sick of trying.

this is my blog for mental + physical illness posts, and trauma venting. struggling. thanks for sticking around ♡ (over 18, contains triggering posts and reblogs, not recovering atm, proceed with caution)

[heartshattering]

This sleep disorder bullshit going on with me is so frustrating and really had to come at the worst time of my life. Again - been a lifelong sufferer of sleep issues, seen multiple doctors, received different diagnoses and treatments... but I've never had so many sleepless nights as I have these past couple months. I'm always stuck wondering what to do, if it's worth it to stay awake and try to work while my brain feels all mushy and slow, or if I should just lay in bed listening to meditation tracks or something. My heart has been really overactive lately, and my headaches have been lasting longer (usually they go away after I take my as-needed pill). I just want to sleep and function like a normal person but it feels too out of reach. I am always tired and dead inside and struggling to catch up. It really does feel hopeless.

[sapphling]

very telling how many people use "go to therapy"/"seek mental health care" to mean "never make me have to see you or the thing you said again." wonder if this implies anything about the cultural role of psychiatric medicine

[futchlingg]

Psychiatry is not just intertwined with carceral systems or culturally tainted by them, it is continuous with the carceral system, full-stop. They have psychiatrists in every prison. Psychiatrists send people to prison. I have experience in the field of "Medicaid waiver" systems that provide extensive support to people who would have previously been sent to an asylum, and these people are surveilled by psychiatry and incarcerated at such high rates.

The "de-institutionalization" wave of the 70s and 80s, where the US shut down asylems, was supposed to be replaced by community care, but those systems were not funded. They are always stretched to the breaking point. Prisons are where the mad and disabled are housed so you do not have to look at them. It's atrocious and it is a nightmare.

See here. These are the same populations. Psychiatry is a prison system. I love my psychiatric drugs, they help me daily, but fuck, I am so goddamn careful what I tell them, and I am a quite literal professional at navigating healthcare. It has only gotten scarier with loud public calls in American politics to re-institutionalize homeless people and incarcerate more drug users. Please never think a psychiatrist is your friend.

[futchlingg]

If you are white and cis and don't have a visible disability and no criminal record, and you fall under the labels of depressed or anxious or even maybe bipolar, you will almost certainly be fine. But if you are not white, and you are angry at the way the world is, or if you have been caught up in the horrible machine of the injustice system, if you don't like that mood stabilizers make you feel like shit and detract from quality of life, it is so, so fucking easy to end up with "homicidal ideation" or "treatment non-compliant" or "aggressive" on your chart. That will follow you forever. It will be held against you for forever.

[thehankwithnoname]

most psych professionals are just cops without badges and guns. they retain the license and freedom to kill.

[real-uwu-hours]

You ever think about how cops and prison guards and psych ward nurses are allowed to just. Forcibly make minors strip for them? And nobody even care? Lol

[real-uwu-hours]

There's no reason or qualification that doesn't make that sexual assault btw

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Are they really just "anti-recovery" or is the treatment not actually helping? Are they really just "anti-recovery" or are they simply acknowledging that the treatment is making them worse? Are they really just "anti-recovery" or are they objecting to being harmed and abused in the name of treatment?

[hivnegative]

I don't have a morning routine. I wake up on straight survival mode.

[identitty-dickruption]

> post about widespread type of ableism

> look at the notes

> #how are people so stupid #this is so demented #how smooth-brained do you have to be to act like this

> ok.

[identitty-dickruption]

to be clear. even if those particular phrases weren’t ableist in and of themselves. inventing an ableist bogeyman who goes around Doing Ableism because they Don’t Understand Shit just isn’t a helpful response. on any level. ableism is a system of oppression with its own internal logic and reasoning. it is not a few people who don’t know better, and framing it that way takes away from the ability of disabled people to talk about the actual roots of our oppression. so maybe think about that also

[mcnstro-deactivated20251015]

i’m not listing all my disorders in my bio or pinned posted, clearly you’ll see there’s something wrong with me

[abuzd]

UNNAMED EMOTIONS WITH NO CONTEXT MOODBOARD

[boqu]

[identitty-dickruption]

somatic symptoms of anxiety are so fucked. what do you mean I got so scared my body decided that it needed to add nausea and headache and dizzy to the situation. how is it helping

[yumeme04]

Reblog if you're okay with people liking your vent posts pls pls.

Like- I'm in the middle of spamming notes and I don't know if you feel comfortable if I like those posts too. TT

[will-i-get-my-place-in-the-sun]

[chronicimposter]

What a difficult time to be anything at all

[sioltach]

[cannerabal]

i may have not had a glow up during the summer but i have reached new lows mentally!!!

[sirpuntine]

Not only did mama raise a quitter, but she also raised a procrastinator, people-pleaser, doormat, coward, and liar, and you can’t put a price on that

[lost-fox-bones]

Just so you know. If we're moots:

I wanna see your vent posts, I wanna learn about your life, I wanna know how you're doing. You aren't just my moot, you're my friend and seeing you on my feed makes me happy that you're still alive, even if you're having a hard time.

P.s. my messages are always open if you need a friend. <3