Never, cavalier! I miss hearing you play. I miss when we had that studio and I could sing with you. Thereâs no extra room to get away from everything out here.
Kaaaaaay! Honestly, youâre ridiculous. Câmere, Iâll help. But if youâre wearing a tutu, you have to have a bow in your hair. Itâs like the law.
Yeah, of course, I'm fine. Just been worried about you. And then Justin went into the hospital. Was there something in the water this week? I swear, its been so bizarre. I'm just glad everyone's home and safe.
⯠- likes/dislikes headcanon à” - random headcanon
⯠- likes/dislikes headcanon
Alyssa was torn in her opinion of Victoria. At the same time, she both admired and was very wary of Victoriaâs self-confidence and strength. On the one hand, she really respected that the redhead was strong enough to be a guard, and was never intimidated by the guys. On the other hand, Victoria was really intimidating herself.
His phone sat on the other side of the bed while Kalen squinted at it, sure it had been possessed by some ghost that was trying to cause him more pain because no way had Alyssa asked him to meet her. With how sheâd reacted when he told her about how he felt, and then how sheâs avoided him like the plague afterwards, he didnât think sheâd ever want to see him again, let alone feed him. Which, he was still confused about. Albeit, excited because 1. Alyssa was talking to him and 2. there was food if things went South so he could eat his feelings.
Kalen was a manly man, really.
Still, this whole thing was a mess and Kalen wasnât sure it was ever going to be okay again. He figured this whole thing Alyssa had planned was going to go either one of two ways. She was going to apologize, tell Kalen sheâd been crazy and that sheâd been in love with him the whole time too, or that she never wanted to see him again and was asking that he be reassigned to another guardee. Kalen had his hopes set on the first, but he wasnât banking on it, by any means.
Groaning, Kalen threw his head back fell back onto the bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. âYouâre mad, Kay. Absolutely fucking mental.â And he was certain he was because only a crazy person would be debating the likelihood of a ghost possessing his phone and tricking him into thinking the girl he was crazy about wanted to talk to him again. Resigning to the fact that he was absolutely insane, Kalen crawled off the bed and out of the tent, pocketing his possibly still possessed phone. As he stood in front of his sorely lacking wardrobe, Kalen ran a hand through his hair. Oi, he was in trouble.
Finally settling on his usual simple jeans and t-shirt, though the shirt was a little baggier than he care for it to be despite his broadness, Kalen checked his phone for the time. 6:50. He sighed, slipping the demon phone into his pocket once again, stopping only to fix his quiff before making his way for the stairs. Shaking out his nerves on the last step, Kalen blew out a long breath and stepped into the kitchen, a slow smile spreading over his features at the sight of Alyssa. Okay. Nerves were still there and going crazy, but man, had he missed her. âHey âLyss.â He greeted, barely stepping into the kitchen. âSmells wicked in here.â Nerves bubbling to the surface and his initial happiness in seeing Alyssa subsided slightly, Kalen started to rock back on his heels awkwardly, unsure what else to say. âSo, uh, how are you?â Â
Alyssa was twisting her hands nervously as she waited int he kitchen, obsessively going back to check each dish in turn to make sure it was perfect. It was supposed to be perfect. It had to be perfect. She very nearly jumped out of her skin when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Alyssa was twisting the sleeve of her sweater around her finger, putting on an apologetic smile as Kalen took barely a step into the kitchen. âHey,â she said quietly. She hadnât thought this part through completely, she realized as she stood there silently grabbing for words that escaped her. This was supposed to be the easy part right? The part where she say she was sorry and everything just fell into place like the last piece of a puzzle that everyone else had solved years ago, and she had just been staring at the pieces lost in confusion.Â
