that day downtown so many years ago, so Alyssa never brought it up.
His phone sat on the other side of the bed while Kalen squinted at it, sure it had been possessed by some ghost that was trying to cause him more pain because no way had Alyssa asked him to meet her. With how she’d reacted when he told her about how he felt, and then how she’s avoided him like the plague afterwards, he didn’t think she’d ever want to see him again, let alone feed him. Which, he was still confused about. Albeit, excited because 1. Alyssa was talking to him and 2. there was food if things went South so he could eat his feelings.
Kalen was a manly man, really.
Still, this whole thing was a mess and Kalen wasn’t sure it was ever going to be okay again. He figured this whole thing Alyssa had planned was going to go either one of two ways. She was going to apologize, tell Kalen she’d been crazy and that she’d been in love with him the whole time too, or that she never wanted to see him again and was asking that he be reassigned to another guardee. Kalen had his hopes set on the first, but he wasn’t banking on it, by any means.
Groaning, Kalen threw his head back fell back onto the bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. “You’re mad, Kay. Absolutely fucking mental.” And he was certain he was because only a crazy person would be debating the likelihood of a ghost possessing his phone and tricking him into thinking the girl he was crazy about wanted to talk to him again. Resigning to the fact that he was absolutely insane, Kalen crawled off the bed and out of the tent, pocketing his possibly still possessed phone. As he stood in front of his sorely lacking wardrobe, Kalen ran a hand through his hair. Oi, he was in trouble.
Finally settling on his usual simple jeans and t-shirt, though the shirt was a little baggier than he care for it to be despite his broadness, Kalen checked his phone for the time. 6:50. He sighed, slipping the demon phone into his pocket once again, stopping only to fix his quiff before making his way for the stairs. Shaking out his nerves on the last step, Kalen blew out a long breath and stepped into the kitchen, a slow smile spreading over his features at the sight of Alyssa. Okay. Nerves were still there and going crazy, but man, had he missed her. “Hey ‘Lyss.” He greeted, barely stepping into the kitchen. “Smells wicked in here.” Nerves bubbling to the surface and his initial happiness in seeing Alyssa subsided slightly, Kalen started to rock back on his heels awkwardly, unsure what else to say. “So, uh, how are you?”
Alyssa was twisting her hands nervously as she waited int he kitchen, obsessively going back to check each dish in turn to make sure it was perfect. It was supposed to be perfect. It had to be perfect. She very nearly jumped out of her skin when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Alyssa was twisting the sleeve of her sweater around her finger, putting on an apologetic smile as Kalen took barely a step into the kitchen. “Hey,” she said quietly. She hadn’t thought this part through completely, she realized as she stood there silently grabbing for words that escaped her. This was supposed to be the easy part right? The part where she say she was sorry and everything just fell into place like the last piece of a puzzle that everyone else had solved years ago, and she had just been staring at the pieces lost in confusion.
She paused at his question, and said the first word that came to her mind. “Miserable,” she said honestly. “I’m sorry, for like completely freaking out at you before. I just—I wasn’t thinking? I don’t know, but like the last week has been miserable without you. And I can’t—I don’t like you not being around, and I know it was my fault, I was just— I don’t know,” she muttered again, dropping erg eyes down to her hands. She wanted to ask him to come into the kitchen, she wanted to hug him, but she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to. She was still half expecting him to turn and walk out, saying that she’d hurt him and he couldn’t forgive her. Resolutely, she raised her eyes up to meet his again. “But I can’t—I can’t think of my life without you in it. It’s just—I can’t. So I don’t know if that’s—“ she broke off, not sure what she was trying to say. Not sure if that was what love was? “If that’s what you’re looking for, or want from me, but.” She shrugged weakly. “I miss you.”
