vent blog @heartxdecay - Tumblr Blog

MAJOR TW/CW FOR THIS BLOG. WILL CONTAIN UNCENSORED GORE, MENTIONS OF ALL TYPES OF ABUSE, ETC. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

for coping purposes only, please do not idolize or do anything this blog may state or promote; you can recover

capitalism is so bad that there was a teenaged version of me frantically creating art and daydreaming and investing in their community in between school and getting genuinely physically tortured all the time, and as an adult working a job I can't do anything else. I just lay in bed being exhausted all the time now.

#vent

there's nothing quite like being genuinely actually literally physically and psychologically TORTURED and having that person just walk the fucking earth unscathed because the legal system in america is a fucking joke

#j.txt #vent

vetchtibbles

funny how normal human rights don’t have to apply to you if your parents don’t want them to

vetchtibbles

I was going to say “if you’re a child” but remembered when I turned 18 and realised I was still stuck at home and nothing was going to change if my parents didn’t want it to

isuggestyouthliberation

i have a suggestion

my apartment is so fucking filthy and i can't fucking clean it and nobody is helping me

nobody cares nobody can see me struggling!!! i need help i cant do it!!!! ic antdo it

vyvilha

to all the victims of csa who have never told anyone. to all the victims of csa who don't remember, clearly or at all. to all the victims of csa who struggle with understanding if it was "bad enough". to all the victims of child on child sa. to all the victims of csa who are still repulsed to sex or even to all physical touch. to all the victims of csa who don't wish to "overcome" their repulsion to sex or physical touch. to all the victims of csa who freeze, who dissociate, who cry and rage easily. i love you i love you i love you. they don't know you. you know you. trust yourself. trust your body. you decide what to do with what happened. you decide how you feel. keep going

rottingtrouble-child

having an episode around someone who accepts your disorder

kaosuqi

[ID: GIF of Roxanne from Megamind throwing Metro Man's speaker and guitar at him, destroying them on impact, while he stands unmoving and unphased. /End ID]

precambrianhottopic

(visibly shaking and covered in blood) yeah its just been kind of a long week haha

you ruined my LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE

#vent

sometimes i forget i was literally brainwashed and tortured until i start thinking negative thoughts about my abuser for too long and it literally feels like im being lobotomized

#like it feels like someone's shoving a sharp object through my eye and into my skull #worst headaches of my fucking life #vent

i just keep crying after my bf goes to bed because if i do it when he's awake he just sits there and stares at me and i cant handle it

im honestly kind of offended, i feel like my friends will automatically assume the worst interpretation of whatever i say. they should know me better than that :(

#im constantly writing and rewriting and rewriting my texts nowadays #bc i feel like if even one word is off i piss someone off #im just starting to think that people dont really know me or think of me as their friend.#they just keep me around for my use to them #idk its like if we were really friends why would u assume thats what i meant instead of just asking what i meant?#but nobody ever wants to hear me out they just want to get mad and insult me. idk #its my fellow nd people too like shouldnt u know what its like?#idk. i guess not #im the freak. like always

ugh i cannot stop getting misinterpreted or misunderstanding others like i might as well not speak anymore considering literally everyone is going to immediately choose the most bad faith interpretation of what i said that they can possibly find

lost it a bit last night because my friend who was just slowly ghosting me for the last year or so finally bit the bullet and blocked me on here. had a nice long fit of rage and now im just grieving. i can't handle it when a person leaves me without ever telling me what i did wrong, it makes me feel so gross and awful even if i know they just hate confrontation. it's like oh well about the person specifically i guess. like i said theyve been pulling further and further away for a long time now. but im sad i will never get to know why they woke up and decided they hated me

the only thing i provide to this world is the fruits of my labor and im not even good enough to do that well. i can barely handle it.

i'm really gonna do it, and then they'll all be sorry < someone who is completely delusional

#they wont feel sorry or guilty or like they failed me. maybe pity for the poor girl who 'lost her battle'#but nobody will take responsibility for what they did to me.#theyll all blame someone else. or something else.#none of them will acknowledge the times ive cried out for help as times they should have stepped in.#the only reason i havent gone through with it yet is the logistical and financial burden it would put my bf through #not having someone to help with bills.#if he could afford this place i would have been gone months ago.#and i bet he doesnt even know that.#he thinks everything is fine no matter how many times i beg to be seen.#they all refuse to see just how bad it is.#how much im suffering.

precambrianhottopic

(visibly shaking and covered in blood) yeah its just been kind of a long week haha

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