She paused at his question, and said the first word that came to her mind. âMiserable,â she said honestly. âIâm sorry, for like completely freaking out at you before. I justâI wasnât thinking? I donât know, but like the last week has been miserable without you. And I canâtâI donât like you not being around, and I know it was my fault, I was justâ I donât know,â she muttered again, dropping erg eyes down to her hands. She wanted to ask him to come into the kitchen, she wanted to hug him, but she wasnât sure if she was allowed to. She was still half expecting him to turn and walk out, saying that sheâd hurt him and he couldnât forgive her. Resolutely, she raised her eyes up to meet his again. âBut I canâtâI canât think of my life without you in it. Itâs justâI canât. So I donât know if thatâsââ she broke off, not sure what she was trying to say. Not sure if that was what love was? âIf thatâs what youâre looking for, or want from me, but.â She shrugged weakly. âI miss you.âÂ
Tearing her eyes away from Kalenâs, because distractionsâ distractions were good, especially when it was food, Alyssa gestured towards the food set out on the counter. âBut thereâsâI made dinner! I mean, Harris and Jer helped me a lot. If youâre hungry,â she added with a shrug, glancing back at him, looking for some kind of acknowledgement that, if she wasnât forgiven, she was at least on the right track to get there. Granted, she was about ninety-nine percent sure that kalen wouldnât turn down food, and that last one percent was only if he was so angry that he actually hated her, and judging by the fact that he was here and didnât look beyond pissed off, she was pretty sure he wasnât at that point. âSo I mean, if you want, we canââ Why was she having such a hard time with this? She wasnât sure what she was trying to ask. She wasnât sure how to ask if they could try thisâ whatever, more than friends thing, without it being awkward or completely screwing up their friendship if it didnât work. âLetâs eat, okay? Is that an okay plan for now?â
Alyssa wasnât entirely sure why the past week or so felt like a year. It might have been because she hadnât been into her bedroom, except once or twice she snuck in there for clothes. Other than that, she had been staying in Ryderâs room. She didnât want to be alone, but had felt bad about asking Ryder to stay with her instead of going to sleep with Keaton. Still, the nights of manicures and make up and doing each othersâ nails made her feel better, and she got the impression it made Ryder feel better too. It took her longer than sheâd really like to admit to realize that she might like Kalen as more than a friend, and it had taken a conversation with Luna, most of which was spent complaining about guys in general, to really clue her in. That had been a couple days ago, and since then sheâd just been trying to think of a good way to make it up to Kalen. Sheâd kind ofâ okay massivelyâ freaked out at him.Â
When sheâd finally decided what to do, she found Harris and Jer in the living room watching some movie, and promptly started begging for them to help her. She dragged them to the kitchen, giving them each tasks as she started making her apology dinner. It only occurred to her about an hour into the cooking, when she noticed Harris repeating everything she said into English, that she had been rambling in French the entire time. When she was flustered or overly emotional, everything just came out in French. She was glad she had told Kalen seven instead of six, because at six thirty, she was still rushing around the kitchen trying to get everything perfect. Between her and Harris, they had managed to create an amazing spread, complete with chicken cordon bleu, au gratin potatoes, and a vegetable soup that Harris had made from some family recipe that he wouldnât tell her, but it smelled really good. Jer of course, had pulled through, despite the translation issues, and produced an amazing looking chocolate cake that was decorated with little peanut butter chips.Â
âMerci beaucoup! Merci beaucoup!â She cried happily when it was done. She hugged Harris tightly and kissed him on both cheeks, then skipped over to Jer to give him the same treatment. âI owe you both big time, youâre amazing!â She checked her watch, and it was almost seven when Jer and Harris left, probably to finish the movie she and interrupted. Oops. She bounced around the kitchen, double and triple checking everything, eyes darting back to the foot of the stairs to see if Kalen was there yet. Why was he taking so long? Sure it wasnât actually seven yet, butâ she was starting to get nervous that he wouldnât come. He didnât hate her, right? He couldnât completely hate her. He at least had to give her a chance to make a grand apology. Those were the rules. Of something. But there were rules, and allowance to make a grand apology had to be one of them.