Tearing her eyes away from Kalen’s, because distractions— distractions were good, especially when it was food, Alyssa gestured towards the food set out on the counter. “But there’s—I made dinner! I mean, Harris and Jer helped me a lot. If you’re hungry,” she added with a shrug, glancing back at him, looking for some kind of acknowledgement that, if she wasn’t forgiven, she was at least on the right track to get there. Granted, she was about ninety-nine percent sure that kalen wouldn’t turn down food, and that last one percent was only if he was so angry that he actually hated her, and judging by the fact that he was here and didn’t look beyond pissed off, she was pretty sure he wasn’t at that point. “So I mean, if you want, we can—“ Why was she having such a hard time with this? She wasn’t sure what she was trying to ask. She wasn’t sure how to ask if they could try this— whatever, more than friends thing, without it being awkward or completely screwing up their friendship if it didn’t work. “Let’s eat, okay? Is that an okay plan for now?”
Alyssa wasn’t entirely sure why the past week or so felt like a year. It might have been because she hadn’t been into her bedroom, except once or twice she snuck in there for clothes. Other than that, she had been staying in Ryder’s room. She didn’t want to be alone, but had felt bad about asking Ryder to stay with her instead of going to sleep with Keaton. Still, the nights of manicures and make up and doing each others’ nails made her feel better, and she got the impression it made Ryder feel better too. It took her longer than she’d really like to admit to realize that she might like Kalen as more than a friend, and it had taken a conversation with Luna, most of which was spent complaining about guys in general, to really clue her in. That had been a couple days ago, and since then she’d just been trying to think of a good way to make it up to Kalen. She’d kind of— okay massively— freaked out at him.
When she’d finally decided what to do, she found Harris and Jer in the living room watching some movie, and promptly started begging for them to help her. She dragged them to the kitchen, giving them each tasks as she started making her apology dinner. It only occurred to her about an hour into the cooking, when she noticed Harris repeating everything she said into English, that she had been rambling in French the entire time. When she was flustered or overly emotional, everything just came out in French. She was glad she had told Kalen seven instead of six, because at six thirty, she was still rushing around the kitchen trying to get everything perfect. Between her and Harris, they had managed to create an amazing spread, complete with chicken cordon bleu, au gratin potatoes, and a vegetable soup that Harris had made from some family recipe that he wouldn’t tell her, but it smelled really good. Jer of course, had pulled through, despite the translation issues, and produced an amazing looking chocolate cake that was decorated with little peanut butter chips.
“Merci beaucoup! Merci beaucoup!” She cried happily when it was done. She hugged Harris tightly and kissed him on both cheeks, then skipped over to Jer to give him the same treatment. “I owe you both big time, you’re amazing!” She checked her watch, and it was almost seven when Jer and Harris left, probably to finish the movie she and interrupted. Oops. She bounced around the kitchen, double and triple checking everything, eyes darting back to the foot of the stairs to see if Kalen was there yet. Why was he taking so long? Sure it wasn’t actually seven yet, but— she was starting to get nervous that he wouldn’t come. He didn’t hate her, right? He couldn’t completely hate her. He at least had to give her a chance to make a grand apology. Those were the rules. Of something. But there were rules, and allowance to make a grand apology had to be one of them.
Luna nodded. ”It always sucks when the lines of friendship get blurred like this. We’re lucky our other best friends are into dudes.” Sticking out her tongue, she blonde allowed herself a small giggle before sighing. ”I’m just - I mean, you feel how you feel, I only want to try to help you figure that out, okay? So you don’t make the mistakes I’ve made and then realize too late down the line that you do feel something more than friendship. But do you think you do feel something for him, and that’s scary? And that’s why you’re freaking out so much?” She paused, and then tacked on, “Realizing I felt something more for my best friend is fucking terrifying, like it scares the absolute shit out of me.” Rolling her eyes in amusement, Luna sat up and turned to face away from Alyssa so that she could braid her hair. What was with everyone and braiding her hair, like fuck. Although, she didn’t really hate it all that much, if she was being honest. Not that she’d ever tell anyone that out loud. Grabbing the bottle back, Luna took another long gulp, pleasantly surprised when she started to feel a little lightheaded. Some days it took much longer than others, but sobriety was just - it couldn’t be a thing. She couldn’t function properly when she’d been sober for too long. ”I mean, you don’t have to decide how you feel like, right this second. Just - don’t avoid him. I know it’s awkward, but it’ll honestly just make things worse.” Luna paused, then added on, “I mean, my recommendation would be to tell you to bone him, but that’d probably make things even more complicated so … don’t listen to me.”