Luna nodded.  âIt always sucks when the lines of friendship get blurred like this.  Weâre lucky our other best friends are into dudes.â  Sticking out her tongue, she blonde allowed herself a small giggle before sighing.  âIâm just - I mean, you feel how you feel, I only want to try to help you figure that out, okay?  So you donât make the mistakes Iâve made and then realize too late down the line that you do feel something more than friendship.  But do you think you do feel something for him, and thatâs scary?  And thatâs why youâre freaking out so much?â  She paused, and then tacked on, âRealizing I felt something more for my best friend is fucking terrifying, like it scares the absolute shit out of me.â  Rolling her eyes in amusement, Luna sat up and turned to face away from Alyssa so that she could braid her hair.  What was with everyone and braiding her hair, like fuck.  Although, she didnât really hate it all that much, if she was being honest.  Not that sheâd ever tell anyone that out loud.  Grabbing the bottle back, Luna took another long gulp, pleasantly surprised when she started to feel a little lightheaded.  Some days it took much longer than others, but sobriety was just - it couldnât be a thing.  She couldnât function properly when sheâd been sober for too long.  âI mean, you donât have to decide how you feel like, right this second.  Just - donât avoid him.  I know itâs awkward, but itâll honestly just make things worse.â  Luna paused, then added on, âI mean, my recommendation would be to tell you to bone him, but thatâd probably make things even more complicated so ⊠donât listen to me.â
Sitting up a little straighter as her hair started being brushed, and cleared her throat awkwardly.  âUh - hmm.â  Did she really want to talk about it?  Alyssa was being pretty open with her and Kalen, and maybe if Luna told her everything that had gone on with her and Casey, she wouldnât do the same stupid shit Lu had done.  âI mean, I donât know.  Itâs kind of a long story?  I feel like so much has happened in the past few months even, but basically I just kept getting mad at him for stupid shit, because I think that was easier than dealing with like, liking him and shit.  I donât know.  I didnât know he was my fucking bodyguard, so that sucked.  Finding that out and shit.  And I guess he has more than friendly feelings for me too but like, I donât know, I didnât want to believe it, I guess.  Itâs just fucking scary, like I totally get where youâre coming from.  So basically the newest thing that Iâve done to fuck the friendship over for good is basically that I fucked Nate.  Who is like, super close with Case.  Which ⊠I didnât even really realize?  I thought Caseâs best friend was Justin, but anyway.  I mean, it wasnât - like, a conscious attempt to hurt him or anything, we were just kind of drunk and like, shit happens, you know?  But Iâm pretty sure Iâve fucked things over with Casey for good, so I donât know.  Donât do what Iâve done.  But anyway.â  Swigging the bottle back, Luna took a few big gulps and then puffed out a breath of air.  âBut hey, enough about me.  Do you want to talk about it more or should we talk about like - fuck, I donât know.  Shoes or something?  What do normal girls talk about?â
Alyssa giggled at the observation. âYes, very very lucky,â she said happily. This was why she needed girl time. Real girl time. She loved Ryder, and Harris and Keaton and everyone, she really did. But sometimes she needed Lulove time, cause no one else made her think about something and laugh about it so much at the same time. She nodded, listening to the words and trying to make sense of it all. Feel how she feels, but how did she feel? She felt miserable since sheâd been avoiding Kalen. She needed him to be right beside her, and he wasnât, and it was her fault. She shrugged at the question uncertainly. âI donât know, maybe? I donât want to lose him. And everything is fine the way it is, but if it changesâI donât know. The change part is scary, cause then he might not be here one day. I donât like thinking about him not being with me, you know?â She paused and pressed her lips together. âThatâs like the definition of âmore than friends,â isnât it?â She asked uncertainly. She smiled, breathing a little easier when Luna turned around so she could braid her hair. This felt more comfortable, and she liked the distraction as she started brushing the tangles out of Lunaâs hair. She bit her lip, just humming her agreement to Lunaâs words, though it didnât quite made sense to her. How was she supposed to not avoid him? It would be so awkward if she just went back to see him and like, pretended like he hadnât said anything. Besides that, she wasnât sure if she wanted to pretend it didnât happen.Â
âI get it,â Alyssa said honestly, and a bit regretfully. âGetting upset is so much easier than like, facing feelings.â Granted, her version of getting user involved probably a lot more tears and a lot less actual confrontation than Lunaâs had. âWait, you didnât know form the beginning that he was your bodyguard?â She asked, her hands freezing for a moment. âSo he likeâ he was lying to you forâ how long was it before you found out?â It made complete sense now why she was so reluctant and scared of her feelings. Who wouldnât be in that case? At least Kalen had told her from the beginning that he was her guard. âWait, Nate? Coralâs guard?â She asked in shock. Luna and Nate? That wasâ no where near what she was expecting. âBut heâs soââ quiet? reads too much? anti-social? âNot you,â she finally settled on. âI mean, not the kind of guy I could see you with ever.â She shrugged. âI didnât really know he was very close to anyone, really. But he also seems the type that if you can talk to him for more than five minutes, youâre probably his best friend.â Once she was satisfied with the lack of tangles in Lunaâs hair, Alyssa split it into three parts and used bobby pins to put the ribbons in two of the pieces. âIâm sure itâs not messed up for good. I mean, thatâs the thing about love, right? It always works out in the end, and everyone's happy,â she giggled. And maybe she watched too many romantic movies, but that was he way it should work. And while it was working that way, why not her and Kalen? She giggled at Lunaâs question. âNormal girls? Is that my job today, to turn you into a normal girl? Weâll need nail polish for that,â she teased.