Sitting up a little straighter as her hair started being brushed, and cleared her throat awkwardly. ”Uh - hmm.” Did she really want to talk about it? Alyssa was being pretty open with her and Kalen, and maybe if Luna told her everything that had gone on with her and Casey, she wouldn’t do the same stupid shit Lu had done. ”I mean, I don’t know. It’s kind of a long story? I feel like so much has happened in the past few months even, but basically I just kept getting mad at him for stupid shit, because I think that was easier than dealing with like, liking him and shit. I don’t know. I didn’t know he was my fucking bodyguard, so that sucked. Finding that out and shit. And I guess he has more than friendly feelings for me too but like, I don’t know, I didn’t want to believe it, I guess. It’s just fucking scary, like I totally get where you’re coming from. So basically the newest thing that I’ve done to fuck the friendship over for good is basically that I fucked Nate. Who is like, super close with Case. Which … I didn’t even really realize? I thought Case’s best friend was Justin, but anyway. I mean, it wasn’t - like, a conscious attempt to hurt him or anything, we were just kind of drunk and like, shit happens, you know? But I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked things over with Casey for good, so I don’t know. Don’t do what I’ve done. But anyway.” Swigging the bottle back, Luna took a few big gulps and then puffed out a breath of air. ”But hey, enough about me. Do you want to talk about it more or should we talk about like - fuck, I don’t know. Shoes or something? What do normal girls talk about?”
Alyssa giggled at the observation. “Yes, very very lucky,” she said happily. This was why she needed girl time. Real girl time. She loved Ryder, and Harris and Keaton and everyone, she really did. But sometimes she needed Lulove time, cause no one else made her think about something and laugh about it so much at the same time. She nodded, listening to the words and trying to make sense of it all. Feel how she feels, but how did she feel? She felt miserable since she’d been avoiding Kalen. She needed him to be right beside her, and he wasn’t, and it was her fault. She shrugged at the question uncertainly. “I don’t know, maybe? I don’t want to lose him. And everything is fine the way it is, but if it changes—I don’t know. The change part is scary, cause then he might not be here one day. I don’t like thinking about him not being with me, you know?” She paused and pressed her lips together. “That’s like the definition of ‘more than friends,’ isn’t it?” She asked uncertainly. She smiled, breathing a little easier when Luna turned around so she could braid her hair. This felt more comfortable, and she liked the distraction as she started brushing the tangles out of Luna’s hair. She bit her lip, just humming her agreement to Luna’s words, though it didn’t quite made sense to her. How was she supposed to not avoid him? It would be so awkward if she just went back to see him and like, pretended like he hadn’t said anything. Besides that, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to pretend it didn’t happen.
“I get it,” Alyssa said honestly, and a bit regretfully. “Getting upset is so much easier than like, facing feelings.” Granted, her version of getting user involved probably a lot more tears and a lot less actual confrontation than Luna’s had. “Wait, you didn’t know form the beginning that he was your bodyguard?” She asked, her hands freezing for a moment. “So he like— he was lying to you for— how long was it before you found out?” It made complete sense now why she was so reluctant and scared of her feelings. Who wouldn’t be in that case? At least Kalen had told her from the beginning that he was her guard. “Wait, Nate? Coral’s guard?” She asked in shock. Luna and Nate? That was— no where near what she was expecting. “But he’s so—“ quiet? reads too much? anti-social? “Not you,” she finally settled on. “I mean, not the kind of guy I could see you with ever.” She shrugged. “I didn’t really know he was very close to anyone, really. But he also seems the type that if you can talk to him for more than five minutes, you’re probably his best friend.” Once she was satisfied with the lack of tangles in Luna’s hair, Alyssa split it into three parts and used bobby pins to put the ribbons in two of the pieces. “I’m sure it’s not messed up for good. I mean, that’s the thing about love, right? It always works out in the end, and everyone's happy,” she giggled. And maybe she watched too many romantic movies, but that was he way it should work. And while it was working that way, why not her and Kalen? She giggled at Luna’s question. “Normal girls? Is that my job today, to turn you into a normal girl? We’ll need nail polish for that,” she teased.