Knowing your sister even just briefly, that doesn't surprise me all that much. Well this'll be a fun change. Everyone here's really nice, even if it feels kind of crowded sometimes. Oh! And you're guarding Ry and Lulove, right? You'll love them, they're so sweet.Â
Who: Alyssa and Kalen
What: Alyssa finding out Kalen's kind of in love with her, and cue major freak out
When: Just before the suspension?
Notes: Someone slap Alyssa, please and thank you.Â
Alyssa had tried her best to keep up being bubbly and optimistic about everything after the earthquake. But it felt like every time her feet were on solid ground again, the ground shifted. Literally. But between Kalen and Ryder, not to mention being a new house instead of that stuffy agency headquarters, she was starting to feel much better. She couldnât have been happier when Kalen agreed to push their beds together and make a tent. It was just her, her best friend, and they were warm and safe in the tent. Whatever Harris questioned about their friendship, or whatever Ryder swore up and down was there, she knew it wasnât. It was ridiculous, actually. Because Kalen was her best friend, and that wasnât supposed to change. That wasnât allowed to change, cause she didnât know what sheâd do if it did. So after she got back to the house after a day of shopping with Ryder, she bounded back into her room, making a beeline for the tent and jumping inside. âKalen! Youâll never guess whatââ She frowned, her words broken off when she realized the tent was empty. She blew out an annoyed breath, falling onto her back in the tent, raising a hand up to trace shapes against the sheet hanging above her. He had to be back soon, right? Probably just went to get food or something. She debated for a long minute whether or not to crawl out and go find him, but decided against it, because she was tired after running around with Ryder. Her mind trailed back to what Ryder had said. About her and Kalen being as obvious as him and Keaton had been. Puh-lease. No one in the world was as obvious or as many-for-each-other as those two were, certainly not her and Kalen. It was just funny, the more she thought about it. As if her and Kalen would be anything more than just best friends. It would be like dating her brothâokay no, it wouldnât be, that was weird. Dating Keaton would be like dating her brother. Kalen wasâKalen. Best friend since forever. She laughed again at Ryderâs words playing over in her mind as she rolled onto her stomach and peeked through the opening of the makeshift tent, eyeing the door and willing Kalen to come back so she could tell him.
Kalen had a serious talent for balancing an obnoxious amount of food on plates and in bowls as he walked through the house. Alyssa was out with Ryder and that gave Kalen plenty of time to mix up little snacks and get things ready for an indoor picnic and movie night, right? In theory, yes. In actuality, no. Kalen had been struck with a muse he'd thought he'd lost in the earthquake and found an guitar, constructing a full song to show Ryder and Keaton later. Kalen was quite proud of what he'd done, but had rushed to make the few snacks he actually knew how to make that Alyssa liked. He even managed to get his hands on a box of macaroons and this was going to be wonderful, he was sure. Smugly pushing his way back into their room, Kalen nearly jumped out of his skin and dropped everything when he found Alyssa all but setting the door on fire with her gaze. "Oh bloody hell, 'Lys. Ya 'bout gave me a heart attack. When d'ya get back?!" Kalen grinned, though he was sure the pounding of his heart in his ears would take years to go away. Handing some of the plates to Alyssa, Kalen slid into the tent and held out the box to his best friend. "I had sell my soul for these, but it was worth it." Kalen giggled and felt a blush warm his cheeks. Damnit, Mercer. Get it together. "Er, what do you say to a movie night, eh? I figured you'd need a break from excitement after being with Ry all day."