Knowing your sister even just briefly, that doesn't surprise me all that much. Well this'll be a fun change. Everyone here's really nice, even if it feels kind of crowded sometimes. Oh! And you're guarding Ry and Lulove, right? You'll love them, they're so sweet.
Who: Alyssa and Kalen
What: Alyssa finding out Kalen's kind of in love with her, and cue major freak out
When: Just before the suspension?
Notes: Someone slap Alyssa, please and thank you.
Alyssa had tried her best to keep up being bubbly and optimistic about everything after the earthquake. But it felt like every time her feet were on solid ground again, the ground shifted. Literally. But between Kalen and Ryder, not to mention being a new house instead of that stuffy agency headquarters, she was starting to feel much better. She couldn’t have been happier when Kalen agreed to push their beds together and make a tent. It was just her, her best friend, and they were warm and safe in the tent. Whatever Harris questioned about their friendship, or whatever Ryder swore up and down was there, she knew it wasn’t. It was ridiculous, actually. Because Kalen was her best friend, and that wasn’t supposed to change. That wasn’t allowed to change, cause she didn’t know what she’d do if it did. So after she got back to the house after a day of shopping with Ryder, she bounded back into her room, making a beeline for the tent and jumping inside. “Kalen! You’ll never guess what—“ She frowned, her words broken off when she realized the tent was empty. She blew out an annoyed breath, falling onto her back in the tent, raising a hand up to trace shapes against the sheet hanging above her. He had to be back soon, right? Probably just went to get food or something. She debated for a long minute whether or not to crawl out and go find him, but decided against it, because she was tired after running around with Ryder. Her mind trailed back to what Ryder had said. About her and Kalen being as obvious as him and Keaton had been. Puh-lease. No one in the world was as obvious or as many-for-each-other as those two were, certainly not her and Kalen. It was just funny, the more she thought about it. As if her and Kalen would be anything more than just best friends. It would be like dating her broth—okay no, it wouldn’t be, that was weird. Dating Keaton would be like dating her brother. Kalen was—Kalen. Best friend since forever. She laughed again at Ryder’s words playing over in her mind as she rolled onto her stomach and peeked through the opening of the makeshift tent, eyeing the door and willing Kalen to come back so she could tell him.
Kalen had a serious talent for balancing an obnoxious amount of food on plates and in bowls as he walked through the house. Alyssa was out with Ryder and that gave Kalen plenty of time to mix up little snacks and get things ready for an indoor picnic and movie night, right? In theory, yes. In actuality, no. Kalen had been struck with a muse he'd thought he'd lost in the earthquake and found an guitar, constructing a full song to show Ryder and Keaton later. Kalen was quite proud of what he'd done, but had rushed to make the few snacks he actually knew how to make that Alyssa liked. He even managed to get his hands on a box of macaroons and this was going to be wonderful, he was sure. Smugly pushing his way back into their room, Kalen nearly jumped out of his skin and dropped everything when he found Alyssa all but setting the door on fire with her gaze. "Oh bloody hell, 'Lys. Ya 'bout gave me a heart attack. When d'ya get back?!" Kalen grinned, though he was sure the pounding of his heart in his ears would take years to go away. Handing some of the plates to Alyssa, Kalen slid into the tent and held out the box to his best friend. "I had sell my soul for these, but it was worth it." Kalen giggled and felt a blush warm his cheeks. Damnit, Mercer. Get it together. "Er, what do you say to a movie night, eh? I figured you'd need a break from excitement after being with Ry all day."
Alyssa was going to find her phone and call Kalen if he didn’t come back soon. As if on cue though, the door opened, and a very jumpy Kalen entered. Alyssa giggled, reaching her arms towards him without getting out of the tent. “You have heart attacks too easily,” she teased. She reached out to take the plates he handed her. “Did you get—Oh yay, chocolate covered blueberries! You’re the best.” She popped one in her mouth before shrugging at the question. “Got back like half an hour ago. Oh, look at this scarf Ry got me, isn’t it adorable?” She picked up a shopping bag she’d tossed aside and pulled out the silky fabric, wrapping it around her neck and turning her head in an overly dramatic pose, before laughing and bumping her shoulder against Kalen’s. “You’re amazing!” Alyssa squealed, taking off the scarf, because really, there were macaroons, and these were very important, but not so much that she wanted to get crumbs on her new scarf. “Yeah, movie night,” she said distantly, trying to remember what it was that she and to tell Kalen. It was something important. She knew it was. “Oh! But wait first, I have to tell you,” she broke off, falling into a fit of giggles. “So Ry— he told me the funniest thing earlier.” She laughed again, reaching out to grab his arm. “Ok, so he was all like, you and Kalen are totally meant to be together, and it’s so obvious! And I was like, no way, you and Keaton were obvious. Me and Kalen? Like no way, he’s my bestie. Can you believe that? Like who would actually think— you and me? How weird, right?” She laughed again, falling back against the bed and trying to catch her breath.
Kalen just smiled and shook his head. "Hey. It's my job to have heart attacks, yeah? If I'm not having heart attacks you should be worried. I've gotten far too comfortable when that starts happening." Honestly, he wasn't sure how this whole thing was supposed to work, but was your heart really supposed to leap just because the person you like made grabby hands at you? Like really? This whole feelings thing was getting out of hand. But Kalen couldn't help but grin like a fool when she got excited about the blueberries and hell yes he was the best. Settling in, he perked a brow and really? How had he missed them getting back. Fuck. Reaching out, he caught the fabric between his fingers and nodded. “Very pretty. Good thing you've got him to take you shopping, because I'm hopeless.” Kalen giggled and handed over the macaroons, watching as Alyssa got distracted and why was that so cute? Like, shit. This was out of control. Kalen's brow perked when Alyssa got back on track and fell into a fit of laughter. “I can't decide if I should laugh or be terrified considering this is from Ryder.” Kalen was leaning slightly towards terrified, but smirked anyway. As Alyssa went on to tell her story, Kalen's face fell and his gaze fell to his hands, which twisted and fidgeted in his lap. Of course Ryder would say something and of course Alyssa would blow it off. It was silly, after all, wasn't it? To think she'd ever feel the same way. Alyssa was a model, for fucks sake. Kalen was just some nerdy bodyguard orphan kid who still had no clue who he was and honestly? Why would he ever think he had anything to offer a girl like her? It was stupid. “Yeah.” He mumbled. “Totally weird.” A lump started to form in Kalen's throat and he swore softly, coughing to clear his throat. He needed a topic change and quick. “So, uh, what else did you get? And what movie do you want to watch first? I've gotten out all your favorites already, so...” Kalen's voice came out a little higher pitched and shakier than he would have liked, but he was hoping Alyssa wouldn't notice.
Alyssa giggled, shaking her head as she sat up and reached for a macaroon. She took a bite, humming happily around the sweet cookie as she listened to Kalen. But, that was weird. Why was he being so bizarrely quiet? Didn’t he get the joke? Alyssa twisted around to face him, watching his eyes fall to his lap, to his hands fidgeting, mumbling a response that wasn’t nearly what she’d been expecting. “What’s wrong?” She asked. Alyssa started to reach towards him, but stopped when he started talking again, this time in a weird tone and very not-Kalen. It took her a second to clue into what he was saying, and wait—he was trying to change the subject like he did when he was uncomfortable. But that didn’t make any sense. “No, not changing the subject. Something’s bothering you, and no movie night til you tell me what’s going on.” She crossed her arms, trying to look determined. Which, she totally was. The fact that Kalen usually knew how to get her off-topic within the span of about thirty seconds wasn’t important right now. She’s was staying on task.