Alyssa was going to find her phone and call Kalen if he didnât come back soon. As if on cue though, the door opened, and a very jumpy Kalen entered. Alyssa giggled, reaching her arms towards him without getting out of the tent. âYou have heart attacks too easily,â she teased. She reached out to take the plates he handed her. âDid you getâOh yay, chocolate covered blueberries! Youâre the best.â She popped one in her mouth before shrugging at the question. âGot back like half an hour ago. Oh, look at this scarf Ry got me, isnât it adorable?â She picked up a shopping bag sheâd tossed aside and pulled out the silky fabric, wrapping it around her neck and turning her head in an overly dramatic pose, before laughing and bumping her shoulder against Kalenâs. âYouâre amazing!â Alyssa squealed, taking off the scarf, because really, there were macaroons, and these were very important, but not so much that she wanted to get crumbs on her new scarf. âYeah, movie night,â she said distantly, trying to remember what it was that she and to tell Kalen. It was something important. She knew it was. âOh! But wait first, I have to tell you,â she broke off, falling into a fit of giggles. âSo Ryâ he told me the funniest thing earlier.â She laughed again, reaching out to grab his arm. âOk, so he was all like, you and Kalen are totally meant to be together, and itâs so obvious! And I was like, no way, you and Keaton were obvious. Me and Kalen? Like no way, heâs my bestie. Can you believe that? Like who would actually thinkâ you and me? How weird, right?â She laughed again, falling back against the bed and trying to catch her breath.
Kalen just smiled and shook his head. "Hey. It's my job to have heart attacks, yeah? If I'm not having heart attacks you should be worried. I've gotten far too comfortable when that starts happening." Honestly, he wasn't sure how this whole thing was supposed to work, but was your heart really supposed to leap just because the person you like made grabby hands at you? Like really? This whole feelings thing was getting out of hand. But Kalen couldn't help but grin like a fool when she got excited about the blueberries and hell yes he was the best. Settling in, he perked a brow and really? How had he missed them getting back. Fuck. Reaching out, he caught the fabric between his fingers and nodded. âVery pretty. Good thing you've got him to take you shopping, because I'm hopeless.â Kalen giggled and handed over the macaroons, watching as Alyssa got distracted and why was that so cute? Like, shit. This was out of control. Kalen's brow perked when Alyssa got back on track and fell into a fit of laughter. âI can't decide if I should laugh or be terrified considering this is from Ryder.â Kalen was leaning slightly towards terrified, but smirked anyway. As Alyssa went on to tell her story, Kalen's face fell and his gaze fell to his hands, which twisted and fidgeted in his lap. Of course Ryder would say something and of course Alyssa would blow it off. It was silly, after all, wasn't it? To think she'd ever feel the same way. Alyssa was a model, for fucks sake. Kalen was just some nerdy bodyguard orphan kid who still had no clue who he was and honestly? Why would he ever think he had anything to offer a girl like her? It was stupid. âYeah.â He mumbled. âTotally weird.â A lump started to form in Kalen's throat and he swore softly, coughing to clear his throat. He needed a topic change and quick. âSo, uh, what else did you get? And what movie do you want to watch first? I've gotten out all your favorites already, so...â Kalen's voice came out a little higher pitched and shakier than he would have liked, but he was hoping Alyssa wouldn't notice.
Alyssa giggled, shaking her head as she sat up and reached for a macaroon. She took a bite, humming happily around the sweet cookie as she listened to Kalen. But, that was weird. Why was he being so bizarrely quiet? Didnât he get the joke? Alyssa twisted around to face him, watching his eyes fall to his lap, to his hands fidgeting, mumbling a response that wasnât nearly what sheâd been expecting. âWhatâs wrong?â She asked. Alyssa started to reach towards him, but stopped when he started talking again, this time in a weird tone and very not-Kalen. It took her a second to clue into what he was saying, and waitâhe was trying to change the subject like he did when he was uncomfortable. But that didnât make any sense. âNo, not changing the subject. Somethingâs bothering you, and no movie night til you tell me whatâs going on.â She crossed her arms, trying to look determined. Which, she totally was. The fact that Kalen usually knew how to get her off-topic within the span of about thirty seconds wasnât important right now. Sheâs was staying on task.
Kalen wanted to crawl under a very large rock and hide there for the next eigtheen thousand years because literally this was the most painfully embarrassing thing he'd ever had to endure and it was only going to get worse. And of course Alyssa had to notice he was acting differently and, ugh. Couldn't she just be blissfully ignorant this one time?! He shied away when she turned to face him because goddamnit she wasn't going to see him get emotional over this. "Nothing." He shook his head and moved for the opening of the tent when she crossed her arms and oh, bloody hell. She had the excruciatingly cute determined look on her face and fuck. Groaning, Kalen fell back onto the bed and smothered his face with the nearest pillow. "Ryder wasn't totally wrong." His muffled voice came through the pillow. Tossing the pillow aside, Kalen rubbed his hands up and down his face. Keeping his eyes trained on the ceiling of the tent, Kalen continued. "I've been hopelessly mad for ya for years, 'Lyss." He turned to face her now, the lump in his throat growing larger with every word. "You're hilarious and sweet and kind and for whatever reason you don't mind having me around all the time and I don't know. Somewhere along the line I fell for ya and...I don't know. I get why you don't like me and that's fine - you shouldn't feel bad or anything. You could and will do so much better, I just...I never planned on telling you 'cause ya are my best friend and I didn't want that to change or be weird, so...we can just pretend this conversation never happened or something. I don't know." Letting out another groan, Kalen found the pillow he'd used earlier and covered his face with it again, this time to hide the dampness that started to well up in his eyes. The last thing he wanted was to forget that this happened and forget that he was totally head over heels for Alyssa, but if that's what it was going to take then he'd do it because he'd rather have her in his life as just a friend than not at all.
Alyssa had actually no idea what was happening. Kalen was acting weird, and that wasnât supposed to happen. She frowned, tugging on the pillow that he covered his face with, because honestly he was speaking and how did he expect her to hear him? But when he got rid of the pillow, he still refused to look at her, and she felt like she couldnât breathe. Her chest felt tight, and what was he saying? That wasnâtâHe wasnât supposed to say that! He wasnât allowed to say that! He was her best friend, he couldnâtâ this wasnât right. Alyssa raised a hand to her mouth to bite at her nails, a terrible habit sheâd given up years ago. Why was he saying these things? âButâBut Kay youâre my best friend,â she said weakly. He was getting blurry, and it took her a second to realize that was because there were tears in her eyes. âYouâre notâ You canâtâ Kay,â she whimpered slightly, unsure of what she was supposed to say. This wasnât supposed to happen. He was her best friend, and why wasnât just begin friends good enough for people? Why did it have to go and get messed up? âIâmâ uh, actually I think Iââ she stopped to try and breathe, but it wasnât working too well. âI um, I told Ryder Iâd, help him withâ something. Iâll, uh okay.â She scrambled out of the tent and hurried towards the door, barely managing to stay on her feet as she tumbled out into the hallway. She rushed down the hall until she found Ryderâs room and barged in. âRy? Would you mindâ Can I sleep with you tonight?â As soon as he opened his arms, she fell against him and curled into his chest, fully prepared to bury herself from the new revelations for as long as she could.
Kalen could feel his whole world come crashing down around him. He didn't need to look at Alyssa to know that she was struggling with - going absolutely mental about - the idea that Kalen wanted to, not only be her best friend, but to be more than that for her too. Kalen shook his head as she sputtered out broken sentences and tears welled up in her eyes and goddammit that was not what was supposed to happen. He never wanted her to cry, very least because of something he'd done. So what does he do? Naturally he goes and tears her whole world apart by confessing his love. Good going Mercer. Finally, Kalen looked over and took in the sight of Alyssa and immediately he regretted it. "Lyssa..." His voice cracked and he swallowed the lump in his throat that had seemed to grown ten times in size since they'd started this whole conversation. "Please, don't..." But she was scrambling and Kalen was too slow in trying to catch her wrist to pull her back and tell her that this wasn't going to change anything - that he would be there for her all the same, even if she didn't love him back in the same way. Why couldn't he have said that sooner? When he was confessing everything in the first place? Why did those words not race through his head in the first place? As he watched the door to their room close, Kalen felt the first tear roll down his cheek before he ducked back into the tent and buried his head under the pillows, vowing he'd never leave again because that'd be easier than facing the fact that he'd just ruined the best thing in his life.
theartofmadeline
stormborns
jimmyeatworldofficial