Kalen wanted to crawl under a very large rock and hide there for the next eigtheen thousand years because literally this was the most painfully embarrassing thing he'd ever had to endure and it was only going to get worse. And of course Alyssa had to notice he was acting differently and, ugh. Couldn't she just be blissfully ignorant this one time?! He shied away when she turned to face him because goddamnit she wasn't going to see him get emotional over this. "Nothing." He shook his head and moved for the opening of the tent when she crossed her arms and oh, bloody hell. She had the excruciatingly cute determined look on her face and fuck. Groaning, Kalen fell back onto the bed and smothered his face with the nearest pillow. "Ryder wasn't totally wrong." His muffled voice came through the pillow. Tossing the pillow aside, Kalen rubbed his hands up and down his face. Keeping his eyes trained on the ceiling of the tent, Kalen continued. "I've been hopelessly mad for ya for years, 'Lyss." He turned to face her now, the lump in his throat growing larger with every word. "You're hilarious and sweet and kind and for whatever reason you don't mind having me around all the time and I don't know. Somewhere along the line I fell for ya and...I don't know. I get why you don't like me and that's fine - you shouldn't feel bad or anything. You could and will do so much better, I just...I never planned on telling you 'cause ya are my best friend and I didn't want that to change or be weird, so...we can just pretend this conversation never happened or something. I don't know." Letting out another groan, Kalen found the pillow he'd used earlier and covered his face with it again, this time to hide the dampness that started to well up in his eyes. The last thing he wanted was to forget that this happened and forget that he was totally head over heels for Alyssa, but if that's what it was going to take then he'd do it because he'd rather have her in his life as just a friend than not at all.
Alyssa had actually no idea what was happening. Kalen was acting weird, and that wasn’t supposed to happen. She frowned, tugging on the pillow that he covered his face with, because honestly he was speaking and how did he expect her to hear him? But when he got rid of the pillow, he still refused to look at her, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her chest felt tight, and what was he saying? That wasn’t—He wasn’t supposed to say that! He wasn’t allowed to say that! He was her best friend, he couldn’t— this wasn’t right. Alyssa raised a hand to her mouth to bite at her nails, a terrible habit she’d given up years ago. Why was he saying these things? “But—But Kay you’re my best friend,” she said weakly. He was getting blurry, and it took her a second to realize that was because there were tears in her eyes. “You’re not— You can’t— Kay,” she whimpered slightly, unsure of what she was supposed to say. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was her best friend, and why wasn’t just begin friends good enough for people? Why did it have to go and get messed up? “I’m— uh, actually I think I—“ she stopped to try and breathe, but it wasn’t working too well. “I um, I told Ryder I’d, help him with— something. I’ll, uh okay.” She scrambled out of the tent and hurried towards the door, barely managing to stay on her feet as she tumbled out into the hallway. She rushed down the hall until she found Ryder’s room and barged in. “Ry? Would you mind— Can I sleep with you tonight?” As soon as he opened his arms, she fell against him and curled into his chest, fully prepared to bury herself from the new revelations for as long as she could.
Kalen could feel his whole world come crashing down around him. He didn't need to look at Alyssa to know that she was struggling with - going absolutely mental about - the idea that Kalen wanted to, not only be her best friend, but to be more than that for her too. Kalen shook his head as she sputtered out broken sentences and tears welled up in her eyes and goddammit that was not what was supposed to happen. He never wanted her to cry, very least because of something he'd done. So what does he do? Naturally he goes and tears her whole world apart by confessing his love. Good going Mercer. Finally, Kalen looked over and took in the sight of Alyssa and immediately he regretted it. "Lyssa..." His voice cracked and he swallowed the lump in his throat that had seemed to grown ten times in size since they'd started this whole conversation. "Please, don't..." But she was scrambling and Kalen was too slow in trying to catch her wrist to pull her back and tell her that this wasn't going to change anything - that he would be there for her all the same, even if she didn't love him back in the same way. Why couldn't he have said that sooner? When he was confessing everything in the first place? Why did those words not race through his head in the first place? As he watched the door to their room close, Kalen felt the first tear roll down his cheek before he ducked back into the tent and buried his head under the pillows, vowing he'd never leave again because that'd be easier than facing the fact that he'd just ruined the best thing in his life.
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